at what point do you finally admit that...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:20 AM GMT
    you just aren't made for relationships and stop bothering with them?

    what if (and please keep the gratuitous "you're jaded" comments to an absolute minimum, if at all possible) i really am right, and i'm just happier not being burdened with trying to figure other people out? why is it so difficult for other people (those who want/need relationships) to let us loners be happy being alone?
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    ... what would I say....

    Well, I'd say no, you are, but perhaps you aren't ready for one right now.. that past relationships that have caused you pain are still effecting you in ways you haven't worked out, perhaps, not letting you be truly open to another person out of fear or more pain..

    I'd say, perhaps, you just need to give your self more time, to let your self continue to heal until the real time comes that you are ready for a relationship and that you just need to be patient until that time comes..

    That perhaps you should just focus of working on what will make you a happy and whole person and that you will one day have someone great in your life that will bring you much joy and happiness and that you deserve nothing less in life..

    but you just aren't ready for it yet.. but that you will be one day..


    perhaps I would say that..

    or perhaps I'd sigh, feed you chocolate and we could watch a movie and have a nap..
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    let's just do the chocolate and the nap.
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:32 AM GMT
    I can do that icon_smile.gif I always have tons of the damned stuff around icon_smile.gif what sorta movie you wanna watch? chick flick? tear jurker? blow shit up? the stupid bitch is gonna die slowly and painfully? the last ones ma fave icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    once youve tried, and by tried i mean REALLY tried to grow a relationship and you've failed over and over again...

    however probably you have been doing this wrong, probably YOU ARE made for a relationship, probably it is not you, probably is them and probably next time you'll pick the good one.... so probably you should reconsider it.
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    tank: get "300" ready... i like watching men rip each other to pieces when i'm in this mood.

    charlitos: thanks. you got any chocolate?
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    Back off of the estrogen and maybe go for some Androgel, failing that, go get a bottle of Grey Goose and Bette Middler in "Beaches" and some tissues......icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    I've a question..

    why is a relationship that doesn't work a failure? I was in a long relationship and I'd never consider it a failure, yeah it ended, but I had so many years of contentment and joy..

    how is success measured exactly? it can't be duration, success happens in minutes, hours, days, weeks months, years, decades..

    if you have learnt something, if you have gained a better understanding, acquired a more open outlook.. have you not succeed ?? has the relationship not been a success, maybe not in the way it was intended but why is failure at the goal a failure at all when you have succeed elsewhere ??

    anyway I was just curious
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidIf you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

    CLAP CLAP CLAP..

    If you're happy and you know it then you really outta show it ...if you're happy and you know it clap your hands....


    hahahaha icon_biggrin.gif

    *clap clap clap* *bounces around*
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    Jul 08, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidyou just aren't made for relationships and stop bothering with them?

    what if (and please keep the gratuitous "you're jaded" comments to an absolute minimum, if at all possible) i really am right, and i'm just happier not being burdened with trying to figure other people out? why is it so difficult for other people (those who want/need relationships) to let us loners be happy being alone?


    I stopped bothering with finding a relationship a few years ago. If one comes my way then fine but I won't be searching for it. At least anytime soon. I even have it listed in my profile that I am not looking for a boyfriend. I've always been a bit of a loner and am happy with that. The joke about wanting a relationship that's like a jockstrap is actually true. You know. Some freedom with a little bit of support.

    People that are in relationships or single people that are still looking for love don't understand that some of us just do not really want to settle down or at least settle down with just anyone. We get frustrated and give up trying. If I really wanted to be in a relationship with just anyone I could be but that is not what I want. Basically they want for you what they want not what you want.

    One can only get so excited about the new guy until it starts getting boring because it did not work out... again. Maybe you are jaded and maybe I am also but who's to actually say? What exactly is the criteria on that? I am certainly not the same person I was back when I was looking for love. Heck, I'm not even the same person I was just a few short years ago.
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    Jul 08, 2009 6:27 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    lilTanker said
    how is success measured exactly? it can't be duration, success happens in minutes, hours, days, weeks months, years, decades.

