Question about open relationship guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 8:53 AM GMT
    So assuming your single, a guy approaches you and starts chatting you up and asks do you want to go get a drink making it obvious he's interested in more than just a conversation with you.

    Meanwhile he mentions he has a boyfriend but not to worry their in an open relationship.

    For the purpose of this senario he seems an alright guy and is acceptably good looking but not amazing looks or personality wise.

    Do you entertain the thought of going there or does the fact that he has a guy he's committed to and out hitting on someone else put him firmly in the loser column.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 11:44 AM GMT
    If you want what he wants, then go. If you want a relationship, don't go. He was being honest with you. That doesn't make him a loser.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 12:06 PM GMT
    big dick too?! Sounds like you should just get laid....this isn't a relationship opportunity for you.
  • NursePractiti...

    Posts: 232

    Jul 05, 2009 12:14 PM GMT
    I've met some guys who are in committed three way relationships for many years. I know it sounds like a fluke but it happens. And like two way relationships, some three way ones work, and some don't. As for open relationships, some of those work and some don't. As to whether or not you go home with one of those is up to you. If your just looking for a trick for the night and you understand you'll most likely have to leave in the AM then go for it. But beware because possible jealous drama could be involved as well you don't want to be a part of. Meet both guys and decide from there if you want to go down that path.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 12:44 PM GMT
    The responsibility to be faithful or not to his BF or partner rests with him, not you. If he says it's OK then you shouldn't feel any guilt. Some couples allow that sort of thing, and in fact I know a few right now who do. As written above, just so long as you don't let your own heart be hurt by unrealistic expectations of a relationship developing.

    BUT... what if he's lying? What do you do if you later find out the other guy was unaware and does NOT approve? That's happened to me several times, leading me to conclude that some guys just lie to get a lay, and it's difficult to know if their open relationship story is true or not. And frankly, it can also be difficult to know if it's true when they say they're totally single, either.

    So would you continue with it? Maybe think now you have a shot at the guy for your own relationship? Or not want to go near a guy who'll likely cheat on you next? I said above the responsibility for cheating or not is his, but do you want to be in the middle of it? The "co-respondent" in a break-up that may wreck your reputation in the gay community? I've seen it happen, though oddly, as often to lesbians as to gay men.

    As a result, I stopped bothering with guys who were already "taken" no matter what they told me. And kept my eyes open when they told me they were single, for evidence they were not, cause that happened to me, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    Firmly in the loser column for me

    He if free to do what he wants of course. But doesn't mean i have to let him do it with me
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jul 05, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    ding ding ding red vespa
    you have to make sure the guy is on the level. Trust me I come from being that guy.
    Our rule is if you want one of us. you have to meet the other one first aswell. usualy it ends up being the 3 of us the first time but after that it's a case by case basies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    I was thinking more along the lines of the I've already got everything I need at home....I'm just using you factor

    Also if you are seeking your one and only to commit to you and you alone, is it not hypocritical to endorse that behavior in others
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 2:52 PM GMT
    MsclDrew saidI was thinking more along the lines of the I've already got everything I need at home....I'm just using you factor


    have you ever heard of the expression cum dumping?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    While withholding any kind of judgment I would politely decline.. I think I wouldn't (nor do I want to) be able to get pass my feeling of getting between two other persons even in if they said is OK. Is just too taboo for me. Then again I'm not into casual sex icon_redface.gif, so even for that reason this wouldn't fly for me.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 05, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    MadeNUSA said
    MsclDrew saidI was thinking more along the lines of the I've already got everything I need at home....I'm just using you factor


    have you ever heard of the expression cum dumping?



    I've never been in a open relationship, nor do I have the desire to, but that seems a bit harsh for no reason. Sex means different things to different people and most people who I know who are in committed, but open relationships are simply looking for sex, not love. They are happy with their partner. Both people in the relationship just happen to also want noncommittal sex with other people. The fact is, single guys go out to the bars all the time looking for one night stands; in theory, I don't see why it's any worse for a guy in an open relationship to do the same if he and his partner are OK with that. It's not cheating to them because for them they agree sex with NSA is not a breech of their love. And to imply there's something wrong with them because of your use of that vulgar term, then I'd say why don't you start calling everyone who wants sex but not a relationship a cum dumper. Let he without sin cast the first stone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 3:25 PM GMT
    calibro said
    MadeNUSA said
    MsclDrew saidI was thinking more along the lines of the I've already got everything I need at home....I'm just using you factor


    have you ever heard of the expression cum dumping?



