Jun 22, 2009 6:48 AM GMT
I'm a student at a university and I'm unusually perplexed about this guy. I met him at my friend's birthday party and we just hit it off; we were drinking buddies the whole night: shots, beer... you name it. We also ended up putting our arms around each other and talking in each other's ears and we even wrestled (yeah, while drunk). And now I've been friends with him ever since (I guess you can say 3 months)! I can't deny the fact that I'm in love with this guy, but I have no idea what his orientation is leaning towards. I've asked around (secretly...) his friends in a casual manner about his past girlfriends and none of them have ever seen him with one. He also doesn't talk about girls nor does he point any of them out when we hang out in groups.
I'm very skillful when it comes with computers and I was at his place one day waiting for him to get ready; he went out to take a shower and I opened up his internet to check his stuff (yeah I know, shameful! but i'm kind of desperate) and firefox said "do you want to open up last session?". I admit, I was curious. So I clicked restore and what turned up were a few sites and one that was gaytube/video site. I didn't look at it for more than 5 seconds because his roommates came into the apartment and I had to close all the windows! So now I'm stuck in the middle: is he really gay or is he not (or was the window just spam)? He has zero body behaviors or tone to clue in if he's gay (and neither do I...).
If he turns me down, I don't want to ruin our relationship as friends because we're really in a great friendship. I don't mind if its one sided forever... just hanging out with him is great, but advancing to the next level would be better.
And what's more, we both smile at each other, very broadly. When we blast metal music in the car, play basketball, tennis, or just the general talk. We're both in great shape; I work out, row, and swim everyday while he just invites me to random athletic games on campus.
Oh yeah... I forgot to mention. No one knows that I like men, so I have no idea if he thinks I'm straight or not. There was even this girl in the chemistry organization that I joined that likes me and there was drama when I turned her down. The guy that I like is in my group and everything, so he found out about this, but I had to tell the girl that I don't like her because she isn't "the type of girl that I like". So now I have no idea if he has thoughts as to whether or not I'm straight or gay.
- Sorry for the rambling and rather odd placement of subjects that I seemed to have introduced into this topic. I'm just stressed about this... and thinking about my next organic exam.
Any insight is appreciated, many thanks!