Jealous Gym Buddy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2007 12:26 AM GMT
    I didn't know whether to put this here or on another section of this forum, but oh well...

    So I met my current best friend about six months ago and we've become really close since then. He became my gym buddy 'cuse he asked me to help him train and give him that push to keep him going.

    I've been going to his gym for the past six months 'cuse it's in his community and it's free. I've been in a pretty hard financial situation as of late (more or less the majority of my paycheck just goes to help my mom pay the mortgage and the bills. I DO live here, you know? And she's been an EXCELLENT mom, so it's the least I owe her). But my gym buddy has been too busy to go with me to the gym (and I can't get in without him. My I.D. doesn't match his card, obviously, and they check it) AND when he's not busy he's just gotten too lazy.

    Or maybe I'm being harsh, he's not gotten "lazy" so much as the gym is just not as important to him as it is to me (it's one of my greatest priorities, along with helping my family out and such). So he doesn't feel the need to be there as much as I do, etc.

    Anywho, since these past two weeks he has BARELY made it to the gym I decided to go with another friend of mine to HIS gym, cuse I'm not just about to stop working out.

    I told this to my best friend, that I was going to my other buddy's gym and HE FLIPPED OUT ON ME (TWICE already; each time I mentioned it)! He's mad that I'm going to the gym someone else. My thought process is "WTF?"

    I understand that I owe him a lot for letting me into his gym and whatnot, but it's not like we're married and I'm freggin' cheating on him with someone else. I'm kinda taken aback by it and I don't know how to deal with it or even ANALYZE it.

    I know he has NO romantic feelings for me, so I don't know why he's reacting this way.

    Any ideas? O_o
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2007 12:36 AM GMT
    Tell your friend to grow up!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2007 6:46 AM GMT
    Yep, he needs to get a life.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Apr 26, 2007 8:10 AM GMT
    You sound sweet, and your friend sounds domineering - tell him to suck it.
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    Apr 26, 2007 3:29 PM GMT
    well i used to have a gym buddy, we used to go together for like 2 monthes... then he stopped, he said he will go the next day, for me to wait for him and not to go without him. i did that for a week... and i started up again by myself and he got pissed because i also changed my workout schedual around without first asking him. i incorparated a lot more cardio work, and he hates cardio work. i love it i can run all day if my ipod had more songs on it and a giant waterbottle like a hampster,

    so my advice to u is, dont always rely on an unrelyable person. stick to the people who stick to u. irony
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 26, 2007 7:35 PM GMT
    tell him the truth- the gym is more important to you, and he wasn't going enough for you to keep on schedule. If he is your friend tell him how often a week you want to go when he says he can't go that often he will get the point.
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    Apr 26, 2007 10:02 PM GMT
    See, that's the thing, I DID tell him. I try not to be blunt to a point where I'll hurt someone, but I get very annoyed with lies and people who take forever to tell me the truth. So I try not to do that: I more or less told him straight up that he's an awesome friend (and he IS) but the gym is much more important to me than it is to him and that if he can't keep up, I'll go on on my own.

    I told him that AFTER he flipped out though.

    He got me mad today because I have a set schedule for my work outs and the routine types. I don't do cardio on this day and he said that I was GOING to do some regardless, or else I wouldn't be able to go to his gym again. I just told him I'd go to my other friend's gym and whatnot.

    I'm a very calm person but one thing that annoys me is when people try things like that. "Threats," even those said as a side comment, are not taken lightly and I have a tendency to tell the person to just get out of my face for a while.

    He's been an awesome friend but as of late we've been clashing a bit. I don't know what to make of it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2007 10:17 PM GMT
    Something is missing. It sounds like his responses are set in a context of something else going on.

    If he's not going to the gym, and you guys are friends who were workout buddies, as well as close friends, he can't expect you to stop going to the gym, just because he isn't.

    You can also do other things as "shared experience" with him.

    I know this is probably not the case, but if he said something like "I'm going to stop for a few weeks, but please remember that I want to be your workout partner...so just hold off finding another partner until I get my motivation back..." or something like thst.... That's what I mean by some other context.

