Wanting a Child(ren)?

• dafly1
  
  Posts: 46
  
  
  Jul 06, 2009 2:55 PM GMT

  Any gay parents out there or those that want to?
  
  Considering co-parenting or surrogacy myself. Pro's and Con's.
  
  Also, am in a relationship with a great guy (the love of my life literally) who brings a 5 year old to the relationship.
  
  Any tips for us how to implement our relationship with her. Appropriate age, discussions, advice is welcome.
  
  

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  Jul 06, 2009 3:31 PM GMT

  I am in the process of adoption with my partner, did the foster thing and it wasn't for me. Aside from that, I also learned from tons of readings, explaining to my friends children, etc. that you should begin talking about your relationship ASAP. She needs to be introduced to this now rather than later. Last thing you want is for her to go to school, have other kids say something stupid and she will be stuck there with no reply. You need to be 100% open with her about it, explain that families come in all shapes and sizes, there are families with one daddy, one mommy, two mommies, two daddies, and of course the traditional mommy and daddy. Provide her with things she can reply with if she is prompted with the questions as to why she has two dads or the nasty "your daddy is a "fag"" comment. She needs ammo to fire back respectfully and be instilled with confidence in supporting her family as it be.
  
  Another thing, check to see if you have any local pride family chapters or GLBT family groups that you can join. This will not only help in expressing the diversity in families but show her this as well by attending some functions and allowing her to make friends in her same family type.
  
  I wish you the best and congrats on this wonderful journey!
  
  Chris

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  Jul 06, 2009 3:31 PM GMT

  jprichva said

  dafly1 saidAny tips for us how to implement our relationship with her. Appropriate age, discussions, advice is welcome.

  
  Feed her lots of sweets. Hug her a lot. Read her stories. Play with her. Take her seriously.

  
  
  100% agree. Love her unconditionally! OOHH i am so excited for you!!!

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• Bunjamon
  
  Posts: 3162
  
  
  Jul 06, 2009 3:35 PM GMT

  http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/212491/
  
  http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/185480/
  
  http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/449315/
  
  These are just a few of the threads that have been made about parenting.
  
  I definitely want to have kids someday, and I think the best way to forge a relationship with your boyfriend's kid is to be honest. Kids are remarkably perceptive, and if you try to hide things from him/her, he or she is going to figure it out. Kids don't see what society sees when they look at a couple, they see love and support and kindness and respect. Having you in his/her life will be completely normal if you make it normal!

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  Jul 06, 2009 3:45 PM GMT

  jprichva said
  Feed her lots of sweets. Hug her a lot. Read her stories. Play with her. Take her seriously.

  
  
  What he said. (Well, maybe exercise restraint on the sweets.)
  
  Give her rides on your tricycle.

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  Jul 06, 2009 5:23 PM GMT

  I don't really have any advice, but I do want kids myself one day. 2 of my own, and maybe adopt one as well.

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  Jul 06, 2009 5:39 PM GMT

  Where is the mother? Is she in the picture?
  Unless he has full custody you really can't co-parent some body else's child. She has parents your role more like an uncle not really a parent. Every decision you make regarding this child, you would have to clear it with the other parent. Having a child changes EVERYTHING. It is truly a blessing.
  
  

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• Ironman4U
  
  Posts: 743
  
  
  Jul 06, 2009 5:39 PM GMT

  Kids are an awesome responsibility and joy. I have a daughter. She's an amazing kid and I feel fortunate to be a gay dad. She was introduced to my then-partner when she was about 5 (she's 21 now). She still sends him father's day cards, etc and has a great relationship with him which thrills me.
  
  Kids want your attention. That's the best way you show your love. So lavish them with it. They grow up quickly. Let them know that you are always there for them and it will come back 10-fold. Well...maybe not when they are teenagers. But this too will pass. lol
  
  Enjoy it!
  
  

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  Jul 06, 2009 7:36 PM GMT

  I can't wait to have kids. I really wanna be a dad, and have an awesome bf/husband to complete the picture.
  
  Well, maybe i can wait until i graduate, am stable in a career, but i won't be able to wait too much longer after that.

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• dafly1
  
  Posts: 46
  
  
  Jul 16, 2009 3:12 AM GMT

  Thanks for some great tips guys.
  
  Yeah, being a father has been something I have desired since I can remember. Could be because I came from a divorced household (even though both parents are great, even though they can't stand each other)?
  
  To answer some of the questions:
  
  Yes the mother shares joint custody with my partner. She knows he is gay and met his former partner (the former partner really didn't want to be a dad). My feelings about his daughter is that I will be to her whatever my partner wants me to be (whether that be a step-dad, and uncle, a friend). I love him very much and realize that is a decision for him and the mother to make.
  
  If I have a child, we would raise the child(ren) together (I would LOVE one, be ecstatic with 2)
  
  The real question is does anyone have experience or thoughts on:
  1) Co-parenting: An arrangement with a female (usually lesbian or lesbian couple) to raise the child together
  2) Surrogacy: USA or International?
  3) Adoption
  
  My first goal is to do it biologically. I am open to adoption if that is not meant to be and for additional children if it does
  
  

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