I don't accept the fact that you are gay

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    Jul 20, 2009 8:08 AM GMT
    I am tired of hearing this. I am 21 years old and Mexican. My family is homophobic. My own sister does not accept the fact that I am gay. Then who will? My family who suppose to support and love me will turn there backs against me and be ashamed of me. This is bullshit; the only person to depend on is you. I will be the only child in the family to get his Doctorate Degree, yet they seem to put more focus on the fact that I am gay. They want me to marry a girl, but I will not lie to myself. I have been emotionally beaten and I will take no more. I also feel that movies such as BRUNO give a bad image to gay people. Even though it’s a joke to some, people who are close minded really believe what they see and hear. Even then just because I am Mexican people judge me and think I am ignorant. Today, I have discovered how cruel the world is. It has also made me think about my life, and why people treat other people like shit. I tried so hard to be liked; I even went out of my way to do it. This is the reason why I am who I am. Enough is enough, people come and go, we trust and rely on others, but the fact of the matter is, we have to love ourselves! Anybody who feels hurt, ashamed, unwanted I have a message for you. FUCK THEM! Be true to yourself, do what you want to do, but do good to yourself. And if you still feel alone, don't because you are not alone! People who discriminate people are the people I HATE. I will promise this, I will not back down for anybody. You are special. You are unique! You have the choice to be eaten by negativity. Don't let this happen to you! We control our actions, we choose what to do, and the only person responsible is you. Use that anger and put it to good use. Believe it or not, but there will always be someone looking up to you.
    -Irving
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    Jul 20, 2009 2:32 PM GMT
    Amen!

    To be happy you must be true to yourself.

    I did just the opposite and struggled. Today, I am making the effort to change that and becoming happier.
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    Jul 20, 2009 3:01 PM GMT
    jprichva saidIrving:

    You're brave. Overcoming the homophobia of your family is a tough business. I feel deeply for you.

    But one question: How did a Mexican kid wind up with the name of a little old Jewish man?


    By some actor my mom liked back in her days.
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    Jul 20, 2009 3:22 PM GMT
    i415 saidI am tired of hearing this. I am 21 years old and Mexican. My family is homophobic. My own sister does not accept the fact that I am gay. Then who will? My family who suppose to support and love me will turn there backs against me and be ashamed of me. This is bullshit; the only person to depend on is you. I will be the only child in the family to get his Doctorate Degree, yet they seem to put more focus on the fact that I am gay. They want me to marry a girl, but I will not lie to myself. I have been emotionally beaten and I will take no more. I also feel that movies such as BRUNO give a bad image to gay people. Even though it’s a joke to some, people who are close minded really believe what they see and hear. Even then just because I am Mexican people judge me and think I am ignorant. Today, I have discovered how cruel the world is. It has also made me think about my life, and why people treat other people like shit. I tried so hard to be liked; I even went out of my way to do it. This is the reason why I am who I am. Enough is enough, people come and go, we trust and rely on others, but the fact of the matter is, we have to love ourselves! Anybody who feels hurt, ashamed, unwanted I have a message for you. FUCK THEM! Be true to yourself, do what you want to do, but do good to yourself. And if you still feel alone, don't because you are not alone! People who discriminate people are the people I HATE. I will promise this, I will not back down for anybody. You are special. You are unique! You have the choice to be eaten by negativity. Don't let this happen to you! We control our actions, we choose what to do, and the only person responsible is you. Use that anger and put it to good use. Believe it or not, but there will always be someone looking up to you.
    -Irving


    Irving, What you said is very uplifting and encouraging and I must praise you. If there was a "like button" on here, you'd definitely get one from me.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 20, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    Sounds like you have a good perspective on your problem

    We cannot make our happiness contingient on what others think of us
    Make yourself as happy as you can
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    Jul 20, 2009 4:28 PM GMT
    Let your light shine, Irving. It won't be long before everyone in your family will clamber to bask in your glow.
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    Jul 20, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    You can talk and talk about it with your family until you are blue in the face.

    And you probably don't have answers to all their questions. How can anyone be expected to explain or defend their sexuality?

    I suggest keeping explanations and "reasons" to a minimum.

    Instead, just continue to be yourself..the son, brother, cousin or friend that they are already familiar with.

    You are still the same person and your sexuality is only a part of you.
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    Jul 20, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    familia can be like that, they say they want happiness for you but then try to decide what it is for you. It just doesn't work that way. It is good that you are getting your doctorate, it just proves how smart you are and determined and can do what you put your mind to are despite what other people may think.
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    Jul 20, 2009 6:40 PM GMT
    Sexuality isn't a statement, it is a dialogue. You can't just drop the gay bomb on your family and expect everything to be hunky dory. They know you. They have to reexamine you and everything they think about gay men in the light of this revelation. You have to give them time and open yourself up to them. In the process they will learn a lot more about you, and a little bit about what it is to be gay.
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    Jul 20, 2009 6:57 PM GMT
    i415 said...My family is homophobic. My own sister does not accept the fact that I am gay. Then who will? My family who suppose to support and love me will turn there backs against me and be ashamed of me...

    Your being gay is not the answer your family wants to hear. Logically, they will reject it and rationalize alternative explanations. Logical to them, that is. With alternate outcomes more to their liking.

