Oblivious straight guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:13 AM GMT
    When you're with a straight guy that you don't know very well or just met and he starts of an a in depth discussion about the fairer sex do you?

    1. Stop and correct him
    2. Just fake it straight
    3. Be not very responsive at all.

    I tend to just give lack-luster responses, aka 'yeah I can see how that guys would think shes hot' or 'Well not exactly my type'

    But sometimes it just doesn't work, case in point the trainer at my gym who while wrapping a tape measure around me just wouldn't take the hint that I didn't really want to talk about which of the female gym staff were the hottest, or if girls in Florida or California were hotter.

    I know some gay guys consider it selling out if I don't stop and correct his assumption that the entire world is straight, But there is a time and place for that and I don't want to be that kind of gay guy icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:30 AM GMT
    To people I just met... nope, I go for option 2 or 3 icon_neutral.gif. I'm not in that point in my life yet (small somewhat religious college campus and all that), but to family and friends at the right moment yes. I will be damn proud to one day (with due prudence) be at the point of going mostly for option 1. In the meantime I don't feel even one bit guilty for "betrayal", is a process.

    I would go for option 1 in the situation you described if I happened to met a very nice person who were to tell me something that made it clear he/she was positive or open minded about it and/or could benefit from it without too much awkwardness: Would love to answer honest questions to a lady seated next to me whose son just came out while in flight, but would hate to out me to a guy who next would tell me he is an Opus Dei priest and spent some awkward hours until reaching destination.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:37 AM GMT
    I agree with Author on option one. Personally, I train with a straight guy and it's not a problem either way. We talk about our dates, etc.

    If my trainer was uncomfortable with my sexuality, I wouldn't train with him. So talking about vajayjay every now and again is part of the deal for me. icon_eek.gif
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jul 02, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    I dont mind at all. And i have no trouble giving my imput on which woman i think is more attractive either. Though it should be stated that for many straght guys they they are not comfortable talking about the comparative attractiveness of other guys, but the ones that are comfortable with their sexuality are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
    If they feel free to talk about women then I feel free to talk about men.

    There isn't any gay exceptionalism that allows guys to talk about women but keeps me from talking about men. If they don't like it then they will just have to suffer through it the way I suffer through their chatter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    What's there to fake? Just because you're gay, that doesn't mean you can't comment on a woman's beauty.

    Now if the conversation goes in depth, then you just have to say it's probably not the right time/place to talk about that kind of stuff. Especially at the gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 6:50 PM GMT
    I tell the straight guys who know i'm gay which girl i think is hotter, so why wouldn't i do that with a straight guy who dosen't know?
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Jul 02, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    'wonder if she's got a brother' does the trick

    after a couple of brewskies, brohugs and all cabs being taken at 4am in hell's kitchen, you'd be surprised in not being alone in assertion. yay sleepover.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 02, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    Are you uncomfortable with him knowing you're gay?
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    Jul 02, 2009 6:55 PM GMT
    xrichx said Just because you're gay, that doesn't mean you can't comment on a woman's beauty. Now if the conversation goes in depth, then you ...

    just casually move on to another subject.

    If it's someone you've just met or don't know, it's pointless to get into proclamations of your sexual orientation.
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Jul 02, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
    not really my cup of tea... now THAT guy over there...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    you could always say yes she hot but her brother it a totally hottie hunk.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jul 02, 2009 7:10 PM GMT
    I answer honestly, and if in that particular moment I get the urge to say... "her tits are too big, and I am lactose intolerant" or "She would probably play hide the sausage with you", or if I get the urge to say, "I believe that one doesn't have the equipment I require", then I say that.

    Basically the less time I spend trying to be someone I am not, the better.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Jul 02, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    You're a coward if you pretend to be straight. You've been socially conditioned to do so, and most likely, you do it out of habit. And any of the following may be true:

    1) You are enabling straight people to go on thinking that there are very few gay people around them, and that they are not friends with any of them.

    2) You are denying yourself the right to express yourself and pursue your own sexual desires

    3) You're missing the opportunity to get your straight friend to admit that he's actually bisexual and interested in you.

    4) You're assuming that your straight friend has biases, and you may be insulting his intelligence. By avoiding an honest relationship, you are denying yourself (and him) a friendship.

    5) You're procrastinating and prolonging the inevitable.

    6) Ultimately, you're oppressing yourself and the rest of the gay community. If every gay, bisexual, and bi-curious person would just speak up, then the nation and the world would realize that they can't go on denying your civil rights.
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    Jul 02, 2009 7:24 PM GMT
    I agree with you - when you said there is a time and place for going into detail about personal things. I think you were right not to just bare your soul and all. If a straight guy is just chatting away about how hot some chicks are - or asks my opinion about a group of them - which ones I think are hottest - I have no qualms about checking them out - and answering him about which ones I think are hotter. I may not want to go up and ask them out - or bed them down - but I am cool with offering my opinion. It is just general chat - out in public.

