Should I forget about this awesome guy? PLZ advise

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2009 8:11 PM GMT
    I'll try to make it short and sweet but please post your comments, whether they are positive or negative ones.

    I am 23, I met a 27 year old guy almost 4 weeks ago. We met with the intention of having sex at his place and we did and it was great. We had a nice conversation after having sex, which was surprising. I was expecting to just get out as soon as we got done.

    We met again that same week and chatted and again couldnt stop ourselves and had great sex again. This time, he invited me to a concert, but unfortunately I couldn't go with him. He said he wanted to keep on seeing me.

    That same week, however, he told me that he received an offer to manage a restaurant, which is his dream. The restaurent though, is located in a city 180 miles away. Without me telling him, I began to feel sad that he was leaving as I was for some weird reason beginning to get attached to him.

    The last time i saw him was at his going away party with all of his many friends. We went to a restaurant, sat next to each other, went to a movie while holding hands, and then went to celebrate at a bar where we stood in the darkness of the bar to hold each other. I was in heaven at this point, as he took me away from being around his friends so that we could be alone in the bar. He took me back to his place, as my car was left there. We cuddled for hours at his place and then had sex again for the second time that day.

    As I was leaving his place for the last time, he told me that i would always be welcome to visit him in austin and to stay in touch.

    Since he left about a week and half, we have spoken one time on the phone and no texting what so ever. In the conversation over the phone, I felt that i should tell him how I feel about him. I told him that I really liked him and that for reasons that are unclear to me he realy intrigued me and would like to get to know him better even though he lives 180 miles away from me now. After i told him, he got very flattered and happy about it, but he didn't tell me he liked me either.

    I would like to talk more with him over the phone, but I also have to understand that he is managing an upscale restaurant now and that he is extremely busy with his new job as he gets settled. I want to believe he hasn't contacted me as much because of his new job.

    I told him I would go visit him in August, so should I continue to try to persue things with him or should I just let it go? How possible is it to maybe begin a long distance relationship being gay? Is this what I am feeling just some sort of temporary puppy love that will go away?

    Please let me know what you guys think and I'm sorry for making this sooo long winded icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2009 9:19 PM GMT

    Sorry to say this but I can bet my rollerskates that he already knew that he got the promotion and was about to relocate; and was stringing you along as he was "making the most of his remaining days" before leaving.

    Move on and just cherish those sweet days in your past box. If he comes around or you go to visit him, you could only be lovers in each others presence (when sex is THAT good as you say), but when away, you are not each other's person whatsoever.

    Just go carry on playing the field, sweetie. You are bound for greater things.

    Goodluck,
    ZiM xx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    Both straight & gay males tend to develop romantic attachments to persons with whom they have sex. It's Nature's Way of looking after any offspring produced (in a straight coupling, naturally).

    So you're feeling that natural attraction. And there may be more to it, a genuine interest in this guy. Now for the practical aspects.

    He's staying in Austin (which I know well from living in San Antonio), and you're living in Houston (where I've also lived). So can you move? Or are you anchored there?

    If anchored, then it's likely over. Successful long-distance LTRs are rare, and simply don't go on indefinitely. I know the distance involved, plus he's got his plate full there, on top of whatever you're doing in Houston.

    You may still see each other a little, and have fun, which is great. But now you need a new man. At least you're young, in Houston. Count your blessings, and cruise the Montrose. icon_wink.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 21, 2009 11:48 PM GMT
    Umm... you might want to reconsider your feelings... notice how prevalent your mentioning of sex is with him. I got it the first time, but you proceeded to mention every time you did it. I find that when you have to preface a relationship through sex to other people, there's something off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 12:01 AM GMT
    your beating a dead horse.....move on..
  • nadaquever_rm

    Posts: 139

    Jul 22, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    Yes, what you feel is puppy love (the best feeling love there is), but such love doesn't last for anyone, and living 180 miles apart, you can't expect a serious relationship. You haven't known him long enough to uproot yourself and move, but you can stay in touch and see what happens down the road.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    Carry a small torch for this guy, think of him as the one who got away, whistfully sigh whenever you think of the good times you had with him...

    .....but he's gone. Don't try and over think it, don't over analyse all the "what ifs", don't think about the life you could have had if he'd stayed in town.

    He's probably not thinking about you as much as you're thinking about him. It's probably time you cut the cord and moved on with your life.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jul 22, 2009 12:28 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidyour beating a dead horse.....move on..

    beating-a-dead-horse.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 12:28 AM GMT
    What a sweet experience at such young age! although the only good thing you will get out of it are fond memories of a short love affair! love distance relationships are only functional in the movies but not practical in real life.

    I once had a long distance love affair during my twenties with my uncle's next door neighbor son who lived in West Palm Beach, Fla while I was living in Miami, Fla. It was great for a while because we both love the thrill of driving long distances to meet halfway and see each other at our own time and place without worrying about relatives to bother us. Unfortunately as we got more emotionally involved our need to be closer to each other wasn't met, and the expense and time it took in order to spend more time together became very costly!! that is why long distance love relationship does not work for the average folk, unless you both can afford the expense of driving up or flying over to see each other more the once a week!? personally if I can't see my special someone everyday I will not pursue any love interest even if we clicked!!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    This is a tough one. On the one hand, I want to say that if he feels about you the way you feel about him, 180 miles is not all that far. It's a long distance relationship, but I've known relationships further apart than that which have lasted for years.

