• Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 7:46 AM GMT
    A couple of very old friends (both lesbian, in a committed relationship for 12+ years) ask you to be their 'Beards' to a family wedding to be held in Feb (Valentines Day).

    One womans brother is getting married. The 'inlaws to be' - who do know - have apparently requested that they 'have suitable escorts'.

    Lots of tears, anger, and upset, etc; but the woman wants to see her brothers wedding.

    They ask you and your partner to be 'escorts'.

    Very nice women, and truthfully I owe them a couple favors, but...

    Would you do it?

    I tend to have sympathy considering half my immediate family are redneck evangelicals who won't even speak to me.

    How far would you go to make your family happy?

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Nov 27, 2007 11:19 AM GMT
    Hmmm ... that's a tuff one
    I know you'd like to help out a friend
    but for what purpose?
    and for the sake of some homophobes?
    I really don't know if I'd do it or not
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 27, 2007 11:42 AM GMT
    Well I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I wasn't accepted. If the in-laws know, then why do your two friends have to go through a pretence?

    It all sounds very furtive and I'm not sure if I would be comfortable going.

    It's up to you. Do you think you'd enjoy pretending to be something you're not to please people you don't know?


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    Nov 27, 2007 12:02 PM GMT
    Giving this some thought I would have to say that I would decline their offer. I wouldn't want to spend a whole day watching what I say and pretending to be someone's partner. Surely they must see it from your point of view? This is asking you to compromise your belief system for people who would hate you if they knew the truth behind what you were doing.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 27, 2007 12:05 PM GMT
    As a friend, I'd go with her. I wouldn't pretend we were anything more than friends or lie, that's not needed.

    Besides, guys in tuxedos can be hot, and you might score with the best man. ;)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    Nov 27, 2007 12:44 PM GMT
    I'd probably do it and would base the decision on your friendship with the lesbians. I agree with Timberoo that your there to be a friend and escort, nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 1:43 PM GMT
    This is why I don't have any lesbian friends.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 27, 2007 1:44 PM GMT
    or friends period. (hahaha)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 2:08 PM GMT
    Red, your missing out on some very good friends. As he says he already owes them, so they have been there for him. I would go in a Tux. I would be more graceful more atractive and have the best personality. I would have every one asking the family who those great guys are? Don't be aything your not and no pretending. Whatever any one else has done does not matter, just the simple fact you have stood beside your friend and made sure she got to see her brother get married in a drama free enviroment. Being gay I know you know how to be bigger than some Homophobe! And we are better dancers...
  • NorthFl

    Posts: 98

    Nov 27, 2007 2:54 PM GMT
    Yes, I'd help the friends out. Don't care about the backstory, it's about helping a friend in need.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 3:30 PM GMT
    would things have changed had they asked a straight friend to do it? maybe they just trust you and feel they could have more fun if you specifically were there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 7:50 PM GMT
    I think the 'acceptance' question is for the lesbian frends to decide on. If they want to go to a wedding where they aren't accepted, that's their choice. If I were in your position ITJock, I'd help them, because it seems they already decided they do want to go to a wedding where they aren't accepted, and your concern is not with that, but with whether or not you want to help your friends.
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    Nov 27, 2007 7:53 PM GMT
    Are you also expected to do other things, like buy a gift? If there are no other strings I'd say go and have a good time, weddings are usually fun occasions, and honestly, the wedding is about the bride and the groom, not the guests, or the family, who most of the time make more trouble. A lot that even happens before or on the wedding day gets forgotten as soon as the drinks start flowing. Just make sure you are the life of the party, then catch the bouquet and wink at your partner.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Nov 27, 2007 7:57 PM GMT
    It's a good favor for them that you are doing but the fact that any of us HAVE to pretend to be straight in order to be OK with those kind of people is terrible.

    === Ron

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    Nov 27, 2007 8:00 PM GMT
    i don't agree with trying to be as gay as possible just to spite the in-laws. that's obviously not what the girl wants to do. otherwise she would just show up with her (girlfriend?) and cause ruckus enough. hopefully she's not asking you to go because you ARE gay, but because you're her friend. don't make it any harder for her. she just wants to go the the wedding of someone she cares about. not ruin it for them. that would be extremely selfish.
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Nov 27, 2007 8:35 PM GMT
    IF they are truly your friends, then do them the favor. If you need to clarify that you will not 'pretend', by all means do so. Plus, most likely you all will be sitting at the same table, right? Then you can go, socialize, forget the rest of the people around you and share in your friend's joy for her brother. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 8:38 PM GMT
    I still wouldn't go.
  • cacti

    Posts: 273

    Nov 27, 2007 8:58 PM GMT
    Go ahead with it and go all out with flaming colors(figuratively)...

