Self Imporvement Books for Gay Men?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2009 7:05 AM GMT
    Hey guys well I find myself at a unique point in my life. Im about to head back to college to finish up and get my BA. I have been in a long term "unofficial" relationship but as he would say its a trust thing that we will be together once he is out of the closet. He does show his affection and he is and considered to be my boyfriend without having the official title. We have been friends for almost 4 years and already said I love you to each other. I'm openly gay with basicly everyone in my family except maybe some extended fam. My family supports me and loves my boyfriend. He is refered to as the "Other Son". We have never had sex or do anything sexual besides maybe a kiss on the cheek but with me getting my own place here soon I expect that will change. (btw, yes he does want that with me... he's dreamed it and told me about it just havent had the chance for that yet) So I guess I see myself at a point where I'm passed the accepting myself, coming out, had my fun in the scene, and now got a great guy and getting ready for the next part of my life. Anyone know any good books or anything that could help with this? maybe any experinces? been kind of on my mind and any thoughts I would really apprechiate. Thanks guys.
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    Jul 15, 2009 9:52 AM GMT
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  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jul 15, 2009 11:10 AM GMT

    I tend to read through articles, journals, and the occasional well-written love story concerning what it means to others to be gay. I also think that if you were to read through a lot of these forums and read through the various posts in the threads, that you'd receive quite a bit of worthwhile advice.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 15, 2009 9:12 PM GMT
    How is "getting to that next part of your life" any different for a gay man than for anybody else? I would think that a much wider range of self-improvement books would apply to what you're describing.
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    Jul 15, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    Forgive me, but as an ex-Army guy, this sounds a bit "by the numbers" to me. I don't recall any "steps" when I came out, rather late in life. I just came out.

    If you've had a guy for "almost 4 years and already said I love you to each other" then I wonder what's holding you back? You say even your family refers to him as their "Other Son."

    Sounds to me like it's a done deal, so congrats, and start to enjoy life as a gay couple. And BTW, I also fail to understand why this would mean an end to being "in the scene" insofar as gay life is concerned.

    I'm monogamously partnered, and we're as much in the scene as anyone, maybe even more so. Our pics are all over the social pages of the gay rags down here in Florida, very visible and out-and-about. We just do it as a couple. I hope you do, too. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 16, 2009 5:06 AM GMT


    What up Ryan!
    This book that I think you might find of interest is not a step by step book but a book that will truly if your ready shed some light if soul searching is what you seek. The book: THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and it's follow up THE COMPANION. Happy reading
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2009 5:24 AM GMT

    Sounds like you're at an exciting juncture. Some favorites of mine:

    Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect by Brad Gooch

    The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh

    Get Closer: A Gay Men's Guide to Intimacy and Relationships
    by Jeffrey N. Chernin

    and

    The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs

    Happy reading and best of luck!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 16, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    When my bf and I first started seeing one another, he bought this book for me to read called "The Male Couple", I believe. I can hunt it up here in my house and get the author. He felt it would be helpful since I was clueless at the time.

    I sort of didn't read it much however. Maybe I should still pull it!
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  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Jul 16, 2009 6:01 AM GMT
    In a not-so-serious but yet honest way, I recommend Dry by Augusten Burroughs. In the context of a novel, he acknowledges every corner of the gay heart.
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    Jul 16, 2009 6:25 AM GMT
    thanks guys. wow. lots of responses. yeah it is a pretty exciting point in my life. I guess alot has to do with the fact that thanks to my guy I'm not so worried about the what ifs anymore. Im usually planning and what not for any murphy's law possibility cause well usually had to and i guess I find myself where things are actually looking up for a change and I guess it can be best described like this: 1.) worry about things messing up and have no way to fix it cause i didn't plan for it; 2.) spend so much time worrying that i screw things up myself because of my worry; 3.) (even worse i think) spend time worrying things will screw up and they never do and because of my fears I miss out on some great oppertunities. This is actually what lead me to ask for the advice. It is an intresting point for me and I see it and feel it and I guess im trying to make the most of it. this bit of uncharted waters is pretty cool but honestly im pretty scared about it. thanks again. im sure all will be well.