The anal sex dilemma

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2009 11:24 AM GMT
    I've listened to my buds talk about the wonders of taking a trip up the chocolate canal, but personally, I've never seen the attraction. I don't doubt them on the pleasure, but my reluctance revolves around one caveat -- that no matter how great it may feel, and no matter how well the bottom cleans out his anal cavity, more likely than not, you're going to pull out with some...errr, residue.

    Not to mention the smell...seriously, how do you guys do it? When people find out I'm not into anal sex at all, and to be honest, quite repulsed by it, they ask "how can you be gay"? I usually respond with something along the lines of, "that's like saying how can you be black without listening to rap music". Really, it's the same concept.

    I realize I'm clearly a minority here, and am by no means knocking a practice many gay men enjoy, but I guess I just don't understand how anal has transgressed from just another form of sex, to the accustomed, implicit standard it is today in regards to what constitutes real "sex" among many gay men.

    The consensus here seems to be that if you don't have anal sex, you aren't really having legitimate sex, and personally I find that notion to be absurd. Mind you, this is not an attempt to delve into the ad nauseum subject of g0y culture and how it attempts to redefine homo-masculinity (which I personally think is ridiculous). Rather, it is to genuinly understand how anal has become such an integral part of gay identity, in addition to why other forms of intimacy are looked down upon as less valid.

    Hope those of you "in the know" can provide some insight.
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    Jul 12, 2009 11:55 AM GMT
    First, I know plenty of gay guys who aren't into anal. The thought repulsed me, too, when I first came out, and I told gay friends I would never do it.

    I eventually did, out of curiosity, both as a bottom and top. It was OK, and it can have some of the drawbacks you mention, although I always wear a condom if only for cleanliness reasons. It still doesn't remain a big part of my sex life.

    Just from personal experience, I think human males are programmed to get some additional satisfaction when the sex act includes pelvic thrusting. There may be some subtle interaction between the body muscles involved and with the local stroking sensation of the penis. I do know it's a different experience when I bring myself to climax by moving my body, as compared to manual masturbation, whether by my hand or others, and also contrasted with oral. Consider also that men getting a BJ will often start thrusting into the mouth. It's almost an irresistible urge.

    Since a gay man doesn't have a vagina to thrust into, a rectum serves instead. And of course this brings gay visual and psychological excitements into play as well.

    As for the bottom, the pleasurable sensitivity of the prostate is a good motivator. Such an evolutionary oddity as a man's prostate developing this capability suggests that perhaps anal sex has been around for a very long time, and once served a purpose.

    Assuming one theory of human evolution, that males once spent long periods in group isolation from females as they hunted and roamed in packs, sexual gratification and group coherence may have been maintained by regular male-on-male sexual activity. When males periodically returned to the site where the females & children encamped, they would have hetero sex during their brief stay, then depart again. Hence the tendency of some modern gay men to sometimes desire and have straight sex, then resume homosexual behavior.

    But again, I think the belief that all gay men do anal is an erroneous assumption, nor should it be used as a measure of gayness. If you don't want to do anal, then don't.
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    Jul 12, 2009 12:42 PM GMT
    ugh.. it is ever so tiring..

    Sex does not make you gay..

    Sex does not make you straight..

    Sex does not make you blind..

    Sex is truly, just sex..

    What makes you gay is whats inside and I DON'T mean your arse..

    I mean the head on your shoulders..

    Your gay because your are driven to be with other men in an emotional AND physical way, you are driven to develop deep meaningful relationships with them.. not just shove your cock up there arse..

    My gawd, the idea of homosexuality is so fucking small..

    SSSSOOOOO you don't like anal.. thats kewl, that's not for you.. ya know what.. I know lots of guys into golden showers.. that aint me.. that doesn't mean I'm not a filthy little whore in the sack.. it just means I don't like dat sorta stuff.. let's try having a broader less judging view..
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 12, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    a recently and properly cleaned ass should NOT smell. (my bf's doesn't, and he assures me mine doesn't.)

    as a final step, i dab "5 fingers" of mouthwash in and around the rectum opening.

    my bf LOVES to rim me so long that my rosebud relaxes and opens..then he rims me deeper...he loves the taste of "minty fresh" mouthwash down there!

    like red vespa, i don't get any huge thrill from bottoming...it's ok but no orgasmic thrill for me. my bf loves to top me, though. we both feel that we "become one" when he is deep inside me and thrusting away. we make intense eye contact and touch and stroke each other and tease each other's nipples and wisper stuff i wouldn't say out loud clothed. icon_redface.gif

  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jul 12, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    I am a non anal for years. I top a few guys back in my twenties and after that stop doing it for some 20 years or so. I try bottoming after finding my sex life start to be boring, repetitive and stale. But I clean myself truly if I plan to bottom. (in the inside). If I have no hose and running water that me I will not bottom.
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    Jul 13, 2009 1:05 AM GMT
    I like it - but I completely agree with Tank in that it doesn't define who you are, and shouldn't.

