Had the courage to give the phone number

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    Jun 22, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
    I feel like I'm 15 when I'm mentioning this - like when a str8 guy doesn't know how to ask out that cute girl in highschool - but anyways. I was a late bloomer I guess you'd say, didn't date a guy til I was 31 (that was a few years ago )-yah amazing. As an aside - I love the posts on here by everyone; it gives good perspective, and made me realize after reading one post, that I used to be like the one author on here - I used to check out other guys and say to myself "I'm just checking out the competition" as in a str8 guy checking out another str8 guy who might be competing for the same gal. Don't even get me started on the whole "do we choose this gay" thing. After the angst I went through today, why on g*d's green earth would anyone choose to live the hell of having to downplay or be halftruthful around the general public or relatives (re "oh I just haven't found the right girl yet"); believe me, even in Canada you have to pick your spots on who and what you tell about you. So on that note (sorry for the rambling), to the core of this post:

    I had seen a very hot/cute sweet oh so perfect guy that works near me. Funny I've run into this situation a couple times now I think of it; when I was first discovering my "interests" I also had a guy I was into, that I would cross paths with while I shopped - well he worked at the store. Nothing ever came of it, though I had his number, had got that, and yah it didn't develop beyond that.

    So back to now(rambling again icon_surprised.gif), this guy works at a shop I go into - and have found the legitimate need (or diverted from my regular shops) to go in on the whim he would be there. First time I noticed him, probably about 4 weeks ago, I went through his checkstand and noticed him. He seemed like he might have been flirting just with certain subtle comments. Nothing came of it but I thought how cute he seemed, but beyond that just he was"all that" - as much as you can tell without knowing someone, just that feeling. Saw him again about 2 weeks ago, and it was funny because I was walking along, and I just happened to look over and he was watching me, we locked eyes, and man I guess even at my age, I'm still a bit shy in some scenarios. But I went through his checkout. I don't know if this passes the sensors this comment, but I had to re-adjust lets just say. I actually even was so nervous around him, and the way he held the look when he talked to me, left me definitely feeling something was there. I said I was nervous, as I dropped his pen as I was signing for the purchase.

    So then, I haven't seen him in what feels like forever - guess it's been about 2 weeks - so now from beginning of first noticing him and now, is I guess about 6 weeks -doesn't seem that long, I might be off on that maybe only 4 to 5 weeks.

    Anyways, I prethought this out and figured if I see him, I'm going to give him one of my "personal " business cards - just my phone/cell number and email. Sooooo I do see him, subtlely go up to his checkout, and finally after waiting, get to have our 2 mins of contact time. My chance if its going to be there is now; so when I'm handing him a coupon of all things, I say "theres that and something for you"; the "you" part was my phone number and that. That was the moment of when I thought time stood still. He had prior to this done that whole hold the look thing which as if to say, "I want to see if you hold the look as well"; After giving him the card I saw him look at it, and he put it aside, and said "thanks " to me. I gave him one final look as I was leaving, but with other customers there, not much opportunity to gauge anything else.( I couldn't say "hey call me/email me").

    So as much as this was long winded, I gotta say I'm glad I made the move. I should apologize if this is so long winded, I just had to paint a picture. For me, it's not like I have guys jumping all over me (no pun intended really). Maybe I've made more out of this. I don't even know if this guy is on the same team. But I figure the calculated risk I've taken is worth it. If he is, and he is interested (based on signals), I figured I had to take the chance. If he's not, well maybe he'll end up telling me to get lost at some point. But I've learned - within reason - you gotta try and live life with "no regrets". No coulda shoulda woulda!

    Now the curious part becomes: will I get a call from him? Will he email? I guess time will tell.

    Anyone else have anykind of similar stories to share? Any feedback on my approach? I know it's pretty hard to know from your guys point of view since you weren't there.

    Is there a timeline for a guy to call in this situation (yes I sound like a real rookie again, meh)?

    I don't know how else I could find out if there was a chance other than to do this. I think by giving him my number in that way, it should be pretty obvious "I want to hear from him". I just wonder if I will?

    Thanks for letting me ramble. I'll post if I hear anything good bad or indifferent. I'm not going to wait by the computer or the phone for him to call (well maybe I will just a little..lol!).
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    Jun 22, 2009 4:16 AM GMT
    CG78, I think you handled that perfectly. The ball is in his court now. When you go thru his check out stand again, I would advise acting like nothing has happened. Let him ignore your card if he wishes to. He will appreciate allowing his silence be his answer, while you carry on business as usual.
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    Jun 22, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    Thanks for replying (to the first reply here). I know this is a message board and not chat, so replies take a while. Just is nice to get a reply, and hope more come - good to get different view points!
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    Jun 22, 2009 4:41 AM GMT
    When I was in college in my early 20s I worked in a supermarket. sometimes cashier sometimes stockboy. Like many men in our age group the stockboys often joked, and I joked right along with them but without denying my sexuality. Things like "yeah so what if I do, why don't you try it? afraid you might like it?" in response to cocksucking jokes, etc.

