Why do guys pass themselves around so freely?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    I just watched 'Boy Culture' (2006). It poses an interesting, sharp perspective and questions the lives that many probably could relate to:

    "Why do guys pass themselves around so freely?...maybe it comes down to pleasure, but do they get that much pleasures from all these hookup's? So much energy put into cruising, socialization, fashion, months at the gym, myoplex shakes. Finally, you get laid and never hear from the f***er again. Then you invest all your energy and money back into grooming, working out, making yourself perfect again for the next lay. If gay guys stop spending so much time hooking up, there're f***ing daVinci's everywhere."

    Personally, I'm not in the scene at all and may not be in the position to comment.
    What are your takes on the above observation, described as "mating rituals more elaborate than in anything on the discovery channel"?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2009 2:27 PM GMT

    This also applies to straight men and women. Everyone wants to feel attractive, sexy and desirable. Clothes,fragrances,hr cuts, accessories and much more are all geared to making you feel like a particular type of person. What you buy into is who you want to represent. There is nothing wrong w/ grooming and all the things that you buy to represent yourself as long as you do it honestly. Because at the end of the day when stripped dwn who you are is who you will be and those possessions are just a mask.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2009 5:38 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    This also applies to straight men and women. ...


    Would you agree that the percentage [of people spending so much energy/money into grooming for sex in particular] is higher among gays?
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jul 23, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    ardy123 said
    Hillie said
    This also applies to straight men and women. ...


    Would you agree that the percentage [of people spending so much energy/money into grooming for sex in particular] is higher among gays?


    I'd say it's higher among women, actually. Gays are a close second.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2009 5:49 PM GMT

    I'd have to argue the point about women. Funny how any blame is always passed to them, but anyway. If there is a similarity, I think it is because both women and gays are made to feel second rate in society. Instead of getting irritated or angry about it (like I do), they decide to please their way to the top. It never works, but with me in my room alone full of hatred and them on their backs full of hope (maybe this time it'll work), I'm not sure which approach is less productive.
    Strange since both groups are trying to please different facets of society. Sometimes trading up, but for the most part, this problem should be just for straight females because they are closely linked to that sexist straight mentality. When it happens to gays, it is just an offshoot of being raised in straight society or as I suspect, the gay community mimics the straight one, in particular it's most negative parts.




  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jul 23, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
    Oh I'm not blaming them GG - but the emphasis has been placed on women to look a certain way, have a certain 'air' about them, since like, the dawn of time. I only say this preening is more predominant in women because (a) there's more women than gay men and (b) because being 'pretty' and 'putting on your face' is bred into females from the time they can pick up a barbie doll and 'put on her face'.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Jul 23, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    This topic again?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2009 11:48 PM GMT
    GG you gotta stop being mad man, you might hurt someone...

    one thing I don't see though is how is we felt "second rate" why we "pass our selfs around" to other "gay men" who are also considered "second rate"... bit of a circle there

    either way, I like sex, it's fun, healthy, sometimes wild, sometimes mild, always enjoyable... There is a time and a place for everything and sex is it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 7:40 AM GMT
    i kind of understand where the OP is coming from with his question as you have sites where men just hookup freely without regard for future responsibilities. On the other hand gay men also not only spend money just on themselves to look good, they take part in massive spending in the areas of cars, houses and in later stages of their life some become major property owners and investors. So what i am saying is i doubt this behavior last as the older some get the more they realize that being with someone will be more beneficial....that is if they survive the stage of passing themselves around soo freely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 9:45 AM GMT
    A few follow up questions:

    Isn't the feeling of being 'second rate' the result of our own fixation and glorification of our sexual preference instead of our individual uniqueness and talents? Do you think the label is adopted purely to acquire sexual partners which we still need to exert so much energy into finding?

    There is no arguing that sex is fun and enjoyable, but again, do guys get so much pleasure from so many hook-up's... would we truly be da Vinci's if we were to shift equal energies [put into grroming for sex] into something we have inherent talent for (apart from sex)? If so, how can we help each other realize/achieve this? And ultimately, shouldn't we be aiming for a relationship that is not purely based on sex but intense learning and growth - thus less ONS and more long term friend/relation-ships?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 9:50 AM GMT
    I think your placing a little to much on other people..

    I don't workout to attract guys, I work out because it makes me feel good, it makes me feel healthy, it makes me happy.

    the fact that guys find me attractive isn't what concerns me and if you do all that just to get a guy you've got bigger problems.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 11:10 AM GMT
    ardy123 saidPersonally, I'm not in the scene at all and may not be in the position to comment.

    But you did, Blanche, you did!

