Three Somes?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    Anybody have any experience having a three some while they're in a serious monogamous relationship? My boyfriend and I are really serious and we've been dating for 9 months and we've just recently started talking about having a three some. Neither one of us has had one and we are thinking we would like to try it. Anybody have any experience / advice?
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    Jul 16, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
    when one walks through a field of minds, one must always be careful to avoid the mounds..

    in otherwords.. tread carefully you could lose your nuts..
  • JohnG16775

    Posts: 235

    Jul 16, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    not for me
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    Jul 16, 2009 3:51 AM GMT
    KISS YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOOD BYE....

    WAKE UP.......
    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 16, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    It works for some couples, and it's disaster for others. Personally, I think a 9 month relationship is too soon to be exploring this type of thing. I guess you can give it a try, if the both of you really want it.
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    Jul 16, 2009 4:41 AM GMT
    My partner & I used to have threesomes back in the late 70's and early 80's. They were fun and did not cause us any problems. We both felt though that in any threesome there are two guys into each other and a third.
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    Jul 16, 2009 4:41 AM GMT
    xrichx saidIt works for some couples, and it's disaster for others. Personally, I think a 9 month relationship is too soon to be exploring this type of thing. I guess you can give it a try, if the both of you really want it.

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    Jul 16, 2009 4:45 AM GMT

    Carefull! As one tends to feel left out sometimes and if someone chimes in that vibe......ALL COULD BE LOST! Make sure your relationship is SOLID befor you enter those waters!
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 16, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    RipTide saidAnybody have any experience having a three some while they're in a serious monogamous relationship?



    The answer here would be.....no.

    You would not have any experience having a three some if you are in a serious monogamous relationship.


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    Jul 16, 2009 5:59 AM GMT

    Either make sure the third is not hotter than you or wayyy hotter than the both of you! lol.



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    Jul 16, 2009 6:44 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Either make sure the third is not hotter than you or wayyy hotter than the both of you! lol.






    there is much wisdom in this...
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    Jul 16, 2009 6:52 AM GMT
    While not in a monogamous relationship, we've been together many many years, and we've had two threesomes.

    The first was way more into me than my partner, and I found I really didn't like that. Guess I'm protective.

    The second was into both of us and we all had a great time. Nevertheless, we never did it again. Partially coincidence and partially not wanting to risk the first experience being repeated.

    In both cases it was out on Fire Island and the guys were from out of town, neither friends of ours nor local, each of which I guess would have potential problems if something clicked TOO well for one of us. Being an open rel it's not something we worry about, I guess I don't understand a monogamous couple risking it, at least if that fear is the reason for their monogamy.

    I've heard of couples who tried it and it didn't work for them, but it did help them understand they just wanted each other. I'm kinda thinking that you guys are trying this either
    a) for fun, or
    b) to work out some problems.

    If it's (a) it's unlikely it will harm your relationship. If it's (b) the problems are already there. I don't really subscribe to the idea that the threesome itself has the power to break up a couple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2009 7:44 AM GMT
    lol a threesome is not a monogamous relationship. icon_wink.gif

    Open relationships come in many types and combinations.

    Threesome one nighters only, separate one nighters only, separate affairs only, threesome affairs only, and various other combinations, like polyamory, but none are monogamous.

    And to ward off the flames, we'll add this: that one type of relationship is not automatically better than the other - it wholly hinges on the people involved.
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    Jul 16, 2009 7:49 AM GMT
    After 3 weeks with my ex, I suggested a threesome. I did this because I was no longer in lust with him. How we lasted 6 months is beyond me. I digress.

    At the 8 month mark I would hope that sex with a my man is still fun, great, exciting, toe-curling. I would hope I was still still in a honeymoon phase where I want to be with him and just him. I would hope that a threesome is the furtherest thing on my mind.

    But that's me.

    All I can suggest to the OP is that you really think it through. My last threesome was with a couple, where the young partner reeeeeeally wanted one coz he had never had one. His partner, who was older, was totally not into it but did it out of love. The whole vibe was awkward. I vowed to never do one with a couple again.
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    Jul 16, 2009 7:53 AM GMT
    meninlove said lol a threesome is not a monogamous relationship. icon_wink.gif

    Open relationships come in many types and combinations.

    Threesome one nighters only, separate one nighters only, separate affairs only, threesome affairs only, and various other combinations, like polyamory, but none are monogamous.

    And to ward off the flames, we'll add this: that one type of relationship is not automatically better than the other - it wholly hinges on the people involved.



    i actually have met three men that live together and are in a committed relationship. ..i thought that this was unreal but they have been together for a while.....now i just read what meninlove wrote....isnt it possible for three men to be together...monogamously??
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    Jul 16, 2009 8:02 AM GMT

    T, four leaf clovers exist too, but we are trying to help the OP maintain what usually works and it ain't triads. Besides, he wants to maintain his relationship with a third, not add a third!

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    Jul 16, 2009 8:14 AM GMT
    If you and your boyfriend are sure this will be a one time thing. go for it...but i warn you that doing this will open allot of doors to your relationship resulting in both negative and positive results.
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    Jul 16, 2009 8:26 AM GMT
    as far as threesomes go(have had many in my slut years), having one with a couple has always been kind of awkward(unless really drunk), having one with 2 random guys in a club/bar who dont know each other has always been exciting....exploring each others naked, sweaty bodies for the first time....hmm..ah..wait, back to the op... a 9 month relationship doesnt seem like a very long time, you should still be in the "honey moon" phase..but who the hell am I to judge, if both of you are secure enough in yourselves, then by all means go "get your rocks off"....but like what wanker said "tread carefully you could lose your nuts"icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 16, 2009 8:32 AM GMT
    They're fun...in moderation. I've been with my bf for 2 years, and in that time we've had a 3some and a 4some. Both just spontaneously happened, with no planning, and we were both ok with it, and we talked abut it afterwards both time to make sure it was ok between us.

    You just need to have REALLY good communication
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    Jul 16, 2009 9:28 AM GMT

    Hey tereseus, you're thinking committed relationship between three people - not monogamy which is mono as in one other.

    here, let meriam webster dictionary help...

    1 archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
    2: the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
    3: the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time


    In my personal experience while single, I found threesomes to be fraught with misunderstandings.

    Good point ThelStrat!


    -Doug
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    Jul 16, 2009 9:35 AM GMT
    I'd rather have some than none unless I'd rather have none than some.
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    Jul 16, 2009 10:25 AM GMT
    I wouldn't know. Never had one. But good luck.

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    Jul 16, 2009 11:03 AM GMT
    I've had a few and they are fun, but never while in a relationship. I think that can be very dangerous, and you must be on the same page with your other half. Invariably, someone is going to get left out, and it can create all sorts of problems.

    With two other guys, random, or who aren't in a relationship, it can be great fun!
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    Jul 16, 2009 11:15 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Either make sure the third is not hotter than you or wayyy hotter than the both of you! lol.





    Too Funny icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 16, 2009 11:16 AM GMT
    xrichx saidIt works for some couples, and it's disaster for others. Personally, I think a 9 month relationship is too soon to be exploring this type of thing. I guess you can give it a try, if the both of you really want it.



    Agreed!