The Dropout Friend...

  • Matia79

    Posts: 215

    Jun 30, 2009 12:58 PM GMT
    I'm a little curious if anyone has ever experienced this and what they would do in this particular case...

    My best friend and I have been very close for quite some time. We'd both been single for over a year and spent a great deal of time with one another. Although it is a platonic relationship, there was certainly a strong level of trust and love and we certainly shared a great deal of our lives and ourselves with one another.

    Regardless of that, here's the issue. He's met someone - who seems perfectly nice - but I reserve my judgements on him as they're irrelevent to this particular case. Well, it goes without saying that the time we shared woud be cut drastically and I'm perfectly willing to accept that, but it's gotten to a worrisome state. Plans are constantly being cancelled (if plans are even made anymore...and usually at my invitation only); phone calls have all but ceased and are no longer returned; and it turns out he's spending all his time with the new guy's friends and rarely does he [they] spend time with our group of friends.

    Now, I'm all for the honeymoon phase and I am totally understanding of this (by his own admission I've been very accomedating) but just when is it time to say enough? We've already exchanged words where I expressed my feelings on the matter and all seemed resolved...but they have simply slipped back into the previous state. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Any advice?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    Jun 30, 2009 1:04 PM GMT
    I've encountered that, but with straight friends... they get married, etc.

    You expressed your feelings to him, he understands your position, you understand he's involved and things "flow naturally" from a shift in relationships...

    You sound reasonable in your understanding. I would encourage you to leave it as is. You've communicated your thoughts.. don't become resentful
    (behaving negatively toward him with his lack of attention). If you do encourage him to do something, invite both he and his new bf to your activities ... I'm not sure how well you know the new bf, but I would encourage you to try and include him (even if you aren't thrilled with the guy).
    Also don't become overzealous (stalkerish)... that won't work.

    I know its hard, you miss your friend, but life must go on. Just be a good guy, do what you can. If things end with his new relationship, he will need you to talk to, etc. Leave the door open.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    I would leave it up to him to make contact. Maybe send a smiley/ messages on your phone to say hi once in a while and let him get over the intense new boyfriend addiction. Honeymoons always sucks. Seems like our friends dont need us when they get a man, and sadly, sometimes they dont come back.