Internet pornography and sexual intercourse with your partner

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    Hello everyone,
    A friend of mine has a situation, I don't know what to say about the situation. I thought to myself, I will post a forum on RJ.
    He tells me he tries to get sexual with his boyfriend, but his boyfriend doesn't get into it(basically nothing sexual happens). He tells me he finds pornography sites on the computer, he doesn't know what to think? I don't know how else to word it, but hopefully it's understandable.
    Mind you they have been together for over 2yrs.
    Thanks guys.
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    Jul 29, 2009 6:57 AM GMT

    After two years, this might be burn out. The porn on the computer is nothing to be alarmed over, who doesn't have some on their pc? You rascal, you do, don't cha ?!!

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    Jul 29, 2009 7:14 AM GMT
    It actually not totally unusual for someone addicted to porn to lose interest in the real thing and not be able to have orgasm without it.
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    Jul 29, 2009 7:48 AM GMT
    hollistercoguy saidHello everyone,
    A friend of mine has a situation, I don't know what to say about the situation. I thought to myself, I will post a forum on RJ.
    He tells me he tries to get sexual with his boyfriend, but his boyfriend doesn't get into it(basically nothing sexual happens). He tells me he finds pornography sites on the computer, he doesn't know what to think? I don't know how else to word it, but hopefully it's understandable.
    Mind you they have been together for over 2yrs.
    Thanks guys.


    Let me help...watch me and he will never go back to his boy friend.....Opps icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 29, 2009 9:26 AM GMT



    Couples counseling
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 29, 2009 11:40 AM GMT
    This (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?

  • outdoorjunkie

    Posts: 118

    Jul 29, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    After 7 years in a monogamous relationship, I'll tell you: a lot. It's all in the imagination icon_biggrin.gif

    Re: the OP. There's something up, for sure. Sounds like computer porn dude isn't into the sex of the relationship as much anymore. Sounds like an opportunity for a good conversation. Maybe it's something innocuous as he needs a little excitement. Maybe it's something bigger, that he's totally lost interest. In any case, if the situation is as you described, they really need to talk it out.
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    Jul 29, 2009 5:31 PM GMT

    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    How often can you fuck around with different guys and still find it hot?
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    Jul 29, 2009 6:04 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    How often can you fuck around with different guys and still find it hot?



    LOL, exactly.
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    Jul 29, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    mnjock2003 said
    GuiltyGear said
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    How often can you fuck around with different guys and still find it hot?



    LOL, exactly.


    Bingo!
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    Jul 29, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    after 11.5 years, my partner and i still have incredible sex. it's still intense, hot and nasty.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jul 29, 2009 6:38 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    Find a Scorpio. Problem solved. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jul 29, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    What kind of porn? Perhaps the guy has discovered something that turns him on that he is afraid to ask your friend to do with him. If there's no real pattern in what he's looking at, then I agree with the previous poster who said couples counseling.

    COMMUNICATION is key no matter what the situation's details are.
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    Jul 29, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    triguybi saidIt actually not totally unusual for someone addicted to porn to lose interest in the real thing and not be able to have orgasm without it.



    Sure, it's not unusual, but is it healthy for the relationship?


    Where else are you going to get nasty new ideas to spice up the old sex life?
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    Jul 29, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
    freakofnature saidWhere else are you going to get nasty new ideas to spice up the old sex life?

    It isn't the porn that is the problem; it is the seeming addiction to it as a means to sexual gratification.
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    Jul 29, 2009 10:16 PM GMT
    And the thing is, this is a relatively new problem because internet porn hasn't really taken off for more than I'd say five years (in terms of how much is out there, how many 'straight guys will do it!' sites; which really says a lot about how much other gay bodies disgust us)...while we claim over and over that being gay means being free, liberated, without rules and able to express oneself, by popularity of such sites (straight college jocks, military studs, etc.) it seems as if, in fact, gay guys DO want rules, they DO want 'real guys', they DO want all those things that we've said for years were not part of our 'culture'. I think it's burnout on the 'same 'ol, same 'ol' gay stuff - $500 sunglasses, designer outfits, wondering if Cornelius' brown shoes match his chocolate brown socks or not - that sort of mentality which is a major turnoff for those who are seeking someone traditionally masculine - which most of us are. Problem is that when God created gay guys, he did create sexual ORIENTATION, but that doesn't do much good if everyone is orientated towards guys but the guys who are available for us are not what we prefer. If everyone acts, dresses, looks, talks, walks, and (sexual position preferences) wants the same thing, well, frankly, what the hell good is that? It's no different than a bunch of suburban straight women in the same place together - great to talk to each other, but that's about it.