    Your model of guy behavior omits another factor: the desire to have a partner. It's true that sex is often the "climax" of the cycle you describe, before it begins again, and it can be a goal in itself. But for many of us, straight or gay, the ultimate objective is to find a more permanent relationship, and sex is part of that process.

    There can be one more step to your model, therefore, but it happens less often, for obvious reasons. Yet we still hope it'll happen, and the process you propose is part of that search, too, not just a single-minded obsession with sex. It can result in a lifetime commitment, and isn't that worth the investment of some effort?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 11:21 AM GMT
    Men are men, it dosn't matter if you're gay or not. The one thing that straight men have going for them is the fact that women tend to be more emotional when it comes to sex, so it's not exactly a top priority for women to hook up with the hottest guy at the party, therefore straight men tend not to have to worry about staying in shape as much as gay men since women tend to be more worried about reliability, security, ect..
    Men, gay and straight, are more visual when it comes to sex, so hooking up with the "hottest" guy (or the hottest woman) at the party tends to be more the priority, especially in the gay world because both parties are looking for the same thing.
    Just because we like cock, doesn't mean we're really that much different than straight men when it comes to getting our rocks off.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 24, 2009 1:48 PM GMT
    Your assuming that all men go to all the trouble your inferring...

    Some already look great, but go to the gym anyway. After a hookup, they grab a shower and get ready for the next. It might not require much effort.

    The real question here is why do they do it? I think its part ego, part physical need and part "gay culture" for the single gay guy.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 24, 2009 2:05 PM GMT
    it shouldn't matter. there's nothing wrong with having as many sexual partners as you want as long as it's sex among consenting adults. labels like "whore" and "slut" are ridiculous. this is simply a leftover thought from puritanical brainwashing that's we're supposed not to have sex until we're married and only with a single partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    I do not pass myself around freely! It's 100 euros minimum!
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jul 24, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    I can't resist but pose the counter-question...

    Why do people care how "freely" people hand themselves around?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    Where are all these freely giving guys?


    Inquiring minds wanna know!





    Ghen,

    How much is that in US dollars?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    DODGY1974 saidWhere are all these freely giving guys?


    Inquiring minds wanna know!





    Ghen,

    How much is that in US dollars?


    Errrr, 142$ according to XE.com
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 24, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    The only thing stopping straight men from hooking up as much as gay men is heteronormative inhibitions, of which it must be said, there aren't a lot (i.e., straight men enjoy hooking up as much as gay men but the assumption that they should want to "settle down" acts as an inhibitor, regardless of if that's what they really want or not). Men are men which means they want the best, then the next one, and the one after that...I think part of the reason for this, on a deeper level, is the way that boys are socialized/taught to value competition, aggression, and transience compared to girls.

    I'd agree that the endless hookup for gay men may be masking/repressing some other longings and fears BUT that as gay men, we shouldn't seek to follow the same norms as the straight world (i.e., if our sexuality dictates random sex that's our business)...that's as deep as I can go now, it's Friday. Have a good weekend gents!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 26, 2009 4:16 AM GMT
    ardy123 said
    Hillie said
    This also applies to straight men and women. ...


    Would you agree that the percentage [of people spending so much energy/money into grooming for sex in particular] is higher among gays?


    Hi Ardy
    Let me begin by saying GG in no way am I putting any blame on women here but socially women are conditioned to beautify themselves more. Men are more visual and media plays upon that as women are subjected to do many things to create a sex appeal. Those lines are also becoming more and more blurry as our culture is becoming more sexual in some ways and more repressed in others. Let me add that gay men are like everyone else who seeks solace, comfort and love in a companion and the 1st way to snag anyone is visually since that is the first introduction before you get the opportunity to open your mouth. Most people want to surround themselves around people they feel comfortable and the feeling they get frm that are usually the people they choose to befriend. Sometimes these friendships are true and other times meaningless. people pass themselves around daily on many levels in the end the beauty of a daVinci is in the eye of the beholder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 26, 2009 4:20 AM GMT
    DiverScience saidI can't resist but pose the counter-question...

    Why do people care how "freely" people hand themselves around?


    In some fashion it's also a self-esteem issue. Your body is your temple and you only get one and while I believe in loving whoever you want I also think it's a bit more healthy mentally not to fuck everything insight!
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 26, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    What's wrong with having lots of sex ? The male of the species is naturally programmed to want to spread his seed far and wide in order to preserve the species. That we can't procreate with other men, doesn't stop us from trying.

    NEXT !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 26, 2009 6:44 AM GMT
    a few points

    a) i get laid plenty 'nuff
    b) a lot of the "masculine" straight guys i know get laid more than myself, sometimes A LOT more
    c) why does it matter to you if someone gets laid more than you do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 26, 2009 6:54 AM GMT
    As if there was an option to being social.