"Masc" guys and not being "into the scene"

  • t0theheights

    Posts: 428

    Jun 23, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    Does any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)
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    Jun 23, 2009 3:59 AM GMT
    Amen, God's trying to tell you sumethin
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    Jun 23, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    I used "I am not really into the scene" many times. It simply means to me I am not into BAR scene. Not to be confused with I am not into the gay scene. There are plenty of places gay men socialize other than gay bars. Maybe what your buddy was trying to say is that he isn't into bar hopping.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 23, 2009 4:26 AM GMT
    The people who use this "masculine" only term are going to counter that they're just saying what they're looking for, what they're preference is. But I take offense too. It's practically inflammatory how rude they can be about it.

    "I wanna date a MAN, not a whiny girly bitch"

    I'm paraphrasing an actual profile I've read on here.


    I can understand some of us not enjoying going to a loud bar, maybe they don't like dance music, maybe they don't drink. They're usually less rude about that one.

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    Jun 23, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    There are people who are very socially adept but who prefer to do thier socializing in well lit locations amongst people who can only ineract with other individuals after liquor is added to the mix (read: spinelss).
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    Jun 23, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Where I live, until recently there was no gay bar, and yet many men were very forceful in their rejection of "The Scene." It never occurred to them that the scene in my town was Gaydar and they were on it 24/7.
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    Jun 23, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    To be fair, I'm not really into "the scene". Sure I have gay friends, and sure I go to the gay bars on occasion, but there's definitely a gay "scene" here in Columbus that I'm not really a part of. A new gay bar/restaurant opened up here last week, and as it was Pride weekend last weekend and all, I was out and about, and in casually chatting with some acquaintances/other random people, it was a gay foul of the first order to admit that I've not been to it when it's been open for a whole week. They couldn't understand that I was planning on waiting a month or so for all the hub-bub to die down before I was really interested in going. So there are definitely "scenesters" about, and I clearly do not fall into that category.

    And as for the "I'm only into masc dudes" part; well I don't really limit myself in that way, but find me a feminine gay man who will go hiking, mountain biking, and camping with me, and I'd consider him. There are certainly "feminine" qualities that I'm attracted to, but in general the type of person who I would be interested in dating would be pretty rugged and outdoorsy, not (to be blunt) a queeny bitch.

    So, while it may be an oversimplification on our parts, I feel it's somewhat valid to assert that "I'm not into the scene" and that "I like masculine guys".
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    Jun 23, 2009 4:49 AM GMT
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    I don't mind when someone knocks "the scene," especially as I'm one of those who does. Meanwhile, relegating others as not being able to function socially around other gay men has little to do with not wanting to be around a predominantly clone-mentality group of men who are all about who (or in what situation) they are going to get their rocks off next. The same group that usually finds their balls with the help of alcohol, drugs, superficiality, and self-justifying sexuality to cover up their gross insecurity and immaturity? Yeah, that 'scene' as I just defined it is what many point toward with condescension--and with good reason. Seriously, what does not wanting to be part of THAT have to do with not being able to be social with other gay men unless you find yourself solely among that particular group, which is but a small part of the gay 'community?' Surely not all men who involve themselves in and with those that fit the above bill are of the same mind, but from the outside in (and many times from the inside out) the above defined 'scene' is what many see when they want to dissassociate from the same.

    Now, the masculine bit is humorous! Why do you care? I just figure it's a preference UNLESS the self-labeler offensively needs to justify their masculinity by defining what is not. Hell, I consider myself masculine and, yes, I like masculine men, but I don't condescend by verbalizing my preference--I'm simply stating what I like. That said, I think it's pretty ridiculous to so broadly throw all "masc." men into one category, especially when you felt the need to expound the idea even more ridiculously (and ignorantly) in your last paragraph.

    Maybe you just need to embrace your bar-hopping and effeminate self and realize you DON'T need to care if others don't approve of who you are. As long as you like yourself, well, that's all that matters, eh? icon_wink.gif
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Jun 23, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    No one has a right to judge any one for being himself, even if that means a guy wants to date masc or avoid "the scene", or wear clothes he likes to wear even though you seem to have a problem with it. If you're gonna judge, don't bitch about others that do the same. Seriously. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 23, 2009 5:02 AM GMT
    haha... double-think is fun!
  • InsatiableBlo...