    It comes down to how often can you see each other and how much is he interested in pursuing a relationship with you?

    If I were you, I'd be having a conversation with him about this. Open it up to being very honest. If he's not that into you and just saw your time together as a short term hookup, let him feel welcome to say so without a guilt trip. It may hurt, but at least you'll have an honest answer and won't waste your time pursuing someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

    If he does feel there's relationship potential with you, I think you can make it work if you want to.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    You may have had a great connection but all I got was that it was great sex. Which is good but dont confuse the two. You can find great sex anywhere. I guess you will have to see how it goes when you go and visit him. Good Luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    u54imc9, I've someone I want you to meet, his names Delusional.. you'll like him!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:57 AM GMT
    Oh honey, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

    Some guys can do the holding hands-cuddling-sex thing without getting their emotions sucked in. Some guys are sucked in as they are sucked off. On one hand, congrats! You have a fuck buddy in Austin. On the other, this boy isn't going to put you to sleep every night.

    If you are one of those people that easily mistakes romance for a good hard fucking, then I suggest you withhold sex the first couple of dates. It will be less of a roller coaster for you and you wont so easily fall head over heels with a boy who can't be with you.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    O swoon Munchingzombie, o swoon.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    I am agree with Zimster.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    Go hook up as soon as possible with a hot guy..You look like you should have no problem doing that. That is the quickest way to get over a crush and to actually realize that is all it was. If this does not work, even tho is does 99% of the time, then you can go to plan B.
  • scrumrob

    Posts: 92

    Jul 22, 2009 2:50 AM GMT
    After three weeks, ask yourself if you still feel the same. Answer yourself honestly. My bet is you won't feel quite so passionate at least not enough to drive 180 miles one way.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    Wow thanks everyone for your honest opinions.

    The truth is that I have had my share of hookups and short flings here and then but never have had this strong interest in anyone. I always seem to move on without any heartache after the hookup, but for some reason, I wanted to see him more and more.

    In the movie HITCH, Will Smith says to Eva Mendez" I like you, and for reasons that are unclear to me, I like you" I guess this is how I felt.


    You guys are probably right. He probably does not feel the same for me, but he asked me to come visit him next month. Should I go, knowing that he already knows how I feel about him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:38 AM GMT
    Why not just go? If you don't, you'll always wonder how it could have turned out. It's only a short trip to Austin, it's no big deal to get there, and it's a place people usually have fun visiting. But have no expectations. Don't look for declarations of eternal love. Do look for the well-known signs that his interest in you has run its course. Be realistic about what he hasn't said. If he felt as strongly as you do, he would have let you know by now.

    I once did something like this, but only after a 6-month relationship. It was a huge disaster. But I ended up staying in Houston and everything worked out for the best.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jul 22, 2009 3:54 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said

    If you are one of those people that easily mistakes romance for a good hard fucking, then I suggest you withhold sex the first couple of dates. It will be less of a roller coaster for you and you wont so easily fall head over heels with a boy who can't be with you.


    I don't exactly think that falling for people quickly is a matter of character.

    I tend to think that the way gay men fall so hard for their first few guys is just one of those "hard knocks" things we all have to go through. After all, most gay guys in the early twenties have to go through the motions a few times because they never had those chances when they were teenagers to learn all the social rules that have to do with love and lust. Pain and hardship in relationships can be a great teacher, and it should all be experienced; without them, we just don't grow.

    ...that being said, the OP should not do anything stupid like move to Austin.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 7:00 AM GMT
    styrganAfter all, most gay guys in the early twenties have to go through the motions a few times because they never had those chances when they were teenagers to learn all the social rules that have to do with love and lust


    This is a great point and something I hadn't thought about. I always just assumed a lot more gay men seemed immature because there's less pressure to get married, very little pressure to have children, the only timers that are ticking are the ones that matter only to the very superficial. I never really thought of it in terms of being in a situation where their social development was stunted.

    To the OP. I think that if you like the guy, you should give it a chance if you can keep your expectations slow, and be happy with what you get out of it even if it's just a life lesson that you'll carry forward. None of us can get inside this guy's head, he may feel the same, he may not. Who knows? You won't know until you try.

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    Jul 22, 2009 7:06 AM GMT
    u54imc9 said


    You guys are probably right. He probably does not feel the same for me, but he asked me to come visit him next month. Should I go, knowing that he already knows how I feel about him?


    I say go, but with caution. Keep your emotions in check. His invite is not an invite to get married and move in together right away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 7:57 AM GMT
    awe join the club... i met this amazing guy but hes leaving to NYC at the end of august. we go on dates but i feel less incline to jump into bed with him or start anything since he will be gone by the end of summer.


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    Jul 22, 2009 2:24 PM GMT


    hey u54imc9,
    This,
    "I told him I would go visit him in August,..."

    plus this,
    "He probably does not feel the same for me, but he asked me to come visit him next month."

    ...tells me you should go, because that's what friends do. Will there be more? No one can say. You'll both probably have a good time, if you can keep yourself in a state of no expectations.

    Lol, this is 180 miles, not 1800.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    u54imc9 saidYou guys are probably right. He probably does not feel the same for me, but he asked me to come visit him next month. Should I go, knowing that he already knows how I feel about him?


    No. It is time to move on. You are already head over heals drunk on puppy love and driving three hours for a weekend of delicious sex isn't going to help.