    I've never been in a open relationship, nor do I have the desire to, but that seems a bit harsh for no reason. Sex means different things to different people and most people who I know who are in committed, but open relationships are simply looking for sex, not love. They are happy with their partner. Both people in the relationship just happen to also want noncommittal sex with other people. The fact is, single guys go out to the bars all the time looking for one night stands; in theory, I don't see why it's any worse for a guy in an open relationship to do the same if he and his partner are OK with that. It's not cheating to them because for them they agree sex with NSA is not a breech of their love. And to imply there's something wrong with them because of your use of that vulgar term, then I'd say why don't you start calling everyone who wants sex but not a relationship a cum dumper. Let he without sin cast the first stone.


    So if they are looking for just sex without the emotional entanglement - then they are looking to just get off- ergo they are cum dumping.

    when are we gonna stop pussy footing around these issues?!

    Where did I say there was something wrong with them?! Why the fuck do everyone instanlty jump on the judgment call band wagon?

    Everyone who wants to have sex without emotional ties is a cum dumper!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    I don't understand open relationships.
    I could never be with someone unless they were "MINE, ALL MINE!" icon_lol.gif

    Of course, my partner would have to feel the exact same way about me. And that would just make me desire him more, strangely enough. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    Absolutely not, open relationship or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    When we started our relationship almost 31 yrs ago we decided to make it open, partly because we thought we'd each fool around outside anyhow, partly because we drew a line between love and sex. Our one rule was sex with another guy only once. I'd say do it, knowing a relationship was out of the question.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    MadeNUSA said
    Why the fuck do everyone instanlty jump on the judgment call band wagon?

    Everyone who wants to have sex without emotional ties is a cum dumper!


    Because those of us with a reasoned sense of judgement and balance are insulted by crass blanket statements like yours, above.

    Saying "Everyone who wants to have sex without emotional ties is a cum dumper!" is as crass as saying that all Gay guys are pedophiles or drag queens. And as inaccurate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said[...]Do you entertain the thought of going there or does the fact that he has a guy he's committed to and out hitting on someone else put him firmly in the loser column.



    it looks like you're already predisposed to the answer icon_confused.gif

    without making any assumptions from lack of information, he's so far been upfront about having a boyfriend and they have an open relationship. without any other information, that means he is free to engage in sexual affairs with you.

    when someone approaches me like this, i like to be sure that his partner and he really do have the freedom to play in other sandboxes. only because every once in a while someone says that but they're actually cheating. only then is he put in the loser column.

    on the flip side of the coin, i and my bf have a semi open relationship and rather frequently we get someone who wants to keep his and my sex secret from me and my boyfriend. and he'll play the same game with both of us. then he gets horribly all a-bother when we tell him that we always talk to each other and share everything. because he can't have his secret "make them cheat on each other" sex, he launches into a tirade that "he's always said open relationships are all huge amounts of drama".

    but he's the only one in a tither.

    and then there's the person that gets all horned up and wants to come over and fuck - been talking for an hour or two now and it finally sinks into his head that i have a boyfriend (even though our profiles clearly say it everywhere and i clearly indicate it in conversations) and he gets all a-bother and starts saying nasty things about both of us.

    the ratio of the cheating open guy vs. these two is quite a reach. i rarely come across a cheating guy claiming he's in an open relationship but i frequently encounter single guys who can't tolerate the simplicity of an open relationship.

    yes, i'd entertain the thought of going there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 9:11 PM GMT
    Latenight30 saidding ding ding red vespa
    you have to make sure the guy is on the level. Trust me I come from being that guy.
    Our rule is if you want one of us. you have to meet the other one first aswell. usualy it ends up being the 3 of us the first time but after that it's a case by case basies.

    A bit confused by your reply, but let me ask you this: how DO you make sure the guy is on the level? That is a question inherent in my reply above.

    Do you run an FBI background check on him? Do you have him fill out a form, and take an oath in your attorney's office?

    I advised skepticism and caution. Guys will try to sell us a crock of BS all the time, about whether they are single or not, or in an open relationship or not. So how do we deal with that?
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 05, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    MsclDrew saidSo assuming your single, a guy approaches you and starts chatting you up and asks do you want to go get a drink making it obvious he's interested in more than just a conversation with you.

