Gayer over Time

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2007 2:15 PM GMT
    Has anyone else noticed that it seems for many gay men who are "str8 acting" and masculine when they first come out, over time get progressively more feminine. It seems to me people who I know who you could never tell were gay over time embrace certain gay stereotypes. The hand movements change a bit, the voice changes, the look. What the heck is this about? lol.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 01, 2007 3:00 PM GMT
    I think that all people subconsciously start to behave in the manner of the their group to a certain extent over the course of time in an effort to fit in and feel a sense of identity. They will start using some of the same slang, them same phrases, gestures, etc.
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    Dec 01, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    yes, and it make me wonder if to attract men require femininity. hence all gay men are a little fem? yet most gay men prefer men with no fem! it's a hopeless vicious cycle.
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    Dec 01, 2007 4:21 PM GMT
    a lot of it is these supposedly str8 acting men are just that str8 "acting". when you are closeted you are forced to put up a front and portray traits that will hide your femininity. over time as these men come out and no longer need the defense mechanism of being str8 acting. so they stop acting str8 and their mannerisms revert to hat they are naturally say some hand movement changes or taking up dance classes or a dozen other things.

    Some of it is also gay men feeling they need to embrace stereo types to fit in. the real question is was this particular guy acting before or after he came out
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    Dec 01, 2007 6:40 PM GMT
    My partner has a cousin who surprised us by announcing he was gay. He has two children and we didn't have the slightest clue he might be gay.

    He came to visit us shortly after separating from his wife and his persona had become weirdly girlified. It was the strangest damn thing I've ever seen. The worst female stereotype he adopted was compulsive talking. He even talked in his damn sleep!
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    Dec 01, 2007 6:50 PM GMT
    Obscene--

    I know what you mean isn't that funny I never used to be the sort of person who just chattered up and down and north and south but now it seems like I just can't shut UP why now that I am out of the closet I have just so much to SAY and so little time and why didn't I do this years ago you know what I mean? So anyway what were we talking about? oh yes that's right the fact that your cousin just can't shut UP and besides he is probably starting to EMPHASIZE certain words that he NEVER would have when he was straight, isn't it funny don't you think how straight men always have to be so silent but when you're gay you can just go ON and ON and ON that's what freedom is like, baby, don't you think? Aren't you listening? what is this, the old homos' home? are you nodding off while I'm TALKING? well I never---
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2007 7:05 PM GMT
    Hahahahahha...Tell it, gurl!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 02, 2007 10:09 AM GMT
    Yeah...
    I've been out for more than two decades now
    and I never leave the house without a frock and heels ....
  • ScotXY

    Posts: 117

    Dec 02, 2007 10:43 AM GMT
    Personally I know when I really came out out... i had like 3 months of where i was rainbow everything and queenish. About another 3 months after that I was back to my normal self.

    To people who I am secure and feel safe. I tend to just have blert outs but nothing like efeminant and all.

    I am a masculine guy. I am caring and loving and sincere to those in my life who are close to me. In relationship i am myself but more lovy and all in private window of life.

    To me .. I have a really really hard time dealing with guys who are effeminant. I value that they may feel the need to be that way.

    But personally. I am a man who is a man who wants a man who is a man.

    If I wanted to date a guy whom effeminant i would date a girl. Id rather have masculine man. In private space or non public I love to be sensual and caring loving so forth displays of affection and all.

    Here in south i am very very shy of pda things. But everything has time and place. If I was back home in colorado PDA are far more ok and acceptable due to most people are ok with it. No fear of rednecks with shotguns in back of trucks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2007 5:13 PM GMT
    anyone wanna admit that since you come out, you have adapt more girly quality then ever?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2007 5:20 PM GMT
    i think my clothes are a tad tighter since I have come out lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2007 5:41 PM GMT
    lol, me too.
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    Dec 02, 2007 5:51 PM GMT
    I make out with more guys since I came out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2007 11:44 PM GMT
    Sickofthesame, very funny!

    I dress better for the most part these days, but I'm not sure if that can really be attributed to my orientation.

    Friends say I'm the same as I've always been, only more confident and secure...kinda me-squared. And, of course, my dating demographic has shifted a tiny bit.

    I would argue the observation that guys become more effete the longer they're out is really just an observation of a person becoming increasingly comfortable in his own skin/persona, wherever that be on the continuum of masculinity/femininity.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2007 12:50 AM GMT
    we should start a pullman crocheting club to demonstrate our masculinity. That is as soon as I am done finding sex markers to demonstrate my masculinity.
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    Dec 03, 2007 4:39 AM GMT
    mannerisms definitely depend on environment. If someone comes out & surrounds themselves with feminine acting guys - they're bound to pick up some of the same mannerisms. I know plenty of supper feminine guys & a lot of queer guys that are supper masculine.

    I think mannerisms depend on environment as well as sexuality.
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    Dec 03, 2007 11:30 AM GMT
    i worked with a young guy some yrs back who was the real jock type. tall, muscular, good looking. talked about his girlfriend and soccer blah blah blah. we met again a year later and he'd come out with a vengeance! he was extremely camp. took my breath away. everything was 'she' and 'her', the limp wrists and he was carrying a paris hilton type dog with a red ribbon on it's head.

    like others have said it was just the shock of going from one extreme to another.
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    Dec 03, 2007 1:25 PM GMT
    so i guess the question is was this "real jock" pretending to be a macho man, or did he suddenly change without realizing it to fit in with gay culture.

    Do gays gets gayer over time as they become more comfortable to be themselves, or do we relinquish some masculinity in an effort to mingle in with what the media and society has determined what gay is supposed to be?
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    Dec 03, 2007 2:44 PM GMT
    i think he was definitely playing up the jock to fit in and the release into gaydom was such that he just exploded. and he applied another uniform to fit in with his new crowd. he has since calmed down a little.... a littleicon_wink.gif


    as i've said earlier, i can completely understand why we may retreat to a 'masculine' stereotype to counter the crushing negativity so often levelled at our more feminine brothers, and then many of us just simply are masculine naturally, but over time i think it becomes fairly unimportant.

    it's a bit like nationality for me. the only time i become patriotic is when someone criticises england unduly. the same with 'gayness'. i suddenly find myself becoming very masculine if someone tries to stereotype me. the rest of the time i'm just neutral.

    i worked with ian mckellern around the time he came out 20 yrs ago or so. in the morning he was the imposing, powerful actor we all know. by the afternoon, as he became comfortable in our company, he was as camp as they come and extremely funny with it. is he naturally effeminate? no. can he put it on for fun? yes.

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    Dec 03, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    dakuk, your story kinda make me think we who act fem or campy is to trigger other's gaydar. when you want to meet someone for sexual interest, you have to trigger their gaydar somehow. so i guess that's when all the attitude and flirt come out. but we act normal so we are more comfortable in our regular everyday life.


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    Dec 03, 2007 5:49 PM GMT
    hippie4life- big difference between acting masculine and scoring pussy. Did you ever make it with the ladies before coming out?
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:17 PM GMT
    ebl i'm sure you're right.

    burninman, i'm only an average guy on the masculine stakes but i had 'pussy' coming out of my ears. they may say they find the firefighter type sexy (who doesn't) but if you're a good listener and sensitive to their needs, you're in. i discovered much to my and their detriment.