Ex bf= best sex ever. Current bf = no so much. Can't stop thinking about the ex.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2009 9:14 PM GMT
    I don't know what to do. I've been with my current boyfriend for two years now. The relationship is much more stable & healthy than the one I had with my ex, but of course, he's the on I can't get out of my head.

    I was with my ex for almost five years, it was quite toxic at times but the sex was incredible. I knew him casually for a year before we got together, & even then, I had never been so attracted to someone. I still haven't been almost eight years later. The one thing that never ceased in the five years we were together was our sexual chemistry. We were/are just drawn to each other, it's sad but I would never trust myself around him.

    I love my current bf very much, but my sexual attraction to him has greatly dwindled. The thought of my ex though, is enough to get me aroused. I can still vividly recall our sex all this time later. I try not to fantasize about him to avoid feeding into the feelings, but sometimes I feel like I can't help it. Sometimes I think about him during sex with my bf to help me get off.

    I don't know what to do when just the thought of my ex from years ago is more arousing than the touch of my current bf. Feel pretty shitty about this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
    Perhaps this current guy just isn't for you. Are you sure you're not romanticising your past history?
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    Jul 27, 2009 3:03 AM GMT

    Don't forget why he is your ex. I know I'm not the only one, but we all have an ex or two who could fuck Quasimoto's hump off. He's still an ex so we forget it. Love the one's sex you're with. Of course, if your sexual needs are that important to you and I'm not knocking that; look else where for a mate that fulfills them better.

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    Jul 27, 2009 3:06 AM GMT
    I don't know what to say, but there are times when a person thinks they want something...and then they get it, and remember why they left it in the first place.
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    Jul 27, 2009 3:09 AM GMT
    yeah sex with ex was aswesome. but he use ot talk in his sleep. I dont miss that one.
  • NorCalJD

    Posts: 23

    Jul 27, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    So your relationship with your current bf is stable and healthy? Poor you! Which do you value more, hot sex or stability and health? That seems to be the dividing line in our community (and in general). Decide which you want and go for it.
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    Jul 27, 2009 3:30 AM GMT



    Hey davey5, Welcome to Realjock, eh?

    Hmm, what broke you up with the ex in the first place?


    -us
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    If you love your bf, and it's just an issue of the sex not being all that great, then you need to address it and talk to him about it.

    If the issue of sex not being great is part of an overall declining interest in your bf, you need to ask whether you want to be with him.

    Everyone is different - your current bf appears to be better at the things your ex wasn't, and vice versa. I guess you need to work out what is important to you and go from there.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Jul 27, 2009 3:49 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Don't forget why he is your ex. I know I'm not the only one, but we all have an ex or two who could fuck Quasimoto's hump off. He's still an ex so we forget it. Love the one's sex you're with. Of course, if your sexual needs are that important to you and I'm not knocking that; look else where for a mate that fulfills them better.



    Quasimotos hump off...GODDAAMN hahahahaahah!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    OH NO I'm not being sexually satisfied 100%.. I should go look elsewhere..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 6:10 AM GMT

    lilTanker saidOH NO I'm not being sexually satisfied 100%.. I should go look elsewhere..


    look no further. icon_lol.gif

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    Jul 27, 2009 6:23 AM GMT
    Interestingly enough, the hottest sex I had with my ex was after the break up, so I was able to get him out of my system... icon_redface.gif (and yes, we eventually did stop that too) Seeing that you are in a relationship and that isn't possible I think you should look at your current situation with honesty: focus in rediscovering your current relationship.

    Whenever the thoughts of you ex come just drop them and make no more of it, if you entertain them for a while (or use them for, erhmmm, other purposes) well, a thought is a thought is a thought, make no more of it and focus in the present, there lays the answers you need, with the person you are with right now and the person you're wanting to be.

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    Jul 27, 2009 6:28 AM GMT
    NorCalJD saidSo your relationship with your current bf is stable and healthy? Poor you! Which do you value more, hot sex or stability and health? That seems to be the dividing line in our community (and in general). Decide which you want and go for it.


    This may be the best thing I've ever read on here.
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Jul 27, 2009 6:53 AM GMT
    Wow, that wouldn't be fun. I'm glad sex with my most recent ex wasn't very good. I still wonder how he was able to pull me in as hard as he did... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 6:59 AM GMT
    well alot of people say, you fight with someone(Boyfriend/friend/ siblings etc) because you love them, and you loved them enough to care to fight. i say you give your ex another shot, and if you dont think so you got one question to ask yourself, "why did you stay in a relationship that long with someone thats bad for you?", and i think stay friends with your current boyfriend.. good luck with every thing, i hope it all goes well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 7:30 AM GMT
    You have Amywinehousitosis. Consult your doctor.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 27, 2009 11:59 AM GMT
    Well welcome to RJ, I hope you'll find this site interesting..... and informative.