    Now - if you got to be friends with the guy - and maybe you're sitting down at the gym's nutrition bar for a 1/2 hour or so - then you could bring up your status if you wanted to. I could see it going like this...........your new friend might say, "Hey Gregg - my girlfriend has a very hot cousin and she's seen you in here - and put out the word she'd like to go out with you sometime. Would you be free to double date? We could take them both out and have a blast." Then - I'd say, "Oh man - thanks for including me - but it's just not my thing - I'm gay! But let her know I appreciate the offer and she looks really nice."

    There - you're not divulging too much information to a mere acquaintance - but then you're actually giving your information to someone who is more of a friend. How does that sound?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidYou're a coward if you pretend to be straight. You've been socially conditioned to do so, and most likely, you do it out of habit. And any of the following may be true:

    1) You are enabling straight people to go on thinking that there are very few gay people around them, and that they are not friends with any of them.

    2) You are denying yourself the right to express yourself and pursue your own sexual desires

    3) You're missing the opportunity to get your straight friend to admit that he's actually bisexual and interested in you.

    4) You're assuming that your straight friend has biases, and you may be insulting his intelligence. By avoiding an honest relationship, you are denying yourself (and him) a friendship.

    5) You're procrastinating and prolonging the inevitable.

    6) Ultimately, you're oppressing yourself and the rest of the gay community. If every gay, bisexual, and bi-curious person would just speak up, then the nation and the world would realize that they can't go on denying your civil rights.


    He's not a straight friend he's the random dude that gave me fitness assessment assessment as part of a free perks thing I got from my gym...


    But point taken

    I just don't want to be one of those sexuality defines who I am and everyone I encounter needs to be aware of it gays
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 8:37 PM GMT
    option 1 for me
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Jul 02, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said

    He's not a straight friend he's the random dude that gave me fitness assessment assessment as part of a free perks thing I got from my gym...


    But point taken

    I just don't want to be one of those sexuality defines who I am and everyone I encounter needs to be aware of it gays


    Totally understood-- but I guess there's another thing going on, too. Are you checking out the guys at the gym? And would you be afraid to make conversation about it?

    And would it be wrong to just say "hey, it's kind of tacky to sit here and assume that I want to hear all about your crushes at the gym while you're giving me a fitness assessment..."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    Like xrichx, of course I can comment honestly on women. I'm gay but I'm not blind, LOL. I can still know which women are absolutely gorgeous and which aren't. I mean, my bestfriend still talks about women all the time and I don't necessarily feel obligated to counter it with guywatching.

    Usually it's random guys anyway. Bus drivers, salesguys, etc. Guys I will never see again. And yeah when the topic becomes a tiny bit lecherous I just politely steer the conversation away or just drop it altogether. There's a difference between admiration and being an asshole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 said
    MsclDrew said

    He's not a straight friend he's the random dude that gave me fitness assessment assessment as part of a free perks thing I got from my gym...


    But point taken

    I just don't want to be one of those sexuality defines who I am and everyone I encounter needs to be aware of it gays


    Totally understood-- but I guess there's another thing going on, too. Are you checking out the guys at the gym? And would you be afraid to make conversation about it?

    And would it be wrong to just say "hey, it's kind of tacky to sit here and assume that I want to hear all about your crushes at the gym while you're giving me a fitness assessment..."


    Normally I would say yeah I check out all the guys at the gym....but this one is devoid of any talent whatsoever so I can't imagine myself saying...Damn I'd love to hit that fine piece of saggy old man ass icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    kaccioto said'wonder if she's got a brother' does the trick

    .


    ditto

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    I told my trainer when he face was near my crotch..

    he laughed at me..

    I think he's curious..

    that scares me..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2009 11:02 PM GMT
    kaccioto said'wonder if she's got a brother' does the trick


    I'll have to remember that one LOL
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 02, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI told my trainer when he face was near my crotch..

    he laughed at me..

    I think he's curious..

    that scares me..


    I feel for him, one more broken heart in the land of Oz once you're done with him.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Jul 02, 2009 11:05 PM GMT
    MsclDrew saidWhen you're with a straight guy that you don't know very well or just met and he starts of an a in depth discussion about the fairer sex do you?

    1. Stop and correct him
    2. Just fake it straight
    3. Be not very responsive at all.

    I tend to just give lack-luster responses, aka 'yeah I can see how that guys would think shes hot' or 'Well not exactly my type'

    But sometimes it just doesn't work, case in point the trainer at my gym who while wrapping a tape measure around me just wouldn't take the hint that I didn't really want to talk about which of the female gym staff were the hottest, or if girls in Florida or California were hotter.

    I know some gay guys consider it selling out if I don't stop and correct his assumption that the entire world is straight, But there is a time and place for that and I don't want to be that kind of gay guy icon_neutral.gif


    From the sound of that scene with the trainer, he was trying to impose his ideas on you-- practically trying to colonize you. If that isn't "the time and place" to speak up-- at least to say "not everyone is straight" or "not all of us are into women'-- then I don't know what is. It's not like you have to say "keep your assumptions off me, breeder," but setting the record 'un-straight' so that he'll stop is totally legit.