Apology from someone who made your life hell as a kid...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    Check out this exchange I just had with someone who I honestly thought (and hoped) I'd never hear from again...


    "Subject: I'm sorry

    Hi Adam,
    If you are the Adam XXXXXXX I think you are, I just want to say that we went to XXXXX Middle School together . . . and this isn't a pathetic attempt for someone you haven't heard of in years to friend you. The miracle of Facebook is that it allows someone to find someone else years later and say what I've been meaning to say for years . . . which is, that I'm sorry. I'm sorry we treated you so badly in middle school, I'm sorry we scapegoated you for whatever bizarre, arcane and inscrutable cruel preteen reason, I'm sorry I was ever the part of the teasing and ostracizing.

    Seriously, every 5 years or so you crossed my mind and I tried to find you, unsuccessfully, because Google can only do so much . . . and then here comes Facebook. I hope this message finds you well and happy and finally settled in life, and I hope this apology doesn't come too late.

    Sincerely,
    XXXXXXXXX"



    My response:

    "Hi,

    Yes I do remember you.... and no it's not too late. I appreciate your message. Thank you. All I will say in response is that I have had a good life since (and in spite of) middle school.... I hope you have too.

    Be well,
    Adam"



    I have to tell you that this was a pretty surreal, but wonderful experience. Feels really good.
    Any stories like this from any of you?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 28, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    I'm glad you sent him a response. Too many times people reach out to others in an attempt to explain, discuss or in this case apologize... or even to be friendly.... and the other person never bothers to respond.

    I'm not sure I'm a candidate to get an e-mail like that from a fellow student from middle school... but maybe high school. It seems like everyone was rude to everyone in hs. I was picked on... I was rude to others. I can think of at least one person who should get an e-mail like that from me.

    Your response was excellent. I don't have a facebook profile, but I know some childhood friends of mine who do. Its probably something I should seriously consider.
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    Jun 28, 2009 3:13 PM GMT
    Surreal indeed. And absolutely wonderful. Kids are cruel because there is that drive to fit in with the dominant social atmosphere. I'm glad at least someone outgrew it and realized it. Too many people remain their childhood selves.
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    Jun 28, 2009 3:15 PM GMT

    I never picked on anyone but I was truly a ASSHOLE! 1 of 7 siblings My family was and is to this day the only family of color on our street in an all jewish community. My nack for being an ASSHOLE I think was due to me always feeling like I had something to prove. weather that was trying to get my parents attention, showing difference between me and my siblings. proving that I was equal mentally ( and financially to other familys in the hood) My life changed when I left for college and met some of the most amazing friends from around the country. Sometimes you never know the magnitude of how empty you are and how internally sick. How those ingredients infected those around by lack of being polite and courteous and how much those two things can brighten someones day. I think it's awasome that this guy reached out to you but more so that all of those things didnt stunt you in life........SWEET!
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    Jun 28, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    SAHEM,

    No, that has never happened to me. I think your response was spot on.
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    Jun 28, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidCheck out this exchange I just had with someone who I honestly thought (and hoped) I'd never hear from again...


    "Subject: I'm sorry

    Hi Adam,
    If you are the Adam XXXXXXX I think you are, I just want to say that we went to XXXXX Middle School together . . . and this isn't a pathetic attempt for someone you haven't heard of in years to friend you. The miracle of Facebook is that it allows someone to find someone else years later and say what I've been meaning to say for years . . . which is, that I'm sorry. I'm sorry we treated you so badly in middle school, I'm sorry we scapegoated you for whatever bizarre, arcane and inscrutable cruel preteen reason, I'm sorry I was ever the part of the teasing and ostracizing.

    Seriously, every 5 years or so you crossed my mind and I tried to find you, unsuccessfully, because Google can only do so much . . . and then here comes Facebook. I hope this message finds you well and happy and finally settled in life, and I hope this apology doesn't come too late.

    Sincerely,
    XXXXXXXXX"



    My response:

    "Hi,

    Yes I do remember you.... and no it's not too late. I appreciate your message. Thank you. All I will say in response is that I have had a good life since (and in spite of) middle school.... I hope you have too.

    Be well,
    Adam"



    I have to tell you that this was a pretty surreal, but wonderful experience. Feels really good.
    Any stories like this from any of you?


    Good response, Adam. Did you send your response immediately? Or, did you wait a while? icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    It's a nice apology and a nice response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2009 6:51 PM GMT
    He sounded sincere and that is what is important. A changed heart is worth more than a thousand insincere apologies!
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:02 PM GMT
    You know, something (sort of) similar happened to me a year or so ago. I was on a random trip home and was going out with some friends. Well, unbeknownst to me, through friends of friends of yadda yadda, the group I was hanging out with included a guy from my high school who I really kind of detested, and while he didn't specifically pick on me per se, he was just really never nice to me and was kind of just an ass. So when I first see him I'm kinda shocked and stay pretty frigid at first, and more or less ignore him, but as the drinks go down, we of course start socializing more, and we start reminiscing about high school and all that jazz and he at one point did apologize for treating me badly in high school. I responded with something to the effect of "I honestly stopped caring about high school about 2 weeks after it ended. Obviously you've changed and you're a pretty cool guy. I wouldn't be hanging out with you if you were still an ass." We're actually friends now. Not BFF, but you know, we chat on occasion and when we're in the area together we'll meet up for drinks. It's kind of nice actually, and such a testament to how people can change and grow.
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    Ahh.. The miracles of Facebook. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    thats really cute
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    Jun 28, 2009 11:10 PM GMT
    that's awesome. thanks for sharing
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    Jun 29, 2009 12:16 AM GMT
    It's happened off and on whenever I'm in my home town. I assume, in most cases, that since I am not the person I was then neither are they; unless the prove otherwise. Some of them have approached me about a high school reunion, dunno about that one.
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    Jun 29, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    thats cute, thats really nice of you...i hope you are not teasing any more people
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    Jun 29, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    The Joys of Face Book.