    There was a regular customer about 30 and sometimes our eyes would meet. A few times in my checkout line, other times one or 2 rows down. Once he was in the manager's line and I was 2 lines away and the manager saw us making eyes at each other. As soon as he left the manager buzzed me on the intercom and said "he's a doctor" not that I cared much what his job was. ( I found out later that he was a resident at county hospital)

    A month later I had just gotten word that I had been hired for a better job so it was my last day. He came through my checkout line and as I gave him his receipt I said "Today is my last day, I get off at 9" A few hours later I was off the register and was stocking shelves when he came back in and gave me his number written on a the back of someone else's scribbled out card ... in front of the other stockboys. I must have turned 8 shades of red with embarrassment and the other stockboys were totally shocked!

    Anyhow, we dated (not exclusively) for about 2 years. He finished his medical residency and moved away a few months before I graduated. He looked me up once after that & invited me to meet him in WeHo for gay pride, which I did.
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    Jun 22, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    Congratulations... I'll have my fingers crossed for you.
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    Jun 22, 2009 10:42 AM GMT
    Caslon11000 saidCG78, I think you handled that perfectly. The ball is in his court now. When you go thru his check out stand again, I would advise acting like nothing has happened. Let him ignore your card if he wishes to. He will appreciate allowing his silence be his answer, while you carry on business as usual.


    That's true... but the agony of not knowing. The agony. icon_mad.gif
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:26 PM GMT


    GuyCanada78,

    Welcome to RJ, eh? lol

    Think of these things like putting a note in a bottle and tossing it into the ocean. You do it, then you let it go. Be nice and friendly when you cross paths, but nothing more.

    A guy that doesn't follow through isn't a guy for you. Could be bi and just curious. Could be in the closet still and just fantasizing.

    There's always a wee temptation to think that perhaps he's gay and just shy and needs a little help in getting going, but don't go there!


    .....this should be interesting - keep us posted should anything happen with that guy and your phone!


    Doug of meninlove
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    Jun 22, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    meninlove said GuyCanada78,

    Welcome to RJ, eh? lol

    Think of these things like putting a note in a bottle and tossing it into the ocean. You do it, then you let it go. Be nice and friendly when you cross paths, but nothing more.

    A guy that doesn't follow through isn't a guy for you. Could be bi and just curious. Could be in the closet still and just fantasizing.

    There's always a wee temptation to think that perhaps he's gay and just shy and needs a little help in getting going, but don't go there!


    .....this should be interesting - keep us posted should anything happen with that guy and your phone!


    Doug of meninlove

    What Doug said. Plus, some gay guys are just so cute that they are always giving out signals we catch, whether their intention or not. This guy may already be taken, after all.

    Some things must incubate before they hatch in their own good time, and there's no rushing them. Keep your eye contact with him, but also your options with others. I'd let the ball stay in his court for now. Having more than 1 iron in the fire is the best formula for success.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Jun 22, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    Well let me say, congrats on making the move you did. Trust me, there are many .... yeah... that are in their early 30's before they did anything.
    I was a quick study however..... LOL

    I think you should be prepared for a response.. or maybe nothing. Since you are an analyst as I am, you need to consider how you will react if you hear nothing.. vs. getting a phone call. There isn't a time limit, but I would think a couple of weeks. He may have a lack of nerve as well.

    But even if you hear nothing from him, I wouldn't write him off. I would still be friendly if you see him, but understand its his turn to make some sort of gesture.... if he doesn't, you'll have to accept the result.

    Good luck and keep us informed if anything does happen. We'd like to hear!
    And welcome to RJ.
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    Jun 22, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    thanks for the replies. I liked the good info in all of them, and the guy from kansas (right above this post), thank you for some of the specific stuff you said. How do you know I'm analytical? lol, is it that obvious? maybe I need to re-read my post again (oops, thats probably the analytical part again); meh, it's served me well more than not, so I'll roll with it.

    BTW, as of now, no reply yet, but I think everyone's posts are bang on (bits of everyones). Besides, worst case, I look forward to the day when I've dropped up to 45 lbs (I'm 210 now, was 215 2 weeks ago, when doc said lose up to 45 lbs, but try for 15 lbs), and if he hasn't made his move, he will be saying "I wish I had"...lol

    BTW I am going to get a profile up here (pics and that), just haven't got to it yet. I really like this site, and I hope it's not going anywhere anytime soon. There was another site I used to like called " Jock ****ersit*" a few years ago; had good message boards, and then it vanished or ended up having URL redirect to something else.
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    Jun 22, 2009 11:39 PM GMT
    Good job man. Im glad to see you going after what you want. Hope he calls back. Thats a shy guys dream. Im so terminally shy, Ive lost out on a lot. There are a couple guys Im dying to do this to.