    Posts: 442

    Jun 23, 2009 5:08 AM GMT
    The biggest turnoff for me is when guys say "not into the scene" on their profile. What does that even mean? Are they embarrassed by other gay men,-- the people they share the same orientation with? Or are they just afraid of being associated with "fem" guys. Either way its just lame. And I agree they probably can't function socially around other gay men.
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    Jun 23, 2009 5:10 AM GMT
    When I think of the "the scene", I think of the club/bar scene, not gay towns in general. I'm over that particular scene. Those who love it are more than welcome to it; they just tend to not be the type of guy I would end up looking at for a long-term relationship.

    I don't mind the occasional trip to a bar, but it's usually a sports bar where a game is on and there's darts or billiards to play. If I happen to run into a fellow gay guy there, well, I would probably give him a second glance. ;-)

    There's just such a seedy element to gay clubs and bars, most of the time...I feel like I need a shower afterward.
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    Jun 23, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    Don't make a scene about not being into the scene,
    rather be unseen and not mean. icon_lol.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 23, 2009 5:18 AM GMT
    InsatiableBloom saidThe biggest turnoff for me is when guys say "not into the scene" on their profile. What does that even mean? Are they embarrassed by other gay men,-- the people they share the same orientation with? Or are they just afraid of being associated with "fem" guys. Either way its just lame. And I agree they probably can't function socially around other gay men.


    It doesn't mean they are embarrassed by other gay men. It just means that they are more comfortable in other environments. What's wrong with that? Many gay guys wouldn't be comfortable going to a frat party, does that mean they hate straight guys? People like to be around other people they relate to. Being gay doesn't always define someone and I don't think you should hold that against them.

    As for guys that say they are "masc" I agree thats a joke. They really aren't describing themselves they are describing what they are looking for. I saw a profile of a kid I went to high school with. His profile said something about hating fem guys but this kid is one of the most flamboyant guys I know. People just like to tell themselves things to help with their own insecurities.
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    Jun 23, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    The scene, as I remember it (its been a while since I've been around the scene, so bear with me) is either the bar scene or a certain clic in the bar. I've never cared for either, because of the drama that is always associated with them. I select my friends very carefully to avoid such sinceless drama, so why would I want to hang out so closely to it? No, I've never been a "social creature", but that doesn't mean that I can have fun in group events, I just prefer a different type of atmosphere. This is also why I don't do straight bars, though there is usually much less drama there.

    For the "masc" thing, I think I am fairly masculine, though I have been told by one particular person that he didn't see me as masculine. He is what would be called, hyper-masculine. I took no offence, because I don't particularly care. All that matters is what I think of myself. I prefer a particular demeanor in men that I have dated. I typically don't care for men who are overly feminine. That doesn't mean that I can't be friends with or speak to a "fem" guy, I just probably wouldn't have dated you(10 years ago, before I was taken off the market). "Masc" and "Fem" are in the eyes of the beholder. Some guys prefer latinos or "BIG" guys. So what, who cares?
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    Jun 23, 2009 5:31 AM GMT
    t0theheights said... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?"



    Actually, I can't. I find it uncomfortable being around gay people other than the few gay friends I have. I don't like going to gay clubs, dance parties, etc etc because of this. Maybe because I came out late, or I live in the 'burbs away from the gay ghetto here in Sydney, or whatever, but I am genuinely uncomfortable around gay guys and would much prefer to be at a straight bar.
  • t0theheights

    Posts: 428

    Jun 23, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    RandyMan said
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    I don't mind when someone knocks "the scene," especially as I'm one of those who does. Meanwhile, relegating others as not being able to function socially around other gay men has little to do with not wanting to be around a predominantly clone-mentality group of men who are all about who (or in what situation) they are going to get their rocks off next. The same group that usually finds their balls with the help of alcohol, drugs, superficiality, and self-justifying sexuality to cover up their gross insecurity and immaturity? Yeah, that 'scene' as I just defined it is what many point toward with condescension--and with good reason. Seriously, what does not wanting to be part of THAT have to do with not being able to be social with other gay men unless you find yourself solely among that particular group, which is but a small part of the gay 'community?' Surely not all men who involve themselves in and with those that fit the above bill are of the same mind, but from the outside in (and many times from the inside out) the above defined 'scene' is what many see when they want to dissassociate from the same.

