No sex drive :(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    So it was the first time having sex with someone after 1.5 years (long story, that time 1.5 years ago was boring too)... and i found it pretty boring.

    This is my second sexual partner.. he is cute, nice, genuine, we have same views on lots of things. etc. he could be boyfriend material (we have known each other and have been dating for 1 week)... but I don't know.

    He did nothing wrong, he was actually good at it (he is a really good kisser etc.) but I just didn't find it pleasant, rather I'd have slept icon_eek.gif .

    I even tried f'cking him (my first time doing that) and I wasn't hard enough to "enter" icon_redface.gif . A blowjob didnt do anything to me either (and he was good at it I hope I was that good for him).

    Also problem is, he really seems to like me... and I am afraid that I can't deliver...

    I know some of it might be psychological (really tired, doing lots of long hours shifts, stress of being ok, stress of being with someone (I am used to be alone), ... )...

    It could be low testosterone too but it seems less probable since I am rather muscular and I am also young.

    Maybe I am just not that into him but I can say I have been "that" into someone ever either...

    Any suggestions are greatly welcome...

    Should I try stuff again and see if it gets better (I don't know, maybe things will get easier once I get more used to it)... or tell him that I "can't deliver" icon_cry.gif and if I choose that second route how should I tell him without him being hurt or thining that it is his "fault"......

    Thanks!


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    Jul 29, 2009 4:00 PM GMT
    Do you masturbate? How often? Have you ever enjoyed sex before? Do you think about sex often?

    Ugh, you know what, talk to your doctor. Talk to a therapist. Maybe you are just asexual, maybe you are just anxious. The possibilities are damn near endless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif


    Damn! and your getting some too icon_cry.gif
    I love it and get none. Sup dat?






    ...and I second Munching - time to consult a doc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    1st. how often do you masturbate? If its too often you're probably lessening the sensitivity of your penis making intercourse less enjoyable for you. This ruins a lot of people's sex life because they just can't get enough stimulation to get off.

    2. Maybe you're just over thinking it and getting to caught up in trying to please your partner or living up to some standard instead of enjoying yourself.

    3. Maybe you're like my boyfriend who derives such little pleasure out of sex with out emotion that he just can't stay hard if he isn't emotionally connected to you.


    4. And if none of these apply, maybe you have a medical problem.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 30, 2009 11:07 AM GMT
    There can be a few things going on

    First of which is like everybody has already said:
    If you're masturbating regularly you're probably physically able to have regular sex ..... if not then you'll need to see a doc

    you also report feeling tired and being used to being alone
    Take a good look at yourself .... you might be depressed
    Depression can DEFINITELY lower your sex drive and make holding an erection more difficult
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2009 11:52 AM GMT
    I'd also suggest looking into your diet. If you're not eating properly (especially if you're vegetarian) your libido and overall energy will be affected.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    The following are possibilities that come to mind:

    - deeply rooted subconscious hang-ups about sex that you are not even aware of. Was your family upbringing anti-sex when you were growing up?

    - low testosterone level (unlikely at your age, but you never know);

    - low-grade depression.

    - perhaps you are one of those people that needs to feel strong emotions for a person before sex is really enjoyable.

    I can relate to going without sex for long periods of time and almost becoming asexual. That has happened to me in the past when I was single. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys think about sex all the time.

    I would recommend talking candidly to your family doctor about your issues.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 31, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    No sex drive? I'm sorry, Javarx, I must have gotten yours too
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    Jul 31, 2009 4:27 PM GMT
    I would agree with everyone else that has posted.

    If you are able to get yourself off otherwise normally then it probably isn't a testosterone issue. If you haven't jacked off in 1.5 years, then there is probably a problem... =)

    It could be that you do like this guy and mentally you didn't want to have sex yet.

    But i actually think you answer your own question on why you didn't perform.... "and i found it pretty boring." "he could be boyfriend material" (the pressure already?) "but I just didn't find it pleasant, rather I'd have slept " "Also problem is, he really seems to like me... and I am afraid that I can't deliver..."

    Ok... if you were bored during making out and having sex with him, you aren't going to be hard and performing.

