Gay guys and... women?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2009 9:27 AM GMT
    I am neither talking about closet cases who go on dates with women, nor self-styled gay men who are actually bisexual; but right and proper gays (usually open about their sexuality) who maintain good emotional connections with women have always interested me.
    While in college I dated a man who had this amazing ability to attract female attention. He was a loquacious lawyer, a good conversationalist and quite a looker also; he told me he had maintained a circle of female friends ever since junior high, and that on a normal day he enjoyed female company more than his male friends even though he harbored no romantic feelings for any of these women. He was NOT the kind of stereotypical gay man who fixes their girlfriends' hairdo and serves as their personal shopper on Saturdays.
    If this guy and I went out, people wouldn't take us as lovers, and women would strike up conversations with him, and with all jocosity he would go along with it and buy drinks for them. And their apparent interest in him would not diminish sharply even after he revealed his sexual orientation.
    Does the ability to bond with women, which comes so easily to guys like this, speak much about their capacity as a (gay) date? I have seen a poster on this site who describes his ideal man as someone who "likes women", among many other descriptive attributes. Do gays like this have something unique to themselves that is not shared by people who do not connect easily with females?
    Or is "Sunny personality + Good looks" just such a winning combination that it works with everyone?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2009 11:31 AM GMT
    I connect easily to women of my age. Make new friends easier with women than with men. But only if they belong to a certain type of personality. The moment a woman starts to like me in the wrong way though, I tend to distance myself then. That has happened a few times.

    When I finished high school and entered uni, all my male friends left for other schools. I ended up hanging out with my female friends who also happened to go to the same school.

    Note that this wasn't the case before, I hung out with my male friends almost exclusively in high school.

    And yeah, I liked it. It's different than being with guy friends. Not better or worse, but different.

    And no, we didn't gossip around, braid each other's hair or anything like that. LOL. I don't even like shopping. It was more because I'm the clown type and a bit irreverent of the men-women barrier, since I've never been around girls much before. And the only female cousin I grew up with was tomboyish because all her other playmates were boys. I'd punch a girl in the shoulder as a way of greeting for example.

    Girls like gay men or at least men who doesn't see them sexually because they could talk to them about virtually anything. From sex to crushes to periods. And since gay men don't harbor any sexual feelings for them whatsoever, the sex thing doesn't cloud up everything. No ulterior motive so to say.

    Now that we're older, our parties get to be of mixed gender more often and I enjoy it better. Girls are old enough now to drink on their own here, LOL, and guy will sometimes bring wives or girlfriends or whatever. The conversations are more interesting. If guys are with guys the topics are usually just the same old stuff. With girls around you get to talk about other things.

    And no, I don't think it makes me a good date or a bad date. icon_lol.gif I find that it's the opposite with men I find attractive. I can't even speak two sentences coherently. I mean, I don't know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2009 12:33 PM GMT
    I've always had female friends, and no I don't do hair, or do the shopping thing either.

    i work in a field that is 85% women, and long to get back to a job that is 99.999% men. But I have developed some very strong bonds with women over the years, to the point if I have a party, the women can outnumber the men.

    I have a few of em who wish I was not a homosexual, because they think they have met the perfect male; and who's to say they are wrong. But I'm not straight even though I do appear to be, no am I a bisexual, coz I'm a pure homosexual.

    But yes I get on well with women, and many of them do with I. I have ever got a few female friend who are dyke's, but lipstick wearing ones of course.

    But I like my male friends too, and all of them are straight other than my two husbands.
  • Halfstep

    Posts: 859

    Jul 26, 2009 1:06 PM GMT
    Its so easy to connect to women for me, more so than men. Not because I'm girly, but because they are open, intimate and have less boundaries than men do and I truly do appreciate that in women. To be able to bring up topics that men never would, or if it is something we talk about, explain it from a different perspective or depth that we would never dare.

    I've always had this ability with females since middle school. My best friends were usually females all the way up through high school. I recall my male friends wondering why the females were all so obsessed with me and being jealous. They have me feel their breast to see if they were even, would talk to me about tv, music, relationship issues, most of this before I ever even came out to them and doing so only made them more comfortable around me.

    I was a lucky guy when I think back on it. I'll never know why but I was invited to the girl's night out, and the guy's night too. On guys night I would often find myself having to translate to a friend why his girlfriend had gotten so mad earlier.

    I think for the most part, females like to talk, like to listen, and like developing close bonds with they people they associate with. Its that intamacy that makes them respond to men who can appreciate the same, because in a woman's eyes, men can be quite distant and uncomfortable opening up on an emotional level.

    I just think its refreshing to them. I've had many close female bonds, but I appreciate my male friends more. Probably for the same reasons. Men can be distant, but when we truly form close bonds we open up on another level and it almost feels tribal in nature because thats the kind of trust you form.