Ashamed to be gay, thanks to locker room lurkers.


  • Jul 27, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    So it's been my first two days back at the gym. Tomorrow is my first day with a trainer. I got so lucky. This really athletic co-worker who used to be a boxer found out we go to the same gym and was actually like pressuring me not the other way around to go to the gym with him. He's kinda cute (but straight) as well.

    Anywho, so it's my first couple of days back. I do a fitness assessment. I test out as average. 9.5% body fat, 165 pounds, 6'0. Obviously I have a long way to go. I knew my co-worker couldn't start training with me till tomorrow so I went and did the things I knew how to do. He's going to teach me proper form etc. Get me not-so-intimidated of doing weights. So, the past two days I did a spin class, I swam, I ran some. I got to go to a sauna which I always liked except... whoa have the lurker numbers increased. I thought because I went on a Sunday night, there'd be some lurkers but dude, the past two days. I can't believe it. The minute I go into the sauna, lurker who follows me into the shower room. And then doesn't close the shower curtain, soaps up there hard on. Meanwhile, I'm a bitch about it. I don't dare even take off my tank top (except in the shower and I put it back on behind the curtain) or my bathing suit and when I changed, I did in the toilet stall. I don't know exactly what these guys were jacking off to cause I don't have the most fit body and I didn't even get close to naked in the sauna or showers.

    FUCK YOU LOCKER ROOM TROLLS I HATE YOU.

    I mean, come on. I understand. I'm gay (well, mostly gay) too. When a hot muscular guy is in the sauna, I take a peak too. Nice to look at. But I don't gawk, that's just rude. And I would never in a fucking million years jack off in the shower next to them. Come on, I'm really like ashamed to be gay right now. I feel like my people need to get it together before I start showering with the ladies. I'm 22 and in okay shape and I'd hate to say it but, its always some hairy overweight older guy, who never sets foot on the excersise floor. I was thinking about reporting these guys but I can't get a description of them. Like as I walk out the front table what am I supposed to say? Hey fat old man jacking off in the showers? Oh what's he wearing? Apparently nothing. Thankfully I'm going tomorrow at 5:30 am. I think the more die hards are there around that time.

  • Jul 27, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    I also want to say, though I know a lot of people here are older overweight guys, just looking to get into shape and not bother anybody at the gym... now you know why you get stereotyped. People like that.

    I do want to say that I never assume, anybody let alone the older crowd, is going to pull a stunt like that on somebody. I assume that most people at my gym are straight family men, just working out and/or relaxing in the gym amenities.
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    Jul 27, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    If ignoring the guy doesn't work, sometimes turning around, looking at him in the eyes, and saying "learn some manners you idiot" works wonders.


  • Jul 27, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidIf ignoring the guy doesn't work, sometimes turning around, looking at him in the eyes, and saying "learn some manners you idiot" works wonders.



    See, I work but I'm usually in too much shock and so creeped out for all that to process.
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    Jul 27, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    Don't make gross generalizations bassed on a few assholes. You really shouldn't pigeonhole a whole group of people that includes yourself because of what a couple of people have done in a locker room. There are all kinds of sickos out there, but it's a big world and most people mean well regardless of what they look like. If someone does it again, leave the sauna and report it. You're not doing other patrons as well as the gym itself any favors by not reporting stuff like that. Stuff like that is sexual deviancy that probably stems from some form of sex addiction. He probably knows it bothers you, and that's what he's getting off on. The exhibitionism.

    And don't be so melodramatic, a naked body is a naked body whether it's ripped or not. This whole frozen in shock to the point where you can't take some sort of action to end the sexual harrassment isn't going to do anyone any good.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 27, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    I've seen "lurkers" and been hit on by one of them in the locker room.

    If they are offensive, tell them so and/ or tell the gym management.
    Above all, I wouldn't let them ruin my gym experience, I'm there to work out and enjoy... not to pay attention to lurkers.
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    Jul 27, 2009 8:01 PM GMT
    I would take it as a compliment, it only means that you are doing something right.