    Funny just the other night, I found one of my gay brothers on Face Book, and many relatives on his friends list too, the things I found out just from that.

    So I e-mailed him.

    The reasion he is not in my life today is, the fact that every time I have let him into my life trouble has fallowed, and not just for the fact he has tried to seduce ever boyfriend he ever meet of mine.

    But for the fact. I know him as a hatful spitful vindictive queen, who when ever possible has made my life hell, with all his hatful, spitful vindictive, and jealous ways. One of his rules is: if you like me, you can't like him.

    So I got a chance to have a say to him, and a few other ex family members. Man it feels so good, and now they have gone into hiding on Face Book; the power of oneicon_biggrin.gif

    Oh all the males the women who gave birth to , are all either homosexual or bisexuals. So if you think if you had a gay brother or two, and life would be better, get over it! In fact it may well be worse!!!!!
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    Jun 29, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    Maybe he wants to know if you'e single...
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    Jun 29, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    Well as one of the people that used to make other people's lives miserable in prep school, (especially the scholarship people), it does give one pause and reflection.
    Would I go as for as that noble person did and track one of the unfortunates down? Probably not. But it does make me think about what a blaggard I was then. icon_eek.gif Not good.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Cheers,
    Keith
    icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 29, 2009 1:14 AM GMT
    Well, I'm glad you were magnaminous.

    ... I'd have been tempted to tell him to go f**k himself.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jun 29, 2009 1:47 AM GMT
    That's really very nice. I've only been contacted by one former tormentor on Facebook, who simply added me as a friend and didn't send a message. When I got the request, my mental reaction was "We are not friends. We were never friends. You did your best to torment and alienate me for your own amusement, and we've not spoken since graduation. Why on Earth would you list me as a friend now?" I assume it was just the fact that graduation was 10 years ago this year that is bringing people out of the woodwork.

    Oddly enough, I would have forgiven him had he apologized--in part because he was really quite ineffective as a tormentor, so I found him kind of laughable even at the time. The primary tormentor who made my life hell for two years before we thankfully ended up at different high schools? I'm really not so sure I'd be forgiving, though a message like the one in the original post might be enough.
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    Jun 29, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    Musclequest saidWell as one of the people that used to make other people's lives miserable in prep school, (especially the scholarship people), it does give one pause and reflection

    yeah I call pffffffft on that..

    I'm betting you where the little runt at school everyone picked on.. which goes towards your overbearing attitude, attempted toughness and failed ability to be all "big boss"

    I'm betting you got kicked around and now you wanna be the big bully..
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    Jun 29, 2009 2:10 AM GMT



    Hey Adam, there's a touch of the divine in this irony, considering what else is happening, eh?

    You're quite the man, and one we're happy to to have as an FB friend!




  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jun 29, 2009 2:13 AM GMT
    Well, they don't need my permission to list me as a friend. They do need me to agree before Facebook actually displays us as friends and all that entails through the privacy settings. And, no, I didn't grant that--I ignored the request. But I have my privacy settings such that he could have sent me a message without being my "friend" if this was merely him looking for a way to apologize.
  • cbrett

    Posts: 609

    Jun 29, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    a couple of years ago i went home and was out drinking at a local pub with my brother when the school bully came in (my skin still crawls when i saw him) even my brother noticed how i reacted , any way when he saw me he came st8 over and said hi in a really nice way and said sorry too. not only did he say sorry to me but he said it loudly enough that others heard (he did yell it he's a big guy he just said it). He new that he had been a wanker when he was young, we ended up having a great night talking etc
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    Jun 29, 2009 3:37 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Musclequest saidWell as one of the people that used to make other people's lives miserable in prep school, (especially the scholarship people), it does give one pause and reflection

    yeah I call pffffffft on that..

    I'm betting you where the little runt at school everyone picked on.. which goes towards your overbearing attitude, attempted toughness and failed ability to be all "big boss"

    I'm betting you got kicked around and now you wanna be the big bully..


    Well, well, well, looks what back from its sabbatical. Thought maybe you would have taken the time and worked through your agressive depression issues.

    No, I was pretty rotten to people in school. Do I regret it? Yes very much. But we all learn from our mistakes.

    As for me trying to be "big boss?" That's a bloody laugh coming from the likes of you. You seem hell bent on starting a fight all of the time. I simply state my opinion, or a fact of my life. You apparently get great joy in coming after me on these forums. (You need to tweek the dosage a bit big boy. (Hit the gym to get rid of some of that obvious pent up depressive frustration.))
    -Keith
    icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 29, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    Musclequest said
    Well, well, well, looks what back from its sabbatical. Thought maybe you would have taken the time and worked through your agressive depression issues.
    Oh well, thank you for your concern, but, alas, no.. I didn't, I had much more important things to do

    Musclequest saidNo, I was pretty rotten to people in school. Do I regret it? Yes very much. But we all learn from our mistakes.
    well I suppose we can't all learn from out mistakes now can we..

    Musclequest saidAs for me trying to be "big boss?" That's a bloody laugh coming from the likes of you. You seem hell bent on starting a fight all of the time. I simply state my opinion, or a fact of my life. You apparently get great joy in coming after me on these forums. (You need to tweek the dosage a bit big boy. (Hit the gym to get rid of some of that obvious pent up depressive frustration.))
    -Keith
    icon_twisted.gif

    Oh don't you worry, I hit the gym hard and regularly, again thank you for you deep concern, its very much appreciated icon_smile.gif its so nice to know someone cares