Have you been asked "What's a nice guy like you doing single"?

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    Jul 22, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
    I was responding to a previous thread, which reminded me of this. I totally take it as a compliment, but am often asked why a nice and attractive guy like me is single? In brief, I was in a LTR, and now out of it for 2 years. I date (which I hate btw) but I just cant seem to find a guy who's "outsides match his insides". 3 dates max, I know pretty quickly if its a life match. It works for me or I move on. Why is finding the right guy so hard? I could right a book!

    Im older than many here, maybe more life exeperience. Ive done it all for sure. And I guess Im comfortable being single... most days. If you knew me some years back, youd understand that is total growth.

    My answer typically is about like this....

    "Im not looking to fill my side of the bed anymore. I want my soul mate, my best friend, someone to fill my life.. or Im staying single"

    How about you?
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:30 PM GMT
    I am not sure what I am looking for but I do know some of what I want and dont want.

    I dont necessarily want sex but I do want someone to cuddle , kiss and hold. That doesnt mean moving in together, living together ,etc.

    I want someone who I can spent time with and feel comfortable in that time I spend with them. At the same time, I want my independence. I am single for the first time in over 10 years. I am learning alot of independence that I didnt have before but I want companionship too.

    I want someone I can have strong meaningful conversations with. I find that many people want to have 'surface -level' conversations and I get very bored with that very quickly. This results in many people not being an option for me.

    I know that my needs are picky and so for that reason I accept that I am single at least for now.

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    Jul 22, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    because I'm not as nice as they think I am.
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
    I'm fresh out of a relationship myself, and not too eager to get back in the dating pool with the other fish n' sharks. I will eventually, but I think I'm going to settle for companionship of friends rather than seek out a life partner for a while. Life's too short and complicated.... icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    Constantly-

    my gawwwwddddddd - this dating thing has become a nightmare... noone seems to mean what they say anymore
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    I do... and then I clarify it. I'm not single.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    I hear that all the time. Geez.

    Basically, most guys I meet won't/can't just be themselves. Everyone is trying too hard to be cool and project a perfect image.

    I don't want perfection. I want a real person. An intelligent guy who hasn't forgotten the fun of laughing and just having a great sense of silly humor.

    Maybe that makes me too picky.

    If I find a guy who is a person, not a personality type, then perhaps I won't be single.

    I won't settle for anything less than that.

    Congratulations to the guys who love each other, who look at each other, get over all the hype, and build their relationship based on each other's realness.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    All the time...icon_confused.gif
  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Jul 22, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    This is probably the biggest turn off statement you can make to me. I get asked this constantly. First of all, it's very hard to respond to this question. If you have been single for a long time, it may be a source of frustration to you. If you just got out of a relationship, you then feel obligated to bring that up.

    For me, I look at this statement and want to scream "I'm not that great of a guy". But of course, you don't really say that to someone who you think might be cute. The other thing i worry about that this statement is a sly way of saying "Wow, you are so much better than me, how could you be single". It's a line that isn't a compliment, but instead of way of knocking yourself down. If you are confident in yourself, then don't be shocked this person is single, because you're a great person too and you're single. Great people are single all the time. Just be happy you're meeting him and find out if ya click.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 22, 2009 2:34 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidbecause I'm not as nice as they think I am.



    hmm... perhaps you need a spanking then icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:39 PM GMT
    tooo many times
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:42 PM GMT
    For me, I look at this statement and want to scream "I'm not that great of a guy". [/quote]

    But maybe you are "that great of a guy" and you haven't met someone that "gets' you.

    Most guys desperately try NOT to be unique and great. They want to act/walk/talk/joke like everyone else. Who needs that?

    Betcha there will be fireworks when you do meet a guy who you click with.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    All of the time.... when I'm out with friends at bars and notice a guy and especially online.

    I must say I take as a compliment most of the time but it does get alittle frustrating.... its like a broken record
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jul 22, 2009 2:49 PM GMT
    MichVBPlayer28 saidThis is probably the biggest turn off statement you can make to me. I get asked this constantly. First of all, it's very hard to respond to this question. If you have been single for a long time, it may be a source of frustration to you. If you just got out of a relationship, you then feel obligated to bring that up.

    For me, I look at this statement and want to scream "I'm not that great of a guy". But of course, you don't really say that to someone who you think might be cute. The other thing i worry about that this statement is a sly way of saying "Wow, you are so much better than me, how could you be single". It's a line that isn't a compliment, but instead of way of knocking yourself down. If you are confident in yourself, then don't be shocked this person is single, because you're a great person too and you're single. Great people are single all the time. Just be happy you're meeting him and find out if ya click.


