I AM COMPLETELY DESPERATE!!! I NEED ADVICE

  • mnastoski

    Posts: 6

    Jul 02, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    I met this guy, while going to methadone clinic, we are going to the clinic few times a week.We ended up doing everything together, he became my best friend.I never thought that this would happen but you know all that jittery feelings you get, when you are in love, i just dont know what to do.I cant get sleep anymore, and i just think about him all the time.We both have been through a lot in life so far( going to the methadone clinic and all of that staff previously as addicts) and i dont want my heart broken or loosing him at least as a friend. Once he said something like' i feel so good that i could kiss you' but i am not sure if that was just a joke ,a guys thing.I am realy confused.And he is so hot and masculine looking.I really didnt needed this while going through rehab, its tough already and , now cuz i need strength, while this crush makes me only weaker.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 02, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    When you are in recovery, aren't you supposed to avoid starting a sexual relationship with someone? especially if they are also in recovery?
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    Jul 02, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidWhen you are in recovery, aren't you supposed to avoid starting a sexual relationship with someone? especially if they are also in recovery?


    Not when you're trolling on a wesbite.
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    Jul 02, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    You remind me of a speeding car on a country road - with a detour ahead! Slow down - take some time - breathe deeply. What's your hurry? Relax. There - now - just take it very slowly with your new friend. Give it lots of time - or you'll come off as needy and aggressive. You don't want to rush anything - so kick back - see where it goes - and concentrate on your recovery. If you make a friend - fine - later - just go slowly.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 02, 2009 7:53 PM GMT
    Well a couple of things... First, is he gay? I wasn't even reading that you were sure about his sexual preference.

    I would spend more time getting to know him. The reason is, you want a good experience in your treatment, but also your personal relationships.
    Its a risk (his possible rejection) you don't need to take at the moment.
    Enjoy his friendship, learn about yourself and him.... and complete your treatment.
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    Jul 02, 2009 7:56 PM GMT
    mnastoski saidI met this guy, while going to methadone clinic, we are going to the clinic few times a week.We ended up doing everything together, he became my best friend.I never thought that this would happen but you know all that jittery feelings you get, when you are in love, i just dont know what to do.I cant get sleep anymore, and i just think about him all the time.We both have been through a lot in life so far( going to the methadone clinic and all of that staff previously as addicts) and i dont want my heart broken or loosing him at least as a friend. Once he said something like' i feel so good that i could kiss you' but i am not sure if that was just a joke ,a guys thing.I am realy confused.And he is so hot and masculine looking.I really didnt needed this while going through rehab, its tough already and , now cuz i need strength, while this crush makes me only weaker.


    I think the pros say to avoid these kind of relationships.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Jul 02, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    I think you should read "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs. If anything-- you'll have a laugh, a cry, and the feeling that someone else has gone through what you're experiencing.

    http://contemporarylit.about.com/cs/memoir/fr/dry.htm
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    Jul 02, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    Macedonia??? ... icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 02, 2009 9:32 PM GMT
    I'd suggest you speak with your therapist or counsellor.

    I'm sure that you're aware of your tendency towards addiction and your symptoms described in this post sound just like a new addiction. You're right. You don't need this in rehab.
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    Jul 02, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    mnastoski saidI met this guy, while going to methadone clinic, we are going to the clinic few times a week.We ended up doing everything together, he became my best friend.I never thought that this would happen but you know all that jittery feelings you get, when you are in love, i just dont know what to do.I cant get sleep anymore, and i just think about him all the time.We both have been through a lot in life so far( going to the methadone clinic and all of that staff previously as addicts) and i dont want my heart broken or loosing him at least as a friend. Once he said something like' i feel so good that i could kiss you' but i am not sure if that was just a joke ,a guys thing.I am realy confused.And he is so hot and masculine looking.I really didnt needed this while going through rehab, its tough already and , now cuz i need strength, while this crush makes me only weaker.


    so lets me get this straight, he and you are in the same clinic together, you're both are recovering addicts of some sort? and you and him find each other attractive but you're unsure if he's gay (since he says that he wants to kiss you a couple of times? and now that you can't sleep and you want to bone him? - icon_biggrin.gif Hm, focus on your recovery first, get to know him better, whatever happens, happen! maybe by sleeping with him will help you - i'd say go for it! It still sounds like a crush to me. icon_cool.gif Maybe bone him and a couple of other guys will make you feel better. icon_biggrin.gif
  • mnastoski

