I don't get it...why do guys not respond to IM?

  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Jul 03, 2009 7:00 PM GMT
    Ok...I don't understand...maybe someone can clarify something for me. Why do guys have their "IM is on" and then not respond to an IM. I understand if you don't want to chat, you simply click it "off." But if it's on, why not chat? I also understand that someone may not find you "attractive" or "worthy" or something else. But we're talking about a chat, not a hook-up, date or any kind of commitment. Are most guys (there are plenty of exceptions I know) that rude or aloof on here or is it just me???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 7:54 PM GMT
    Some possible explanations..

    - Generally speaking, guys don't want to talk to you, unless there's some level physical attraction. Even if your intentions are strictly platonic, it seems that most guys only want to talk to "hot" guys.

    - Some guys only want to chat with others guys that are local to them. Not really sure what that's all about. But I've seen that explanation pop up in previous threads. I think it might be related to the first explanation above.

    - It's possible that the other guy has a pop-up blocker enabled on his web browser. This took me a minute to figure out when a guy was trying to IM me one day. I'm using Firefox with the pop-ups disabled. It might be different for Internet Explorer or Safari.

    - Some guys leave their computers on and idle while doing other things.

    - It's possible that some guys don't want to chat at all, but they have no idea that the IM feature can be turned off. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 8:05 PM GMT
    I find RJ's IM too slow and very annoying. If mine is on, it is by mistake. I keep it turned off, not because I dont want to communicate with anybody, but just cuz I dont like it as a way of communication on RJ.

    If I get to know someone and want to chat, I use Yahoo.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Jul 03, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    They may leave it on to chat with buddies of theirs, or just for general discussion (perhaps relating to a post).

    However, because of the somewhat sexual nature of this site, I don't blame some of them if they're a bit defensive and are hesitant to respond to IMs and e-mails.

    You may not be interested in a hook-up with the other person, but there are a lot of examples of guys using the ruse of "friendship" and "professional relationship" as an excuse to get close to a guy. A lot of these guys have witnessed it firsthand, or have heard about it too many times to get suckered into petty games.

    I'm not suggesting that's what you're doing — it's just an explanation for the behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    all sorts of reasons: not in the room, doing yoga and unable to move out of headstand, about to go out to buy a hot water bottle, etc.

    I leave mine on so my friends can surprise me, and I chat to many people, but not always.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    The majority of IMs I got on RJ involved explicit personal sexual questions or invites. Whether the guy was just getting himself hard by chatting "dirty" or he hoped to actually hook up, it's not a game I play. I now have my RJ IMs blocked.

    But when I was receiving them, I missed over half of them anyway, because I never saw or heard the IM alert. Not sure if a particular problem with my Mac browser, or if common with others users, too, which would also explain non-responses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 9:04 PM GMT
    They have the instant message thing on for people they actually chat with.
    I think someone else should ask before sending an Instant message.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 10:52 PM GMT
    I think it would great to add a feature to only allow IM's from profiles that you approve. So your buddies can IM you whenever, but for everyone else your IM status shows up as "Off".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 03, 2009 10:53 PM GMT
    xrichx saidI think it would great to add a feature to only allow IM's from profiles that you approve. So your buddies can IM you whenever, but for everyone else your IM status shows up as "Off".

    WIN .... write Help
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 04, 2009 11:09 AM GMT
    I am assuming most guys do what I do and leave their computer on while they are out and about and away from the computer desk

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2009 10:13 AM GMT
    Personally and as a newbie, I have never chatted on this site. My impression in general is that it might be better to establish contact via email first before an IM in order to see what each party is here for in terms of networking.

    Also, if someone is not interested in chatting with me I would much prefer that they say it nicely (through implication) or not respond at all, rather than waste both our times by responding and giving a series of one-word answers and showing no interest at all in really chatting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2009 10:46 AM GMT
    I used to get them before I turned it off

    90% of guys go "sup"

    when I see "sup" my immediate reaction is "fuck off"

    so I be nice and close the window and turned IM off

    of all the conversations I've had in IM on RJ that have been spontanious, all but two have just not happened and unfortunately I've had a lot of guys try to chat to me on IM.. yeah I can talk but I wont carry a conversation
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2009 11:29 AM GMT
    The IM window do not make sounds. It just pops up silently. It doesn't even flash when someone wrote something new.

    I've managed to miss several IM's before because either I was AFK or I wasn't paying attention. By the time I noticed the IM window it was already closed.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 13, 2009 7:48 PM GMT
    I don't accept Im's from guys I haven't talked to through messages first. Or guys more than twice my age.