    You never said you were into him... mostly that he was into you, and you felt pressured into performing. You had compliments about him.. but are you attracted to him?

    I'll go back to the first comment... if you are able to j/o and everything normally then there probably aren't any issues other than emotional things going on. Now you just have to ask yourself why you were bored and wishing you asleep during it... if it's him and you aren't attracted to him or if you just put pressure on yourself after 1.5 years to be awesome or if after 1.5 years you don't want a trick, you want it to mean something first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    There's some good advice in this thread........checking your physical health and maybe talking to a therapist might help.

    Lately, I've had no sex drive too. And I was starting to get concerned about this prolonged period of abstinence.

    I then realized that I simply wasn't meeting the kind of guys that really tuned me on, mentally and physically. I guess I was suspicious and tired of all the nonsense out there and was feeling slightly pissed and jaded at how difficult it can be to connect with a quality guy.

    Then a guy came along and automatically, my sex drive kicked into high gear and was ready to go at it with him. But we didn't connect because of whatever reasons.................But it was reassuring to find out that my sex drive wasn't lost. It was just hiding and waiting for the right guy.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jul 31, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Oh my....You are just stressing too much. Performance anxiety....Just take a chill, relax and it will ALL flow naturally......icon_wink.gif
  • ShagonTheHate

    Posts: 135

    Aug 01, 2009 8:39 AM GMT
    Happened to me last year... no sex drive (boyfriend was pissed icon_lol.gif ) icon_smile.gif plus I was feeling depressed, turned out to be lack of vitamins and minerals and I was a little anemicicon_smile.gif, started eating better, automatically slept better, took some vitamins and minerals and voila, in a month or so I was horny again, and I can get horny sometimesicon_twisted.gif, boyfriend wasn't too pleased with that eithericon_lol.gif.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    My boyfriend was on Zoloft for his depression before I met him, I weened him of it and got him back on track so to speak, but he has no sex drive at all. We go weeks without having sex.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 15, 2009 4:15 AM GMT
    SeaSon saidI'd also suggest looking into your diet. If you're not eating properly (especially if you're vegetarian) your libido and overall energy will be affected.


    Umm... no. As someone who is a vegetarian and someone who has a form of brain cancer that affects my libido, I feel pretty well-versed. First, eating meat does not increase your libido. Eating protein does not increase your libido. What is required are fats and more importantly cholesterol, because those are used to synthesize sex hormones. Eating cheese, eggs, dairy, olive oil, etc.... adequately provides that.

    Secondly, if you have hypogonadism, where you're not producing testosterone correctly, it is either primary (the gonads) or secondary (the brain) in terms of cause. At times it can be specifically that, and others it's merely a side effect of something else, like in my case a brain tumor causing secondary hypogonadism. But it could also be depression, stress, exhaustion, etc...

    You might also just naturally have low hormone levels that are acceptable in the range of health, but low enough to not make you want to be sexually active. Get a full blood panel from your doctor so he/she can properly evaluate what is your hormonal level.
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    Aug 15, 2009 4:18 AM GMT
    g11forbes saidMy boyfriend was on Zoloft for his depression before I met him, I weened him of it and got him back on track so to speak, but he has no sex drive at all. We go weeks without having sex.


    YOU weened your boyfriend off of medication? Back on track? I'm not sure if I understand what that means. Are you a doctor? It might not surprise me that there's a problem.

    Javarx,

    Take a look at all the advise here. It's good. Especially the low grade depression thing. But like anything, if you haven't done it in a while it may take some time to get your head around it again. Especially something where performance anxiety can play a part.

    In the mean time be kind to yourself . There isn't anyone who doesn't have issues around sex.
  • InsatiableBlo...

    Posts: 442

    Aug 15, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    Do you masterbate prone style? As in lying on your stomach?

    If you do check out www.healthystrokes.com

    you may be suffering from TMS. Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 15, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    I've been with a guy and for all intents and purposes I should like the guy and be really turned on by him......but I'm not. It rarely happens and most of the time I can't pinpoint why I'm not turned on by the guy. A lot of us call it chemistry for lack of a better term.