True Friends you meet on line.

  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 19, 2007 5:42 PM GMT
    I had been in a relationship for 10 yrs and we really were not active with the gay community. In fact I did not have any gay friends. When my relationship ended I wanted to establish some true gay friends.
    A lot of gay men have an agenda but I think I have found some real friends on this site. I have 3 types of friends that are more than just sexual talk and flirting.
    1.) I may never meet and we just chat on line, I feel I can be totally honest with this person and appreciate our on line discussions.
    2.) I may have coffee with if I am in town and may e-mail every now and then. It is funny because I read the forums for 6 months before joining and I feel as though I know some of you, and I feel an attachment. We may discuss different post and get more personal then on the open forum.
    3.) I have met one couple that I have had dinner with, gone to the movies with and even had dinner at their place. I do not think I would have established this type of friendship if I had met them at a bar. Plus we are not bar people so we would not have met.

    I am appreciative for a site like RJ and wanted to know what kind of friends you have met?


  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16305

    Nov 19, 2007 6:26 PM GMT
    Well I totally agree with you Cowboy, I think RJ is an excellent site.

    There are good men (and potential friends) everywhere, but I admit I like RJ because the percentage of good quality, dedicated men, grounded, etc is higher than some place like gay.com or other related site.

    I haven't been on here for a real long time, but have already made some friends and sense qualities and experience in others that I'd like to appreciate.
    Still get hit on (I'm sure most do in here), but I'm just grateful that a site like this exists.
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    Nov 19, 2007 10:31 PM GMT
    Actually, my best friend ever is from this site ..
    It was a sweet coincidence ... we become so close after
    the first conversation which was about 5 hours long.. icon_eek.gif
    Now he deleted his profile for personal reasons and I'm happy that I fond him before he did it..

    so, wondering if there are in this site more guys with potencial to be "best friends" ... still looking..(or just waiting for a coincidence) icon_smile.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2007 11:07 PM GMT
    I can echo some of the statements made here. I've actually enjoyed meeting quite a few people, have had some really good discussions both on and off line and have been made to feel part of a community. I have found I can come here and 'socialize' with people that I've never meet (would love to meet if I could) and have felt very accepted for who I am.

    Now, compare this site to gay.com which is nothing more than a meat market when I sign onto it. Yeah, at first the attention was fun but there are some guys there that just downright scare the crap out of me when they start a chat and the first words are "where are you and do you wanna fuck?"

    Don't get me wrong, sex is a wonderful experience but to use the words of my best friend, "Do you want to become an internet whore?" Ahhh, no.

    I like RJ and the guys I've met here.

    -Chuck
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Nov 20, 2007 12:50 AM GMT
    I think that's great CB
    a ready change from the... You're hot... kinda stuff
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    Nov 20, 2007 1:36 AM GMT
    A little over a year ago I met someone online. We were both part of a message board system and he happened to send me an email wanting to know if I happened to like Iron Maiden, (which I really do a lot), because of the avatar I used for it. We exchanged emails back and forth a few more times and happened to discover we have a lot of mutual likes and dislikes, and we really kinda hit it off really well from there. I freely admit I am a lot older than him, and we live across the country, him in California, me in Michigan, But we really hit things off well. We sometimes email up to four times a day but always at least once a day. We each frequently consider ourselves lucky that we've found the other in our lives for a whole bunch of reasons, but at the same time, chances are virtually impossible we'll ever meet face to face. I don't have very many friends at all, but I definately consider him to be one of them. He is considered a very good friend to me.
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    Nov 20, 2007 1:46 AM GMT
    I believe that I have started to form some pretty nice friendships on this site. I like the fact that the agenda here doesn't seem to be hooking up. Since I came out pretty late in life, I don't have many friends that are gay. I don't like going to bars so this site gives me a great opportunity to talk to other gay men and form friendships with men with similar interests.

    Peace
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 5:26 AM GMT
    Let me get this straight... these are people you have never met, are not an intimate part of your life, and with whom you only have a correspondence relationship.

    That's not a friendship, they are just electronic quaintances...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 6:09 AM GMT
    ITJock, As early as September I would have agreed with you. I had always scoffed at the whole on-line community thing. What a difference a few months makes.

    I've made many close friends; met some in person; and talk with others on the phone. It all depends on what you are willing to invest.

