People's Reaction to My/Your Losing Weight???

  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    Jul 15, 2009 1:20 PM GMT
    Over the weekend I had occasion to be with two different groups of people who I had not seen since the Christmas Holidays (at that time when I weighed 245 lbs). I now am at 197 lbs, and I believe I look substantially 'different' now.

    Group A: Straight people (men and women) from church who noticed that I had lost weight and who said I looked so much better, and what was I doing to lose the weight.

    Group B: Gay men who didn't say a gosh darn thing about my weight (good, bad, or indifferent! Never the topic up.)

    I am perplexed and have tried to read why the responses of Group B was so different than Group A. Do you have any thoughts? Btw, don't worry as I was not discouraged by Group B's response, as my weight loss is for ME, not anyone else (well, maybe "Mr. Right" should he ever come along! LOL).
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    Jul 15, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    Hey Bri--

    People are totally bizarre about weight loss comments, in my experience. My weight goes up and down with regularity and I'm always very amused at the reactions when I lose weight. I've had people tell me simultaneously that I look better, look worse, look sick, look healthier, look sexier, don't look as sexy, should eat more, should eat less, they tell me what I should wear, what I shouldn't wear--all to my face, all unsolicited (did I ask you get up in my grill about my size? I don't think so.) Makes me wonder what they say behind my back.

    The other common reaction is, "What did you do?" (to which I always respond, "ate less, exercised more") often followed by a long recitation of every diet they have been on that didn't work.

    By contrast, when I gain weight, no one says ANYTHING.

    All one can do is, ignore it and keep one's own counsel, I've decided.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jul 15, 2009 5:04 PM GMT

    When I slim, it's noticeable in the face; there's no getting around it. I usually get the overly concerned look from my southern mother unit (while breaking for the summer). I've lost weight as of the past couple of months - I rather like it - but I am being careful as to how I go about steadily increasing the visibility of striated muscle while simultaneously increasing my metabolic rate; I understand that weight loss can be a psychologically precarious venture.
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    Jul 30, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    I found people didn't notice for several months, because I needed to lose weight from my face first. Then I got a lot of comments about how great I looked.

    However, the people who knew I was losing weight weren't supportive. My mother told me I needed to stop before I lost too much (at 85Kg -_^) and my grandma did the same. People told me my diet couldn't work (Yes, lost 20Kg, just a phase, right) and that I should do their diet instead.

    Co-workers kept *insisting* that I eat birthday cakes and snacks and big lunchs and fried food. They got very annoyed when I refused and started to pester.

    Overall, I came to decide it was the people who were jealous or felt guilty they weren't losing weight that tried to emotionally sabotage me. My BF even told me he felt bad I was losing weight, because I'd be so much more attractive and would clearly dump him -_^
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    Jul 30, 2009 1:17 AM GMT
    I lost about 42 lbs., and I found that people really noticed when I got new clothes that fit my new body. With the old baggy clothes, not many people noticed. I had one friend who told me to stop losing weight since I had dropped so much since the 3 months when she last saw me. I had lost 3 lbs since that time.

    I have a woman in my office who's lost 73 lbs and I really noticed it when she got new clothes, even though we've been trading support.

    Granted, my ex didn't notice the weight loss at all, so many men are just clueless. icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 30, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    Maybe the gay group just don't care? I don't mean that to sound harsh, but if they're your friends, then maybe it's good that they like you no matter how much you weigh.

    I get that it would be nice for people to comment - I've recently lost weight and only now have a few people commented. I think that is mostly because the clothes I wear are still biggish and it was only till I took my sweater off that people noticed.

    Also, some people may feel funny commenting on weight loss because it implies you had the weight to loose.

    Congrats on the loss and keep it up!

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    Jul 30, 2009 1:34 AM GMT
    Don't know what to say about group B. Maybe the winter clothing hid your 245 lbs. Agree some people just feel weird commenting on weight.

    My family keep saying I'm too skinny, since I've gotten in better shape this summer. When my grandpa or aunt come to visit they ask if I'm on a diet or something, with not a very positive attitude. I'm not on a diet icon_eek.gif I'm simply making healthier or smarter choices, and exercising icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 02, 2009 8:26 AM GMT
    underbearboy saidOver the weekend I had occasion to be with two different groups of people who I had not seen since the Christmas Holidays (at that time when I weighed 245 lbs). I now am at 197 lbs, and I believe I look substantially 'different' now.

    Group A: Straight people (men and women) from church who noticed that I had lost weight and who said I looked so much better, and what was I doing to lose the weight.

    Group B: Gay men who didn't say a gosh darn thing about my weight (good, bad, or indifferent! Never the topic up.)

    I am perplexed and have tried to read why the responses of Group B was so different than Group A. Do you have any thoughts? Btw, don't worry as I was not discouraged by Group B's response, as my weight loss is for ME, not anyone else (well, maybe "Mr. Right" should he ever come along! LOL).


    Group A is generally more honest. Group B often often never says anything about taboo topics / to be all accepting even if it's absurd. It's a weird culture that's highly animated.
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    Aug 02, 2009 9:16 AM GMT
    It's not loosing weight per say, but last year from about July to October, I went from being twiggy with some extra flab, to being much more built and lean.

