Discovering what I want

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    Over the years I met some really nice guys and some that turned out to be jerks. Guess that's the case with everyone. For one reason or another it never worked out. Either the guy moved away, he wasn't that into me, or I ended it because of a lack of chemistry.

    My current living situation doesn't help much, with my parents right now. Have my own room, but having company over would be an adjustment. I have a lot of loan debt I want to pay down or pay off before I move out. I want to meet the right guy, even drove 300 miles trying to find him. Considered moving south, but the connection between us wasn't as strong as I hoped. I don't know what the answer is. Thought I found someone interested in me, but it seems like after a conversation or a meeting they don't really keep the lines of communication open. Yet when I ask them about it, they still seem semi-interested in hanging out.

    I recreated my okcupid account, but it seems like I get a profile view once a month. Have been on adam4adam, manhunt but both seem too sex-driven. I love sex as much as the next guy, but having random people message me constantly asking about it is just too much. I've had awkward conversations with people asking what I'd do to them if we were together that very moment. What ever happened to getting to know each other. Even if it's just a one-time ice breaker conversation. Just because I start talking to someone doesn't mean I want to hit it.

    It could be argued that I'm not quite ready for a real relationship, but the question is when will I ever be... Almost 26, my longest was 8 months, I can be a bit of a loner and don't go out unless it's with someone I have some familiarity with. The last guy (~3mos) I dated on the regular lives in Brooklyn, which was like 1-2hr commute each way, it seemed like a process making time for each other. I was working 6 days a week and he was doing sports club activities on the weekend.
  • rockleetpt

    Posts: 77

    Jul 04, 2009 11:40 AM GMT
    I see myself in you in some ways, I too find myself at confortable at home, can't move up in a foreseable future. But I never really had a solid relationship ever.

    Here's my two cents:

    I'm ok with it, are you ok with yourself and your situation?

    Because if not, you have two choices, change or accept reality. If you think you can't change just accept your current conditions and desires and fulfill the ones that you actually can fulfill. Don't bother about your age, I can see it's getting stressfull to you but it's not worth it, better spend your attention and focus on something you can improve or something you can enjoy or both!

    Also, about profiles, don't mind too much about the ones that bother you, focus on the things you like and you said something about your profile only has 1 view per month, do you think it's actually worth seeing it? Consider posting new photos or rewrite about yourself and what you are looking for.

    I think these issues aren't rocket science, in my superficial opinion I sense a guy who's focus about the simple basic stuff regarding relationships and overall personal hapiness is in this fog of worrying regarding issues about age and your current situation.

    In short: Focus and mind what you can, not on what you can't.
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Jul 04, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    Enjoy yourself you have to learn to live alone and enjoy your own company. I see way too many guys that stink of desperation because they think they NEED a bf, they are doomed because they are clinging to someone and smother them. I didn't meet my husband til we were both in our 30's and just celebrated 9 years togeather. So stop trying so hard when you least expect it he's be there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    I think you're both right. icon_smile.gif