I'M OUT!

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    Jul 05, 2009 10:47 PM GMT
    Came out to my parents after 23 years. I did it at 3:43 AM on July 3rd.

    I knew the time was approaching. Earlier that afternoon, the topic of gays came up and my mother flat out asked me if I was. I replied, "even if I was, what are you going to do about it?" (in kinda a joking voice). She said, "well nothing, I was just wondering."

    Realizing that I had blown my opportunity when I abruptly denied it, I realized that my mother may not have that big of an issue with it after all. I tried desperately to bring the subject back up, but to no avail.

    So after everybody went to bed, my mother and I (both night owls) were up talking and we chatted a bit. She crawled in her bed (dad fell asleep in the chair in the living room) and I sat at the end and my mother said "what are you wanting to tell me. You've been following me around like a puppy with the look like something is bothering you. Now what is it?" I sat at the end of the bed with my back to her, looked at the clock, took a very deep breath and just started balling. And in a very choked up voice, I said "mom, there is somebody I like....(5 whole minutes of complete silence and me crying)....then I finally said, "mom, there is somebody I like....and HIS name is...." She stopped me and said "turn around and look at me, your eyes say it all." I told her no, and she insisted that I do so. So upon turning around, I looked into her eyes, seeing the vast disappointment on her face and she took a breath at which time I stepped in and just said "YES!" My mother said "you don't even know what I was going to say." And I said "yes I do, and the answer is yes." At that point she flat out asked me "Blake, are you gay?" and I said "yes." (crying hard by this point).

    Waiting for the world to end, I realized that there were no breaking dishes. There was no fire set. There was no raised voices demanding I get out of the house. There was perfect peace and harmony. My mother broke the silence and said "well, your deepest darkest secret isn't all that dark at all. It's something the whole family has known for years, but were to affraid to bring up the subject incase we were wrong. We didn't want to offend you or hurt your feelings. You are what you are and we love you just the same. At this point, I left the room and went to bed.

    As of now, I feel weird. It's very awkward knowing a secret that I held so close to my chest is out and known by the people who matter most in my life. My parents have tried to call and I won't answer the phone. It's just so awkward for me. I don't know what to say or how to react. I'm sure they feel the same. They have been great about the whole thing and just want the best for me. In fact, they are texting me as I speak. That's one more text that will go unanswered. I'm just too ashamed to face them. Any suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2009 10:52 PM GMT
    reply to the text.

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    Jul 05, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    speak to them!
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    Jul 05, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    First. A BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!! Clearly this was not easy for you. But it only gets better from here on out. Two things stand out to me from your post. 1. Your mom says they already knew and 2. After coming out, you are petrified. Correct me if I am wrong, but there is no shame in admitting the truth, and you have done that. You parents most likely want to make sure you are alright, considering how it seems you left it and now you won't answer their calls. They seem to be willing to be involved in your life and probably have questions. Don't leave this up to chance in the hope that it will be forgotten or that someone else will do the talking for you. You have already done the hard part. The rest is cake. Be a good son and call you parents. Best of luck and keep us posted......icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 05, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidreply to the text.


    Yes. Seems your mother is sufficiently accepting that you don't have a lot to fear. Is perhaps the fear all on your side, in your own mind?
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:00 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Lostboy saidreply to the text.


    Yes. Seems your mother is sufficiently accepting that you don't have a lot to fear. Is perhaps the fear all on your side, in your own mind?


    Yes, the fear, the shame, the embarrassment...it's very much on my side. It's so weird because I thought it gets easier. But now I have to face them!
  • SFNavigator

    Posts: 62

    Jul 05, 2009 11:00 PM GMT
    Yea pal, you were the one who dumped it on her at 3:43 AM and now your ignoring them? They are trying to be a support to you and your turning them away. What the hell is that all about? Man up --and be proud of who and what you are. You created it, now deal with it--take it like a man.
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:08 PM GMT
    Stop being a dick and ignoring your mom and dad. I dont care how weird you feel. That shit aint right man. BTW congratulations. I felt relieved as hell also but like she said, they always know. You came out of her. She knows everything about you and loves you so again, STOP upsetting your mom and making her sad cause you are making me want to kick your ass. I came out 20 years ago and that weird feeling doesnt go away. Atleast not for me. My mom is super cool about it but dad and brother, no more communication. Good luck man.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 05, 2009 11:12 PM GMT
    Everybody is right ....
    That's great that you blurted it out
    Now you have to go through with the follow through

    What do you think you're accomplishing by not talking to them?
    You're still gay
    The only difference is ... now they know
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    gayblaketx said
    Yes, the fear, the shame, the embarrassment...it's very much on my side. It's so weird because I thought it gets easier. But now I have to face them!