    But, as someone else pointed out, if you've done your cleansing, there shouldn't be a smell.
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    I use to gag when I would pull out (even during at first), but eventually you get use to it.

    I hated to bottom my first time, but after trying and trying, you being to love it

    Try missionary, you don't ever smell it.
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
    Sometimes I wonder who ya'll are sleeping with...

    In two decades of having anal sex, I can count on one hand the number of times there's even been a tiny smell.
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    Jul 13, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    Christian73 saidSometimes I wonder who ya'll are sleeping with...

    In two decades of having anal sex, I can count on one hand the number of times there's even been a tiny smell.

    I'm thinking the same damned thing!
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    Jul 13, 2009 11:24 PM GMT
    Taking the anal top position gives you a sense of power and control, in addition to the physiological benefits. Taking the anal bottom position gives you a sense of surrender. Playing around with each other's genitals like lesbians don't look like real control or real surrender to me.
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    Jul 14, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    Why has is become the standard? Because it is an activity that we, and hundreds of other animals, instinctually enjoy.

    If you are so worried about a little poop, get a few sex toys and play with yourself, explore your body. I would be a little uncomfortable with sex with a vagina because I have never played with one. Making yourself familiar with the territory will make it less weird.

    And if it turns out you are not so into anal, great. If other guys scoff at your sexual interests, then they aren't worth having sex with.
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    Jul 14, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    MtndudeSF saidTaking the anal top position gives you a sense of power and control, in addition to the physiological benefits. Taking the anal bottom position gives you a sense of surrender. Playing around with each other's genitals like lesbians don't look like real control or real surrender to me.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Thats the stupidest thing ever..

    unless I let you... I'm in charge, there is no position that changes that, there is no man that can take that, being the bottom does not make me feel like I'm surrendering and considering that a top wants to enter me that gives me.. the bottom an immense amount of power, if I say no, there is no if, and or but about it and if I want to change positions, we do, if I want to stop, we do.. we do what i want when I want it, how I want it and unless I let you..

    And that goes for being top or bottom, if I surrender a sliver of control, I've done that by choice, I will top, bottom, what ever, but I've only given up power to a certain extent and for only as long as I deem it prudent too..

    No.. I hate the idea that sex is some how rendering another person in some position of dominance or submission, it's disgusting and rude..
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Jul 14, 2009 2:57 AM GMT
    Very fascinating posts on this thread....
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    Jul 14, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    MtndudeSF saidTaking the anal top position gives you a sense of power and control, in addition to the physiological benefits. Taking the anal bottom position gives you a sense of surrender. Playing around with each other's genitals like lesbians don't look like real control or real surrender to me.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Thats the stupidest thing ever..

    unless I let you... I'm in charge, there is no position that changes that, there is no man that can take that, being the bottom does not make me feel like I'm surrendering and considering that a top wants to enter me that gives me.. the bottom an immense amount of power, if I say no, there is no if, and or but about it and if I want to change positions, we do, if I want to stop, we do.. we do what i want when I want it, how I want it and unless I let you..


    I agree with you from a sexual politics standpoint, but the idea of relinquishing or having control is very hot to me. But, as you say, it's not an actual surrender.
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    Jul 14, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    Christian73 saidI agree with you from a sexual politics standpoint, but the idea of relinquishing or having control is very hot to me. But, as you say, it's not an actual surrender.
    but have you really given up control? if you say no and they stop, you haven't given up anything anyway.. you've only just given them the chance to follow the line you want them to follow.
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    Jul 14, 2009 12:39 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidBut then there are guys like me that register "NO" as a big whopping "YEEEESSS" and guys like me don't stop. icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    Man sex...it does the body good. icon_razz.gif

    but then you'd get hurt and that would be bad
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    MtndudeSF saidTaking the anal top position gives you a sense of power and control, in addition to the physiological benefits. Taking the anal bottom position gives you a sense of surrender. Playing around with each other's genitals like lesbians don't look like real control or real surrender to me.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Thats the stupidest thing ever..

    unless I let you... I'm in charge, there is no position that changes that, there is no man that can take that, being the bottom does not make me feel like I'm surrendering and considering that a top wants to enter me that gives me.. the bottom an immense amount of power, if I say no, there is no if, and or but about it and if I want to change positions, we do, if I want to stop, we do.. we do what i want when I want it, how I want it and unless I let you..

    And that goes for being top or bottom, if I surrender a sliver of control, I've done that by choice, I will top, bottom, what ever, but I've only given up power to a certain extent and for only as long as I deem it prudent too..

    No.. I hate the idea that sex is some how rendering another person in some position of dominance or submission, it's disgusting and rude..


    What you like to do is called "topping from the bottom" icon_lol.gif

    If this is the only type of sex you like you're missing out. Some of us like giving up control or taking control for real. It requires a deeper sense of trust.
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    Jul 14, 2009 3:28 PM GMT

    A clean ass has no residue and does not stink. Ask your bottom to douche. If you cave one day and...most nay sayers do, douche first.

