Spritual Healing Realized by Spooning with my Mum!

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    Jul 14, 2009 6:16 AM GMT

    I've been dying to share this experience with you guys upon my last visit to the Philippines, for the first time in 8 years since arriving here in Dubai pre-9/11! Anyway, all the while I was home, I slept beside my mum in her bed. This was most practical so we can catch up with each other until we both falled asleepicon_wink.gif I've always slept beside her even as an adult since her room was the only one with air conditioning, eversince.

    Every morning during my last visit, I noticed that we were back to how we've always been: *but I had no idea at the time what it was in my childhood to adolescence* --she's spooned me as I resumed a fetal position very comfortably. Every morning when I sleep right beside her.

    And it felt glorious! It seems as if my "decay" (you know, the usual stressors i.e. working in a foreign land, no immediate support system, different culture, failed relationships, heartaches, general uncertainties, and so on) in the years that had passed living abroad just wore off, like dead skin. For the first time, I felt this is all what I've been missing and needed, realizing how stupid I was to seek this kind of comfort from another man and the troubles that came with.

    I have never felt happier, content and satisfied at that moment which felt so still. It was such a profound experience to me. Like everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is forgiven: past, present and future, making me in touch with my being. It was such a spectacular elating feeling, yet quite subtle, that I felt and even smelt in my breathing. It was like all my senses integrated and was made still. I felt healed on a higher plane of being. Totally incomparible, it was strange as it was familiar. I've shared this experience to my friends and nobody just seemed to get it. I just felt the need to articulate this the best way I could, as these are just written words.

    That's why upon my return, I felt more confident, secure and very positive. I became a different person.

    It would be lovely to know if this experience isn't unique as it appears to be.


  • joggerva

    Posts: 731

    Jul 15, 2009 1:10 PM GMT
    Apparently, this experience is quite unique. But thanks for sharing it, zim.

    I had always been close to my mother growing up, but being rather religious, she didn't react well to my coming out. Things haven't been the same between us since then, but I remain hopeful. I will be visiting my parents in Florida later this month, and while there will be no spooning involved, there will be many late night poolside conversations, I'm sure. And hopefully some spiritual healing for the both of us. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 15, 2009 1:28 PM GMT
    It sounds totally understandable to me, though this kind of intimacy is rare in the US between a mother and her adult son. But those are cultural & personal differences that don't make it less wholesome & acceptable as you describe it, and as therapeutic as you say it was.

    Late last week I was suddenly in great peril for a couple of days, and very greatly traumatized, perhaps the worst in my entire life. I haven't mentioned it here yet, and not sure that I will. I'm still coming down from it, and waiting for a possible delayed reaction and emotional collapse.

    My partner is waiting for it, too, keeping on eye on me. And every night he spoons and cuddles with me, nothing sexual, and we fall asleep holding hands. His touch is reassuring, and soothing to my distressed mind. Last night I woke around 5 AM with terrible nightmares, convulsing so badly he thought I was having one of my epileptic seizures. I went back to sleep with him spooning me, and stroking my side with his hand.

    So yeah, I can understand this. I'm glad you have your mother to comfort you.
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    Jul 15, 2009 7:04 PM GMT
    In psychoanalytical terms, you returned to the "oceanic consciousness" of the womb. Actually, it's a fairly common experience, although the literal mother is not necessarily present.
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    Jul 15, 2009 8:06 PM GMT

    Oh God, I love that term!! "Oceanic Consciousness", right, where the most natural position to assume is being in the fetal mode... as I was my mum's smaller spoon. If only my late dad could see us from above. icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 15, 2009 10:47 PM GMT
    The experience is generally related to mystical or religious feelings. Of course, Freud pathologized it:

    In 1927 Freud had published The Future of an Illusion, in which he criticized organized religion and religiosity in general as a mass delusion, a compensatory escape from the realities of existence.
    ñThis text sets the stage for Civilization insofar as it marks a first extension of a psychoanalytic problematic into the general sphere of shared culture.
    ñFreud also begins Civilization by countering an objection to Future of an Illusion made by his friend, the French writer and critic Romain Rolland. Rolland agrees with Freud about the illusory nature of religion, but he maintains that humans share a common feeling of innate religiosity. Rolland calls this an "oceanic" feeling in which the individual feels bonded with the entire world and the whole human race. It is a sense of oneness, boundlessness, limitlessness.
    –Freud acknowledges the existence of this "oceanic" feeling, but for him it does not bespeak an innate religiosity. Instead, he explains it by turning to psychoanalytic experience.
    –Boundlessness, oneness, a sense of union with the entire world Freud identifies with infantile narcissism. This is the stage that, according to Freud, all infants go through immediately after birth until about the second or third year of life. In this stage, the child is pure ego and does not yet distinguish between the subjective self and an objective outside world.
    –This state of absolute narcissism, in which the ego subsumes the world in its entirety, is not broken until the infant realizes that it cannot satisfy its own demands—it recognizes its reliance on others and an objective world on the basis of lack or the experience of unfulfillment. The world emerges as an "other," in short, only as a negative experience for the child: as the impossibility of satisfaction, a disruption of the demand for pleasure, as a threat and as something painful. The objective world for Freud is always nothing other than the object of desire, and it makes its presence known by the fact that the ego cannot satisfy its own desire, but that this satisfaction must come from elsewhere, from an other that the ego cannot control.
    ñThe ìreligiousî feeling described by Rolland Freud interprets as a psychic remnant of this initial infantile narcissism. He notes that it is not uncommon for such remnants of previous stages of oneís psychic development to remain as part of the psyche even after this stage as such has been superseded. The ìoceanicî feeling is just such a psychic remnant of our narcissistic ego. (See Freud Reader pp. 724-25)
    ñFreud concludes that the source of religious feeling is not simply the memory of primary narcissism; rather, for him it derives from the helplessness of the infant, itís need for protection by a stronger, more powerful force. Hence religions project their gods typically as father figures, who are allusions to the desire for such a protective figure.

    From: http://courses.washington.edu/freudlit/Civilization.Notes.html

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    Jul 16, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    Well, it is important to realize that regression to infantile narcissism does feel wonderful. That is probably why true narcissists are so incapable of seeing themselves from the perspective of others and famously lack empathy.

    What Zimmy is describing is episodic, not pathological, and in my view a gift.
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    Jul 16, 2009 7:05 PM GMT