    I would be flattered and maybe tease them a bit.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jul 27, 2009 8:51 PM GMT
    I always ignore the pervs, but somehow they just dont get it...My old gym [crunch] had a guy who was out of control and managment asked him to leave..He's now at my present gym and i'm happy to see that he's toned it way down, he's no longer making an ass out of himself ....Thank goodness..
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    Jul 28, 2009 4:33 AM GMT
    Make the choice to shower at home
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    Jul 28, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Quartlife, you should report them, or at least be loud and in their face so they know NOT to do anything sexual when you are around in fear of social embarrassment.
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    Jul 28, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    I've actually had folks follow me around with a cell phone cam.

    I told a kid one night that if he didn't stop pointing it at me, I'd take it away from him.

    I also had a stalker at 24 Hour Fitness. I stopped my pickup, got out, and told him, that if continue to follow me, that I'd file a police report (Texas does NOT have restraining orders in the traditional sense.)

    You should let folks know that cruising at the gym / stalking is wrong. Report them. If you have to get in their face, show them that just because they're gay they behavior is STILL unacceptable.

    Once you become honest, both about who you are and with others, things will shape up for the better.

    Understand, these folks are sick, and in a world of me,me,me, I,I,I, and feel that because they identify with a certain sexuality that there's an all-accepted permissiveness, and that bad judgment is o.k. It's not o.k.

    Sometimes, folks need to push back. I don't tolerate it.
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    Jul 28, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    That's why a don't work out in a gay gym. Why don't you do the same?
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    Jul 28, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    hey, is this strange or what???
    ..there is a forum topic by a hot muscular guy that is complaining about a 22 yo avg bodied kid that kept taking a peak at him in sauna.






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    Jul 28, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    It's about what's appropriate in what setting.
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    Jul 28, 2009 5:42 AM GMT
    doesn't bother me too much. he's going to jack off whether i'm there or not. not going to stop me from doing my routine and not going to stop me from properly enjoying a hot shower to get clean and put fresh dry clothing on.

    if they're rudely blunt about their activity, then be blunt about saying something to them. you don't have much right to gripe about it if you're not willing to say something about it.

    i don't find it the least bit appealing that a troll is wanking while staring at me as i walk across the room. if it really bothered me however, i'd have words. probably loud enough for the whole locker room+ to hear, "cleanup in aisle three, old troll about to jizm onto the shower wall"
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    Jul 28, 2009 5:49 AM GMT
    sundayswim saidhey, is this strange or what???
    ..there is a forum topic by a hot muscular guy that is complaining about a 22 yo avg bodied kid that kept taking a peak at him in sauna.




    icon_rolleyes.gif






    To the OP, I wouldn't get in his face about it if you are uncomfortable about it, just make sure you report it next time with your best description of the person. That way your gym can be one sexual deviant down.
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    Jul 28, 2009 5:57 AM GMT
    I know exactly what you're talking about. You are in control of this situation.

    What I do is simply give a nice smile and say "Hi, how are you" and wait for a response, which is a TOTAL boner killer for them and takes them immediately out of their creepazoid, lurker, pervert moment, and plunges them right back into the real world where they are forced to act normal. Ignoring them perpetuates it.

    In the very rare chance that they'll try to have a conversation with you is the opportunity for you to de-objectify yourself make it more clear than ever that you're not interested.
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    Jul 28, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
    RyanReBoRn said
    sundayswim saidhey, is this strange or what???
    ..there is a forum topic by a hot muscular guy that is complaining about a 22 yo avg bodied kid that kept taking a peak at him in sauna.




    icon_rolleyes.gif






    To the OP, I wouldn't get in his face about it if you are uncomfortable about it, just make sure you report it next time with your best description of the person. That way your gym can be one sexual deviant down.


    Gyms are "for profit" businesses. They WILL NOT lose a revenue stream over you. The advice is bad.

    I've been told by operations managers, when complaining about folks who don't pick up weights..."corporate has told us to have the members poilice themselves."
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    Jul 28, 2009 6:34 AM GMT
    chuckystud said
    RyanReBoRn said
    sundayswim said





    To the OP, I wouldn't get in his face about it if you are uncomfortable about it, just make sure you report it next time with your best description of the person. That way your gym can be one sexual deviant down.


