Why are gay men so GIRLY?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    9.5 times out of 10, if a man is effeminate, he's gay. Maybe effeminacy is a good thing. Maybe it's not. I'm not weighing in on that here. I'm simply sayin, that when it comes to "all things gay", gay is not reducible to a simple difference in sexual preference.

    (oh, and don't trot out some mumbo-jumbo about masculinity and femininity being socially constructed -- that doesn't answer the question I'm asking -- i.e., start your own thread with that conundrum). icon_twisted.gif

    So, my question stands: WHY ARE GAY MEN SO GIRLY?
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    Jul 24, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    speak for yourself;
    I'm manly

    unless being manly requires a beer gut and a nascar hat
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 24, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    IMO, it's human nature to want to belong. Many gay boys growing up look at other boys and don't identify with them, so they look to the only other option - girls. Others that don't know they are gay until later in life often try to emulate the stereotypical behaviors, either consciously or unconsciously.
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    Jul 24, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    Manly here, too. Though that was my undoing, as I've mentioned a number of times here before. Mistakingly thinking the gay stereotypes of my youth were correct, which I didn't match, I therefore rejected my own orientation for too long.

    It was the realization that gay men are indeed often entirely "manly" that destroyed my denial mechanism and brought me out. And most gay men of my acquaintance are NOT girly. They are ordinary men, who are gay.

    Let's assume that your statement that "9.5 times out of 10, if a man is effeminate, he's gay" is true. But that doesn't address the question of how many gay men are effeminate. You don't know, precisely because they ARE indistinguishable from all other men. Effeminate men may more likely be gay, but gay men are not likely effeminate.

    Your basic premise is flawed & incorrect.
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    Jul 24, 2009 6:16 PM GMT
    Wow...I can't wait to watch this fall apart with Christian coming on here going off with blazing guns. icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 24, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    Guns? Where?

    SniperCatEXTREME.jpg
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jul 24, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    I have yet to meet an effeminate gay man in person. But i dont go to any gay haunts.

    I am not convined that anywhere near 95% of gay men are more effeminate than straight men. I dont think even half that would be close to the mark.

    But perhaps a deeper point - what is so wrong about someone who is? If it is not attractive to you, fine, dont date that person.
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    Jul 24, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    Delivis saidI have yet to meet an effeminate gay man in person. But i dont go to any gay haunts.

    I am not convined that anywhere near 95% of gay men are more effeminate than straight men. I dont think even half that would be close to the mark.

    But perhaps a deeper point - what is so wrong about someone who is? If it is not attractive to you, fine, dont date that person.



    If you've not met an effeminate gay man in person, then clearly you have very little contact with gay men. You can spot them blocks away in Toronto, for instance.

    As to your "deeper point", Devlis, try reading my post.

    -MT
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    Jul 24, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    MuscleToronto said9.5 times out of 10, if a man is effeminate, he's gay. Maybe effeminacy is a good thing. Maybe it's not. I'm not weighing in on that here. I'm simply sayin, that when it comes to "all things gay", gay is not reducible to a simple difference in sexual preference.

    (oh, and don't trot out some mumbo-jumbo about masculinity and femininity being socially constructed -- that doesn't answer the question I'm asking -- i.e., start your own thread with that conundrum). icon_twisted.gif

    So, my question stands: WHY ARE GAY MEN SO GIRLY?


    that 9.5 out of 10 gay guys youve meet are effeminate....maybe....but that doesnt mean 95% of gay men are effeminate it only means 95% of those you know are gay, are effeminate.

    I know more masculine looking gay guys than effeminate ones, way more. Logically you wouldnt be able to tell if a gay guy on the street is gay unless he looks effeminate, so thats maybe the reason why youre having this perception based on the stereotype. Just keep in mind that for each effeminate gay guy that you just noticed you might as well just missed 9 masculine looking guys who were totally gay icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    Not all Gay men are Girly lol.

    Me on the other hand...

    Ever since I can remember. I always connected with girls better. I felt misplaced when I was in a group or around boys. All my best friends are girls.I have "Womanish" tendencies because I feel more comfortable doing them oppose to Burping,Farting In public,Watching sports and drinking nasty beer.
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    Jul 24, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    MuscleToronto said(oh, and don't trot out some mumbo-jumbo about masculinity and femininity being socially constructed -- that doesn't answer the question I'm asking -- i.e., start your own thread with that conundrum).


    But that is the heart of the matter. Not only is gender constructed, but so is sexuality. How a man is supposed to act is informed by sex, reproduction, and family. Even among gay men topping is seen as more masculine and bottoming more effeminate (when really it is tough working taking a cock). Queers break those prescribed behaviors. We are fall outside our prescribed sexual role, and in doing so we fall outside our prescribed gender role.