    Meanwhile he mentions he has a boyfriend but not to worry their in an open relationship.

    For the purpose of this senario he seems an alright guy and is acceptably good looking but not amazing looks or personality wise.

    Do you entertain the thought of going there or does the fact that he has a guy he's committed to and out hitting on someone else put him firmly in the loser column.




    What exactly are you looking for in a relationship with this guy? To get laid? A potential.....what?

    I think you need to ask yourself what is in it for you.

    The line that I put in bold is kind of funny me thinks.

    If he had amazing looks and and/or an amazing personality....would that somehow make whatever you do with him more right or wrong for some reason?

    icon_question.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    zeebyaboi said
    MadeNUSA said
    Why the fuck do everyone instanlty jump on the judgment call band wagon?

    Everyone who wants to have sex without emotional ties is a cum dumper!


    Because those of us with a reasoned sense of judgement and balance are insulted by crass blanket statements like yours, above.

    Saying "Everyone who wants to have sex without emotional ties is a cum dumper!" is as crass as saying that all Gay guys are pedophiles or drag queens. And as inaccurate.


    Oh for fuck's sake !!!!!!!!!! I swear sometimes I think I'm living in bizarro world!!!!!!!! Is this the twilight zone or something?

    Explain to me how intending to have sex without the desire for any emotional attachment whatsoever is not just cum dumping?

    It cannot be nice and prettied up! It is exactly what it is. You are using someone to get off that is all. You are using someone as a receptacle.

    And to say may saying so is stupid - well that's just laughable!

  • rockleetpt

    Posts: 76

    Jul 06, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    It seems you don't quite grasp the power of words.

    Cum dumping is also when you use whoever, whatever thing to dump cum. From that logic masturbation is cum dumping, angry sex is cum dumping, anything without love or emotional intimacy is cum dumping.

    So why are you implying in using cum dumping in regards to sex without the desire for any emotional attachment exclusivly? Do you not accept it? Do you think it's wrong? Why? Things aren't that simple. Some people actually fuck just to reach an enhanced orgasm (but then again who am I to speak for everyone else?) but some people also have sex in order to feel physical intimacy even if with a complete stranger and that's enough to make someone feel better, so don't tell "sex without the desire for any emotional attachment exclusivly" is just cum dumping because it's not, sex it's not solely about cum nor just about emotional attachment, there's this personal need to feel someone else's body in order to feel a little bit happy (or a little less miserable).

    What I find laughable is your view of sex as black and white and your justification to keep using that term. It's just counterproductive if you want to have a discussion but using the words that put people defensive.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Jul 06, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    MsclDrew, I do not understand why some of these guys are fetting bent out of shape...the guy is telling you beforehand that he is partnered and just looking so you have the choice of going with him or not and that is as far as it will go until he wants to do it again and MAY get ahold of you if HE liked you....The choice is easy...have done it and I know what is expected of me at the beginning so the answer for me is yes....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    point blank, like with all things and info you get from guys . . . if the 411 is given to you prior to shyt going down then the ball is in your court and you just have to be secure in what you choose to do.

    I don't think it's anyones right to claim the guy/guys are losers. Who is anyone else to judge what people are into sexually or how they work their relationship. It's theirs....others they speak to, you can simply get on board or not. least thats how i see it.

    Good question though....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    If the "Open Relatioinship" allows either partner to form a third attachment, leaving health issues aside, then I don't see a problem with this.

    That "attachment" has to be defined, with all due respects. It's all well and good for the two guys in the Open Relationship to have fun with one or more others...because they still have each other. But the expectations the third party is "allowed" to have is key.

    Is it to be a one time only one night stand? Is it going to be something like a fuck buddy/friends with benefits relationship? If it is the latter, then the third party has got to have some standing "rights". In other words, the guy(s) in the Open Relationship should be concerned about his feelings and needs too, to a certain extent.

    Apart from those issues (and the health issue), I just don't see the upset that some are displaying here. It's not cheating if it is an Open Relationship, and MslDrew would not be a "conniving tramp" for saying yes, as long as all the nuts and bolts are worked out. icon_biggrin.gif

    John
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 06, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    His relationship status is his problem or business
    If you are looking for a man for Long term potential
    I would then take a walk but if you're his looking for some
    ass .... then Jackpot icon_wink.gif