most funny memory of grandma

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    Jul 01, 2009 9:01 AM GMT
    for me age 10....i was up in my room and she was doing laundry and went to hang the clothes on the outside line and i could see her head wrapped in a kerchief bobbing as she shuffled to get some more pins..just about as she walked along the already hanged sheets i heard "massi mi god" all of a sudden i saw her feet in the air....turns out she slid on dog poop. and did a little flip..it was like a puppet show gone wrong...--i ran downstairs and did assist. shes still alive..tough old bird.
    Another one was at a family reunion and she was the designated fish fryer and she tripped while carry a huge tray of finished fried escovich fish and while she was falling i could see everyone mouth going "not the fish"--but grandma was a pro- she would do good playing for the giants as mamma balanced that tray while falling and saved it..not one fell off the tray.. tough old bird.
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    Jul 01, 2009 12:46 PM GMT
    LOL, I'll always remember this one time at my granny's house and my dad must have said something idiotic about me, while my gran was setting the table, and she turned round a pitched a spoon at him. ZING! right in the head.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 01, 2009 12:49 PM GMT
    My grandmother was a wonderful lady. I remember when I was 4 or 5 she got up on the slide to slide down into my pool, but got stuck halfway down.
    I'll never forget that. She was embarassed...
  • Timbales

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    Jul 01, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    When I was a little kid (way back in the 70's) my mom used to trim and style my grandmother's hair for her. She would put some kind of product in it and set it in rollers, and our cat would try to chew her hair if she sat down on the couch. Thinking about heating her yell at that 'damn cat' makes me smile.

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    Jul 01, 2009 1:09 PM GMT
    My grandmothers didn't do anything funny as I recall. All 4 of my grandparents were born in the 1800s (one pair even married in the 1800s), so a more somber generation I guess. But one grandmother did dress funny in my eyes.

    Right into the 1950s she continued to wear a "fox" stole, when they were already becoming outdated (though I think the actual animal was not a fox but a relative). This was the kind where basically 3 or 4 whole pelts were worn around the neck, complete with their little paws, and heads with glass eyes.

    The jaws were made into spring clasps, so one head could grip onto the fur of the next one and therefore secure the stole around the neck. I remember being fascinated as a child by this, running around the house biting things with the spring jaw until I got caught.

    I don't have any photos of her to post, but I remember her now as looking like some kind of barbarian queen, broad & stout with these dead animals dangling around her neck. How that could have ever been considered fashionable still astonishes me.

    Best_stone_martin_scarf_greg.jpg
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    Jul 01, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    My Oma used to go "BUUHHH-" whenever something surprised her. Every once in a while someone in the family will bust that out and everyone laughs. My grandma was a big Dutch lady. Very broad shoulders.
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    Jul 01, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    Whenever my grandma would get upset with someone she used to say, "I could just shoot them."

    One christmas we were opening presents and she was asked what she thought hers was. She said, "I don't know a dildo?" Which of course it wasn't. I think my grandpa said, "What's that?" which sounds like something he would say.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 01, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    A very long time ago, my whole family was visiting my grandparents (Dad's side) on a usual Sunday afternoon. One of my brothers was having a convo with my Mom and he replied to one of her questions with "Yeah!" My Mom was adamant about manners, so she asked my brother, "What happend to Ma'am?" Just then, my grandmother chimes in, "OH! You didn't hear? Ma'am died" My Mom replied in Cajun French, "Tell me about it." Then my Mom realized that my grandmother was talking about the cat named Ma'am that recently died. icon_eek.gificon_lol.gificon_redface.gif
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    Jul 01, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    OMg what a great topic! I have so many stories!!!

    My granda laughed so hard one time her dentures flew right out of her mouth, she caught them and shoved them right back in.... ugh!!

    Another time I saw her topless!!!! now if that wont make a kid go gay I dont know what will...

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    Jul 01, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    So my grandmother IS very abrasive with her verbiage and so when when my Cousin at the age of 17, spilled the beans about her being pregnant and my Aunt, who's a born again Christian, tried to get all up in arms/holier than thou, my Grandma stood up @ the dinner table and told my Aunt to shut the F up and why didn't she and God do anything to keep my cousin's legs closed if her and God were so god damn tight?!?!?!?! I SWEAR to GAWD I spit my food out at the table that it flew across the table and then I fell out laughing out loud. HILARITY!!!!
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    Jul 01, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    Grandma just turned 86, and it still feisty as ever. A1972Guy and HighVoltageGuy have both met her, I help take care of her.

    Anywho, I was about 12, staying at Grandma's for the summer, and she'd returned from the grocery late at night after work with fresh dairy products. Grandma always keeps her milk in a glass jug in the fridge - something about it spoiling faster in the carton or something...

    So she's opening up the carton and you know how sometimes the cardboard sticks to itself? It does that. So she rotates the carton, tries to open it from the other side. Same issue.

    Woman grabs her MONSTROUS sewing shears - think Edward Scissorhands here - stabs the crap out of the carton, empties it into the jug, and then flings the carton, spattering milk, across the kitchen. "Take THAT," she yells, at the carton...

