Why Fake It?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 1:08 PM GMT
    So tell me, do any of you guys run into fakers online (this site, or others)? You know: someone contacts you with a nice profile, great photos, you email each other a few times, and then it hits you -- this guy is not for real.

    Why fake it? What's the point? And I'm not too sure how to politely indicate to the person that I think he is a sham. Any advice on this topic besides only communicating with verified jocks?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 2:59 PM GMT
    I commiserate entirely! Before I met my partner/boyfriend/husband/SigOth I would come across total fakes with pirated photos and I could never believe these wanks would want to meet "in reality". You are looking for the bloke in the photo and you then find out your date is a TOTAL plonker sitting in the corner watching you? Too weird.
    I recall someone telling me once the best method of filtering out the fakes is to see several photos from clearly different times, WITH HEAD ATTACHED. I find the headless thing strange as well; I mean you've got a nude shot online but you are too embarassed to show your face? WHAT is that all about???
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    Apr 24, 2007 3:04 PM GMT
    I imagine most people who "fake it" do so out of fear and desperation. They either don't feel that they aren't attractive by mainstream gay standards, have been rejected, etc, or they're deep in the closet. Whatever the reason, I think fear is the primary motivator.

    I'm not sure that there's any reliable way to weed out the fakes. I've found that most fakes weed themselves out. It can be a bit frustrating, but I think it's a good example of why we shouldn't take the online world too seriously. Maybe you'll meet a good guy this way. Most likely, however, you'll have some interesting chats with guys thousands of miles away that go nowhere beyond this.

    The way I handle "meeting" people online is to simply not invest too much energy into it. I enjoy a good chat and if there's a seemingly real connection, it will develop. However, I think there's a tendancy to invest too much emotionally into online relationships. We see some handsome pics, have a good chat, and before we know it, we're projecting all of our hopes and dreams onto the fantasy guy 2,000 miles away. That's the danger of online meeting, in my mind. It can set one up for disappointment.

    I say enjoy your chats and let the fakes weed themselves out. After all, you might meet a great guy in a bar, go on a few dates, and find out that he's a total fake too. However you meet someone, you still have to do the detective work. ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 3:11 PM GMT
    I also think fake pics are pretty easy to spot...the ones that are TOO posed (ie: scanned out of a magazine or catalog)...the really low quality ones that have clearly been recompressed a million times, the slighty blueish ones that are video screen grabs, etc. Stay away from those! Personally, I stay away from anyone who doesn't have a face pic. In this day and age, everyone has a digital camera or camera phone. There's no excuse. And if you're that closeted/neurotic that you won't email or show your face, then why in the world would I even WANT to meet you???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 3:53 PM GMT
    I absolutely hate when people do this, and it happens even more often than you think. I have met a few people online and almost everytime the person has been someone completely different from the person in their pics, or it is the same person, but since the picture was taken they have gained 50 lbs.
    I completely agree with and dont understand why people do this. sure i guess they do risk having less people talk to them, but, personally, im not really lookin for hook-ups, and it just pisses me off when they are not who they say and im even angrier when they lie. not to mention that these people are typically looking for hook-ups, and the last person im gonna sleep with is the person who cant even be proud of themselves.
    i have found that the best ways to find a faker: 1. look at the consistency of their statements including those told to you and those on their profile , 2. asking for other pics and/or if they have a myspace or other such account with pics, 3. making sure the picture is not a professional style picture because people rarely have professional pictures taken of them and even if they do model (as i used to) they will rarely put up their professional photos, and 4. match the picture with the age, lests face it no one that is 40 is never going to have the same body look as someone that is in their 20's. if you are super concerned you can use this sites verified members, however that is really going to limit the number of people you talk to and so i wouldnt always suggest it.
    now as far as asking if they are a fake: no one is going to admit to it, so i wouldnt even bother. just try to weed out people the best you can, and usually your first instinct is the correct one. good luck :)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 4:39 PM GMT
    This is interesting, I was just about to post something on this. I can understand why someone would do it initially, but what is interesting is arranging a meeting or continuing contact.

    One thing I find consistent about people like this is the one or two photos of course, but that they only want to talk about sex. It gets really old really quick.