    Just take it one day at a time.

    Call your mom back.

    Congratulations. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    give your self the time to let the gravity of the situation settle in..

    You'd built something up in your head, that was going to be massive, you'ed readied your self for it, for the fight..

    it never came..

    why would it..

    let your self accept that, come to know that and understand it..

    Don't worry, you'll quickly become a lot happier and more content and your family will change in a slight but understanding way too as will you icon_smile.gif

    no need to rush, you got a little time to letthings settle in you!
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    It is awkward...even odd to share with others about your feelings towards SAME SEX ATTRACTION...I mean what can they do but just love you for your bravery and honesty. It's wonderful that you could do this. I wish I did when I was your age. It would have saved me mountains of personal grief and tragedy. I lived a lie...and I hid behind the bisexual cloak and was not honest with myeself or others. I mean...I am not overly gay acting, but I do think some knew and pegged me. I just could not stop looking at other MEN...when they were looking at women....LOL

    Your free now. Free to deal with your emotions and come to terms. Confession is the first step...now if you want to stay with it you can...you have come the full circle. However, who's to say you can't just simply say...no and go back to being straight....unless a hot bod and cock (MAN) takes you away forever into eternal bliss!!

    P.S.....It was just a few weeks ago my Dear Mom said to me when I told her I get lonely sometimes and wanted a partner and special someone back in my life to live with and share my world.....Her reply to me was this....

    "Oh Johnny there are so many pretty girls who would jump at the chance to date and get married to you"...........My Reply was this....."Mom I am not attracted to the ladies like that ANY MORE"...she was quiet and then it got into......more then I want to say now...but she can be such a stupid barbie at times and I guess I despise that about her!! Dippy Mother!! HAA HAAa
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jul 05, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    Get your ass up and go over there NOW....The longer you wait the stranger it'll feel...Give mom and dad a great big hug.....icon_exclaim.gif
    Do it for you and for all those who dont have loving supportive family....
    Dont worry,,things are gonna be just fine....
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:49 PM GMT
    Congrats on being HONEST with your parents and with yourself.
    Now MAN-UP and TALK TO YOUR PARENTS!
    Time to OWN who you are.

    From what you have said so far, they are not too shocked, as it was apparently suspected all along. The disaster scenario you had built-up in your anticipation is much worse than the reality of coming out. Your parents sound like good, loving reasonable people. They may need you to help them understand and to become more educated on what it is to be gay....just as you need them to love and continue to support you. Face it, once the "genie" is out of the bottle, it is next to impossible to re-capture. You are now on "untested" and new territory for you and your parents. Be the man they thought you were before you told them you are gay, so they can still love, respect and relate to the man you are, since you told them you are gay.
    By the way, do you know how many gay weathermen there are? It must be genetic...because there are a BUNCH of us....
    GOOD JOB AND GOOD LUCK!
    A BIG HUG for you, now go change the world TIGER! icon_cool.gif

    GARY aka Sporty_G
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    Jul 05, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    It sounds like your coming out is more a problem for you than it is for your parents. Go ahead, talk to them, they clearly love you. They want to be there for you, so man up and be there for them.
    Most of us find that in the end you'll have a stronger relationship with your parents because from now on their love will be given to the person you really are, not the person you were pretending to be.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Jul 05, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidGet your ass up and go over there NOW....The longer you wait the stranger it'll feel...Give mom and dad a great big hug.....icon_exclaim.gif
    Do it for you and for all those who dont have loving supportive family....
    Dont worry,,things are gonna be just fine....
    don't wait...they wantedthat line of communication opened and they already knew...so go see them, call them keep that line open...and yeah,there are many families out there that throw their sons and daughters out on the street and never talk to them again...so you have very accepting parents, that want to know about you and your life..share it with them
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    Jul 06, 2009 12:04 AM GMT
    After reading the comments, I've called and will be making the hour and a half drive to Houston tonight after work to go see them. I'm terrified. I don't know what I'm scared of. Perhaps the look of disappointment in their face? I'm scared of being treated differently. And I guess I feel that by not going back, I can remember the way it always was. If I go back and things are different, it would devastate me.

