Guys Out of Your League

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    I read this quote below from another RJ member at another thread.

    "ahh getting turned down... huge blow to one's ego and and self-esteem... but then again the guys I go for are most often exceedingly out of my league so maybe that's the problem. I should probably set my sights a bit lower eh?"

    What kinds of guys are out of your league? Why do you feel they are? Is it something in ther personality or their looks?
  • shirty

    Posts: 290

    Jul 30, 2009 3:24 PM GMT
    This question is sooo relative. Speaking generally, some people are delusional and see themselves as more attractive/intelligent/funny than they are. Others are insecure and see themselves as ugly/stupid/boring when they aren't. So in that sense I don't really believe in leagues.

    You could end up with anyone.. it depends on each person's view of themselves vs others.

    Personally, I tend to be intimidated by men I'm attracted to. So I guess that can prevent me from even going after them. In that sense, I kind of avoid rejection? I should probably see a therapist about that... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    It is about their looks. I believe a lot of people are confident in their personality, it is the initial "looks" part people need to suck up and go for it. Personally, I am 100% confident in my small talk abilities. It is getting over the fact that I am 5"8" and everyone is taller fear. Are their taller men out there who don't care about height? I am sure there are but the ones that come sniffing are the fetish kind who are addicted to pygmies.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 30, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
    Nobody is out of my league..

    Not an arrogant statement. If I were single I would think it and from the standpoint of friendship I certainly wouldn't be the least bit intimidated. I enjoy friendships with all kinds of people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
    Pinny,

    5'8" is a pygmie?

    Never realized I should have height issues.

    JK


    Certainly the "he's outa my league" catagory describes me well.

  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Jul 30, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    I try not to think about who's "out of my league" but instead focus on how awesome I am. If guys don't notice my awesomeness than, well, they're missing out icon_smile.gif

    Confidence goes a long way.

    (and yes, i agree that cockiness and arrogance are a turn off... whereas confidence means embracing your awesomeness as well as the awesomeness of others, cockiness and arrogance is the belief that you are MORE awesome than others and so don't give others the time of the day... this isn't what i'm talking about)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    I don't relate to the concept of "Out Of Your League", but I do understand the meaning of "Lack of Chemistry" or "Not Meant To Be"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    i have never thought that anyone was out of my league.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    Pinny saidIt is about their looks. I believe a lot of people are confident in their personality, it is the initial "looks" part people need to suck up and go for it. Personally, I am 100% confident in my small talk abilities. It is getting over the fact that I am 5"8" and everyone is taller fear. Are their taller men out there who don't care about height? I am sure there are but the ones that come sniffing are the fetish kind who are addicted to pygmies.


    hey hold up!!! if you are a pygmy at 5'8" what da hell does that make me at 5'6"?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    shirty said

    Personally, I tend to be intimidated by men I'm attracted to. So I guess that can prevent me from even going after them. In that sense, I kind of avoid rejection? I should probably see a therapist about that... icon_rolleyes.gif



    SOOOOO TRUE! I say duel therapy sessions, split the cost or something like that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    Look at it this way:

    There will always be someone cuter, someone uglier, and plenty in between. If a guy catches your eye, say Hi.

    Even if you're thinking "OMG you're the hottest thing I've laid eyes on and I can't wait to see you naked and play with your huge cock/ass and become a gay power couple and adopt babies for our 3 bedroom house!" knowing you should probably know better, lol.

    Say Hi and see what happens. If he thinks he's out of your league, then so be it. Jerk doesn't know what he's missing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    i am paraphrasing "Desiderata" here, but the concept is what matters:

    be the best you can be on your own merits. avoid comparing yourself to others, because there will always be those who are lesser or greater than yourself, and comparing yourself to them will only fuel arrogance on the one hand and doubt on the other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    i love your comment daniel, very positive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 10:34 PM GMT
    I'll have to say that thanks to my boyish looks, some of the more manly developed men that I use to go for didn't seem too interested in me. I never considered them to be out of my league though, I simply felt that we didn't click.

    I understand the concepts of leagues and why someone may intially assume, perhaps correctly even, that someone just isn't going to go for him.

    But I think it should be looked at as less of league thing and more of a matter of taste.

    sometimes people who look a certain way, or act a certain way just typically go for a certain thing.

    I suppose someone out of your league is simply someone who deep down inside you think don't have a chance with or remotely deserve whether it be for appearance or personality, or career reasons. So I guess its pretty relative and is more a personal issue for most than anything else.

    But I say just remember that you're the one to catch and its never your lost. The way I say it, I could come on a little too strong sometimes. To those people who got scared back then, clearly they weren't in my league icon_wink.gif

  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Jul 30, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    Everyone knows where they stand on the rung of the ladder..period. Let it be financial status, looks, personality, etc. So yea, there are guys who are under you and guys over you on that ladder. You just have to be realistic on where you are and go after the guys in the same area as you. If you keep reach really high, of course you MAY get rejected. And if you go for the guys really under you, thats your choice. Love and dating can be found anywhere but I believe a general rule on where you are on the landscape.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:03 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidhey hold up!!! if you are a pygmy at 5'8" what da hell does that make me at 5'6"?