    Being gay, you must now go your own way. Your successful & happy example will either prove to them that you are right, and they are wrong, or it will not. Either way there's not a lot of choice for you, if you want ultimate happiness.

    You are who you are. Misery comes from living a false life, happiness from living your true life. Your orientation was set the day you were born, even if your family doesn't accept that.

    Live your own life, not theirs. Good luck to you.
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    Jul 21, 2009 1:12 AM GMT
    I want to say thanks to those who left a comment. Time is key, and the way I live my life will help my family see that I am normal. It just angers me when I face someone who use to be so close to me, changes in matter of seconds. I just hope that people who are dealing with this know that being gay is tough but you have the right to love a human being. And you have the right to be loved back. Your actions speak louder than words. "Home of the free, Home of the brave" Listen to your heart and remember you are special.
    -Irving
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jul 21, 2009 1:53 AM GMT
    Your wonderful,,
    welcome to the ''sick and tired of being /sick and tired experience...
    Funny what twists and turns life puts before us, It's all a test,,The greater good is seeing what your made of.....you'll be just fine.....
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jul 21, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    You got your doctorate at 21?
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    Jul 21, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    Bravo, bravo.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 09, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidSexuality isn't a statement, it is a dialogue. You can't just drop the gay bomb on your family and expect everything to be hunky dory. They know you. They have to reexamine you and everything they think about gay men in the light of this revelation. You have to give them time and open yourself up to them. In the process they will learn a lot more about you, and a little bit about what it is to be gay.



    Yepp very true icon_smile.gif Listen to Zombie he's always right.

    And explain Gay isn't who you are it's just a part of you.
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    Mar 09, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    I come from a Mexican-American family.
    It was a bit rough when I first came out, especially for my mom.... ok it was actually hell on earth.

    It was a fine line between being respectful of their process and being closeted.
    Love them with all you can and be supportive of their process of acceptance.

    It is not "about you", it's "their issue" to deal with. Love them the best you can and support their process while being true to you. Be ready to take space if you need to and stay receptive to them when they are ready to talk about it.

    You know yourself... how wonderful that you are giving them the opportunity to get to know themselves better as well. We learn some of the most poignant life lessons from our family, it's time to be a loving teacher.

    Be patient and remember that just because they aren't loving you the way you want to be loved doesn't mean they aren't loving you with all they have... and it doesn't mean you won't come out closer and stronger for having gone through this. Me being gay is one of the best things that ever happened for my relationship with my family.
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    Mar 09, 2010 9:27 PM GMT
    Blame Marie Osmand! It's all her fault.
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    Mar 09, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    Very Brave and uplifting. Fuck haters!
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    Mar 09, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    Adamite890 saidVery Brave and uplifting. Fuck haters!


    Yes and there are haters on both sides of the fence too.
  • grnranger99

    Posts: 225

    Mar 09, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Be the best that you can be.....your family have probably never known a gay person before.
    When I was younger I really struggled with being gay because I did not know any one who was. The only gay people I seen where the ones on T.V and I did not feel any connection to them or the typical stereotypes associated with gay people at all and it left me feeling totally alone. Once I got a internet connection I realized I was not the only one out here.
    The unfamiliar is always a scary thing for people to accept. Especially if they are religious
    Once they see you are happy and "normal" they will come around because no matter what they do love you. And they will come to love any one you choose to love as well. Your parents want you to be happy above all else.
    Think of it as being a gay ambassador.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:00 PM GMT
    I know exactly what you mean. I come from a huge Mexican family and the only ones who are cool with my sexuality are the ones in my generation...and maybe my grandma. Everyone else has their own issues with it. As you rightly said, you have to be happy with yourself and build that internal strength. They should come around eventually. If not, it is, unfortunately, their loss.

    In spite of being in a doctorate program myself, I still get the same "When are you going to bring a nice (Jewish) girl home?" (No offense to anyone out there of the Hebraic persuasion, my mom has a thing for Jewish people and wants us to marry them.) I have been fortunate enough to have a strong group of friends (all of my Fraternity Brothers are very cool with my sexuality and I consider them more "family" than some of my own blood because of that) on whom I can rely.

    Good for you for resolving not to take shit any more. Only you are the person who ultimately controls the outcome of your life and so long as you are happy with it nothing else matters.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    If your family sucks, then, that's their problem.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    Oh the Latin heritage is a strong morally slap up side the head thing isn't it my friend? My father is 110% LATINA(hehehehe:lolicon_smile.gif To this day he still has not met my fiance of almost four years. He has never fully excepted it, but seems to be coming around some. Like you I used my anger to better my career, and it helped, just don't let that anger rule over you too long. I know it sucks, but you just have to let them be and move on with your happiness. I can tell your a strong person. Great for not letting them pull you down!!!icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 10, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    ". My own sister does not accept the fact that I am gay. "

    Then I would tell her, that you don 't accept the fact that she is Mexican!

    Let's see what she answers......

    Same goes for any other family or relatives

    I think they call this " the shoe is on the other foot" icon_smile.gif
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    Mar 10, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    Today, I have discovered how cruel the world is.

    What happened, Irving? Whatever it was you seem certainly strong enough to deal with it.

    But you're right - you're not alone. The messages on this site are just the beginning. There's plenty of support and love out there for you.