    Part of that is a hyperawareness of the gender expression of others. Do straight people really worry if they are masculine or effeminate? Most people I know who are not still hung up on their sexuality act like themselves. No more or less masculine/feminine than the next guy.
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    Jul 24, 2009 8:02 PM GMT

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    Jul 24, 2009 8:16 PM GMT
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    Jul 25, 2009 12:00 AM GMT


    Well don't the over masculine weightlifting ones balance it out? What scale are you using to measure their manliness to their effeminacy? and where do you fit on that scale? are you bias to where you are on that scale? Can you answer those and I'll be more ready to submit a answer. Oh and by the way.... I'm all man bro excluding the fact that I like to...well that's private
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    Jul 25, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
    Balljunkie saidWow...I can't wait to watch this fall apart with Christian coming on here going off with blazing guns. icon_eek.gif


    I guess I'm beginning to have a bit of a reputation on here. icon_twisted.gif

    I actually don't have a problem with what the OP wrote. Considering how much anti-femme hysteria I've seen on this board, I'm willing to take MuscleToronto at his word and weigh in with my guns firmly holstered (for now.:lolicon_smile.gif

    I think Timberoo makes a good point in terms of feeling different from other boys and, thereby, identifying with girls or women instead. I think that was the case with me as a child. Then as I grew up that identification increased and, eventually, during college, became a conscious choice. For me, gender equality is key to any true equality for LGBT people. Though I agree with Zombie that much of gendered behavior (and certainly how that behavior is interpreted by the culture) is a construct, the valuation (or devaluation in the case of femininity) is at the heart of our civil rights struggle.

    I'm of the mind that gender, sexuality, and desire are not merely an issue of nature versus nurture, but a thoroughly tangled knot that may never be as simple as "I'm born gay" or "I'm queer because that's how Western Culture understands my desire to suck cock" or "damn that amniotic fluid had a lot of estrogen in it!"

    Even this thread is indicative of a variety of different interpretations of gendered behavior and signs. Hillie asks a good question:

    "What scale are you using to measure their manliness to their effeminacy?"

    On one hand (the more obvious one) - my boyfriend is the more masculine of the two of us, and identifies as a gay man. He has a very deep voice with no "gay" accent. He is taller and more athletically built. He is a vers-top.

    On the other hand (less obvious one) - I identify as being a feminine gay man and have more flourishes than he does. I have a higher (though not very high) voice with a feminine inflection. I'm shorter (not much) and have wide hips and a bubble butt. I'm am a vers-bottom.

    BUT - I'm a green belt in Tae Kwon Do and regularly spar with straight guys. My BF would NEVER fight for pleasure.

    I have been in countless fists fights - some win, some lose. BF has never been in a fist fight.

    I am much more likely to call someone out on their shit. BF is more likely to avoid confrontation.

    I like punk and hardcore music; used to go slam dancing. My BF loves musical theater and took cotillion classes.

    I read crime novels, watch Deadliest Warrior, and love horror movies. BF likes crosswords, watches HGTV, and prefers musicals.

    So? Who is more masculine?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    AHHHHHHH, Christian let me just say...You guys sound like a perfect match! and that sounds divine!!!!! Is divine more of a " gay/nelly" term?
    LOL......does that set me back on the scale?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    Yeah, Hillie, opposites do actually attract.
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    Jul 25, 2009 1:26 AM GMT


    Yeah I agree but my prob is I oppose my Opposites! It always end on a sour note this is the beginning of a new thread lk for it.......LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 1:55 AM GMT
    I know three really effeminate guys. Two are straight and are brothers (married with children) and the other I think is gay but I have no idea.

    If you're put into a society that expects you to act girl, you will be more likely to. I think the biology of being gay will take a long time to explain. They say that some gay men's brains function more like Women's brains- who knows...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    Why care?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    I'm either gonna end up with some big manly guy and be the "girly" one in the relationship or I'm gonna end up with some really hot feminine guy.. right now I'm thinking the later cause of the guys I'm chasing hehe

    why are gay men so girly? *shrugs* I don't care, just as long as they are themself.
  • Mepark

    Posts: 806

    Jul 25, 2009 2:14 AM GMT
    Well I know guys that can act feminine one minute, and masculine the other. It just depends where they are and who they are with. That tells me that many "just act" girly because it's a trend or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREWhy are gay men so girly



    Says the original poster, who just happens to be wearing a necklace, how girly is that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    Because in the womb, parts of the brain can be "feminized" before you are even born. SOme of those parts show up outwardly and some don't. In lesbian's certain parts of the brain can be "masculinized". It's just nature's diversity at work.
  • InsatiableBlo...

    Posts: 442

    Jul 25, 2009 6:26 AM GMT
    Why are we soo obsessed with masculine and feminine men??


    Just be confident and be yourself.