Does Love exist in Gay world??

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    Jul 13, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    I'm 23 years old, recently out of the closet, I've been dating for a while, and it all ends up the same, guys just want to have sex. I totally understand this, we're guys, we are men, we need to spread the seed, i get that, but i don't understand how people take sex so lightly. I think sex it's the most intimate and private thing you do with the one you love or at least care about. I know it sounds cliche and corny and cheesy, but i believe in that, i can't help it. I'm 23 years old and I'm tired of the bullshit and lies that people do just to have sex. I feel (especially in L.A) that everybody are just going after sex, nothing more, no attachments, no relations, no intimacy. I feel like I'm the only one who thinks like that, i don't know, Am i the only one who believes that? Or I'm wrong? Should i sleep around and find happiness in that?
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jul 13, 2009 4:05 AM GMT
    You are far from alone. The ones who want something more than the superficial and physical and temporary are much harder to find. But at least it makes you appreciate it all the more when you have found it. I found my boyfriend on here.
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    Jul 13, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    no

    oh that was simple
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    Jul 13, 2009 10:19 AM GMT
    oi tanker, which question of the OP are you responding to?

    i think as far as i've seen it, the only love that exists in the gay world is the love of self, on the basis that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all... and if by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of, leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in looooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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    Jul 13, 2009 1:53 PM GMT



    Hey whatever55_2,

    We like welcoming unicorns to Realjock, so welcome.

    - two unicorns


    "Does love exist in Gay world?"

    Yes!
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    Jul 13, 2009 1:54 PM GMT
    so cynical!

    of course it does.

    you're obviously looking in the wrong places
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    Jul 13, 2009 2:06 PM GMT
    I have to admit that I'm very guilty for the whole sex thing. Even back when I was looking for a relationship, I think deep down inside I just wanted to fuck. Its natural though, we're young. You should go out and dabble a little. Coming from another young guy, I'll be 21 in august, I wish I had spent more time being young before I settled down. I think I would know myself better.

    But sex for me was always very empty. I just wanted to get off. I will have to admit that it was my boyfriend who taught me how to make love. and even though meaningless sex is so empty and pointless, there is still a part of me that misses it.

    I'm going to tell you what I tell everyone. There are so many dudes out there who are probably in love with you right now and you won't even give them the time of day. sometimes you need to truly consider what it is that you want in a guy and if you're turning those people away because of something pointless.

    Also, don't go into anything with expectations. When it comes down to dating thats a really good way to let yourself down. I advise everyone to simply make friends and let relationships build. The best monogamy comes from people who you've been dating before the two of you even realized it.

    I will tell you though that love does exist and as cheesy as it may sound, its probably standing right in front of you. That was the case for me.

    People told me for over a year and a half that they thought my partner and I would make a good couple. I laughed at them because he was just a friend who would drive me everywhere. And when it dawned upon me it was so scary, because suddenly I looked at him differently and he made my heart race. It was very embarrasing to have that guy you use to tease and hang out with suddenly make your heart race. I'm not proud to admit that we'd been having sex for months also, but I think it only helped bring us to that point.

    So I say just go with the flow. and make friends. and if feelings should every arise, don't deny them. Embrace them. you'll wind up very happy.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 13, 2009 2:14 PM GMT
    Yes it does ...

    I've had it twice in my life so far
    But there are lots of things that feel like love
    that can turn into some serious hurt

    You are esp vulnerable when you're young
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    Jul 13, 2009 2:31 PM GMT
    You should learn to enjoy casual sex. Putting a romantic spin on sweaty humping is grand and all, but sex is sex and romance is romance. The two will meet sometimes, but even when you are in a long term lovey-dovey relationship your partner will still just want to hump your face until he comes and then fall asleep.

    But, don't be so closed to sexual experiences. If I want to find out if I am compatible with someone, I need to find out if I am sexually compatible with him. I could give him a questionnaire, or I could have sex. Who knows, you could go out, find a cute guy, take him home, fuck his brains out, and twenty years later be sending your adopted kid off to college.
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    Jul 13, 2009 2:39 PM GMT
    Maybe its agist, but I think most guys in their early twenties are full of raging hormones, which makes sexual release, conquest, the "hunt" a priority. I didn't settle down till I was 35, and we;ve been together 31 years. Know a lot of other couples with similar stories, only one in which the guys were 18 and 23. Just be out there, be open to relationships, and know that we all get hurt, maybe more than once, before the right one comes along.
    Best of luck to you.
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:22 PM GMT
    Guys that want sex are not a feature of the "Gay world" only. Straight guys do the same thing too. Younger guys in particular tend to have a high libido.

