Meeting guys you talk to for the first time

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2009 6:24 AM GMT
    So lately, ive been meeting guys as friends, and not as hook ups.. But it just seems kinda awkward when we both meet for the first time, we ask the basic questions, but then after that it seems like we both run out of things to say... or places to go, or things to do... Im a shy person so it takes a while for me to open up. What do you guys recommended i start doing to change things up a bit and keep things flowing smoothly icon_question.gif
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    Jun 24, 2009 9:02 AM GMT
    Hmmm I usually go with what is natural... what are you interested in? Find out things that you both have in common. Maybe go see a movie? Then you don't really have to talk during the movie... but have something to discuss after, granted you pay attention to the movie. lol.
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    Jun 24, 2009 9:52 AM GMT
    Practice makes perfect?
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    Jun 24, 2009 10:42 AM GMT
    From what I've gathered, it helps when your first spoken language is shared... icon_sad.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 24, 2009 10:47 AM GMT
    Best to talk to these guys first on the phone
    this will cull the crowd a bit and you'll find the guys you have more in common with and there won't be those awkward points and you'll find others that you should best keep online
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    Jun 24, 2009 11:04 AM GMT
    I find that just stating clearly: "it puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again" often gets results in these awkward situations.
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    Jun 24, 2009 11:53 AM GMT
    Start with a common activity. Perhaps you both enjoy tennis. Or hiking. Or bowling. With something to DO, beyond conversation, you'll find the actual conversation easier and avoid awkward silences that make you want to run for the car and go home to some popcorn and a movie.
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    Jun 24, 2009 12:23 PM GMT
    Ghen saidPractice makes perfect?

    Agree that's prolly the most important, though the other suggestions here are good, too. (Well, except perhaps for quoting movie serial killers) I'm a guy who went from being very shy to very sociable, and it really was a matter of practice makes perfect, at least for me.

    I think you also have to keep whispering to yourself to push yourself forward. You don't wanna become an obnoxious over-compensator, obviously, but you gotta have this little guy in the back of your mind who reminds you "Don't sit like a lump!" "Open your mouth, say something!"

    I've met literally dozens of men & women through online social networking, including the gay guy who brought me out, and my late & current partners. I've met a few RJ guys, too, and it was very easy. It helped that they were friendly, charming, conversant and fun to be with.

    A specific technique I've learned is to be genuinely interested in the other person, to be very "pro-active" in asking them about things. I used to be just the opposite, totally passive, so that if you wanted to tell me about yourself and what you did, it was up to you to do it on your own. I think it was partly a mark of my own ego and self-centered attitude, and insecurity.

    Then I realized that most people are genuinely interesting, and are flattered when you show an interest in them, and pay attention to their stories enough to ask meaningful questions. It's part of the art of conversation.

    And guess what? Once you do that, most will reciprocate with you. I rarely have to volunteer relating what I've done recently, or about me in general. First I take the initiative to ask them, then they ask me. And before you know it, you're swapping stories like old friends.

    I will confess that the very first time meeting someone from online produces a bit of tension for me. But I know the initial breaking the ice only lasts for a few moments, and we'll be having a great time very quickly. Gay men are SO easy to meet in person, they really do half the work for you. Have fun!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 24, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    I agree with GQ Jock.. the phone is really an important first step. You can learn what the other guy's interests are, learn something about him. If there are interests, you can plan to meet in person and talk more. If there isn't, you can end the conversation without any awkwardness in any way.

    One should naturally lead to the next step.
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    Jun 24, 2009 4:00 PM GMT
    Mmm I usually take the guy for a walk in the park. If he's really cute he get dinner on me. I met one friend from this website and we hit if off really well. I think I talk to him everyday.

    Going out to a bar could be fun too. Just not a cruisy bar. Nothing worst than having someone hit on your friend and you don't even know him yet.
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    Jun 24, 2009 6:48 PM GMT

    I think the best in short is to participate in a activity that you might not have been interested in that he might want to try and same for him as to you. This will lead to interesting conversation of a new experience that might broaden your who you are as person and be the segway into a free flow conversation, as you get to know him and what makes him tick. It's always hard putting yourself out there. The best thing is to be open to making a friend ( which seems you already are ) just present that opportunity w/ something both of you can do that will peak your interest in each other and the chatter will become second nature..... best of luck
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    Jun 24, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    Play board games or one of those adultish card games that force players to tell each other some personal secrets. Games that require arguing over rules are even better.

    Take a drive to some scenic spot, amusement park, beach. Hike or walk in a park.

    Workout together.

    I like Red_Vespa's suggestion to show more interest in other people. And GOJock's suggestion to screen people by phone. To meet guys as friends you need to establish that there is common interest in doing stuff together,
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    Jun 24, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    Let me just say for the record that some guys just don't do PHONE WELL! Some people just hate talking on the ph and this most likely comes across when trying to communicate over the tell. So in a safe enviorment do something....... experience something..... live something......LIFE SOMETHING! best of luck
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    Jun 24, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    you're going about it right for as looking for friends. thats the way to start. Don't look for a relationship. I say just don't have too many expectations and let things take there course. Don't be like I was and assume that just because your first few meetings weren't spectacular meant that that person wasn't worth hanging out with anymore. you'd be surprised by the bonds you can make through sheer sincerity and patience.

    If you run out of things to say, I suggest sometimes doing things that will either generate a conversation or doesn't require speaking at all. Like going bowling and you laugh at him if he sucks, or in my case, if you suck. Or just sitting back and watching a movie - which if you choose to discuss it can be very revealing about someone's likes and dislikes.

    By the way don't watch the Wolverine movie. it sucked. The only person worth watching in that film was gambit and he was only in two scenes.

    Phone conversations with someone you haven't met yet can be very misleading. i've hit off really well with people over the phone and felt awkward in person and vice versa. So be sure to keep that in mind.
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    Jun 25, 2009 8:22 AM GMT
    Thanks, ill keep everyone's advice in mind, especially halfstep's advice.
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    Jun 25, 2009 9:12 AM GMT
    I agree with what's been said before - do something that doesn't really require you to talk much (keep your minds out of the gutter, people!). Bowling is great for that sort of thing.

    Or, you could just keep the meet short and simple. Tell the guy you only have half an hour, which is enough for a coffee and talk over the basics, then you can make a quick exit...
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    Jun 25, 2009 10:03 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa needs to start an advise column for dating.