    I'm sure 'versatility' is true and out there, but most of the guys I've known who claim this are in relationships that are over within six months because the truth is that if they were to tell the truth (they're bottoms and have zero interest in topping anyone) they'd never find anyone). I've done years of thinking on this one and refuse to go through life with six month relationships for the rest of my life (and six month relationships where I feel like 'this is as good as it's gonna get so I might as well try to be happy)....no thanks! This is not about monogamy as much as it is about lack of choices. Gay men barely make up 2-5% of American males in society - sorry, that's just not enough. It's a sizable number in some cities, but for everyone else, it's just not enough to select from where we feel like we are seeing some variety and diversity. Instead we see so much of the same thing, repeated in city after city to the point where it doesn't make a difference where you live because you're going to see the same thing. I wish more guys would come out. And if this is all there is, then I'll be the first to say it - I wish more guys were gay because I hate this selection. This is not what I was expecting to choose from at all. And despite what a lot of guys say about age, I didn't see much difference at 18 than I do now, except at 18 a lot more guys were doing drugs and becoming HIV+ as I am sure they still are today.

    As far as internet porn, all I can say is it's out there. People are going to do whatever they want. It's no secret that with the anonymity and irresponsibility within the gay community, there's nothing stopping guys from doing whatever they want. That was the great thing about being gay - remember? No rules? We get to do what we want? Not so great if you are looking for a serious, adult relationship with a future. These are skills that you kind of have to have developed over the course of adolescence and adulthood. They don't just magically show up the minute you meet the right person. And that is why our relationships will (almost) always be in trouble after a short period of time. We never learned how to grow up because nobody ever said we had to.
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    Jul 29, 2009 10:23 PM GMT
    well it is quite possible that the porn is substituting for the intimacy between the two. Like porn is addicting and ive seen cases where a man couldn't orgasm when having sex with his lover and that he had to go to the computer or pop in a dvd to cum. In this case..it seems that porn has taken over sexually for the two. Issues like this occurs allot but its up to the couple to address the issue and try to resolve it. Communication btw them will help fix the issue.
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    Jul 29, 2009 10:25 PM GMT

    I have porn on my computer that I hardly ever watch.

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    Jul 29, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    sluggo_la said
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    after 11.5 years, my partner and i still have incredible sex. it's still intense, hot and nasty.



    omg that is too fucking hot to even imagine...hahaha!
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    Jul 29, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?



    How often can you fuck around with different guys and still find it hot?


    Yup..and not be constantly afraid of catching something.
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    Jul 29, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    It's nothing a little duct tape and black leather can't fix!

    People get past the infatuation stage after about 18 months together; they're clearly suffering from "sexual boredom" and just need a reason to get back into each other.
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    Jul 29, 2009 11:29 PM GMT
    LOL. But, you forgot where you put it.

    Relationships evolve. Sex goes up and down. Sometimes, just watching The Deadliest Catch on Discovery is enough.

    People get tired / bored.
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    Jul 30, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear saidHow often can you fuck around with different guys and still find it hot?


    approaching 20 years now... and no, not paranoid about catching anything...
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    Jul 30, 2009 7:33 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    triguybi saidIt actually not totally unusual for someone addicted to porn to lose interest in the real thing and not be able to have orgasm without it.



    Sure, it's not unusual, but is it healthy for the relationship?


    No, never meant to imply it was healthy at all! This type of an addiction is very unhealthy.
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    Jul 30, 2009 8:31 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidThis (IMHO) is why monogamy usually doesn't work. How many times can you have sex with the same guy and still find it HOT ?




    Answer (IMHO)=Infinity