    Now, the masculine bit is humorous! Why do you care? I just figure it's a preference UNLESS the self-labeler offensively needs to justify their masculinity by defining what is not. Hell, I consider myself masculine and, yes, I like masculine men, but I don't condescend by verbalizing my preference--I'm simply stating what I like. That said, I think it's pretty ridiculous to so broadly throw all "masc." men into one category, especially when you felt the need to expound the idea even more ridiculously (and ignorantly) in your last paragraph.

    Maybe you just need to embrace your bar-hopping and effeminate self and realize you DON'T need to care if others don't approve of who you are. As long as you like yourself, well, that's all that matters, eh? icon_wink.gif


    There's a lot more to gay nightlife than the hunt for sex--a lot more--and so much variety in the people you can meet that to call them all "clones" is ridiculous. Those who fail to see this are, as I said above, simply socially inept in a gay setting or not fully comfortable with themselves and their sexuality yet, to the point that it corrupts their perspective.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 23, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    t0theheights said
    RandyMan said
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    I don't mind when someone knocks "the scene," especially as I'm one of those who does. Meanwhile, relegating others as not being able to function socially around other gay men has little to do with not wanting to be around a predominantly clone-mentality group of men who are all about who (or in what situation) they are going to get their rocks off next. The same group that usually finds their balls with the help of alcohol, drugs, superficiality, and self-justifying sexuality to cover up their gross insecurity and immaturity? Yeah, that 'scene' as I just defined it is what many point toward with condescension--and with good reason. Seriously, what does not wanting to be part of THAT have to do with not being able to be social with other gay men unless you find yourself solely among that particular group, which is but a small part of the gay 'community?' Surely not all men who involve themselves in and with those that fit the above bill are of the same mind, but from the outside in (and many times from the inside out) the above defined 'scene' is what many see when they want to dissassociate from the same.

    Now, the masculine bit is humorous! Why do you care? I just figure it's a preference UNLESS the self-labeler offensively needs to justify their masculinity by defining what is not. Hell, I consider myself masculine and, yes, I like masculine men, but I don't condescend by verbalizing my preference--I'm simply stating what I like. That said, I think it's pretty ridiculous to so broadly throw all "masc." men into one category, especially when you felt the need to expound the idea even more ridiculously (and ignorantly) in your last paragraph.

    Maybe you just need to embrace your bar-hopping and effeminate self and realize you DON'T need to care if others don't approve of who you are. As long as you like yourself, well, that's all that matters, eh? icon_wink.gif


    There's a lot more to gay nightlife than the hunt for sex--a lot more--and so much variety in the people you can meet that to call them all "clones" is ridiculous. Those who fail to see this are, as I said above, simply socially inept in a gay setting or not fully comfortable with themselves and their sexuality yet, to the point that it corrupts their perspective.


    Idk I'm pretty damn comfortable with my sexuality but I'd rather go to a straight strip club with my friends than a gay bar by myself. I'm ok with being known as "the gay kid" at the party. Hanging out with straight guys helps open up a lot of peoples minds who didn't like gay guys simply because they didn't know any. Socializing with people who are different than you shows that you can function in all types of social situations. We aren't different species we are different sexualities.
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    Jun 23, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidIdk I'm pretty damn comfortable with my sexuality but I'd rather go to a straight strip club with my friends than a gay bar by myself. I'm ok with being known as "the gay kid" at the party. Hanging out with straight guys helps open up a lot of peoples minds who didn't like gay guys simply because they didn't know any. Socializing with people who are different than you shows that you can function in all types of social situations. We aren't different species we are different sexualities.
    That's a great strategy lad .. keep up the good work! icon_lol.gif I agree, being around a mixed crowd even can be refreshing.
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    Jun 23, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    At first I thought the topic was "Mac" guys not being into the scene (Yay! Windows and Linux guys unite!). icon_lol.gif

    The problem here is what people mean by "the scene"; my two cents:

    If by that you mean:

    "Not into clubs and bars," that's perfectly fine in my book. Everybody likes different environments to socialize. I happen to like different environment depending on my mood, whether romantic, festive or just "chatty".