    The responses was completely noticeable and from everyone. Over that time, I didn't go out that much, and then all of the sudden I did.

    Behind my back people were saying I was using steroids.
    Boys I had always thought were hot but never gave me the time of day before, were now hitting on me.

    It was really funny. Looks change everything.
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    Aug 02, 2009 10:36 AM GMT
    Maybe Group B didn't comment because talking about appearances could be interpreted as showing sexual interest. Group A didn't have to take that into consideration, cause they're straight.
  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    Aug 02, 2009 12:57 PM GMT
    Well, I have to say that with group B (the gay men) I thought:
    a) they're jealous that I am now physically at their size or thinner. They are all of a bearish sort, though not muscle bears (but I'm not either).
    b) they don't really think that my losing weight HAS made all that much difference (i.e. indifferent and/or not impressed).

    I have been lucky that I still get very nice comments from da "Church Ladies"... last week one commented to me, "Brian, there is just so much LESS of you!" LOL Old folks can be such a hoot.

    And I'm thankful for the nice comments from youze guyz here, of course.
  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    Aug 13, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
    So last night I attended a meeting of gay men and lesbians who I used to work with 2 years ago (and who haven't seen me in about that long), and was amazed at how they all 'ooo'd and 'ahhh'd' over the 'new' me... sorta fun to hear, "Brian, we've gone grayer but you've gone LIGHTER (and not in your hair coloring either!). All wanted to know 'my secret' LOL While they were filling their faces with cheesy Manicotti and Chocolate Cake... I was content with my Diet Dr. Pepper.

    So I'm more confident that at least THIS bunch of gay folks noticed and were impressed with my decidedly improved body image.
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    Aug 13, 2009 11:56 PM GMT
    Yea people get weird about commenting on people's successes. Some people are fake, others are condescending (sometimes disguised by faux concern), and others are supportive. The most supportive ones I've found are the ones who've been where you are, or who genuinely care about you and your happiness. The rest of the time it's just noise. Maybe some people aren't commenting because they don't think they need to?

    underbearboySo I'm more confident that at least THIS bunch of gay folks noticed and were impressed with my decidedly improved body image.


    Not sure if you meant this the way it came out, but your body image is your's and your's alone. If you let other people determine that, then you might not going to enjoy your new body and improved health as much. Quite frankly, you worked hard for it, and you deserve to get the most you can out of your accomplishment.
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    Aug 14, 2009 12:03 AM GMT
    I dropped a substantial amount of weight several years ago, to this day anyone who knew me during that period says I "look skinny" still, I've been this size for three years. Even if they knew me when I was my current size before my big balloon in weight.

    I think your gay friends didn't say anything about it because most gay men are very body dysmorphic and highly critical of their own physiques. To mention your transformation would (to them) be pointing out their own self imposed idea of what they themselves should look like.

    You can't trust people who are not comfortable with their own body to be comfortable with yours.

    Congrats on the weight loss! I think that's fabulous!
    GREAT JOB!
  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    Aug 18, 2009 12:24 PM GMT
    Runninchlt said
    underbearboySo I'm more confident that at least THIS bunch of gay folks noticed and were impressed with my decidedly improved body image.


    Not sure if you meant this the way it came out, but your body image is your's and your's alone. If you let other people determine that, then you might not going to enjoy your new body and improved health as much. Quite frankly, you worked hard for it, and you deserve to get the most you can out of your accomplishment.


    No I didn't mean it the way I wrote it. But I agree with you that even though I'm now down to [drumroll] 189.5 lbs. today that doesn't mean that everyone will take notice of me and want me to rock their world romantically! But I'm just happier with feeling healthy and looking better than I did in February.

    I am happy to FINALLY be out of this 1-1/2 months rotation between 192 to 195lbs. I guess that it is true that as you lose more weight it becomes harder to lose. On my caloriecount website I can graphically see that my weight loss has grown shallower.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Aug 18, 2009 12:30 PM GMT
    underbearboy saidSo last night I attended a meeting of gay men and lesbians who I used to work with 2 years ago (and who haven't seen me in about that long), and was amazed at how they all 'ooo'd and 'ahhh'd' over the 'new' me... sorta fun to hear, "Brian, we've gone grayer but you've gone LIGHTER (and not in your hair coloring either!). All wanted to know 'my secret' LOL While they were filling their faces with cheesy Manicotti and Chocolate Cake... I was content with my Diet Dr. Pepper.

    So I'm more confident that at least THIS bunch of gay folks noticed and were impressed with my decidedly improved body image.
    Good for them and you. Some members of Group B are probably jealous queens.
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    Aug 21, 2009 1:50 PM GMT
    Here is a before/after picture montage that I created to show how dramatic my weight loss has been. People who knew me in highschool (when I was at my heaviest 380) always react. People I have met in college react sometimes depending on how far along in the process I was when I met them.

    http://www.realjock.com/fullphoto/?id=231531_465433&height=359&adult=0