ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS: Online & Phone vs. "In Person"

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 27, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    A Major Point of Disagreement ... between my bf and myself involves online
    relationships... those people you've talked to online and it may progress to phone calls... personal discussion, sharing, but you haven't met then physically.

    Will (my bf) is very emphatic. They are acquaintances. You don't know them in 3 dimensional format, there is something lacking.
    Is this person real?

    I have several members of RJ that are good friends of mine. I know one of them considers me one of his best friends. We haven't met in person.

    My bf reminds me of my online experience with Dustin (non RJ member) from several years ago.
    The guy was not as represented and I didn't realize that until a period had elapsed. "There is more than one Dustin out there", he says.


    Thoughts?
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    Jun 27, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    you meet these same people in realise life too, is everyone you've ever met been an upstanding person who has been honest and true to what they say..

    but yes, I've been talking to a guy for 9 years online, actually a couple of guys, but this one guy I've never met, hes a great guy, hes a friend, we know each other and I know he's real.. I've talked to him on the phone, via skype, chat, email, all that..

    one day we'll meet, but, he's a mate, I don't consider him differently from mates I've got in life that i see in person..

    I've meet many liars however, even on RJ, who are not up to scratch, but you eventually work them out, they can only hide so much for so long.

  • Jun 27, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    I met my best friend in a DJ forum online. Now her and I three years later are still best friends. It's weird cause she lives in Chicago and I live in Miami. She eventually came on vacation here with friends and I met up with her and it was weird for about 4 minutes and then it was awesome. Now our circles of friends intertwine and everything. And on Thursday I'm flying to Chicago to see her four the fourth or fifth time.
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    Jun 27, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidA Major Point of Disagreement ... between my bf and myself involves online
    relationships... those people you've talked to online and it may progress to phone calls... personal discussion, sharing, but you haven't met then physically.

    Will (my bf) is very emphatic. They are acquaintances. You don't know them in 3 dimensional format, there is something lacking.
    Is this person real?

    I have several members of RJ that are good friends of mine. I know one of them considers me one of his best friends. We haven't met in person.

    My bf reminds me of my online experience with Dustin (non RJ member) from several years ago.
    The guy was not as represented and I didn't realize that until a period had elapsed. "There is more than one Dustin out there", he says.


    Thoughts?


    your bf is right. i don't see how you can possibly call someone your friend and even best friend until you've actually met them in person and spent some time with them.
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    Jun 28, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    I sum it up as the following....To some degree your both rt BUT my theory in life remains the same. I always let people tell me who they are, however they present themselves is what I believe as to I see know reason to lie. I too have been disappointed by having someone lie to me but Ideally I do that for self in the fact that I want to stay true to my theory of being open to meeting people and not let other things get in the way of who they are and how I wanna see them. Eventually all things come to light and one of the reasons that it makes no sense to lie. As far as your buddy online that refers to you as his best friend. I think it's cool when anyone makes a connection on any level it's more of a compliment than anything else to be included in someones life to be thought about and seen as YOU other than a face in a crowd of millions. However I also think it might be unhealthy for him. The term BF for me at least needs to be more than a 1 dimensional computer screen. Summing things up no matter what, in life, you only truly know your intentions and not those of the ones that surround you, and having said that when you vibe goodness that vibe is reciprocated and good people will flock to you as all energy feeds of ea other and obviously this guy on the net saw something in you that made him give you such an important role in his life. being skeptical is not such a bad thing but don't let that change your good nature. people cross paths for a reason at certain times in life and lessons are to be learned at those times and at those times listen, learn and grow....live it...then, life it.