    I started a business with a former bf some years back. For 18 months, it was constantly on the brink of folding, until it finally succeeded. But when we were in one of our many crises, a friend of his took me aside at a Christmas party at her house and said, "Don't think of it as a failure, think of it as a successful attempt."




    I said, "Shut the fuck up, you goddamn cheerleader!"

    Your a classy bitch J icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 08, 2009 7:16 AM GMT
    yes, thank you tanker - i don't view this current situation as a failure, since it hasn't failed or ended.

    it's just annoying. i understand that situations evolve, but i'm getting fed up with trying to read what someone wants from me, because people go hot and cold on whims.

    i was reticent, so he pursued me. then we were on the same page. now i'm the one who has to initiate everything. then i'm told i'm getting too intense too fast. so now i've decided to just hit it and quit it. i'm sure that means he'll suddenly be all in my cool aid again.

    stupid.
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    Jul 08, 2009 7:30 AM GMT
    Jacky sweety.. be you and all that you are, if he wants you, he wants you, not the you trying to be what he wants you to be.. if that makes any sense what so ever..

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 08, 2009 12:22 PM GMT
    Not everyone is made for the traditional idea of a relationship, but it's been my experience that most people don't have a traditional relationship. I think the best thing you can do is live your life, keep an open mind and never say never.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Jul 08, 2009 12:42 PM GMT
    I think Jack.. this is a hard question to answer based on our limited interaction with you.

    You've never struck me as someone who would have problems with relationships, but if so....I would move the "importance" of a relationship
    down your "list" quite a number of rungs. I would deal with any "simple dates" on your terms and structure them where those you date have little
    capability to affect your emotions. You are in control.

    If you encounter someone where a real relationship is possible... you'll have to evaluate that in a totally different manner.
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    Jul 08, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI think Jack.. this is a hard question to answer based on our limited interaction with you.

    You've never struck me as someone who would have problems with relationships, but if so....I would move the "importance" of a relationship
    down your "list" quite a number of rungs. I would deal with any "simple dates" on your terms and structure them where those you date have little
    capability to affect your emotions. You are in control.

    If you encounter someone where a real relationship is possible... you'll have to evaluate that in a totally different manner.

    I have to entirely disagree with this..

    I had someone make a date with me once.. totally on there terms.. how they wanted it.. so they where in control..

    I left them at the dinner table when I couldn't stand it anymore, I'm usually reasonable bordering on extreme.. but I wont bend that far

    Jack might be struggling with shit, but that doesn't mean it gives him the right to have everything on his terms.. any relationship, be it casually meeting up with a mate to going on a date with someone is a mutual interaction, it can not be one sided to be successful..

    and as much as I hate being a bitch, if you want to know Jack, pay attention to stuff he writes.. it'll tell you more then you need to know for simple forum interaction.. the same goes for anyone around here for that matter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2009 1:00 PM GMT
    Maybe...
    Just maybe...
    you're chasing the wrong men?


    Maybe you are chasing something "within" that person, that has not evolved for them yet.


    A girl once said to me -- All men SUCK! Every guy I ever dated couldn't be trusted and ended up a loser.
    And I respondeded, I don't think it's all men - I think that you are just attracted to Losers.



    so maybe you should re-think the man you want in your life and start seeking the guy that has already brought that to the surface, instead of hoping to "dig" it out of him.



    On the other hand, I understand independance/loner... I can relate.
    But there is no denying that to some degree we all want companionship or a connection whether one that is intense or one that is just comfortable.


    And then again, you're a smart man, I think you already know the answers to you're own ponderings... xxoo


    I dedicate this to your guy(s) Jack... Maybe we can see ya dance to it? icon_wink.gif

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    Jul 08, 2009 1:51 PM GMT

    Noone is stopping you, certainly not me. I may believe what I believe, even if I believe you are a jaded mess or just want to fuck well beyond retirement. Even if I believe this, it's not hurting you and sexual nomad that you are, you ain't hurting me, have fun.


