How would you feel if your boyfriend kept his semi-nude and/or x-rated pix on his profile after you have both committed to each other?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    I've noticed more than a few profiles of guys whose main pix and other pix are very enticing..and the guys say they are in a committed relationship. I always wonder how their boyfriends must feel about their revealing pix.

    Most of the time, when I see semi-nude pix on a guy's profile, that indicateds to me that either he's still on the prowl or he's just a show-off...or both. Still, it seems pretty disrespectful to continue to flaunt your body when you have a special someone.

    So, just curious, if you are one who continues to post sexy images while committed, why? (This may help me understand similar situations like this in the future with any future boyfriend of mine).

    Other members, what are your thoughts on this?
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    Jun 22, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    My boyfriend is quite reserved, so this is unlikely to ever be a problem.

    But, provided I knew that it was just him showing off, rather than being on the prowl, I doubt it would bother me. If someone works out really hard and wants to display the results, I wouldn't want to stand in their way.

    Americans are very prudish about nudity. I think that's a big part of why we have terrible self-esteem when it comes to our bodies. We simply don't see a lot of others to know we're generally okay looking or better.

    Of course, on here it's less troubling than if it was on Manhunt or Adam4Adam.
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    Jun 22, 2009 1:03 AM GMT
    Tall_Drink_of_Water saidI've noticed more than a few profiles of guys whose main pix and other pix are very enticing..and the guys say they are in a committed relationship. I always wonder how their boyfriends must feel about their revealing pix.

    Most of the time, when I see semi-nude pix on a guy's profile, that indicateds to me that either he's still on the prowl or he's just a show-off...or both. Still, it seems pretty disrespectful to continue to flaunt your body when you have a special someone.

    So, just curious, if you are one who continues to post sexy images while committed, why? (This may help me understand similar situations like this in the future with any future boyfriend of mine).

    Other members, what are your thoughts on this?


    he would have to take them down. i'm selfish that way. i don't believe in sharing my toys
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
    Well, first, I wouldn't date a guy that had fully nude pictures in his profile, private or no (not that I've actually dated anyone from RJ). Second, I don't think I'd tolerate much more than generic physique shots, but I guess that would depend on the guy and our relationship. Whatever the case, it'd be all about communication and mutual agreement.

    That said, when I see guys in 'committed' relationships with all kinds of provocative body shots (and adult/privates to boot) I just figure they're a couple of whores whose relationship is based more on mutual adoration and objectification (read: superficiality) inside and outside of the relationship. You may also notice that this same 'group' is predominantly defining serial monogamy. Certainly this idea doesn't apply to all, but in my experience it applies to most.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jun 22, 2009 1:16 AM GMT
    That seems awfully jealous and possessive to me. As long as his profile no longer says that he's looking for someone to date/hook up with, I don't feel I'd have any business being upset with pictures that aren't explicit nudity. What's next, telling him I don't want him mowing the yard shirtless? He gets to be in charge of his appearance, not me. Part of that appearance is how revealing he wants to be.

    I'm not sure how different that would be if it were full frontal nudity, but it very well might be different. And anything sporting an erection definitely would be. But, that's just me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 1:21 AM GMT
    As long as there was a look but don't touch policy. I wouldn't tell somebody what to do with their profile. I think it's a good way to wreck a relationship if you start making a rule book. He's showing pictures, not cheating. I believe in trusting until there's a reason not to.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 22, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    For us, my "more than upper body nudity" picture is behind lock and key. Its not really a rule, but something that I feel I should do. If he asked me to remove it I would. I don't want him to be uncomfortable.
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    Jun 22, 2009 2:07 AM GMT
    MSUBioNerd saidThat seems awfully jealous and possessive to me. As long as his profile no longer says that he's looking for someone to date/hook up with, I don't feel I'd have any business being upset with pictures that aren't explicit nudity. What's next, telling him I don't want him mowing the yard shirtless? He gets to be in charge of his appearance, not me. Part of that appearance is how revealing he wants to be.

    I'm not sure how different that would be if it were full frontal nudity, but it very well might be different. And anything sporting an erection definitely would be. But, that's just me.


    For some reason, this reply seems to me like "provocatively flirting with other men, as long as he makes it clear he's in a relationship." I don't think that's OK -- if you're doing something objectionable with a little disclaimer on it, it's still objectionable.

    But regardless, it really depends on mutual agreement. I think if one partner objects to the other having them, they are removed... it's an understandable objection.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
    In my opinion, you have to take into account the "intent" of the site where the photos are posted. I feel RJ is here first and foremost for us to admire each other and aspire to better our physique. I don't expect to pick up guys here. That being said, I mostly post my pics as a self-motivator to look better and better. If I was posting cock pics on manhunt that may be a different story... I would expect my partner to question those pics!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jun 22, 2009 2:22 AM GMT
    Codeman7 said
    MSUBioNerd saidThat seems awfully jealous and possessive to me. As long as his profile no longer says that he's looking for someone to date/hook up with, I don't feel I'd have any business being upset with pictures that aren't explicit nudity. What's next, telling him I don't want him mowing the yard shirtless? He gets to be in charge of his appearance, not me. Part of that appearance is how revealing he wants to be.

    I'm not sure how different that would be if it were full frontal nudity, but it very well might be different. And anything sporting an erection definitely would be. But, that's just me.


    For some reason, this reply seems to me like "provocatively flirting with other men, as long as he makes it clear he's in a relationship." I don't think that's OK -- if you're doing something objectionable with a little disclaimer on it, it's still objectionable.

