My Intimate Life is a Mess..... any Advice???

  • heyman

    Posts: 48

    Jul 18, 2009 2:38 PM GMT


    icon_sad.gif Is this even possible.... I am Virgin... (but thats not so bad) what is bad is that its been 5 years that i dont have a relationship.... I feel terrible... i mean.... is that I am that bad looking.... non of the places that i go or i visit any guy seems to be interested on me.... and i have done bad things because of that... i found these site... and i had send messages to guys that i dont even know telling them if they want to have sex with me.... i ashame of that.... and i hate my self for doing that.... luckly they were nice... and they said be carefull cause theres bad people here that can do bad things to you and can hurt you.....

    Please what can i do???

    Thanx HEYMAN
  • Tiran

    Posts: 227

    Jul 18, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    Ummm... relax? You are 19 (at least according to your profile). Take your time. God knows I didn't have any relationships under 20, and to be honest not that many over 20. And I bet there are lots of guys who didn't have boyfriends when they were under 20 (and a few that didn't until they were over 40). Join the gay sports club, the youth group, the campus gay group what ever. Stop looking and relax and just meet people. It will happen. You will probably get your heart broken and be taken advantage of a couple times, but that is part of growing up. Just play safe, never beleive anything they tell you to try and not have protected sex, walk away if they insist. In the end it will all work out.
  • heyman

    Posts: 48

    Jul 18, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    wow... thanx man.... this help me a lot to understand.. seriously.... i apreciate it
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 18, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    First of all you have to change your perspective

    There's nothing "wrong" with you
    men don't just fall out of trees and into your arms
    You will need to make yourself available and that doesn't necessarily mean meeting men thru hook up sites
    I see that you live in N Carolina
    Not the best place to meet gay men
    But we are everywhere ....
    If you are closeted that is going to make matters worse but try to place yourself where ever there are gay men
    Gay bars
    Gay events
    Gay vacations
    Gay shops
    beaches
    everything
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jul 18, 2009 3:22 PM GMT
    It does seem easier for some than others. I think as you mature and learn how to approach people and have adult conversation, you will meet more people. Also if you have self respect for yourself and your body, others will as well. Relax you're young these things come with time. Try to join groups, classes things you find intersting and you will meet like minded people there as well.

    Good Luck-don't panic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    HEYMAN! (we were going to say Hey HEYMAN, but the room echoed strangely lol!)

    Welcome to Realjock!

    Congrats, your intimate life is not a mess. Read that 3 times and click your heels together.

    The guys are giving great advice here.Not much we can add except, have fun, put your best foot forward (a true jock thing), and plunge in.

    LOL, be cautious and very safe with sex.


    ...here's a parable for you:

    There once was a boy that loved deer. He lived near a large forest and spent his days running through it, looking at the deer from far away and doing everything he could to touch one. He chased them here and there and became more and more frustrated as they became more and more elusive, as deer usually don't like strangers approaching them with what could be bad intentions.

    Well, after some frustrated tears one afternoon, all lazy in the sun, he fell asleep. It got real quiet. Soon a few birds landed on the log behind him. A rabbit investigated his foot.

    He woke to a feeling on his face. He didn't move. All he did was open his eyes and there standing over him and licking his salty tear tracks was a deer....very slowly, he raised his hand and the deer didn't run away. It had been spending time stand over the boy, for quite awhile, and gosh that face tasted good.

    The boy's arm stroked the deer's neck and he ran his hand down its side.
    The deer twitched, then pushed its nose into his hand. The boy stood up, and then the two of them walked off into the forest.


    - us unicorns
  • nadaquever_rm

    Posts: 139

    Jul 18, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with your looks. If anything, you're too cute and young for guys to approach you.icon_biggrin.gif Just keep going to gay places and making yourself visible, and don't forget to say hi to people.
  • heyman

    Posts: 48

    Jul 18, 2009 4:30 PM GMT


    Thanx for the advice... i think yeah i need to relax... and go some places where i can meet gay people or just a lot of people.... thanx a lot to all of youicon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    heyman said

    icon_sad.gif Is this even possible.... I am Virgin... (but thats not so bad) what is bad is that its been 5 years that i dont have a relationship.... I feel terrible... i mean.... is that I am that bad looking.... non of the places that i go or i visit any guy seems to be interested on me.... and i have done bad things because of that... i found these site... and i had send messages to guys that i dont even know telling them if they want to have sex with me.... i ashame of that.... and i hate my self for doing that.... luckly they were nice... and they said be carefull cause theres bad people here that can do bad things to you and can hurt you.....

    Please what can i do???

    OK, first of all, you definitely should not send emails to strangers offering sex. This is a bad idea in several ways. For one, you're not likely to find love this way. At best you're going to find someone who's going to use you for a one night stand and then you'll never hear from him again. At worst, you'll find someone who might actually be abusive, or worse, might force themselves on you even if you're not interested.

    So don't do that. You're only degrading yourself. That's beneath your dignity.

    Secondly, you're young and have apparently not yet developed a good sense of self-respect. This will come in time, but let the process start now. You have to value yourself. As soon as you stop seeing yourself as unlovable and actually understand that you have something to offer, that you bring something to a potential relationship, other people will notice that and be attracted to you.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    Also: be natural, be cool, be yourself. Don't try too hard. Do you have a healthy social circle? Any gay friends? You haven't given any indication of this, but it almost sounds like you're fairly limited in social avenues at the moment. Maybe it's time to broaden your prospects -- get out there, meet people. Be funny, charming, fun, and just focus on making friends -- including gay friends. From there, everything else will fall into place -- eventually. There will be bumps in the road and lots of trial and error when it comes to guys, and the harder you try, the more desperate you are, the harder those bumps are gonna be. Desperation is something people can feel, and it will do one of two things: push people away from you, or encourage them to use and dump you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    wb, zd.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    Zdrew!!!