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    Jul 08, 2009 2:34 PM GMT
    I wonder about this often (I have too much free time). There was a time that I was so upset I wasn't in a relationship, and then I wondered "OK, so if a guy came up to you now and he was Mr Perfect, would that make you happy?" And to be honest, I probably wouldn't be. I quite like being single for a multitude of (often selfish) reasons.

    To answer your question, I dont know when *that point* is, but it has been a big sigh of relief in the past when I've recognised that Im probably not relationship material, so just move on and make my life as happy and fulfilling as I can and make the most out of the family and friends I have.
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    Jul 08, 2009 2:42 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidyou just aren't made for relationships and stop bothering with them?

    what if (and please keep the gratuitous "you're jaded" comments to an absolute minimum, if at all possible) i really am right, and i'm just happier not being burdened with trying to figure other people out? why is it so difficult for other people (those who want/need relationships) to let us loners be happy being alone?


    I think you should trust your instincts. You may be smart enough to know yourself and realize that needing one person is not going to complete your life and make you happy.

    It may be entirely possible that ONE person simply can't do it all for you. You may derive your happiness from knowing many different people, having complete freedom over your time and energy and putting your eggs in one basket is in fact, a big responsibility.........and a burden when the other guy needs too much from you and forgets about what YOU need.

    Despite saying that, I have a feeling that your radar is perceptive enough to recognize "a good one" if/when he comes along and to have the courage to go for it and test it out.... to see if the responsibility of a relationship can NOT turn into a burden and maybe become a joyous addition in your life.....if he turns out to be "your kind of guy".

    But you're not holding your breathe about it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jul 08, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidyou just aren't made for relationships and stop bothering with them?

    what if (and please keep the gratuitous "you're jaded" comments to an absolute minimum, if at all possible) i really am right, and i'm just happier not being burdened with trying to figure other people out? why is it so difficult for other people (those who want/need relationships) to let us loners be happy being alone?



    I'd say try to keep an open mind to Mr. Right crossing your path when you least expect it, while at the same time embrace the fact that you're okay with being single. I have so many friends who, God forbid, would stay single for 5 minutes. It's like they are petrified to be alone. They jump from relationship to relationship, never really seeming all that happy in any of them. I'll take the freedom of being single over a less than rewarding relationship any day. Keep working on yourself and put the rest in the hands of "The Love Gods".
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 08, 2009 2:52 PM GMT
    I think it's ridiculous to expect a person to want to be in a relationship, just along the lines that is ridiculous for everyone to want to be in a monogamous coupling. Relationships are very complex and no two version work for the same people in the same way.

    I think at the core of it, we as people need relationships, albeit family, friends, or love. Some of us find the comfort and satisfaction in certain areas and have no need for a lover to fulfill that role.
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    Jul 08, 2009 2:59 PM GMT



    At various times in my life, after a few really hard and nasty falls, I used to shudder inside when I saw couples.

    One day I decided that past relationships were controlling my future.

    Bill was in an abusive relationship for many years. There were times, before escaping it, that he too thought, "Never again."

    Both of us think you should just do what you want, which is usually subject to change at the whim of the wanter, and as circumstances find us.

    It's all good.
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    Jul 08, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    First of all, you measure your love by the loss you feel over it. So if you feel a lot of loss, you felt a lot of love. I'd be more concerned about never feeling I had something so good I would naturally miss it. And if you've had something good once, you know you're capable of having it again.

    That said, second point, people come and go. As do relationships. It's the natural flow of life. Fighting that is futile. Sure, some will stay much much longer than others, but each should be appreciated for what they bring while present...and even what impact they have in absence.

    Thirdly, worrying about am I relationship ready or not will get us nowhere! It'll happen when it happens. Usually when you no longer feel you want or need it, because we tend to be most open to others when we're the happiest and content WITH OURSELVES. And so by that, relationships are a natural form of chaos change. Even if the relationship is merely 'fitting into' the space we have for it.

    I could be full of it. But I've stopped worrying any of it. If I never have another relationship, I'm fine with that. If I have one more, great. If I have 10 more before I die, even better!
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    Jul 08, 2009 3:27 PM GMT
    When they put an unflattering picture of you on a magazine cover under the heading "Single and fabulous.....QUESTION MARK"