    A couple of things... lets be logical about this. Lets say, screw the current bf and find your ex. Where is he? How would he react if you said, "I've been thinking about you for some time, can we get back together?

    Am I recommending this, certainly not, but I want you to think about it.
    How would you feel about your current bf if you told him you wanted your ex because of your sexual attraction? How practical would it be anyway?

    My suggestion is, have a serious conversation with your current bf and try to improve your sex scene. You also need to be grateful for what you do have, especially if its stable and reasonable. Do you want to trade it off for some memory of your ex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 12:17 PM GMT
    NorCalJD saidSo your relationship with your current bf is stable and healthy? Poor you! Which do you value more, hot sex or stability and health? That seems to be the dividing line in our community (and in general). Decide which you want and go for it.


    well said!
    in plain language: do you want high octane sex + a life or you want a high octane life + some sex? life's much broader than 1 single issue
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 12:56 PM GMT
    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
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    Jul 27, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    I agree with NorCalJD Poor You!

    Trading in a healthy and stable relationship for better sex is pretty myopic. icon_eek.gif Find a way to make it better, talk about it, work it out. Give the dude a chance. You guys have all ready occupied 2 years of each others lives. Does he even know?

    If after working on it together, you can't find a way which works for both of you and it makes you unhappy (Which happiness was not mentioned by the way) then consider drawing things to a close. Just be very aware, you might not find that kind of healthy stability again for a very long time. icon_neutral.gif

    Just sayin'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2009 2:01 PM GMT
    I suspect the sex with your current boyfriend is a symptom of something: something about you, him . . . how you fit together. If you like the guy a lot, talk to him and think carefully, and maybe you can figure out what it is. Bad sex can be made better, especially if you want it to be made better.
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    Jul 27, 2009 2:18 PM GMT
    I agree with everyone that says "he's an ex for a reason" - don't forget that. It was really difficult after breaking up with my ex, as we had been together a while as well and had great chemistry. I kept thinking about the good times, and pretty much forgot all the difficult ones. Ultimately we're not meant to be anything more than friends, and I'm fine with that now - but at the time it was very confusing.

    I do NOT agree with people who are saying to "talk to your bf about your sex life"... at least not right off the bat. If the sex is just "okay" and not horrible, then I'd try doing something to spice it up. You never know, a little coaching can go a long way. At least it's subtle. If you come right out of the gate with, "our sex needs improvement" then you run the serious risk of making him self conscious and could in fact make the sex worse.

    Our beds are crowded... your ex will always be a part of your past, but sometimes it's best you keep them there and try your best to move on with your life. If you've got yourself a good guy, then I'd say to count your blessings as there really aren't that many out there
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    Jul 27, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    I guess I read your post as saying that you are growing less sexually attracted to your current boyfriend. I'm not sure that's something that can be fixed. Could it be that you've sort of "settled" for this guy because your relationship with him is stable, safe?

    Can you foresee growing old with your current boyfriend? Do you see your relationship as truly long-term? Or can you see the relationship running its course in a couple of years?

    It sounds as if you're obsessing about your ex, and as someone already commented, romanticising the relationship. Maybe some counseling would help you get the obsession under control. If you do go back to the ex, you need to have realistic expectations--lots of drama, lots of great sex, not much stability, etc.

    More questions than answers, but then again, you have to work through this and make your decision yourself. Good luck.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 27, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    Seems like you're not really in a place to have a bf at the moment. You're solely comparing your bf at the moment to your ex only in sexual terms. That's all it is boiling down to. Well, then break with your bf and save him the trouble of dealing with this. Then you can go sleep with whomever you want and have the best sex ever, since that is what appears you're after at the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
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    Jul 27, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    Thanks for the welcomes & the replies, even those that made me feel like a selfish twat ;) .

    I have no delusions about my past with my ex & why we broke up & have remained broken up. Our relationship was unhealthy and he refused to seek treatment for his bipolar disorder, leaving me the target or his manic episodes. There's more, but that's it in a nutshell.

    If I had to make a choice (actually I already have), I would chose the emotional satisfaction & friendship I get with my current bf over strictly hot sex with my ex. The choice isn't hard, it's having to reconcile the feelings I have for my ex, feelings I don't have, but want to have for my bf. As some of you have pointed out- a good man is hard to find, I don't think it's worth ending the relationship for.

    Conflicted, thou art me.