    You're back on RJ! icon_biggrin.gif My day just got a little better. Missed you.
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    Jul 18, 2009 4:49 PM GMT


    Yeah we'll ditto to that,Global...nice pic by the way!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 5:30 PM GMT

    Keep in mind that a person doesn't have to like you to have sex with you.
    Also, getting laid doesn't make you a better person.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    Yeah being yourself is the best advice and don't worry. I didn't meet my boyfriend until I was 20 and "lost it". So worry not. The being yourself is key so that you find someone who likes you for who you are and not who you're pretending to be.

    Best wishes—good luck find Mr. Right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    YOU'RE 19.

    A RELATIONSHIP IS THE LAST THING YOU NEED.

    DOH.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    1. You look just fine, no problem there.
    2. You live in Durham, NC: I've been there, a potential gay drawback.
    3. Have you traveled? You may need to expand your horizons.
    4. You're 19, as previously noted. You're rarin' to go, with few local opportunities.
    5. Unscrupulous guys can indeed victimize you; be careful & skeptical.
    6. 19 is young for an LTR. Look for uncommitted, short-term fun, not marriage. You're still learning.
    7. The relationship will happen when you least expect it. You'll have sex, you'll date some more, you'll both fall in love. Or you won't, and move on. When it happens by itself, you'll both know it. And the only way it'll happen, is by meeting guys (safely).
    8. Have fun!
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jul 18, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    You'll be fine, theres nothing wrong with you at all my dear,,as a matter of fact i respect the fact that you put yourself out there to ask for advice... 19 was an odd age for me too because i felt so much more advanced[mentally] than other 19year olds and looked for others with similar intrests to avoid the mindless hookup scene..So i threw myself into my passion, ART..
    Find your passion and persue it...
    Dont worry about sex just masterbait, get yourself together first....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    heyman said

    icon_sad.gif Is this even possible.... I am Virgin... (but thats not so bad) what is bad is that its been 5 years that i dont have a relationship.... I feel terrible... i mean.... is that I am that bad looking.... non of the places that i go or i visit any guy seems to be interested on me.... and i have done bad things because of that... i found these site... and i had send messages to guys that i dont even know telling them if they want to have sex with me.... i ashame of that.... and i hate my self for doing that.... luckly they were nice... and they said be carefull cause theres bad people here that can do bad things to you and can hurt you.....

    Please what can i do???

    Thanx HEYMAN



    You are Not Bad looking!!!! trust me lol.

    You're only 19. I think you got better things to focus on than just a man. Personally, I think relationships can slow things down. So, its best to get your shit together(Life,school,work,housing,W/e) before you venture out into the dating world.

    Yeah don't Message people for sex like that. Being desperate is kinda unattractive.

    !'m only 18. I am a proud owner of the V-Card(lol)
    Plus when ever you are ready for a relationship. Its going to take time to find someone anyways.

    There is this lovely quote I like to follow that's on my profile. its about being yourself icon_smile.gif

    Hope I helpedicon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 18, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    meninlove said ... The boy's arm stroked the deer's neck and he ran his hand down its side.
    The deer twitched, then pushed its nose into his hand. The boy stood up, and then the two of them walked off into the forest.


    Aww, what a sweet parable!

    298.jpg
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jul 18, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidYOU'RE 19.

    A RELATIONSHIP IS THE LAST THING YOU NEED.

    DOH.

    Blink. Blink. What? Some of us are very, or only, relationship oriented, as oppose to playing the field. I could be single, and I can be in a relationship, but I cannot bounce from person to person.
    /Strokes. Folks. Different.
  • gymhead_anony...

    Posts: 207

    Jul 18, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    hey this is the first topic i've replied to in awhile. anyhoo, you are still young. let time take its course. in the meantime, distract yourself with activities that make you happy. i'm going through the same thing...i'm 25 and still am not in any relationship or have a bf. but i distract myself with work and dance. all i can do...i think the best way to find someone is by not looking at all. you'll be alright.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 10:51 PM GMT
    DCEric said
    chuckystud saidYOU'RE 19.

    A RELATIONSHIP IS THE LAST THING YOU NEED.

    DOH.

    Blink. Blink. What? Some of us are very, or only, relationship oriented, as oppose to playing the field. I could be single, and I can be in a relationship, but I cannot bounce from person to person.
    /Strokes. Folks. Different.


    Please re-read what I wrote. I did not say bounce from person to person. Your brain doesn't mature until you're around 28 to 30, and the centers for sound judgment are the very last to develop.

    At 19, one shouldn't be worried about a fuckquest nor about relationships, but, should be out exploring the world.

    Take time to read what's written FIRST.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    is there a desk in front of you?

    if there is, grab the back of your head and slam it nice and hard into that desk a couple of times..

    if there is no desk, find a counter or brick wall or solid core door or something nice and solid and slam your head into a few times..

    Once you've completed that task.. you could potentially have a few sense in there.. if not, rinse and repeat

    if you'd like a chant, here is a good one

    I am only 19, the world is not over, one day I'll find a boyfriend, but I don't need one today, but it does not mean I have failed, it just means I'm nineteenfuckingyearsoldforcryingoutloud and I'm not ready for one!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidYour brain doesn't mature until you're around 28 to 30, and the centers for sound judgment are the very last to develop


    Indeed, in some people they never develop.

    icon_rolleyes.gif