    Right now, I am communicating with a guy who is a fake. I know he is one, but he doesn't know I know. I know because he has a pic of one of my friends from Lithunia, who is a model, as his profile pic. This guy is one of my best friends in the world, a brother to me, and he is also straight.

    It makes sense that the fake would use this image as it is a random photo, probably dug up from some obscure location. It is a total fluke I know this guy, and really rather random. At first I thought it was my friend playing games, but it turns out that is not the case.

    I'm just curious as to how far this will go. It has gone on pretty far but I don't want to give out details till the cover is blown.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 4:48 PM GMT
    The best and only way to hanlde it is to do cam2cam.

    Then you see the person for real, as they are at that moment.

    You would be amazed how many people who say they are real won't cam, or want the other person to cam while they watch.

    Pics are worthless. Cam is the only real way to tell who is who.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Apr 24, 2007 6:44 PM GMT
    ...people have issues...and I believe they have some sense of satisfaction with "getting one over" on someone...OR they don't believe their own profile would get much attention so they create what they would like to be rather than who they are...in the end...issues...

    ...this coming from someone who is not verified on this site...mostly because I can't be bothered to take a picture with my camera and figure out how to send it to myself...[I am sure it is easy]...but I still can't be bothered...

    - David
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 6:48 PM GMT
    Tell me about it.

    I had to comfront a few guys here and there using MY OWN pictures (one of them from this site, I reported him and he was yanked off the site.) Two occasionas these guys actually send my own older pics iwth the head cut off to ME trying to chat!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 7:07 PM GMT
    Two occasionas these guys actually send my own older pics iwth the head cut off to ME trying to chat!!

    Thus unintentionally telling you they want you to go fuck yourself. :)
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    Apr 24, 2007 7:58 PM GMT
    Someone mentioned camming with the person. I cammed with one guy who has a very hot profile and once on cam he would not show his face. The lighting was bad and he only wanted to show his genitals. By the looks of things he was not 29 at all.

    I think that many guys on this site are fakes and are very lonely people to say the least.

    I am not on this site to waist time, I would love to find a great loving mate.

    My attitude now is no pic, I show you no private pics. NO cam, no cam I my end either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2007 10:47 PM GMT
    I don't really take VR seriously which for me includes movies, tv , video gaming IM, chats or the "news" . Its not real so why worry about it... but if you don't keep VR separate from your real life then you'll be like the dude that shot up all those college students.

    If i'm looking to meet up with a guy I consider that real and I only do that with locals.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2007 6:23 PM GMT
    a picture is worth a thousand words, and it also hides a thousand truth's.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2007 6:36 PM GMT
    i also dont cam for anyone. partly because i dont have a cam, and secondly some ppl who cam usually have one thing in mind. they want a quick show for thier 2 minute joy ride.

    it also gets a little aggrivating when i'm just writing down new recipes i try daily in my cookbook i get an instant message "hi! ur cute, cam?"

    i like this website unlike most others besides myspace but thats a whole different black hole. everyone is very knowledgeable and its nice to communicate ideas and problems

    (like i have shin splints and a fella gave me advice on how to strenthen them and it worked! and i have no pain in them anymore)

    i babble a bit... its a curse. but every web site has its fakes. we have to deal with it and you know who the good ones are.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 27, 2007 5:29 AM GMT
    Happens more than we realize...
    the internet allows for anonymity and gives some people the ability to become whatever they wanna be...
    its sad but true...
    I don't understand the motivation because they always get busted...
    I can't count how many times I've asked for another picture and I get back another one with a head cut off or one that was so dark that it could have been Dick Cheney for all I could tell
    Once a guy contacted me and was using pictures of a model friend of mine...
    so just take everything with a grain of salt on here
    ...and if it sounds too good to be true...it usually is
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 10:27 AM GMT
    How common is it for people to steal your identity on this site? If it is common would it be advisable to remove facial shots?
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    Apr 27, 2007 12:01 PM GMT
    I had a few friends ask me when I'd decided to move from London to Belfast and why they hadn't told me.

