Jul 22, 2009 3:34 AM GMT
lilTanker saiddepends.. if he's a good lay or not.. but either way it's good that he's honest..
Now, if he's a bad lay.. all good..
If he's a good lay.. even better.. you've a good FB
Red_Vespa saidDepends on whether that's an arrangement you can live with. You might be able to deal with it comfortably, knowing what it is, and get good things out of it, or it might make you miserable. I had a similar one that tore me up.
This guy was coming out late, like I had done, at the time I met him. I fell head over heels for him, but he resisted a "relationship" because he wanted to keep his options open, and just have some fun first. I didn't want to lose him, and hoping he'd choose me when he was ready to settle down with someone, I accepted the role as best gay friend and occasional fuck-buddy.
And we had great times together, not only just hanging around, but in bed, too. He didn't seem to fully realize that the whole gay community viewed us as a couple, and his frequent hook-ups with others looked down upon as cheating, even though I'd myself explain to them it was OK.
Those other hook-ups killed me, I was so jealous, but I bit my tongue, only reminding him how to keep it safe. Because he told me about every one, asking for my advice, especially when they started to go sour, as they always eventually did, some quite dramatically bad.
He used to joke that I was the only really good gay guy he'd ever met, the only honest one, the only one he could trust. But still he wouldn't make it official with us, and after 2 years I doubted he ever would. And in the meantime I was remaining monogamous, not intentionally out of loyalty to him, but merely because I'm unable to have more than 1 guy in my life. As soon as I'm involved with someone, even in this fucked-up way, I simply lose interest in other men, and therefore I was losing other opportunities, and precious time, when I wanted to settle down myself.
So I finally moved away, and indeed, found someone else. And 3 weeks after I moved in with my new love, some 9 months later, this former BF phones and tells me he finally realized he's always loved me all along, and he was flying out to be with me, tickets bought and all. I tried to stop him, but the words to tell him it was too late failed me. I had to break the news to him in person, and he was devastated, feeling betrayed by me.
And all I could do was remind him over and over again his words to me, spoken so many times by him to my own dismay: "I love you, but I'll never be IN love with you." And now he said he was in love, when it was too late.
A tragedy of almost Greek proportions, and why I wouldn't do that again. If you're looking for a relationship, steer clear of a situation that ties you down, without being able to tie the knot (and no, not a BDSM double-entendre). A fuck-buddy, perhaps, a friend, but beware of your emotions, as happened to me.
HndsmKansan saidWhat makes it a positive or negative depends on what your looking for at that moment.