    "Not into GAY club and bars," that's perfectly fine too. Whether theres a simple reason behind that preference or a "self-hating" reason for it, it is very rarely the business of a third person to judge and, after all, why should the preferences of another person bother you? It might just be that the gay places near that person don't appeal to him, or he has another reason/experience for not liking them.

    "Not into certain kind of club and bars" I usually assume this is the one unless told otherwise. I been to gay places I wouldn't want to set foot in ever again (ugh) and I've been to others so nice and open that they are popular even among straight couples and groups of girls (invaders! icon_lol.gif ) and I'm talking about Mexico here.

    And the "masc" thing. Masculine can mean so many things...

    t0theheightsI like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    Well... I still would like to have the body hair, promise to take good care of it icon_lol.gif

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    Jun 23, 2009 6:18 AM GMT
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)



    I love it....I love it...I love it! you criticize or take offense when someone does not like a particular look or scene within a sector of the gay community? but you don't hesitate being just as condescending by calling a masculine guy dirty and unsophisticated!?


    Just because someone does not feel comfortable around a particular crowd or a people scene it doesn't make them judgmental! as far as I know the phrase or term "NOT INTO THE SCENE" is used by those of us who don't care to join the weekly ritual with those who hit the bar or nightclub for cruising, getting drunk and drugged, or just go there to see or show off the latest trend in fashion!! I don't mind socializing or being around gay people who I feel an affinity with, besides most gay guys nowadays can socialize beyond the typical gay bar and nightclub scene, furthermore these days a gay guy have the option to meet and socialize with other gay guys just about anywhere!


    I am sure you will agree that I like you do have the right to choose a circle of friends we have an affinity with, so choosing a particular scene I feel comfortable with should be no different!!

    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Jun 23, 2009 6:25 AM GMT
    t0theheights said
    RandyMan said
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    I don't mind when someone knocks "the scene," especially as I'm one of those who does. Meanwhile, relegating others as not being able to function socially around other gay men has little to do with not wanting to be around a predominantly clone-mentality group of men who are all about who (or in what situation) they are going to get their rocks off next. The same group that usually finds their balls with the help of alcohol, drugs, superficiality, and self-justifying sexuality to cover up their gross insecurity and immaturity? Yeah, that 'scene' as I just defined it is what many point toward with condescension--and with good reason. Seriously, what does not wanting to be part of THAT have to do with not being able to be social with other gay men unless you find yourself solely among that particular group, which is but a small part of the gay 'community?' Surely not all men who involve themselves in and with those that fit the above bill are of the same mind, but from the outside in (and many times from the inside out) the above defined 'scene' is what many see when they want to dissassociate from the same.

    Now, the masculine bit is humorous! Why do you care? I just figure it's a preference UNLESS the self-labeler offensively needs to justify their masculinity by defining what is not. Hell, I consider myself masculine and, yes, I like masculine men, but I don't condescend by verbalizing my preference--I'm simply stating what I like. That said, I think it's pretty ridiculous to so broadly throw all "masc." men into one category, especially when you felt the need to expound the idea even more ridiculously (and ignorantly) in your last paragraph.

    Maybe you just need to embrace your bar-hopping and effeminate self and realize you DON'T need to care if others don't approve of who you are. As long as you like yourself, well, that's all that matters, eh? icon_wink.gif


    There's a lot more to gay nightlife than the hunt for sex--a lot more--and so much variety in the people you can meet that to call them all "clones" is ridiculous. Those who fail to see this are, as I said above, simply socially inept in a gay setting or not fully comfortable with themselves and their sexuality yet, to the point that it corrupts their perspective.


    Hmmm...how funny that you momentarily posted these EXACT words as screenname "Alphajock" on another thread and then withdrew them. Is that your, uh, fake profile? icon_confused.gif

    Meanwhile, way to sidestep yourself with that answer, but I'll take the bait even if you wouldn't. hee-hee First, way to miss the qualifier words I included that were meant to underscore that this is a 'some' not 'all' scenario particularized from a specific perspective. Perhaps it will amaze you to learn that gay life extends beyond the bar and club 'scene' and further, beyond the sexual realm. Your dichotomous argument defines your own viewpoint surely, but that view appears limited and ignorant at best given your context. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 23, 2009 7:17 AM GMT
    t0theheights saidWell, not that I should need to defend something so stupid, but I had a friend of mine respond to your attack on what I wrote, so it wouldn't look like me starting a cat fight. However, he decided he didn't feel comfortable posting it so I put it up myself here (after you re-posted essentially the same response in this thread). Speaking of which, I'm preempting said cat fight by closing my responses to this thread.