    As one of the previous posters said, I'm more devastated than any of my family members. I'm taking this much harder than anybody else. I don't know how to cope with the reality of it all. Thanks for the advice.
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    Jul 06, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    Coming out is unique to each person and each situation, but all of the expereinces have certain elements in common.
    These elements in common can be addressed by some written guides available on the HRC or other websites sources.

    Try them for yourself or for your parents to work with.
    Get educated and then educate your parents..
    Good Luck!

    http://www.hrc.org/issues/coming_out.asp

    http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=539

    http://www.pflaghouston.org/

    http://www.outproud.org/brochures.html

    There are others....
    Gary
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    Jul 06, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
    First of all, congratulations on a big step forward, one that sounds like it's feeling like a step off a cliff.

    Now that you stepped off, there's no going back - which in the long run I hope you will appreciate as a good thing.

    If your family is trying to reach out to you, I hope you will do your best to communicate with them - if only to let them know that you're ok (assuming you are ok., If you're not, then if you can't let your family help, get with a friend or a doctor asap). I can't see anything particularly wrong with just saying to your mom that you feel awkward after coming out to her. At this point the more you can embrace what you feel and who you are and share it when it feels safe to do so, the better.

    From your original post, I got the sense that your mother had a pretty good idea that you're gay and that she was pushing to see if you're able to grasp it.

    I know in my case, I was the last one in my family to accept that I'm gay. I think I can say with complete candor that the only hostility or rejection or awkwardness in my coming out was what I was projecting onto other people. Once I grasped that I'm gay, I always have been, I always will be and that I'm very, very lucky to be surrounded by people who love me without regard to my sexual orientation, everything became much less fraught - in fact, life has become more relaxed and more fun than ever. My circumstances are exactly the same as they ever were. My self-acceptance made the difference.

    I wish you strength and peace.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 06, 2009 1:34 AM GMT
    Well you did something many don't, you had this conversation with your mother in person. I know it was very difficult, but don't create an issue by
    ignoring them. They love you... make the effort to meet them halfway, even if you cry or its awkward to discuss. Now is the time. Give them the respect your mother gave you by listening.
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    Jul 06, 2009 1:35 AM GMT

    My gosh, gayblaketx, you're one of the lucky ones! Your parents are wonderful.

    Reward them for this love. Pick up the phone now...no go over now, take flowers for Mom. When you see her let your emotion flow, take her into an embrace and hug the hell out of her. Say those three magic words that make the world go round.

    "I love you."

    This is one of the most magnificent coming-of-age moments in your life. Make it the best ever.


    rooting for you, for your Mom and your Dad,


    Doug and Bill
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    Jul 06, 2009 1:37 AM GMT
    I came out and I was in a similar boat. I'd edged around the issue, and it was enough to be a giveaway.

    So your parents knew, it was just the first time you had verbalized it to them. You're in shock because coming out is a life altering step, and it doesn't sound like it was pre-meditated to come out at 3:40 in the whee hours of the morning right before you went to bed. They're probably not in shock because you didn't tell them anything that they didn't already know. They however, are probably a bit concerned about the fact that you're not talking with them so pick up the phone and call them. Life will go on. No one's going to suddenly turn against you or anything like that. Sounds like a win win situation to me...

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    Jul 06, 2009 3:06 AM GMT
    talk to them and live a normal life.....
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    Jul 06, 2009 3:17 AM GMT
    Good for you!icon_biggrin.gif

    Reading your story brought back vivid memories and a few welled tears. I reacted much the same way as you and the hardest thing was realising that I couldn't go back.

    My heart stayed in my stomach for several days but it slowly became better and my mother was not as accepting as yours. It is awkward and will continue to be but it will work itself out, like a good massage.

    You did it and that's what matters, welcome to the rest of your life...finally.icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 06, 2009 3:21 AM GMT
    gayblaketx,

    Thank you for sharing.

    I am in awe of your courage.

    Now, reap the rewards of your bravery.