Sayings of the Jewish Buddha ...ok, I should have insulted two faiths with this....my work is done here.

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    Jul 17, 2009 2:13 AM GMT
    Sayings of the Jewish Buddha

    buddha.jpg


    If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

    Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

    Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

    Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

    Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy .

    There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

    Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

    The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

    Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

    Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

    Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

    The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So, maybe we're off the hook.
  • Abe13

    Posts: 155

    Jul 17, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    That's great!icon_lol.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 17, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    Oh let me try...

    Buddha cannot to be everywhere... and therefore he made Jewish mothers.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 17, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    So a rabbi, a priest and the Dali Lama walk into a bar...
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 17, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    Buddha rubs his tummy. Goldstein gets her bunyons rubbed. icon_wink.gif


    Buddha wears a robe. Jewish women wear mu mus.
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    Jul 17, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    LOL. Very cute icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 17, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
    You think eternity without enlightenment is painful, try explaining to your mother you didn't apply to med school.
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    Jul 17, 2009 3:10 AM GMT
    jprichva saidCaslon,
    '
    I actually did laugh out loud. Martyn D. Dogg looked at me like I was crazy.

    Whew. Glad to hear it.

    "Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems." is my favorite. ... icon_lol.gif

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    Jul 17, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    hehehe kewl icon_biggrin.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 17, 2009 3:26 AM GMT
    Buddha says, "I don't know any Jewish prayers." Rabbi says, "That's okay. Nobody's perfect."
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    Jul 17, 2009 3:32 AM GMT
    Hahahaha!
    That was great.
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    Jul 17, 2009 4:20 AM GMT
    DalaiLamaWTF.jpg
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    Jul 17, 2009 8:06 AM GMT
    funny pictures
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    Jul 17, 2009 9:19 AM GMT
    I am such a serious guy that I never laugh, but this is fucking hilarious.




    jprichva saidPhotobucket
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    Jul 17, 2009 9:19 AM GMT
    cat-ponders-buddhas-teachings.jpg
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    Jul 17, 2009 11:36 AM GMT
    Ah, the wonders of computer software. LoL, 'One with everything,' indeed.

    jprichva saidPhotobucket