    1.I get this effing question all the time!
    2. Mich has a point ... except for the fact he is that great of a guy. : o )
    3. When people ask me this, my immediate desire is to reply: " Why, are you going ask me out? " then again, I am learning to take a compliments - regardless of their intended nuance - in a more mature fashion.
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    LuvMuscle99 said
    How about you?

    I used to get that comment in my mid-20s, but it meant why wasn't I married to a nice girl yet. So I finally did get married -- what a mistake THAT was!

    I can see it being a genuine compliment in your case, but not one I use with other guys. I assume some prefer to remain single, either permanently or at certain periods of their lives for various reasons.

    Reasons which are none of my business, so your question is one I don't ask. And being attached for the better part of the last 10 years, something no one asks me anymore, either.

    Victor/Victoria movie dialogue, after Robert Preston tells Lesley Ann Warren that he's gay:

    Warren: "I still think it's a terrible waste."

    Preston: "Well, if it's any consolation, I assure you it is not wasted."

    I'm quite sure your being single isn't a terrible waste, either. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    RowBuddy saidJust this past weekend I was supposed to have a date with a guy. We had met once and it was a nice evening. I was out of town the following weekend, and he was out the one after that, but we intended to meet up and hang out again. Finally, we settled on a date. On monday and wed we exchanged texts about how much we were each looking forward to Friday night. Well, 5PM Friday I text to let him know Im on my way home to get changed and asked what he wanted to do and I get back the following...

    "I am dating someone and want to see where it leads. Lets keep in touch though, you are a sweet guy"



    ..........



    In the future, especially when you are first getting to know someone, forget the texting and speak by phone or in person. You will get a better idea of where you stand, rather than being shy and hiding behind emails and texting.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    so does this mean that I can't use this line as an icebreaker with any of the guys here on RJ?

    not even if I were to use smileys after the message???????????
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    RowBuddy saidumm. the text was just a "headed home, see you soon, let me know where you want to meet" Type thing. It was not the basis of the entire experience.


    you did nothing wrong from where i'm sitting - the guy was the usual asshole you sometimes run into. talking to him a la voice2voice, may not have made any difference to the outcome.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    Because I only pretend to be nice. I'm actually very mean, rude and abusive. I've only maintained my past relationships by keeping them in a drug induced stupor 24/7.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:33 PM GMT
    It's a such gross cliche thing to say and whenever anyone asks that I just say "because I have a pinky dick" and walk away.
    There are so many thoughtful ways to let people know you are interested, why the hell would you waste your time with generic crap like that.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    I certainly am told this a lot icon_eek.gif
    I'm certainly a charmer and kewl dawg to hang with. But I think what gets to most guys is how ultra shy I am. Trust me if my time in the Military didn't cure me of it, nothing willicon_lol.gif Plus I don't see why soo many don't like shy guys. I won't bore you to death with idle & utterly stupid chatter about nothing.
    Then again maybe i'm single cause of how utterly & brutally honest I can be about everything. I love being told things to my face. I very rarely lie & maybe I might exaggerate a bit but who doesn't icon_lol.gif
    But i'm like a travel size teddy bear, you can take me anywhere & I give great hugs among other thingsicon_twisted.gif

    Ah well, I just have the thinking that i'll eventually find someone.
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    mnjock2003 saidIt's a such gross cliche thing to say and whenever anyone asks that I just say "because I have a pinky dick" and walk away.
    There are so many thoughtful ways to let people know you are interested, why the hell would you waste your time with generic crap like that.


    Well, it's actually because I have been hunting down all your suitors and disposing of the bodies at a dog food factory. I figure if I'm the only one left, I have a better chance.icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 3:44 PM GMT
    Lol, I'm asked that question all the time. Sometimes I wonder why I'm single myself. I guess I'm just waiting for the right person to come online. Been single for over 2 and a half years now and I'm ready for a change. But, I guess the wait will be worth it in the end.
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    Jul 22, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    Steel091 saidLol, I'm asked that question all the time. Sometimes I wonder why I'm single myself. I guess I'm just waiting for the right person to come online. Been single for over 2 and a half years now and I'm ready for a change. But, I guess the wait will be worth it in the end.


    he'll never come online- you have to go out there find him and make him the right guy icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 22, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    Steel091 saidLol, I'm asked that question all the time. Sometimes I wonder why I'm single myself. I guess I'm just waiting for the right person to come online. Been single for over 2 and a half years now and I'm ready for a change. But, I guess the wait will be worth it in the end.


    he'll never come online- you have to go out there find him and make him the right guy icon_razz.gif



    I know that very well man. You think the internet is the only way I meet guys? No way. I actually meet people offline; realjock is just something I do to burn off some time off my boring life icon_razz.gif