    In all seriousness, I would do it for the friend as much as my principles would be kicking and screaming. Kill the in-laws with kindness... don't hide who you are... and maybe you'll find a way into their cold, ignorant hearts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 9:08 PM GMT
    Yeah, at the end of the day it's not really up to you to judge your friend or her decisions or how far she would go to make her family happy, it's just about whether you want to help her out or not. The only issue for me would be whether I was expected to lie about my sexuality, that would probably make me uncomfortable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 9:13 PM GMT
    This is not likely to be a successful wedding, in my opinion, because there is clearly no understanding of the nature of love involved.

    I do not think there is any beauty in a deception that fools noone... but your love for your friends may override this consideration.

    So go. But do not lie about your sexuality. Make sure it is manifest, softly, and make the grace and dignity the four of you carry *invulnerable* to the ignorant idiots.
    Outshine them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 9:52 PM GMT
    I'd do it too. I mean, free dinner and hopefully open bar? C'mon!

    But mainly I'd do it out of support, her in-laws narrow mindedness be damned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2007 10:35 PM GMT
    I'd go.

    If I'm reading your post right, the "in-laws-to-be" are asking for the escorts, your friends aren't trying to pretend that they're straight. And it would suck for your friend to miss her brother's wedding. I've always found that there are more gay people at weddings than I would have imagined--I'll bet it will surprise the in-laws as well.
  • Zookee

    Posts: 6

    Nov 27, 2007 11:08 PM GMT
    Go, and after the ceremony's well over, you and your lesbian friends should get steaming drunk at the reception and tell the in-laws exactly what you think of them! icon_biggrin.gif's not exactly mature, but dammit you'll have fun! AND you'll be sticking it to the man.

    Honestly, the nerve of some people. Actually, when I think about it, I'd more angry at your friend's parents for allowing the in-laws to even enforce such a ridiculous and hurtful rule. Your friend has as much right to be at her own brother's wedding as any relative of the bride, and can bring whomever she chooses.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Nov 27, 2007 11:37 PM GMT
    I'm more than sure that if the in-laws know, then many of the people at the wedding will also know. By doing this for your friend, you show her, and others at that wedding, love in the face of arrogance and ignorance. If you choose to go, be the best dressed and best looking foursome there. Be respectful to the couple that is getting married, and if the in-laws dare to say or do anything passive-aggresively, meet that attitude as you see fit.

    A scene in the movie "Friends and Family" comes to mind. In it a well-meaning old lady sees one part of this gay couple arm-in-arm with his female friend while all three are walking down the street together. The older lady stops and says, "What a good looking couple." The two gay men turn to her, smile and say, "Thank you!", and the three of them keep walking while a look of bewilderment comes across the woman's face.
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    Nov 28, 2007 2:20 AM GMT
    Well, I guess we have decided that we will tell them we will go. Iain left the decision up to me - really my friends. They are friends, and it is the least we can do to repay them.

    Living well is supposed to be the best revenge, so I think we should all just go and have a GREAT time, no matter what. Our own Limo, the whole bit.

    I really I am tempted to think that later in the evening however we should request a 'special' song (maybe a Tango?), and waltz out onto the dance floor - then halfway through, switch dance partners.

    Something no one mentioned - the Brother - I am kinda pissed at him that he wouldn't stick up for his sister and her partner.

    Maybe its that my experiences with straight weddings is with 'unconventional ones' (married in white jeans on the beach, married at a Ren Faire, married on top of a mountain, married in the back yard of the family farm, etc), But I always thought that in more or less 'Traditional' weddings... Don't the Brides family usually plan out and pay for everything and the grooms family basically just shows up?

    But even in that case, wouldn't you expect the Brother to demand that his sister be included?

    Sigh - never mind - my own sisters won't even speak to me, and didn't attend our wedding... why should I expect more from someone else?

    Families are WEIRD - disfunctional in a zillion different ways.