Flake wants ME to text him - Should I??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 7:12 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I realized this is a bit lengthy, but i REALLY need your help,

    Since about a month ago, I texted/emailed back and forth with this guy from that adam4adam website. Now, I know what most guys are there for, but I just wanted to look around for friends and possibly a date.

    A week ago we set up a place to meet in person and have lunch. I was a bit nervous since it was my first time doing something like that, but it was a public place and from his messages he seemed like a nice guy.

    During lunch, I noticed he'd contradict himself in some of the things he said. For example, he told me he had 4 older sisters and 1 little brother, then later on the conversation he said that his "little sister" was the first one to know he was gay... so I asked him again how many siblings he had, and he said he had 5, 4 older ones and a younger one-- no brothers. I also noticed he was vague sometimes, like I asked him where he lived and he just said "by campus". Despite that, he really was a nice, witty guy.

    Anyway, when we were done I asked him if he wanted to go chill at my apartment and have some beers. I really had no other intentions because I'm not like that, so to me it seemed like an opportunity to talk to this guy in a more comfortable setting.

    He told me he had to go do something at home, but would call me in 'an hour' to hang out at my apartment. Turns out, for the remaining of the day he didn't call, well, since then I didn't hear from him.

    I figured he wasn't "into me" and I was completely ok with it -- no one is forced to like anyone, though I did think that was a dick move since he could've been to the point and not lie about 'calling in a hour'. But whatever, I didn't call or text either and saw it more like he was worth less than what I spent on his lunch.

    Earlier today he emailed me saying "How's it going? Text me"

    WTF?!?!?

    What's wrong with this dude? I'm not planning on texting anytime soon, but I was considering replying to his email. Even then, what the hell would I say? I can bring up the point that he hadn't called since he told me he would, but don't want him to get the impression that I've been desperately waiting for his call-- because I really haven't.

    His email is really ticking me off for some reason... Do you guys have any advice? Anything would be immensely appreciated!

    Thanks in advance! =)
    -CR
  • shyguysport

    Posts: 62

    Aug 02, 2009 7:57 AM GMT
    Sounds like you have already figured this guy out. I would advise to stay away.
    If he asks how come, just tell him you don't feel it's a good fit. Or, just don't text him back at all.
    Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 12:19 PM GMT
    Could be, he is out of credit for his cell phone.

    Personally, I'd be ignoring his ass. If he was into you, he would have called within that hour. He would have been in contact with you since that first date. He hasn't.

    He emailed you coz he wants a shag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
    do u want to be dating a "flake"
    why put in the effort if he doesn,t bother
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 12:57 PM GMT
    maybe he didnt call you because he was creeped out by the fact that you were taking notes and committing to long term memory every little thing he said.

    not to mention the fact that you were digging into all his business on a first date afer having met in an online sex service.

    huh...ur lucky he emailed you back at all..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 1:04 PM GMT
    SD_92101 saidI want to bitch slap you across the face for being retarded... should I?


    GAWD DAMN IT your hot!!!!!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 1:08 PM GMT
    Forget the text messages.

    Why don't you speak with him directly by phone? Actual talking is a better form of comunication since you are able to hear his voice and there are real benefits (believe it or not) with a live conversation.
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    Aug 02, 2009 1:37 PM GMT
    concorde saidAnyway, when we were done I asked him if he wanted to go chill at my apartment and have some beers. I really had no other intentions because I'm not like that, so to me it seemed like an opportunity to talk to this guy in a more comfortable setting.


    Oh, you are a peach.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    KissingPro said Actual talking is a better form of comunication since you are able to hear his voice and there are real benefits (believe it or not) with a live conversation.

    Absolutely true but so 20th-century.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    concorde saidHey guys, I realized this is a bit lengthy, but i REALLY need your help,

    Since about a month ago, I texted/emailed back and forth with this guy from that adam4adam website. Now, I know what most guys are there for, but I just wanted to look around for friends and possibly a date.

    A week ago we set up a place to meet in person and have lunch. I was a bit nervous since it was my first time doing something like that, but it was a public place and from his messages he seemed like a nice guy.

    During lunch, I noticed he'd contradict himself in some of the things he said. For example, he told me he had 4 older sisters and 1 little brother, then later on the conversation he said that his "little sister" was the first one to know he was gay... so I asked him again how many siblings he had, and he said he had 5, 4 older ones and a younger one-- no brothers. I also noticed he was vague sometimes, like I asked him where he lived and he just said "by campus". Despite that, he really was a nice, witty guy.

    Anyway, when we were done I asked him if he wanted to go chill at my apartment and have some beers. I really had no other intentions because I'm not like that, so to me it seemed like an opportunity to talk to this guy in a more comfortable setting.

    He told me he had to go do something at home, but would call me in 'an hour' to hang out at my apartment. Turns out, for the remaining of the day he didn't call, well, since then I didn't hear from him.

    I figured he wasn't "into me" and I was completely ok with it -- no one is forced to like anyone, though I did think that was a dick move since he could've been to the point and not lie about 'calling in a hour'. But whatever, I didn't call or text either and saw it more like he was worth less than what I spent on his lunch.

    Earlier today he emailed me saying "How's it going? Text me"

    WTF?!?!?

    What's wrong with this dude? I'm not planning on texting anytime soon, but I was considering replying to his email. Even then, what the hell would I say? I can bring up the point that he hadn't called since he told me he would, but don't want him to get the impression that I've been desperately waiting for his call-- because I really haven't.

    His email is really ticking me off for some reason... Do you guys have any advice? Anything would be immensely appreciated!

    Thanks in advance! =)
    -CR



    This is pretty normal behavior for guys that use that site. He has multiple offers and multiple dates lined up. .. He flakes on whomever he wants and then contacts you when he gets flaked on etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    Do you want to pursue *something* with this guy?