    Gyms are "for profit" businesses. They WILL NOT lose a revenue stream over you. The advice is bad.

    I've been told by operations managers, when complaining about folks who don't pick up weights..."corporate has told us to have the members poilice themselves."


    Blunt, but I admit that I was not aware of this particular aspect.

    What is the point of reporting problem patrons if management is not going to do anything about it? As much as people recommend reporting people like that on RJ you'd think it's because it actually worked to remove the problem. Try threatening management with legal recourse, that should light a fire under their "for profit" behinds.

    And if that doesn't work just bring some mace into the sauna with you instead. (Sarcasm)
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    Jul 28, 2009 7:17 AM GMT
    chuckystud said
    RyanReBoRn said
    sundayswim saidhey, is this strange or what???
    ..there is a forum topic by a hot muscular guy that is complaining about a 22 yo avg bodied kid that kept taking a peak at him in sauna.




    icon_rolleyes.gif






    To the OP, I wouldn't get in his face about it if you are uncomfortable about it, just make sure you report it next time with your best description of the person. That way your gym can be one sexual deviant down.


    Gyms are "for profit" businesses. They WILL NOT lose a revenue stream over you. The advice is bad.

    I've been told by operations managers, when complaining about folks who don't pick up weights..."corporate has told us to have the members poilice themselves."


    Yeah, they do want members to police themselves, but when you tell the manager that they handle it or you call the police there to, I bet they will take care of it. They also don't want fights in their locker rooms. I can't believe the balls that the lurkers have doing this... I think the mangers would be more receptive to getting rid of sex offenders in the gym than you think.
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    Jul 28, 2009 7:36 AM GMT
    Have seen this on too many occasions. And we wonder why straight guys don't want gay guys in the military or on their sports teams - because creeps like this give all gay guys a bad name. The gay community needs to police themselves on issues like this. Right or wrong, everyone gets labled and it does no good for anyone.
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    Jul 28, 2009 7:47 AM GMT
    triguybi saidHave seen this on too many occasions. And we wonder why straight guys don't want gay guys in the military or on their sports teams - because creeps like this give all gay guys a bad name. The gay community needs to police themselves on issues like this. Right or wrong, everyone gets labled and it does no good for anyone.


    one has nothing to do with the other to be specific. it's a false truism attributed to a collective group. the person committing that act is unlikely to ever be accepted into the military. it's not limited to gay guys. straight guys snoop on women and wank, they've done so since history began. furthering this train of thought does nothing to improve our position.

    no matter your orientation, gender, culture, color, creed, or other grouping, there will always be bad apples. there is NO group of souls in existence that doesn't have the undesirable part.

    spit, cuss, have a temper tantrum if you must, and move on. it'll keep happening. it's up to you to do something about it for your local instance. the inability to stand up and call someone on something is another factor in not getting accepted to the team, moreso than being a homo i suspect.
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    Jul 28, 2009 8:15 AM GMT
    You must be going to a gay gym... find a gym which is more serious and has mostly str8 clientele... I had the same problem and cannot stand gay gyms.. not only is there all this attitude in a gay gym but also constant staring and flirting... but no one bothers me at the str8 gym now.. its a lot better.
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    Jul 28, 2009 8:18 AM GMT
    our most recent gay gym was far more uptight and rigid (clients) than the last several straight gyms we were at. there was more hookey and even open shower stall use at the straight gym than the gay gym.
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    Jul 28, 2009 8:24 AM GMT
    quarterlifecrisis said Come on, I'm really like ashamed to be gay right now. I feel like my people need to get it together before I start showering with the ladies.


    seriously dude, get the fuck over yourself. There are plenty of perverted heterosexuals that do the must unimaginable things, does that mean that 90% of my straight friends should be ashamed to be heterosexual ?

    why do we always feel the need to put the entire gay population as a whole instead of just accepting us as individuals who really only have one thing in common, our sexual preference. Stop comparing yourself to someone just because they have the same sexual preference and live your life they way you want, with your values, morals, ethics ..

    I am not your people, i am my own self.