    Turns out a guy on one of the sites I frequent has taken three photos (two are face shots and include my rugby team's colours) and has posted them on his profile.

    I've sent him a message saying I'm flattered and I await his reponse.

    Apart from flirting / perhaps getting a guy to send him photos, I can't see the point. Surely he can't meet anyone who he chats to on there and yet his profile says he's new to the area and looking to meet people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 2:32 PM GMT
    It only matters if you are going to meet someone in real life. And let's face it most people lie about something, whether it's their age, stats, whatever. Those that don't have to lie are obviously very lucky AND perfect! So, c'mon give these fakers a break.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    The worst for me was a guy who stole my picture and made a craigslist ad with it, saying that he (I) was looking for bareback loads all day, regardless of the top's status. A friend of mine told me about it and eventually I flagged it and had it removed, but what the F#@K!? Since a lot of craigslisters also frequent personals sites, some of which I am on, they will be more inclined to think that I am a fake. I would never post on craigslist nor take bareback loads from strangers. Now it's this huge inconvenience and who knows what guys won't message me because they see that pic, remember the ad, and just move on? Really. Effing. Lame.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 4:07 PM GMT
    designguy88, the whole faked pics / profile thing is a symptom of the deeper underlying mental illness, and one doesn't need a degree to figure all that out.

    Many, many, folks are very self-centered, self-loathing, guilt-laden, low-esteem...fucked up by bad parenting, religion, and to much self-analysis.

    They create a fantasy world in which they become someone they wish they could be.

    They're seriously mentally ill.

    I have a standing rule of no pictureless / no profileless, that's served me very well. Even then, folks run with 7 year old pictures, lie, etc.

    They're desperate for attention, severely introverted and of very low esteem.

    I believe, firmly, in not being an enabler to their illness, and I don't put up with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 4:26 PM GMT
    I think a lot of people use the internet to assert their fantasies. This includes the anonymity to "become" anyone you want... All your weaknesses can be eliminated easily by taking someone elses picture and saying it's you. You can assert the things in yourself that you aren't confident or comfortable with when in social situations...

    While this isn't, in and of itself, harmful, it becomes a point of obsession for some people, causing them to spend hours and hours living out their fantasy personality online. I have seen this cause almost a double personality in people, which is very unhealthy. And, when you mix this with people who are looking to be real, and who are looking to form community, it clashes.

    So, those people can kinda ruin it for all of us, causing us not to trust anyone on the internet...

    However, even though a majority of these people my be socially awkward and introverted, doesn't mean being an introvert is a bad thing... I think there is a very negative stereotype on introverted people that is completely out of wack...

    When introverted people become reclusive and cannot be around people, there are usually other underlying things that are contributing to their behavior, causing characteristics closer to severe Social Anxiety Disorder than introversion...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 4:36 PM GMT
    I have stopped meeting people from online. In my experience, the majority misrepresent themselves.

    As for stolen pics, I figure that's part of the cost of slutting online. My most recent experience was receiving an email from a site offering me a "hot screen saver of guys in jocks" -- featuring ME and two other guys. It seems like everyone I know got the same mail. Oy. Just what I always wanted to be, a geriatric porn model.
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    Apr 27, 2007 6:02 PM GMT
    dude its the internet... its life... people are fake everywhere. i would tread lightly and use some discretion. honestly finding friends... hookups... training buddies... whatever you may use this site and others for is like sales... you may reach 100 ppl, out of the 10-15 are prospects... 3-5 of those will possibly buy. its a numbers game. sadly i feel as though its the truth. if my lack of optimism seems to have gotten you down, dont take me as a sadist. gay guys are just sketchy. by nature we are queer. you should be honest and remain true to yourself most importantly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    Well, besides talking mostly to verified profiles like you said, I think intuition is the greatest tool to weed out fakes.

    If you listen to your gut, it's usually right. If there are very few pics, or they are all from the same "shoot", then that's a good indication.

    I, too, had to have someone booted of here for being a fake -- because they tried to get me to fall in love with them, then they solicited money from me for a plane ticket! (As if I would be so stupid...)
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    May 24, 2007 9:47 AM GMT
    Whoah, passportradio, that's really messed up!