    My sister and I still call her the "Mad Midnight Milk-Carton Murderer..."
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    Jul 01, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    great stories...i have another one of my grandma.. she just had knee surgery and could not move as fast as she could so i called her as at the time she was living in canada to see how she was doing. When i called she answered in a worried way. so i asked her 'whats the problem grandma"? and she was like let me talk to your mother right now. so i handed the phone to my mother...needless to say my grandmother thought she might be pregnant and that somehow during her surgery the doctors raped her and now shes pregnant as shes feeling something move in her. ......and no she was not in the senile stages....she said she was gonna sue...turns out she was just having a bad reaction to the pain pills.....my grandmother refuses to accept that menopause happened to her.
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    Jul 01, 2009 8:23 PM GMT
    My grandmother died only recently. She was a pretty, blonde lady (looked like Dinah Shore even at the end) but she had some strange opinions. She once came to hear me sing - with a group I was in - and afterward she said, "You fellows should do different music - because none of your songs are ever going to be good enough for the Hit Parade. Gregg, you should try to sing like Tom Netherton from the Lawrence Welk orchestra. He's so much better than you are, Darling."
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    Jul 01, 2009 8:37 PM GMT
    Great thread - made me smile remembering the grand old dames in my life.

    Used to hang out at my friend's Grandmother's lake house. We had so much fun...drinking and smoking dope round her kitchen table playing 500 with her (this was my pre-sober days). She was a real "Mrs. Madrigal" from Tales of the City.

    One night out of the blue she say's "So why do those girls sing about being your penis?" Huh??? What are you talking about?? Sing it grandma...

    Turns out she misheard Bananarama's "Venus" ... Instead of "I'm your Venus" she heard "I'm your penis". We were laughing so hard we were crying.

    Damn I miss that old lady...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 01, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    FRONT2BACK said Turns out she misheard Bananarama's "Venus" ... Instead of "I'm your Venus" she heard "I'm your penis". We were laughing so hard we were crying.

    Was that a cover of the 1967 song by Shocking Blue?


    Yes, it's a cover of that song.
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    Jul 01, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    I don't know if it qualifies as funny. It is memorable because it was so much my fathers character.

    We stopped at my paternal abuela's to see how she was dad told her we couldn't stay long but she insisted cooking some fried fritters. Oil was heating up dad poured a glass of water and left with the oil and water shooting up into ceiling. As a kid I thought it was funny, she wasn't very nice. As an adult I wish my dad had not done it.

    My maternal abuela chewed tabacco, I always got a kick at seeing her spit. It just cracked me up. She had it down to a science.
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    Jul 01, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    I was at my Grandmother's house. The phone rang and she went and answered it. She talked for about 30 minutes and then came back and sat down with us again. My father asked who called, to which she replied,
    "It was a wrong number."
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    Jul 01, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    Only knew my paternal grandmother (the other one died well before I was born). She was half-indian from a wealthy family up in the northern island, so quite dignified and reserved. Kinda like my dad in the way she rarely laughs or complains.

    The only remotely funny thing I remember is when she stumbled on a root in her orchard while walking with us on the way from picking fruits with the 'clan' (me, my younger bro, and our cousins, all younger than 10). She let out the most colorful stream of swearwords our young ears had ever heard - in Tagalog (she came from a Tagalog-speaking area, while we were raised to speak the dominant dialect of the region - Visayan). Three words stuck to me all these years: Putay ng Unggoy - 'Monkey's Vagina'.

    Plenty of warm memories though. Of the homemade chocolate made from real cacao that she grew, the one time she bought us real peppermint candycanes for christmas, the fresh fruit she brought us (she had almost all the kinds of fruit trees you would ever find in the Philippines), climbing her trees and getting screamed at, helping her harvest, etc. I kinda wish I had talked to her more now that she's dead. icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 01, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    Grandma used to make this horrible jello salad. It was lime jello with peas and celery and little chunks of Velveeta cheese. My uncle had her convinced that we all loved it, so we had to eat the stuff every year at Thanksgiving. She finally figured it out, and we never had to eat it again. Till last year. A cousin brought a dish of it to the pitch-in after Grandma's funeral, and we all ate some in honor of her.
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    Jul 01, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
    Well my grammie is still with us thank God and strong as an ox. And me luv me bubbe

    She kills me with her yiddish curses. I particularly like the one about leeches drinking the person dry or something like that
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 01, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidSo my grandmother IS very abrasive with her verbiage and so when when my Cousin at the age of 17, spilled the beans about her being pregnant and my Aunt, who's a born again Christian, tried to get all up in arms/holier than thou, my Grandma stood up @ the dinner table and told my Aunt to shut the F up and why didn't she and God do anything to keep my cousin's legs closed if her and God were so god damn tight?!?!?!?! I SWEAR to GAWD I spit my food out at the table that it flew across the table and then I fell out laughing out loud. HILARITY!!!!



    And you missed your cue for the best time to come out of the closet...icon_surprised.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 01, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
    My grandma on Mom's side was not much of a cook.

    I remember, her version of spaghetti included ketchup and butter.

    Loved her big time though....and she lived to be 101.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 01, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
    I still remember what I did at my great grandmother's funeral. I was 4 years old and amazed at how many people were in attendance at the funeral home for the viewing/prayer. As I went up with my mother to the open casket, I couldn't believe that my great grandmother "was asleep". So I shook her arm/shoulder and said out loud, "Wake up Grandma! Everybody's here!" icon_eek.gificon_lol.gificon_redface.gif
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    Jul 01, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    When I was a little boy, about 6 or 7, my grandma would babysit me. I have memories of her chasing me, threatening to whack me with a small branch, about three feet long, but sturdy. It hurt so much I would climb a pine she had in the backyard and not come down until I either had to use the restroom or my mother would get home...good times.