    Heck, the nature of my conversations on-line far exceeds most of the casual chit-chat I trade with co-workers and others I interact with face-to-face every day.
    I've been amazed at the level of intimacy you can have with someone you only know on-line.
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Nov 20, 2007 6:52 AM GMT
    I feel compelled to participate in this forum - I have 15 YEARS of experience of the online chatting with people.

    Two of my best friends in the US I met online back in 1992 when I was at the University of Cape Town doing my MS degree. At the time newsgroups and email were the only two big "internet" tickets in town. I met both my American friends in a social "news.soc.penpals" newsgroup. Neither had pics and it was very hard to actually even find anyone with a scanner. I was 27 at the time and pretty much into "if you're not cute, you don't stand a chance with me" stage of my life (looking back, I really was an superficial asshole - LOL).

    I actually met 4 more Americans through the same medium between 1992 and 1994 when I visited the US for the first time and actually met them face to face - I had not seen a single pic of ANY of them. I had general descriptions only.

    I got to know each and every one of them over the two years very well and looked very forward to meeting each and every one of them. I finally did meet them all in 1994 and it was somewhat of a life changing event for me since it taught me that "it's not what's on the outside that's important, but what's inside". I have to be honest here - three of my buds were very hot indeed, and he other three were...er... not. The latter three I would never ever have approached in a bar based on what they looked like. I shocked myself (and was ashamed) because I was aware that here were 6 great guys whom I'd befriended and really and truly liked and it had NOTHING to do what they looked like but what they offered in friendship.

    I ended up moving to the US in 1995 and one of these six guys became my roommate while I did my PHD at the Univ. of VA. He passed away unexpectedly earlier this year, much to my sorrow. Two of the remaining 6 have vacationed with me in my home town of Cape Town, and the remaining guys I am still friendly with.

    The point is this, after 15 years of doing this online socializing I think I've learned the following:

    - you CAN meet VERY decent wonderful men;

    - they are very few and far between, like rough diamonds in the dirt;

    - what men say in their profiles says more about them than the hottest photoshoot pic ever could;

    - generally if I've made a connection with a guy online, then 9/10 times I make a connection with them in real life;

    - if men lie about their age in their profile, they WILL lie about other things too (and very readily);

    - I know a fake pic when I see it (gawd, men, do you think some of us don't look at porn online? )

    - if someone can't take the time to say something about themselves, let alone fill out the form, then they probably wont ever have much time for you;

    - If I got a buck everytime I have been "Dr Phil" online I'd be a millionaire by now!

    - RealJock is by far the best online gay community I've ever been part of and by far the best quality guys.

    I had started becoming very jaded about the online community, but RJ certainly has revitalized my outlook on these type of online communities!

    Well, what did you expect, you just gotta meet the owner of RJ - he's an absolute GREAT guy!

    As others have mentioned, a lot of you on here have totally surprised me by what you have had to say in forum postings - sometimes not what I expect from what I see in the pics and "expect" or read in your profiles and "expect"...thanks for participating and breaking "perceptions and expectations"....

    PEACE

    daWeatherMan
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    Nov 20, 2007 7:45 AM GMT
    I consider you guys my best friends...EVER
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 9:26 AM GMT
    I've read your posts about real friends and it struck a chord with me. I've met many people via an online chat and, mostly, it has worked well and converted to good friendships. In the face of the initial anonymity, people are able to be a bit more honest. Some take that road while others trip themselves up with a house of lies. I've only had one bad experience and that was when the online bond was so strong he didn't want to ever meet b/c he felt it would be too awkward and cause the relationship to regress. That was a painful lesson, for me. We've never met and I, now, no longer hear from him as work got busier and I guess his interested wained too.

    I am a very reserved person around those I don't know so the notion of walking up to someone and initiating a conversation is not something I am comfortable doing. This means of communication has provided a new means to expand my circle of friends. Sometimes those connections are close and in my city, other times they are farther away. Just this past weekend I met up with two "online" friends -- one I've chatted with for 6 years and the other for over 2 years. In both cases, they were exactly who they claimed to be and there was no awkwardness at all.

    I have not yet met guys from RJ or forged those deep friendships but am in midst of doing that with several guys with whom I communicate on a daily basis. While we are all sexual beings, RJ does seem to provide a common element beyond the sex and that makes it more appealing than some of the other sites from which I've met guys. Nevertheless, I'm glad I've met the others and value them regardless of how I came to meet them.

