Being Shy vs Being A Snob

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    You see someone you like. You know he sees you. You always run into him around town, but he turns his head and pretends he doesn't see you. You catch him glancing at you.

    You smile at him and send signals that you are interested, but he doesn't react. ( You know, that classic game of "I don't notice you, but I notice everything else around you".).

    You even go up to him and introduce yourself, but he kinda runs away. Yet later on, you sense he is still secretly checking you out

    Is he shy, or just a snob? Wishful thinking on my part or worth it to push it more?

    To tell you the truth, even if he's the greatest guy on earth, I usually don't pursue anyone who doesn't return my interest and even if he is just shy, it may be too much work to get things going.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 07, 2009 8:02 PM GMT
    Spoken as a guy who usually needs a rock to fall on my head before I get these unspoken messages

    ...... Ask him out for a drink or coffee

    after all is said and done you'll get your answer
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    Jul 07, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidTo tell you the truth, even if he's the greatest guy on earth, I usually don't pursue anyone who doesn't return my interest and even if he is just shy, it may be too much work to get things going.

    Well, I checked out your RJ pics, and I find you extremely attractive. I also get a hint of intimidation, something of which I am often accused myself. Not surprising, given I was a senior military leader, and in spite of my trying to lose that residual behavior.

    Do you really know yourself? Who is it that you think you really are? What is it that you think you are? I thought I knew myself, only to learn I wasn't that person at all. And that was the hard-ass guy other gay men saw and reacted to, not the guy I had assumed I was, or wanted to be. It took a while before I learned to back off, and I'm still working at it.

    Just a thought...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 3:41 AM GMT
    Possibly just shy. I know i get mistaken as a snob at times when actually im just really shy around new people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    Yeah I have to say I'm very shy in person at first till I warm up, but people have perceived as snootiness before but then I really don't fuckin care about those who judge too quicklyicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 5:24 AM GMT
    probably not worth the effort
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 5:33 AM GMT
    Possibly FBI.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 11, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    I agree with the not worth the effort thing. Move on. Find someone hot who is drooling over you and throwing money and jewelry and expensive cars at you to get you to love them, or with a big dick at least :-)
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 11, 2009 5:36 AM GMT
    But, seriously. Our eyes are attracted to people we find attractive. We look away from people we find repulsive. That's just mother nature's way. He's definetly aware of your eyes all over him. If he's not looking at your face, it isn't going to work out dude. Move on.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 11, 2009 5:38 AM GMT
    definitely? I need to find the spell checker on thing site.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Jul 11, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saiddefinitely? I need to find the spell checker on thing site.



    If you use a Mac, you can have spell and grammar check on ALL typing anywhere it is built in to the OS, There must be an equivalent application for PC.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    Yeah, its hard. I lived in Dallas for awhile in the "gayborhood". That was easy. Now, back in Boston in the burbs. I love it here, except the gay life, or lack thereof.

    Im close to Boston and Oguquit, so I do that alot in the summer. But in my "hood" its tough. My gaydar sucks.

    Im very outgoing, until I see someone I like. Like a school girl I am, leaning against the wall hoping someone will ask me to dance icon_razz.gif

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    Jul 11, 2009 5:51 PM GMT
    Even if they are shy (or some other issue), don't you want somebody who is inspired enough by you to be brave? You know that feeling...even though you're scared, you don't know what it is but you're so damn into that person you can't help but be obvious?

    I do understand what you're saying, though. I feel that way at bars from time to time. It seems everyone is looking, then not looking, then looking at you again. No one is brave enough to say hi. Then they have a few drinks and a liter of courage...finally coming up to say hello; but that even leaves one to wonder, am I really three beers?

    After I read the book, "He's just not that into you", I really changed my outlook on situations such as these. Though this may be more in depth than necessary, I draw this on the same parallel of someone I was actually dating but had to play a guessing game with. Is he into me or not into me? Did he not call me back because he was too busy or is this a sign I'm not a priority for him? That $hit gets old quick.

    It really could be that he's too busy or some other issue, but I don't have time for that. If someone is not obviously into me, I'm not going to think too in depth as to the reason why I'm not getting the *signs*. It shouldn't matter what the reasons are. He either is or he isnt...there are plenty of other guys out there.

    Similar to this situation... I would be thinking, either you think I'm hot enough to get over your shyness or you don't (or you're not into me). You've seen this guy a few time it sounds like. If you're not getting the reaction you want...perhaps at some point he will come around. But since you don't have control over that situation, I wouldn't wait around or think about it too much. (And in fact, sometimes when you stop showing interest is when the person actually starts to come around!)

    Snobby or shy...neither sound hot to me. Either way, I wish you luck with him. Maybe try something more direct if you're so inclined and if it doesn't go well, then screw 'em! icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 11, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    SedativePossibly FBI.


    yup. definitely. i usually find the nearest window, regardless of height, and jump out.
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    Jul 11, 2009 6:17 PM GMT
    I've been told many-a-times that when out in a bar or just walking down the street, that guys are intimidated by me and some have even said that they thought I was a bitch. Well, the bitch part is true, but they tell me this because i don't smile enough. *shrugs* My whole thing is, you can judge a book by it's cover, but until you read what's between the hard-back (or soft-back), you'll truly never know that person for who they are.
  • bchbum

    Posts: 161

    Jul 11, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    Take GQJocks advice. Ask him out, you'll get your answer soon enough. Some guys are extremely shy, like myself. If I see someone looking at me I immediately avert my eyes, even if I think the guy is hot. So take a chance....a lot of us shy guys need someone else to make that first move.
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    Jul 11, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    sounds like a case of the guy being shy.

    although once you had introduced yourself to him, that should have more than indicated to him that you were interested.

    invite him out to have a coffe or see a movie and if he bolts - then forget about it!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2009 6:47 PM GMT
    Maybe he's thinking you're stalking him.
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    Jul 11, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidMaybe he's thinking you're stalking him.


    are you saying the op looks stalkerish? icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Jul 12, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    double said
    SedativePossibly FBI.


    yup. definitely. i usually find the nearest window, regardless of height, and jump out.


    It helps to have a parachute.
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    Jul 12, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidTo tell you the truth, even if he's the greatest guy on earth, I usually don't pursue anyone who doesn't return my interest and even if he is just shy, it may be too much work to get things going.

    I'm always afraid that guys I'm interested would think of that. I'm a very shy person too. It's just hard for me sometimes to talk to guys I really like. I think it's the thought of getting rejected that scares me the most.
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    Jul 13, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    I'm very out going, but in a situation where I don't know people, I get told that my demeanor comes across as a bit aloof and detached, and some might interpret this as being a snob. However, once they get to know me, they realize this is not true.
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    Jul 13, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    Being gay in public isn't the same for everyone.

    I was use to meeting people online. I had no gay friends, I never went to popular gay areas and so yes I would check guys out but if they ever looked back I always assumed it was a kind of - why is that guy staring at me- kind of thing.

    Not being use to gay interactions in public, I'm almost horrified when i spot a cute guy checking me out. It makes me very uncomfortable because I really don't know what do with it or how to go about it. So i usually just turn my head and pretend like I wasn't looking all together.

    I'm like this in public in general where my mind can't focus on everyone there. I'm into small groups, don't like going places by myself and have never been the best at making friends outside of confined spaces.

    I've been told by people that because of this i come off as intimidating and or stuck up like I'm judging everyone. I tell them thats not the case. Just because i'm cute doesn't mean I can't be socially awkward at times.

    If I had been blatantly asked out, like my partner did at our college, I would still be horrified and nervous, but I'd definitely take the offer.