    Hillie
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    Jun 28, 2009 1:27 PM GMT
    Many people assume personas online. You won't and can't really know the true individual until you meet in person
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    Jun 28, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Blackguy4you said

    your bf is right. i don't see how you can possibly call someone your friend and even best friend until you've actually met them in person and spent some time with them. [/quote]


    O.k So after reading this post let me add this Everyone wants to be given the benefit of the doubt.. I mean seriously our judicial system is based on this theory ( kinda) anyway your in a stable relationship so your not looking for anything other than to meet guys of similar interest to share life's adventures of a common bond. I remember when I was in elementary school there was this program called pen-pal where all the kids in a class would write a letter and it would be sent either to another country or another state. eventually depending on your connection well I guess in layman's term you'd have a pen-pal/ pen-friend! Is This just not the more advanced version just tagged w/ pix and instead of waiting weeks to see what your pal/friend has written to tell all of the going-on's in their life it's just more instant as in a click away. Not to mention that time is different by all definition. Sometimes you can spend a lifetime w/ someone and not know who they are and at other times you can spend only a few moments and feel so connected that your comfortable divulging you...ok I'm done....lol
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    Jun 28, 2009 1:54 PM GMT
    Hillie said[quote][cite]Blackguy4you said

    your bf is right. i don't see how you can possibly call someone your friend and even best friend until you've actually met them in person and spent some time with them.



    O.k So after reading this post let me add this Everyone wants to be given the benefit of the doubt.. I mean seriously our judicial system is based on this theory ( kinda) anyway your in a stable relationship so your not looking for anything other than to meet guys of similar interest to share life's adventures of a common bond. I remember when I was in elementary school there was this program called pen-pal where all the kids in a class would write a letter and it would be sent either to another country or another state. eventually depending on your connection well I guess in layman's term you'd have a pen-pal/ pen-friend! Is This just not the more advanced version just tagged w/ pix and instead of waiting weeks to see what your pal/friend has written to tell all of the going-on's in their life it's just more instant as in a click away. Not to mention that time is different by all definition. Sometimes you can spend a lifetime w/ someone and not know who they are and at other times you can spend only a few moments and feel so connected that your comfortable divulging you...ok I'm done....lol[/quote]

    i did the penpal thing when i was in highschool. he or she was from indonesia i seem to recall. but your penpal- remains exactly that a penpal. you don't call your penpal your best friend.

    perhaps i'm someone who does not ascribe friend/best friend status easily. but i don't see how you could possibly be friend much less best friend with someone without meeting them in person.

    you certainly can be online "friends" , this i will grant. but it's not quite the same thing as a true friend imho
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 28, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    I think online buddies are more than an acquaitance but not fully a friend in the sense that friends share the same experiences together, meaning that they have to do things together. I think the term online friend should be maintained until you've actually met them, then it's just friend.
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    Jun 28, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    Hillie said[quote][cite]Blackguy4you said


    i did the penpal thing when i was in highschool. he or she was from indonesia i seem to recall. but your penpal- remains exactly that a penpal. you don't call your penpal your best friend.

    perhaps i'm someone who does not ascribe friend/best friend status easily. but i don't see how you could possibly be friend much less best friend with someone without meeting them in person.

    you certainly can be online "friends" , this i will grant. but it's not quite the same thing as a true friend imho


    So if your best friend moves to another state or country does he/she remain your best friend or do you need a physical persence to keep that connection.

    Don't get me wrng on some level I agree w/ you but in the same breath connections come in many forms and for many reasons. Being open to sharing can lead to this senario. Does a blind man see the world although he can not see? I guess it depends on your view of the wrld. I'm sure some blind folk can say their vision is far beyond of what u and I see in the wrld.as their sense of life is elevated by other senes to make up for the one lost where you and I might take those sense for granted. What about the guy/grl in a realtionship who never shares who they really are because they think their significant other might judge them ( not talking about sexual preference either) If the term best has you at a stand still I relate. Yet I get how people have a need and a want of acceptence and brotherhood and sometimes that's not at your front door and possibly at your neighbor's dwn the street w/ what seems miles away but by internet....it's just a click
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:28 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    Blackguy4you said
    Hillie said[quote][cite]Blackguy4you said


    i did the penpal thing when i was in highschool. he or she was from indonesia i seem to recall. but your penpal- remains exactly that a penpal. you don't call your penpal your best friend.

    perhaps i'm someone who does not ascribe friend/best friend status easily. but i don't see how you could possibly be friend much less best friend with someone without meeting them in person.

    you certainly can be online "friends" , this i will grant. but it's not quite the same thing as a true friend imho


    So if your best friend moves to another state or country does he/she remain your best friend or do you need a physical persence to keep that connection.

