Unrealistic Expectations

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 3:31 AM GMT
    Hey guys:

    So basically, since finishing university for they year, I've been partying hard (and NOT TIPPING! icon_wink.gificon_rolleyes.gif ). However, I find that I have become really picky over the past year and a half since joining RJ. It seems like I only go for the worked out muscle marys and completely disregard everyone else.
    This really hit home this saturday during London pride, where I think the whole gay population of South East England must have turned up to central london... and I found about 7 people attractive out of 100 thou + (exaggeration but okay a realllllllllllll minimum of guys caught my attention)
    This has led me to think about my standards and whether RJ being such a community of fit and worked-out guys has given me an unrealistic approach to other guys.
    This in turn springs the question:
    Have you other guys identified this same attitude in yourselves?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 4:51 AM GMT
    I have to admit that I have seen some dating websites and for some reason none of them gets to the level of RJ in terms of physical fitness. But well this is a fitness health and life website for gay guys so that totally makes sense and also most guys would put up pictures of them shirtless. This wouldnt usually happen on other websites where they would sometimes even get banned and be categorized as nudity. Even if you think shirtless pic wont make a difference, they actually do. A guy you think he is not that attractive might make you change your mind when he takes his shirt off. So all together is what gives you that impression that guys here are way hotter.

    I actually remember a friend who didnt want to sign up on RJ cause he thought he was not hot enough for this website, i was like WTF. This is one of the best places to learn how to take care of yourself and be healthy, you might not feel comfortable right now with the way you look and that happens to everyone but you will eventually succeed if you really try at least in 99% of the cases unless you have a very special condition.

    Anyway getting back to the topic, I understand what you mean and I dont think you have an unrealistic approach to other guys, you like what you like and that shouldnt be forced by any reasons whatsoever. However dont focus too much on this simple factor and be more open minded about some other things that would make you feel comfortable and happy with this guy, hot douchebags are nothing compared not so hot but still really nice guys icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    Can't say that it has. The physical has never been at the forefront when considering a date or relationship. Now since we are talking just people watching, I find all kinds of guys attractive, even hot, for different reasons. One might have the best set of legs I've ever seen or a million watt smile or arms that beg me to let them hold me or eyes that paralyze me. I tend to see attractive qualities in just about every guy, just like here. While it is possible that your view has been skewed by the muscle gods of real jock, surely you have run into guys that are just "average" that bowl you over? Besides, nothing to worry about. Your taste in men will expand or even change. Worse case? You will only love muscle gods. And that is ok.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    The people who catch my attention initially are never the people I end up falling for. I really think it is easier to find someone attractive when you are put in a situation with them. If all you are looking for is the best package then you are going to be over critical and have really high expectations.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 05, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    I think most gay guys in general have unrealistic expectations. You see a lot of 7's going for 11's.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidI think most gay guys in general have unrealistic expectations. You see a lot of 7's going for 11's.


    thats pedophilia
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    I think high expectations become a problem when you find small stupid things a problem, when they are the sticking point, small things like, his nose isn't absolutely perfect, or he's not dressed perfectly, he doesn't speak just right, so on and so on.

    if he doesn't have a bod of a god but everything else is good, give it a go.

    I think expectations can have a very killing effect, although I am not saying you have to accept everything, being open to the experience, tring it, giving it a go, is worth while.

    Again, before people start jumping down my throat throwing around bullshit, I'm not saying you have to do something, that you have to do everything, but that you are open to it and are willing to give things a try

    I think its important that you work out if you are just rejecting people out of hand because they don't "match up" to some arbitrary standard or you actually not finding them an interesting worth while exploration..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 7:37 AM GMT
    Love is such a 4 letter word. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge.

    YAY icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 7:38 AM GMT
    I guess it depends what you want, if just something mostly physical then why look beyond that?

    Relationships tend to work more than on the physical though.

    Then there is this spectrum of settling versus an expected ideal with compromise being some balance in the middle. I don't buy that.

    Ultimately, it makes sense that if you are a dynamic, interesting, somewhat unique individual (awake), you are going to have fewer options. That's the way it should be.

    But what you experienced at London Pride also may have been a bit of overload. A friend went on a gay cruise and was looking forward to fooling around. But after getting on board and seeing all the guys, and everyone hooking up with more than a, "hey there." He totally lost his appetite for it and didn't fool around. He still had a good time though, just different than what he expected.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 7:45 AM GMT
    Well, for straight guys they are always looking at those super hot chicks. Takes a while for their eyes to get off of them.