    Anyway, you can't choose you family, but you can choose your friends. Choose wisely. L.A. is a big place (15 million people), if you can't find friends there, you probably won't be able to find them anywhere
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:27 PM GMT
    You're 23 and newly out.. it may take you awhile to weed through the skanks, but you'll get the hang of it ( hopefully) and eventually be able to tell the quality guys from the rest.
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
    I'm 22 and in a very strong monogamous relationship with a man i love very very much - and he loves me back just the same.

    What you need is to find men who are into what YOU are into - A long lasting loving relationship. Yes we do exist (and we always seem to meet on Flickr for some reason.... icon_razz.gif )
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    stop looking.--focus on you for now. thats what im doing.
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    Jul 13, 2009 3:50 PM GMT

    Man those girls are cute.
    I can tell by looking and reading your op that you are a sensitive kind of guy; STAY THAT WAY! While all the other hounds are out, having sex, drinking, and partying, you stick with your girls and your buds, as Tereseus1 said, do you.

    Trust me guy, you aren't missing anything. Truth be told, they are missing out by not being more like you. What they've done is they've set a flair that attracts others like them. If you mimic them, you'll attract the same type. Be you and while it may be less expedient than the wild things experience, you'll attract your type to yourself.

    LOVE
    , replace this word with like at least tell you hit 30. LOVE is a concept that I think mostly growing up can fully dictate what it is for you. Right now, it's probably still a cliche or a fairytale. Live a bit before you start throwing that word around. At all cost, avoid using it with any budding romance at this juncture in your life (20's), it's a whole box of fish food at one time for any young lover if you get my drift. If it's there, whatever, you guys will feel it.





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    Jul 13, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    I really, really hope so

    but everyday, I'm reminded what selfish assholes a significant portion of gay males are...

    But I know a few caring, sane ones so I view it as a statistics game, in which I may not certainly win they will certainly loose in the long run
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    Jul 13, 2009 4:24 PM GMT
    What ees thees 'love' thing? Is it some kind of cookie?
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    Jul 13, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
    Sedative saidWhat ees thees 'love' thing? Is it some kind of cookie?


    It 's an antiquated human concept that was acquired during a hostile acquisition seizure in the 1980's along with joy, affection and innocence by a dummy corporation formed between Disney and Hallmark, where it was licensed, copyrighted and restricted before being homogenized and sold off to a desperate and disillusioned customer base icon_neutral.gif

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    Jul 13, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    Oh I see. In our part of the world, I think we call it 'Mickey Mouse'.
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    Jul 13, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    honestly......i think thet love doesn`t exist.....

    Like the spanish motto: "ver para creer" (see to believe)

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    Jul 13, 2009 5:29 PM GMT
    ABSOLUTELY!!

    You are not the only one! There are tons of us guys out here experiencing the same thing you are.

    The trick (no pun intended) is not allowing the cynics and jaded to pull you into their way of being. It's a highly negative, self indulgent and corrosive life that seems to only leave an empty and cold heart. Sex is the ultimate physical expression two people can share.... do it enough with countless unknown guys and the value of it will be completely lost. Hence the throw away sex partner mentality you/we encounter.

    Stick it out, the right guy will come along. Might not be on your hoped for schedule but he will. If you ever have a nagging feeling in your gut that tells you the man you are interested in might just be after sex, don't give it to him! These guys almost always give their intentions away if you just watch and listen!

    One last thing. Do not let anyone ever tell you or try to convince you that because you are a young guy, your views are naive, prudish or that you will grow out of it. Your heart is in the right place, keep it that way. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 13, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    no, only in gay porn.
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    Jul 13, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    I would like to think there is love in the gay world, but sadly, I haven't found it. It always does seem that guys only have one thing in mind, while wholeheartedly skipping over the other sincere, fun things of truly getting to know someone before jumping into his pants.

    The last guy I recently saw back in early 2009 only fed me what I wanted to hear (despite his schmaltzy romanticism towards love) but in the end, only wound-up wanting one thing and one thing only, though he never got it since I don't put-out that easily or quickly! And this needy douchebag found me here on RJ.

    Still, you're only 23, and there's so much more for you out there than someone like myself who is 39, particular, and has been out since age 21.
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    Jul 13, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    Love, lust, casual sex, romantic sex...they all exist. The trouble comes from deciding which one you want at any given time and then determining which one you're actually getting (or giving). It gets easier with practice (but never gets easy).
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    Jul 13, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    The ancient Greeks never wrote obituaries. When a man died, they asked only one question, “Did he find passion?"