    Even if you think there was no other context, is it possible that he does? Because otherwise he sounds a bit unstable to me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2007 10:50 PM GMT
    See, he never said that. He never said "hold on for a bit and I'll keep going when I get the time."

    He goes to school full time. I work part-time and go to school part-time (my schedule doesn't let me fit in enough classes, at least the last semester it didn't. I'm hoping it changes.). I understand that he has school so I don't harp him about it and when he has time off he just goes somewhere like to a concert or out with another friend or even hangs out at my house where we watch movies together, etc.

    And that's perfectly acceptable, because I don't expect my priorities to become someone else's, nor do should they expect their priorities to become mine. The issue isn't him not going to the gym, the issue is his reaction.

    The way I see it is: if you have other priorities and you have other things you want to do, why does it bother you that I'm going to the gym with someone else? If it REALLY was so important to you, it'd be a priority, no? So what's the problem?

    I still don't get his reaction. I really don't. I figure, if it was another situation such as if romantic feelings were involved, it might make sense for someone to act in a jealous way (well...MORE sense, but not completely. I'd still be immature)...and I'm 100% sure there is nothing there.

    And I mentioned that before in this thread because nothing else seems to make sense as to why he flipped out on me over something that seems to trivial to him (apparently?).

    Maybe he sees the gym as a way of keeping our friendship stronger? But then again, I repeat, it would be a priority, no? Meh.

    I think I'll just keep going with him to the gym until the 15th of next month when I'll be able to afford to go to my old gym or just go with my other friend. I'll let him know though, just so he doesn't flip out completely on me...
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 27, 2007 12:27 AM GMT
    sorry to hear-he sounds immature and controlling- yet another good reason to just b friends!
  • ramblerman

    Posts: 47

    Apr 27, 2007 2:01 AM GMT
    I think a lot of people have had problems with gym parnters, myself included. You said he needed someone to push him to workout, maby he was upset you didn't push hard enough, although no one wants to be a nag. I'm sure he was (like one of my friends) putting more importance on exclucive "woukout" relationship than you realized. If you want to still work out together set more times MWF or SatTuesThurs in stone, with a break every now & then. Or both go to local Y, your lower income & going to school will get you a huge discount & niether are dependent on the other to go.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 4:03 PM GMT
    Fire your "best friend." Way to much drama here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 6:13 PM GMT
    set your own agenda and stick to it bro - keep working out. if hes not working out as much anymore, just be honest and tell him you still need to get a good workout in as often as you wer before. if hes flippin id say hes got feelings. dudes are not supposed to react like that to situations unless there are romantic feeling involved. if hes still on your case, id say hes in it for more than a friendship... btw, how do you land a best friend for 6mo.. unrealistic. you may hang out a lot but be honest w/yourself you were totally using him - regardless what for... you were.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    Hi Again
    I reread your post because I was thinking about it on the bus as I think we have similar personality types... And because I think I have the answer.

    You said "He became my gym buddy 'cuse he asked me to help him train and give him that push to keep him going... I understand that I owe him a lot for letting me into his gym and whatnot..."

    The reason why he's upset is because you're giving him free personal training! Without you, he'll go back to being slovenly and he obviously knows that.

    And by the way, you don't owe him anything. Did it cost him anything to let you into his gym ? Have you not helped him with his training ? Don't go overboard with guilt following favours (like I used to!)...

    Hope this helps
    William
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2007 10:58 AM GMT
    "btw, how do you land a best friend for 6mo.. unrealistic. you may hang out a lot but be honest w/yourself you were totally using him - regardless what for... you were."

    I know it's been a short amount of time, but it's very difficult for me to become close to other people. Aside from family, I tend to have a very small group of close friends as opposed to having a lot of them. I'm a very private person in a sense, but since I met him about six months ago we've gotten very close.

    We used to hang out almost everyday (I know, not exactly the best idea) and now that he's busier we only really hang out every so often but it's still at least once or three times a week.

    They gym isn't really the reason we hang out, but it's important to me.

    As for the part of me training him: he stopped listening to me the past two months. He doesn't really feel like doing the routines I come up with so when we go to the gym he just goes his way and I go mine. I don't see why it should bother him at this point when I'm no longer training him.