When Babes bailout.

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    Jul 09, 2009 2:51 PM GMT
    Hey RJ gang,

    Lately I have had these friends who suddenly drop out of contact without a trace. I know that we all are busy and have our own problems to deal with but when someone ask you? "Are you ok? Did I upset you in anyway?" I think it's only fair to let the person know how you are doing? Am I right? Yet there are those who will continue to ignore your messages, ignore you calls, ignore your emails. I know this happens to many of us, it's still just a hard pill to swallow.Any thoughts on what I should do about it?

    Tired of standing still.


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    Jul 09, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    That happened to me twice over the last year. Two guys I thought were becoming ( or were ) good friends.

    Poof. They disappeared and didn't answer calls, emails etc.

    I have a feeling it had nothing to do with me, but rather whatever they are going through.

    The nice guy in me would welcome their return with open arms. The grouch in me wants an immediate explanation followed by profuse apologies and subservience.
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    Jul 09, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    It happens and it'll continue to happen! Just adopt the mentality of people come in to our lives for specific reasons and for certain amount of times and it'll make sense on it's own.....
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    Jul 09, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    They were friends with you for a specific reason and that reason no longer exists. They have a spouse now, or something else that occupy the (emotional, mental) space used to be occupied by your friendship.

    There's nothing you can do about it. Move on from shallow friendships like these.
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    Jul 09, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the warm advice:-) looking back at when this happened in the past, I believe that these people left my life because the universe didn't want me distracted from my mission ( whatever that is?) This situation is reminding me what I have done in the past to deal with it. This person probably had a lot of problems to deal with and making friends with me probably felt like work to him. Maybe he found some guy he really likes and he's trying to keep a clear conscious? As for myself I just don't want this to make me some bitter old man. I'm trying hard to be a pleasure and not a pain.

    For those of you going thou pain from giving love and it not being return don't let it close your heart. I think it's better to be in love with love but not just the man.
  • JohnG16775

    Posts: 235

    Jul 09, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    This happened to me last year. This guy and I were friends we were both on a rick steves tour of sicily, we stayed together in Rome, and he came to visit me in Texas and stayed for 3 weeks. Then he went back to LA and we were emailing etc then as of december, nothing, I have called and emailed till I am blue in the face, obviously Im dumped, cant believe it!
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    Jul 09, 2009 5:50 PM GMT
    You just have to move on. Some people can't face the fact that they are pursuing something else... or they are to afraid to face up to their own issues.

    It's not your fault.
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    Jul 09, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    Check your local jail. A friend of mine just appeared out of nowhere after 8 months of jail.
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    Jul 09, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidCheck your local jail. A friend of mine just appeared out of nowhere after 8 months of jail.


    There's a HAPPY thought!!! icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 09, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    silkrock saidAny thoughts on what I should do about it?

    Take it in stride and don't be concerned. You do know that gay men are the most flighty and irresponsible creatures on Earth, right?

    Oh, I know I'll get beat up here for saying that, but it's the truth, whether you like it or not. Do I know exceptions? Sure. But are many gay men still as scatter-brained & feckless as the proverbial dumb blondes? Oh, ask me! LOL!

    So don't get yourself too upset, it's not you, but rather the cost of doing business in the gay world. Unreliability, inconsideration & selfishness are par for the course, so merely adjust and deal with it. And hold out for those few exceptions.
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    Jul 09, 2009 7:03 PM GMT
    True, they could be just flakes or they could be sitting in a jail or they could living in a back alley smoking crack all day.

    But I don't think you should dwell on it and wonder what YOU may have done. Because in most cases, it wasn't you at all. Just remember the good times and move on to new adventures.
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    Jul 09, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    I have learned to just avoid those types of friends or acquaintances out of my life, who most likely don't want nor appreciate anything from you because they probably got what they wanted out of you already!! those were never friends but just plain selfish people anyway!! I have no tolerance or patience for anyone who is only there for you when they need you.

    I am currently going through a similar situation with someone who is always calling me or wanting to be with me so that I could help him deal with his emotional ups and downs! but whenever I need him he doesn't show any interest to be there for me. A real healthy and productive friendship or companionship must be mutual, otherwise why have it!?


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 10, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    This is an Extremely common occurance in gay circles

    The what ever happened to syndrome .....
    I think more guys have wound up missing this way than have gotten swallowed up by the Bermuda Triangle

    It goes along with the flake quotient too
    Men who disappear are more often flakes and people you wouldn't want to be involved with anyway

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    Jul 11, 2009 3:51 AM GMT
    Well im a dumb blond, i admit it. I'm bad about losing touch with friends.(well not Close frends) My problem is im very much a "out of sight out of mind "person. The common situation is after not seeing someone for a period of time i forget to call/write/email. then when i do think of them i'm embarrassed since i haven't spoken to them in X amount of time...

    Hope that doesnt make me a dick...
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    Jul 11, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    Bjorn203 saidWell im a dumb blond, i admit it. I'm bad about losing touch with friends.(well not Close frends) My problem is im very much a "out of sight out of mind "person. The common situation is after not seeing someone for a period of time i forget to call/write/email. then when i do think of them i'm embarrassed since i haven't spoken to them in X amount of time...

    Hope that doesnt make me a dick...


    Well that's different because if they did get in contact with you I hope you would respond. Am I right?

    For me this person didn't respond to email, voicemails, or text messages. We had a lot of good IM's going on and I was planning on visiting him in So Cal but all that change without a clue.He was a young lad new to So Cal so I had a feeling if I didn't get a connection to him soon it would all be over.

    I was so Right!!


    On a good note I found a better local friends. So local they live in the same neighhorhood as me. So when one door closes it true another one does open!icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 05, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    Update he was fake found out he wasn't a surfer blond with a tan but some creep from the Philippines. I did a facebook phone number sync and the true was reviled!
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    Jul 05, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    I just get those people out of my life. They tend to cause me more stress/pain than joy/happiness, so I just let them go.