  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jul 14, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    MtndudeSF saidTaking the anal top position gives you a sense of power and control, in addition to the physiological benefits. Taking the anal bottom position gives you a sense of surrender. Playing around with each other's genitals like lesbians don't look like real control or real surrender to me.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Thats the stupidest thing ever..

    unless I let you... I'm in charge, there is no position that changes that, there is no man that can take that, being the bottom does not make me feel like I'm surrendering and considering that a top wants to enter me that gives me.. the bottom an immense amount of power, if I say no, there is no if, and or but about it and if I want to change positions, we do, if I want to stop, we do.. we do what i want when I want it, how I want it and unless I let you..

    And that goes for being top or bottom, if I surrender a sliver of control, I've done that by choice, I will top, bottom, what ever, but I've only given up power to a certain extent and for only as long as I deem it prudent too..

    No.. I hate the idea that sex is some how rendering another person in some position of dominance or submission, it's disgusting and rude..


    Yeah i'll second that. And third it.
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    Jul 14, 2009 9:31 PM GMT

    That time I topped, I felt more emasculated then I expected. Plunging my poor tool into that dark cavern. Pardon me, but I like to keep important vascular appendages visible at all times. In/gone...out here, then gone again! It drove me nutts. icon_cry.gif

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jul 14, 2009 10:10 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    That time I topped, I felt more emasculated then I expected. Plunging my poor tool into that dark cavern. Pardon me, but I like to keep important vascular appendages visible at all times. In/gone...out here, then gone again! It drove me nutts. icon_cry.gif



    Poor GG. I also have haerd from storys where the ass ate the dick in the end.icon_twisted.gif

    As for my part, I just accepted that for some part the assfucking comes with the Territory. I dont really enjoy it, neither Top then Bottom. I can only remember 2 times were i came just because the fuck was so good.(bottoming)

    The ungood Chocolatesurprise is in my opinion the worst that can hapen during sex. As soon as I smell that its over. Sure some will say, clean up and it goes, but even after both showerd I dont get the smell out my nose.
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    Jul 14, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    lilTanker said
    muchmorethanmuscle saidBut then there are guys like me that register "NO" as a big whopping "YEEEESSS" and guys like me don't stop. icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    Man sex...it does the body good. icon_razz.gif

    but then you'd get hurt and that would be bad


    You know you'd love it. icon_razz.gif

    well we'll just have to find out icon_razz.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jul 15, 2009 3:29 AM GMT

    I don't quite feel like it's a dilemma per se, so much as a topic of further exploration. When with the ' right ' person, I am very sexual and am naturally motivated to learn as much as I am able. I like to know concepts inside and out. I would like to understand, through integrating theory and practice, what it really means - to me - to bottom and to top. I think it is fairly limiting to both individuals to claim that one preference is more or less dominating than the other. How can one say that when, for instance, a bottom may be more directive during sex while the top primarily adheres to the desires of the ' bossy bottom? '

    Nothing is set in stone and people are variable at best. Again, anal sex is an experience that I hope to explore in the future with gusto - and that makes sense to me because I truly love just about everything when it comes to men; I find myself, on occasion, in awe concerning their ethereal beauty. But this mindset is not for everyone.

    In your case, Tronik, you may thoroughly - to which friends I've made on here have attested - enjoy frottage (i.e., dry humping). Pelvic thrusting may be ingrained due to the fact that we may be biologically inclined to thrust to increase the chances of sewing our seed (see: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus). Anyhow, see what's out there and explore ... and now I sound like Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Not true.

    I'm a bottom/verse, so I bottom more than anything and top maybe once a month if even that unless I've been away for a very long time.

    And except for the occasional spontaneous mishap, I'm usually clean down there.

    Cleaning helps, but believe it or not simply eating healthy and remaining regular will go a long way.

    For as anal sex, look at the anus as a male vagina. and apply it to how heterosexuals think about ligitimate sex and simple substitutions.

    For my be and I, however, sex is just making the other cum. My boyfriends satisfied with just getting blow jobs, but I like to have him in me. There's just a closeness I feel that no matter how passionate a bj I am giving and or receiving, just doesn't compare.

    but I'd say we do more oral than anal.

    and for anyone who tells you that bottoming is being dominated not true. I ride my bf so quick and take control making him cum better than he ever could humping by himself.

    I've never cum from bottomming though.
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    Jul 24, 2009 9:26 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 saidVery fascinating posts on this thread....


    Yes.fascinating. Probably without realizing it, people are touching on issues of:

    shame, guilt, homophobia, sex as a control/submissive/surrender thing, definitions of real sex, gnder comparisons, comparisons to woman and lesbians, all sorts of things that guys desperatly cling to to define their masculinity.

    BTW........has anyone remembered that fucking is also a way to express love and feelings for a guy.....plain and simple?