    Extremely confident and a man that gets what he wants. I have been told all too often, "Hey short stuff". irks me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:03 PM GMT
    Pinny saidIt is getting over the fact that I am 5"8" and everyone is taller fear. I am sure there are but the ones that come sniffing are the fetish kind who are addicted to pygmies.


    One of the guys I spend time with is 6'8" with "guns and a washboard"... and the role play is FUN, FUN, FUN!!
    If he has a fetish... bring me more like him!!

    "NOW SERVING FREAK NUMBER ____!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:06 PM GMT
    Well, let's say if the guy you like is "out of your league" when you hit on him and he rejects you, in the future, he will hit on another guy that is "out of his league" and he'll get rejected in the same way - the cycle goes on and on. There is always someone who is hotter or more intelligent or just have more than you - instead focus on yourself, who you are, what you have to offer! If a guy reject you simply based on looks - then he's a superficial queen who's probably not worth your time anyway. icon_cool.gif

    There is this common old saying: Looks may get my attention but brain/intelligence and a compassionate/kind personality go a long way. icon_biggrin.gif (which bring me to the topic of The finale of The Bachelorette - did anyone see this - she picked the good-hearted (okay looking) Ed over hottie/straight guy Kiptym and that one adorable boy next door Reid and probably the hottest guy/Mr. Perfect of them all (in my opinion) - Jake - the commercial airline/pilot guy. See, Straight Women and Gay men are so similar sometimes.) icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:07 PM GMT
    I am so in the dark now days.....icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:09 PM GMT
    don't understand the concept icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    It's all subjective. Aesthetically, I think most guys are out of my league. Intellectually, I think I'm out of most guys league. It's all about what areas in your own life you have confidence in.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jul 30, 2009 11:12 PM GMT
    Pinny said
    Blackguy4you saidhey hold up!!! if you are a pygmy at 5'8" what da hell does that make me at 5'6"?

    Extremely confident and a man that gets what he wants. I have been told all too often, "Hey short stuff". irks me.


    5'8" is short? Damn, am I screwed! People where you live must really eat their Wheaties.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Jul 30, 2009 11:12 PM GMT
    DanielQQ saidI try not to think about who's "out of my league" but instead focus on how awesome I am. If guys don't notice my awesomeness than, well, they're missing out icon_smile.gif

    Confidence goes a long way.

    (and yes, i agree that cockiness and arrogance are a turn off... whereas confidence means embracing your awesomeness as well as the awesomeness of others, cockiness and arrogance is the belief that you are MORE awesome than others and so don't give others the time of the day... this isn't what i'm talking about)
    this is awesome....i guess i have forgotten to look at things this way...i always seem to focus on the negative, not good looking enough,too old...too fat...well, the freekin stress of the last three years caused the weight but am working on that and thanks to this statement tonight gonna look at myself as freekin awesome work in progress
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 saidIt's all subjective. Aesthetically, I think most guys are out of my league. Intellectually, I think I'm out of most guys league. It's all about what areas in your own life you have confidence in.

    oh oh oh someones got tickets.. icon_eek.gificon_cool.gif

    ooh I haven't used that one in a while.

    the idea that someone is out of my league like they are somehow "better" then me.. no.. I don't think anyone is out of my league and I think the idea is stupid and meant to make those who think they are "hot" feel good.

    there are a multitude of reasons I wont go after a guy.. but never because of some stupid unfounded reason that he is some out "out of my reach"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    guidojock saidEveryone knows where they stand on the rung of the ladder..period. Let it be financial status, looks, personality, etc. So yea, there are guys who are under you and guys over you on that ladder. You just have to be realistic on where you are and go after the guys in the same area as you. If you keep reach really high, of course you MAY get rejected. And if you go for the guys really under you, thats your choice. Love and dating can be found anywhere but I believe a general rule on where you are on the landscape.


    ...um what caste system are you from?
    I'm a Mexican, with an average income, highly questionable intelligence, subjective attractiveness, slightly above average physique, minimal education and from a single mother household.

    I've dated VPs of international software companies, models, a sr. partner at one of the top 5 consulting firms in the nation, literally Spanish royalty, doctors, television personalities, three attorneys, skaters, millionaires and I was at one point married to a software engineer. Most of those were very loving and wonderful relationships that I look back on with great fondness.

    Love is about how two people connect all that other bullshit is *stuff* that keeps people from being who they intrinsically are for fear of rejection. Because it's easier to be rejected when someone really doesn't "know you" than exposing your real self and feelings and having *those* rejected.

    Just my two cents... I'll keep my trap shut now.