    Keep the faith, men. I am appreciative to hear others speak out on this and learn that it is not just me who has learned from others and met others in such a way.

    Cheers,

    David
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Nov 20, 2007 1:02 PM GMT
    I have been in this site about half a year. I havent make any personel friend but I have exchange email with some guys like Caslon, Wreick, Alexander and a few other. We basically just discuss about health issue, relationship and religion . They are great guys. To bad I am so far away and the posibility of meeting them is really next to zero. But now with the weakened US Dollar you never know!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 3:10 PM GMT
    This site challenges me mentally, physically and emotionally. What a pleasant respite from all the other sites. Thanks to all of you!! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 5:49 PM GMT
    Since joining this site I have to say I like it better than other gay sports sites. icon_wink.gif

    I know this is a forum where we all can talk about all kinds of things and I really like that. I got kind of burned on another site when I got involved with a drama that carried over from the Internet to real life. I didn't get physically hurt but emotionally hurt. From that point forward I have taken everything with a grain of salt. Some of us may be "real" on here but some of us may not. Just protect yourself. If you meet people off-line do so in a neutral environment first. Be careful. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 6:08 PM GMT
    oh yes i made a greate frienship whit some person amazing i have to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 6:15 PM GMT
    ITJockThat's not a friendship, they are just electronic quaintances...


    It's kinda true... but cosidering that on the other end of the line there is a real guy , flesh and blood, then calling this "relationship" a frienship is tottally right ...
    It depends on the person and how he looks on on this kind of connections.. it may be just a good way to spend time.
  • qalbi30

    Posts: 116

    Nov 20, 2007 7:32 PM GMT
    Just to say a big thank you for the forum posts,It is such pleasure to read some of the wise and witty comments.

    Am by nature not very social and tend to keep to the company of tried and trusted friends,so this presents a wonderful 0pportunity to listen other points of view.

    To all at RJ congrats on a splendid site.

    Regards,R.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2007 2:28 PM GMT
    I've been chatting online about 20 years and I'm much more hesitant about meeting guys from online now than I was even a few years ago.

    I nonetheless have quite a few real-time friends I first met online. But I've also had the very disconcerting experience of talking to people online for a couple of years and then have them completely disappear. So that has taught me not to make too much of an exclusively online friendship.

    My most common experience meeting people in real life is that they may be significantly different from their online personae. We present particular aspects of ourselves and we project what we want to see on others. We don't account for the entire person. I've repeatedly surprised people with my shyness in real life.

    Being different from the online persona is not always a bad thing. I've met guys at online get-togethers who I thought were total assholes online but were nothing of the kind in real life.

    The most useful aspect of social networking online is being able to communicate with people who share some of my more arcane interests. Newsgroups were my initial motivation for getting online.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2007 5:29 PM GMT
    me too, the Internet has shorten the distance and open up more opportunity to meet people. some of my best friends are from online.

    many of you here are very friendly and have a great mind. despite posting and reading all these topics feel somewhat of a monologue, I feel i know many of you thru your writing. I myself am not a great writer, and dont' know how to impart my personality into my writing. But you guys are great and i'm happy to find you thru this site.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2007 6:28 AM GMT
    Awwww. Sabruer, you are a truely great guy!

    You need to fly to Alabama one day and we'll go see "The Golden Compass". lol.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2007 7:46 AM GMT
    I've been online since the early BBS days when my computer was a Commodore64... probably 20+ years or so. In that time, I've met many kinds of people... some turned out to be long-time friends and the friendships continued off line... others were what I call "temporary friends"... some were posers... some were just totally off the wall and others were down right scary/stalker types.

    I've started a few friendships on RJ that I feel have the potential to grow into long-term friendships off line... and I managed to find an amazing guy with whom I'm beginning a relationship (and I wasn't even looking)icon_biggrin.gif... so yeah, I really like RJ and I really enjoy the discussions here on the forums with all of you... even if I disagree, I enjoy the exchange of ideas and opinions. You can learn a lot that way and it often shows you other perspectives you wouldn't have seen otherwise... that's a good thing.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jun 01, 2010 10:40 PM GMT
    yup ... I has made plenty ... from here actually.

    it makes me think of this picture:

    tyra-banks-nicks.jpg

    betch. smug. quirky.