    But regardless, it really depends on mutual agreement. I think if one partner objects to the other having them, they are removed... it's an understandable objection.
    I'd give it a little space. Just because one is in a monogamous relationship, it doesn't mean that someone still doesn't like to be seen as sexually attractive.
    Little things, small things like this build up over time, so rather than focusing on who acquiesces, meaningful communication should be the first priority.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 2:35 AM GMT

    We should stop being so judgemental and realize that this could be a form of self-expression - in my case, unrelated to the monogamous committment I have in my 12 year relationship. I understand, that I put myself out there, but I also have the responsiblity of being monogamous - both my choices.

    My partner supports my decisions - whatever they are...As a tip when finding a mate...make sure he's very confident and secure of himself...that calls for a very healthy relationship and not one that is about controlled possession.

    It's incredible to learn how many guys out there think that once their partnered, he and he are expected to be so different in regards to showing their bodies (unless of course it was strictly advertising for hook-ups). With this sort of expectation, it's no wonder why relationships end so quickly when they are faced with the realism of being individual men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 2:36 AM GMT
    I think it depends on the relationship and the thoughts/attitudes of the 2..or 3 persons involved. icon_wink.gif What flies for one couple...will torpedo another.

    If I were dating someone who wanted to leave up nude pics, I'd ask why. We would discuss. I'd share my feelings/thoughts, he'd share his reasons, etc. etc. One hopes some sort of understanding could be met.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:03 AM GMT
    Not sure I would even know?

    I may have two husbands, but we are all still individuals.

    Plus, I for the life of me, just can't see myself ever dating someone I meet in computer land. I've never had any trouble meeting people out in the real world, and thats were I meet my two husbands.

    But I also don't hot list anyone either, because I'm commited to my two men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:08 AM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI think it depends on the relationship and the thoughts/attitudes of the 2..or 3 persons involved. icon_wink.gif What flies for one couple...will torpedo another.

    If I were dating someone who wanted to leave up nude pics, I'd ask why. We would discuss. I'd share my feelings/thoughts, he'd share his reasons, etc. etc. One hopes some sort of understanding could be met.


    This is a great approach. Well said. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:15 AM GMT
    If we can't trust each other, replacing skin pics with a burka isn't going to change anything.

    If his profile said "single and looking" that would bother me.
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:47 AM GMT

    I'd feel like I was dating a man who wears invisible clothes.
    He would soon find he also has an invisible partner.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 22, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    I don't remember when dating someone gave me the right to tell them how to live. I would hope he would take them down on his own volition; however, that's his prerogative and I think I'd have better battles to pick than him having nude pics on the internet if I genuinely liked the guy.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jun 22, 2009 4:11 AM GMT
    Dont think it really matters....It all what the couple agree on the rules...ect...of their relationship.....icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    Wow.. shocked at some of these responses? Whats in nudity? Even erotic nudity - so long as it's not just trashy photos i'm totally OK with it... I take artistic nude photos of me and others all the time it's really not a big deal... i think you'd be hard pressed to find any of me (though they are out there icon_razz.gif) my boyfriend obviously knows i have them - and i wouldn't mind if he did too! (in fact try to get him to do so... he could use the self-confidence icon_smile.gif )


    I really think people need to be more accepting of the beauty of the nude. It's nothing to be jealous about... jealousy factor kicks in when love is compromised, not sexual attraction.... (i'd be fine to know my lover had a fling with someone else... so long as it doesn't compromise our love for one another, sex is just physical, love is not. THAT is the big factor for me...)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    I wouldn't care if he had his semi-nude pic up. But I would ask him to remove the X rated one. But overall, it depends on what site it is up on.
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    Jun 22, 2009 5:21 AM GMT
    I think its perfectly fine, as long as ur da one dat gets da luv, wut would it mattericon_question.gificon_lol.gif
  • xysx

    Posts: 306

    Jun 22, 2009 10:54 AM GMT
    As a healthcare professional, seeing naked bodies is no big deal. As someone who personally prefers to shed clothes every chance I get, seeing naked bodies is no big deal. As a man who's actively bedded ____'s of men since the mid 70's, seeing naked bodies is no bid deal. We ARE all the living, breathing etherially dynamic works of art! --Ever changing from day to day. We nurture, mold and shape ourselves based on our dreams, aspirations, goals, stress, etc. Each day we custom-fit a vessel for our comprehensive souls, including all the purity, innocence, kindness, love, sex, desire, fantasies, perversions, & shadows. The ego's attributes, and shortcomings Have issues with it? Heck no. I celebrate it! I said HECK no! I CELEBRATE it! ALL the bodies, be it SIZE, SHAPE, COLOUR, TEXTURE,,,, What you see today was not there yesterday, and will be gone, gone, gone tomorrow; maybe for the better, maybe just...'different'. icon_wink.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 22, 2009 12:35 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 1:12 PM GMT
    coolarmydude said20081201.gif



    so very true

    This would not be acceptable to me. The pictures would have to go
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    Codeman7 saidFor some reason, this reply seems to me like "provocatively flirting with other men, as long as he makes it clear he's in a relationship." I don't think that's OK -- if you're doing something objectionable with a little disclaimer on it, it's still objectionable.

    Ordinarily in the gay world, posting provocative pics is an advertisement. One can argue that it's just showing off and being proud, fishing for compliments, but the reality is that in most forums these pix attract inquiries & offers.

    It's like your BF placing a Craiglist ad for the stuff in your place, and when people inquire to buy them he replies: "Oh, they're not really for sale, I just wanted to brag about us owning them."

    This really doesn't fly. If you don't want to get hit on, you don't post semi-nude & X-rated pix. And if you do post them, then it implies the other. Or else you're a cock-tease, which your partner endorses, in which case I hope we never meet.

    HOWEVER, RJ may be a special exception, because this is a men's fitness & health site, and it's routine to show the degree of development someone has. The X-rated part, nevertheless, would be less easy to explain for an RJ couple, unless they're into group scenes.