    I seen no big difference here. Except here chicks=guys and straight=gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 8:04 AM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with seeking out fit guys. If you've made a life commitment to being fit, I don't see why you would want to be with someone that doesn't feel the same way. That is, unless you're ok with your mate sitting at home watching tv, while you're at the gym.

    The other issue is that some/most guys have a big list of requirements that they seek from a potential mate. If even a couple of those requirements aren't met, then it's on to the next one. Rather than looking for potential in a guy, they look for an exact match. Which is a pretty rare thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 8:35 AM GMT
    LMAO, Poor Theo icon_lol.gif

    Just wait until you spend a year at SDSU, Where aesthetic demands placed on the gay male population are significantly greater and as such the muscle/twink ratio is much more tipped in your favor

    and then you come back and you realize that were on the islands off the coast of Europe where the axis of pale and skinny collide icon_neutral.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 8:57 AM GMT
    I was at Pride yesterday and there were a lot of train wrecks enjoying the festivities. The few jewels in the crowd were the Nando's boys who were giving out vouchers. Yes, they were great looking.

    That said, I'm with li'tanker on this. Eye candy is lovely but, honestly, looks are not everything and you may end up chasing an unrealistic dream.

    After all, the Nando's boys were straight body-builders who'd been employed by a modelling agency and were more interested in the lesbians. So nothing is ever what it seems.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 9:00 AM GMT
    I guess it all depends on whether youve always been superficial or not before you joined RJ, and I suppose only you can answer that.
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Jul 05, 2009 9:20 AM GMT
    I think I understand what you mean. When I am really into my health and staying fit, I tend to gravitate towards the same.
    Also, from my time @ Uni in LDN and going to a few of their Prides, I have to say it is mos def a major party environment.
    It seemed to me that if people weren't drunk then they were on ecstasy (which I'm sure you know is HUGE in LDN).
    I guess my point is people fucked up on drugs and booze often look like a mess and that was the majority of the people out that festivals the I attended.
    I'll bet it hasn't changed too much in that respect!
    I remember Brighton Pride being a lot more fun, laid back and having much hotter guys!
    icon_biggrin.gif
    I don't think you are unrealistic, I think that maybe you just go for the guys that take better care of themselves as you seem to do.
    There is nothing wrong with having standards.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 9:22 AM GMT
    If you've actually seen guys who fit the bill then it's clear that your standards are not unrealistic at all. it just means you have high standards, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jul 05, 2009 10:27 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidI think most gay guys in general have unrealistic expectations.


    Yup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    No I don't have this attitude and never did

    You are becoming vain and shallow. Be careful, you just may end up quite alone
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 1:55 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 said
    DrobUA saidI think most gay guys in general have unrealistic expectations.


    Yup.

    Raise your sights as high as you want. But don't forget that dreamboats rarely dock.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 05, 2009 2:05 PM GMT
    No, a well built torso isn't the thing that turns my head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 2:41 PM GMT
    Fable saidHave you other guys identified this same attitude in yourselves?

    A little, but in the sense of admiration of beauty, not chasing. I've got my partner, and just like I've always considered the whole package and not just the trouser package, muscles and a build alone won't do it for me.

    But still a joy to watch, and RJ has helped me to appreciate it more with all these lovely men. Think of it like taking an art appreciation course, so you can learn to admire those male statues all the more. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    Personally, the first thing that will capture my attention is how the person looks physically. This includes their style and how confident they appear to be. I wouldn't go for somone who is completely out of shape b/c it contradicts the healthy lifestyle I lead; not to mention it says alot about how well they don't take care of themselves. Having said that, I don't just go for guys with muscle bulging from every orfice. You'd be surprised at how many of them lack self confidence or are totally self absorbed. Real Jock has not set this standard for me - and I think it definitely embraces fit guys, in addition to those who are trying to become fit.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jul 05, 2009 5:40 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    dannyboy1101 said
    DrobUA saidI think most gay guys in general have unrealistic expectations.


    Yup.

    Raise your sights as high as you want. But don't forget that dreamboats rarely dock.


    Unless they have foreskin...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    RJ hasn't given me unrealistic expectations for men, but seeing all the guys here who are in amazing shape made me realize that women in general need to start taking better care of themselves. They're a bunch of fatties.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    I understand what you say.

    The thing that really does amaze me is that it took me about 6 months going to the gym 3 times a week before I had an acceptable looking body (my main pic, for example, was taken about 3 or 4 months after I started going having been skinny-fat before). Maybe I have good genes or something (I doubt it), but the discipline and effort I expended were WELL within the grasp of anyone who is not ill. I don´t understand why some people find it so hard. What are they doing in the gym? What are they eating? I have no delusions that I´m a super hotty, but I´m not ashamed to take my clothes off.