    Posts: 6

    Jul 02, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    Well basically its extremely complicated, cuz i am a nurse and i need to finish my rehab, so i could start working soon-hopefully, and just cuz i had easy access to narcotics i got addicted to Vicodin, Demerol and Morphine.
    Its just too much right now and i didnt ask for this.
    Plus i dont want to loose him as a friend, cuz he gimes me moral support.
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    Jul 02, 2009 10:13 PM GMT
    The focus now should be on recovery and stabilizing your life. If you aren't going to meetings you should. It can be very easy to find one source of support and hold onto it very tightly. That's why entering into a romantic relationship can lead to problems at this phase. Oftentimes, and this may not even be your case, the substance used is arbitrary but the desire to hold onto something tangible to feel whole and good isn't arbitrary. This holding on causes many problems, especially when the aim of that desire is a substance or another person. That kind of pressure to hold onto one guy as your tangible support can be a lot for another person, sober or not.

    Keep going to meetings. Keep up with your steps and with your sponsor. Breathe. Build a solid relationship with your sobriety before venturing out into romantic relationships.
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    Jul 03, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    makeumyne saidI'd suggest you speak with your therapist or counsellor.

    I'm sure that you're aware of your tendency towards addiction and your symptoms described in this post sound just like a new addiction. You're right. You don't need this in rehab.


    My thoughts exactly, one addiction for another. It dosent mean you cant have a meaningful relationship of some kind with this guy. It just means know the score before you play. Good luck with everything!!!
  • JockChefJim

    Posts: 373

    Jul 03, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    Those "jittery feelings of love" are anything but love. More like infactuation or a need to be co dependent like most people who abuse substances are. As it has been said in this thread....focus on you and your recovery. be more set on friends who have never been addicted to anything or someone who has been sober for a long period of time.
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    Jul 03, 2009 2:22 AM GMT
    Listen to me...

    I'll spare you all the song-and-dance about how the methadone clinic is about as far away from the dating club as you can get. Instead, I will just say this: If you really want sobriety, try not to put yourself in a position in which you have to decide which you want more - this guy or your sobriety. If he is truly your friend, and truly supportive of both your sobriety and his own, he will understand and respect that.

    Guys will always be around, but you are only clean and sober for today.... and this could be your only chance. I've had way to many friends go back out there to get high because they either couldn't take the fact that they wanted sobriety and the other person didn't, or they couldn't accept that both of them wanted sobriety, but the object of my friend's affection decided that he/she ultimately didn't want my friend. Few of these friends of mine are still alive.

    I'd hate for you to be one of those people who learns not to play with fire by getting burned, but that part is up to you. Good luck!


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    Jul 03, 2009 5:06 AM GMT
    Hello mnastoski,

    ...and welcome to Realjock. Please give special consideration to all the men advocating remaining only friends.

    As well, Brady SF is a professional in counseling and we can't say enough about our admiration for SAHEM62896.
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    Jul 03, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidWhen you are in recovery, aren't you supposed to avoid starting a sexual relationship with someone? especially if they are also in recovery?


    Focus on recovery, otherwise this "love" will become your next addiction, leading you back to drugs; you owe it to yourself to give yourself time to focus on recovery, not another addiction. That is my advice to you, and I wish the very best for you icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 03, 2009 5:31 AM GMT
    xuaerb said
    Timberoo saidWhen you are in recovery, aren't you supposed to avoid starting a sexual relationship with someone? especially if they are also in recovery?


    Focus on recovery, otherwise this "love" will become your next addiction, leading you back to drugs; you owe it to yourself to give yourself time to focus on recovery, not another addiction. That is my advice to you, and I wish the very best for you icon_wink.gif


    I could not agree more. You have to get to a point where you healthy enough to handle what may become of this relationship--good or bad. If it is meant to be, it will be. Best of luck to you!
  • mnastoski

    Posts: 6

    Jul 03, 2009 6:51 PM GMT
    Thanks to all of you guys for the kind words and the undesrtanding.I really think that the advice would help me a lot, you know that most of the people dont understand others like me, those who are addicted.Instead we are simply discriminated.
    Thats why i think of my friend as a big support for me, cuz only those who went through the same things like me, could understand me the best, without judging me.
    THANKS AGAIN
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    Jul 03, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    Recovery should be the most important thing. Any kind of relationship could cause one or both of you into relapse. Don't replace one addiction for another.