    hee-hee Way to use rhetorical 'occultatio'! icon_lol.gif Oh, and that explanation was pretty hilarious to boot. Personally, I'm not argumentative by nature (although I may occasionally appear as such in these forums), I just can't stand ignorance and hypocrisy--two things your initial post and two responses reek of. I guess bowing out of your own topic before thoughtfully or mindfully approaching the comments it provoked makes sense to you, but it seems to support and underscore a certain insecurity masked by narrow-minded hypocrisy to me. Enough said. icon_wink.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 23, 2009 7:25 AM GMT
    RandyMan said
    t0theheights saidDoes any one else take offense when someone condescendingly knocks "the scene?" I hate that term... whenever a guy tells me he's "not into 'the scene'," I just reply, "Oh, so in other words, you can't function socially around other gay people?" They tend not to knock "the scene" so much after that.

    I have a similar reaction when someone insists condescendingly that they're "masc" and only like other masc guys. I find that kind of insult to less-butch guys to be completely inappropriate and offensive, almost as offensive as a straight guy calling all gays faggots. No one has a right to judge any one else for being himself, and being butch or feminine or whatever else doesn't make you any more or less masculine than any one.

    I like remind the "masc" guys that having hideous and excessive body hair, wearing ill-fitting bargain-basement clothes, failing to take care of your skin, drinking cheap beer, and hanging out at straight sports bars doesn't make you "masc." It just means you're cheap, lazy, and have bad taste. ;)


    I don't mind when someone knocks "the scene," especially as I'm one of those who does. Meanwhile, relegating others as not being able to function socially around other gay men has little to do with not wanting to be around a predominantly clone-mentality group of men who are all about who (or in what situation) they are going to get their rocks off next. The same group that usually finds their balls with the help of alcohol, drugs, superficiality, and self-justifying sexuality to cover up their gross insecurity and immaturity? Yeah, that 'scene' as I just defined it is what many point toward with condescension--and with good reason. Seriously, what does not wanting to be part of THAT have to do with not being able to be social with other gay men unless you find yourself solely among that particular group, which is but a small part of the gay 'community?' Surely not all men who involve themselves in and with those that fit the above bill are of the same mind, but from the outside in (and many times from the inside out) the above defined 'scene' is what many see when they want to dissassociate from the same.

    Now, the masculine bit is humorous! Why do you care? I just figure it's a preference UNLESS the self-labeler offensively needs to justify their masculinity by defining what is not. Hell, I consider myself masculine and, yes, I like masculine men, but I don't condescend by verbalizing my preference--I'm simply stating what I like. That said, I think it's pretty ridiculous to so broadly throw all "masc." men into one category, especially when you felt the need to expound the idea even more ridiculously (and ignorantly) in your last paragraph.

    Maybe you just need to embrace your bar-hopping and effeminate self and realize you DON'T need to care if others don't approve of who you are. As long as you like yourself, well, that's all that matters, eh? icon_wink.gif


    Well written- well put. I can fuction in any scene, but I also chose not to be a part of it and it's drama. The clones, low self esteem, drugs, sex addiction- Still guys wonder why they can't be taken seriously and prop8 stands. Think about it.icon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2009 7:26 AM GMT
    DrobUA has some good posts here. I liked his comment about going to parties and mixing with str8 guys.

    I don't completely get guys who are gay, and feel they can only socialize with other gay guys. One guy I'm thinking of though, is very feminine in his manners, and he brings unwanted comments towards himself with his actions.

    Now don't anyone get on my case about that, I'm simply stating what is. Not every gay guy wants to draw attention to themselves. There are alot of negative connotations with the stereotypical feminine acting gay guy. Is it right? No! However, it is what it is. I suppose the analogy would be that you say Frat guys (I'm not speaking from first hand experience, so I don't know the accuracy of this example completely) are all into drinking all the time, and they are irresponsible etc. I don't think you can draw assumptions, however, if people have the connotations/impression about a "group" (the rowdy frat people, or that all gay guys are over the top flamboyant), then you spend energy fighting to show that you aren't that cookie cutter stereotypical person that fits into some pre-defined look.