    Don't get me wrng on some level I agree w/ you but in the same breath connections come in many forms and for many reasons. Being open to sharing can lead to this senario. Does a blind man see the world although he can not see? I guess it depends on your view of the wrld. I'm sure some blind folk can say their vision is far beyond of what u and I see in the wrld.as their sense of life is elevated by other senes to make up for the one lost where you and I might take those sense for granted. What about the guy/grl in a realtionship who never shares who they really are because they think their significant other might judge them ( not talking about sexual preference either) If the term best has you at a stand still I relate. Yet I get how people have a need and a want of acceptence and brotherhood and sometimes that's not at your front door and possibly at your neighbor's dwn the street w/ what seems miles away but by internet....it's just a click


    i see that as being totally different. you were already friends:having met face to face and spent time in each others' presence.
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    I'm fairly convinced that you're all convicts participating in a wild variation on the pen pal theme.
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    In my opinion, an online/phone relationship is something not worth putting too much stock into. They are fun and serve a purpose I guess but nothing beats the real thing and being able to see, converse, and be around someone in the real world.

    Granted there pros and cons to each but int he long run I think the "In Person" deal works out way better with more benefits. Like any relationship, whether it be online/phone or in person, it all depends on what you want to get out it and what you are willing to do obtain it and keep it.
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:43 PM GMT
    Be sure to keep a condom on your computer if you're having an online relationship. Remember, whomever you connect to - you're also connecting to every person he or she has ever connected to and every person they've ever connected to.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 28, 2009 11:54 PM GMT
    I think relationships are based upon quality of time with a person, in whatever form it is in. I mean, if you were blind, technically you could never see any of your friends and it would be like talking to them on the phone.
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    I feel that it depends. There are some people who you meet in person who appear to be very genuine and honest, and then you later discover they are not as they appeared to be.

    If you meet someone online, and you genuinely connect, I say that you have a friendship that transcends "acquaintance." There is the chance that they are lying about various facets of their life, but eventually lies will be revealed anyways, so why worry about something that might not even be an issue?

  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jun 29, 2009 12:31 AM GMT
    calibro saidI think relationships are based upon quality of time with a person, in whatever form it is in. I mean, if you were blind, technically you could never see any of your friends and it would be like talking to them on the phone.


    I totally agree!

    Lies have been mentioned and deceiving as well. We humans are very good at lying. People you know face-to-face will lie to you. It's just easier on the internet.

    I have meet people online that it took me a long time to meet in person. Some of them were really good friends before, and amazing friends afterwards.

    It is awkward the first like 5 minutes, and then you're over the shock. I just always have to be careful with my heart online. Liked someone for too long: real, but a jerk.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Wow Kansan,

    This is a topic that has haunted all of us at one time or another. This topic is so good I believe it should be the forum of the week!


    Back to your question I am gonna take a spiritual stance on this subject. I believe our spirits are all powerful, free, and beautiful. In cyberspace we have no restrictions. We transcend time, space and reality as we know it. When we meet someone online, we are breaking the routine that we are bound to in our physical world. Meeting someone online opens us to a world we could not have access to in our present reality. When we make this connection we follow a scripted code, that subconscious and conscious date of termination. When we reach the time of termination we either have the choice to prolong the connection or let the connection grows cold. We must ask ourselves “what is our inspiration?” Is our desire pure or just a brief infatuation? Are we honest with this person or are we just telling them the things they wanna hear? When I am honest with a person I’m chatting with online it’s a freedom for myself. I believe the relationship grows stronger.Strong enough sometimes a physical relationship is born.