    If not, email him back "thanks for having lunch, I don't think we are a good match"

    If you want to pursue, an occasional casual quickie when you are both available should be the limit. Text him "So what happened? I though you were gonna call after lunch" This may put him on notice that you do not suffer flakes easily.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    concorde saidHey guys, I realized this is a bit lengthy, but i REALLY need your help,


    Golly I don't want to be "harsh" here, but someone needs a good talking to. You're a picture-less here, and absent of a profile. Now, that immediately tells me you're either very stupid, or very lazy. Take your pick. Then, you go on a hookup site and wonder why you get hooked up with another dysfunctional guy. DOH!

    What you need is to decide what it is you want. Do you want dysfunctional guys who exist in cyberspace, but can't function properly in Real Space, or would your rather come out of the shadow and function properly?

    The guy wanting you to text him wants to keep you on the side, as wanted. He's lonely, but, from what you've written he's very dishonest. (Earlier this week there was "snoop" thread and I recommended research of the other person as prudent while every flamer was shouting foul. This is EXACTLY why I say to check out anyone you're going to be around. I've had folks tell me lies (big fat ones), steal from me (several times), and be total flakes. YOU NEED TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Do you know the guy's last name? Do you know where he resides?

    It sounds like, at first glance anyway, the person you met could have border line disorder. Lies, irresponsible and so on.

    For me, deceit is a show stopper. Dead in its tracks.

    Here's your choices:
    You deal with it.
    You don't deal with it.

    What I think doesn't matter. What does matter is how you choose to conduct yourself. If you wanta' be with dysfunctional people, be a picture less, be a profile less, go to hook up sites. I guarantee you'll find more. Or, you can address the issues of why it is you can't interact in Real Space, and why you're ashamed to show a face, or tell people about yourself in a profile. If you want to be with folks who have more normal function you need to come out of the shadow, have a profile, have a picture, and not even consider folks who lie to you.

    When in Rome.....
    In an insane society a sane man must appear insane.

    And so on.

    It's up to you on whether or not you want to remove your head from your behind.

    Perhaps you should have dumped him when you first caught him lying? Perhaps you should have dumped him when he was non-responsive?

    Sounds like you have some issues you need to work through. You'll have to decide for yourself what you'd like the outcome to be.

    Personally, I would have dumped him as soon as I caught him lying. I have no use for folks like that in my life.

    You must be very desperate / retarded / stupid to consider re-engaging him, given the information you've posted. For me, deceit is a show stopper. End of the line.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 02, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    Well...while you say you haven't been waiting for his call, the fact that you brought this problem to the forum to gather advice makes me think that it bothered you (his not calling) way more than what you're presenting. If true, that might be why it's ticking you off so much.

    I say you should respond to him. I'm assuming you guys are in college (he lives near campus?), and if you are, then I would be a little more forgiving about his flaking out. I can't tell you how many times in school that I had plans with someone or a group of friends, but then I smoked something or drank something or studied something and never called to apologize or cancel. It's easy for something to come up.

    There's no harm in getting back in touch with him. I mean, you clearly liked him or you wouldn't have gone out on a limb and met someone from the internet, or have invited him back to your apartment. Give him another shot, if he flakes on you again, then you can ignore him.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 saidmaybe he didnt call you because he was creeped out by the fact that you were taking notes and committing to long term memory every little thing he said.

    not to mention the fact that you were digging into all his business on a first date afer having met in an online sex service.

    huh...ur lucky he emailed you back at all..


    This superficial, I,I,I, attitude is exactly the reason things are so fucked up. This sort of "in the shadows" approach makes me want to puke. Before I invite someone into my home, and much less my bedroom I want to know who they are.

    I'm a genuinely nice guy and enjoy meeting people. I come from the middle of nowhere in Nebraska and I enjoy knowing all about the folks I have in my life, and I consider that not just prudent, but also makes for being more interesting.

    The original poster isn't all that smart. That's a given. However, learning about a person is NORMAL. This whole notion of being so compartmentalized is no good for anyone.

    In my book, it's not o.k. for someone not to tell me about them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    Thanks to everyone who has replied to my question and actually tried to give me some input. I really appreciate it.

    I'm not contacting this guy, I was considering it to say something 'smart' and make him realize his mistake. In a way that was my original question when I posted this, but I guess I didn't word it right.
    Either way, thank you again.


    Oh, for the couple guys that only focused on insulting me without even addressing the question at hand... well, I feel bad for you, my first impression is that you're living a terribly sad life and you're just trying to take your bitterness out on others.

  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 02, 2009 5:32 PM GMT
    Move on.
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    Aug 02, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    concorde saidThanks to everyone who has replied to my question and actually tried to give me some input. I really appreciate it.

    I'm not contacting this guy, I was considering it to say something 'smart' and make him realize his mistake. In a way that was my original question when I posted this, but I guess I didn't word it right.
    Either way, thank you again.


    Oh, for the couple guys that only focused on insulting me without even addressing the question at hand... well, I feel bad for you, my first impression is that you're living a terribly sad life and you're just trying to take your bitterness out on others.



    my advice to you:
    1. just either email or text the guy back and tell him you are not interested

    you have your closure. move on.

    for those guys who have insulted you - ignore them. You've already determined what they are, no need to waste a moment's breath over them.

    best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    You're overthinking it. You're under no obligation to respond. Trying to call him out is just going to be an unnecessary headache to you because liars and shady people usually have fits of self righteous indignation when called out. No one's going to say "yea, I'm a total tool, I'm sorry." Some people do grow up and own their mistakes in life, and one day he may be able to say "that wasn't a good way to be." But that's just not going to happen today.


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    Aug 02, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    tommysguns2000 saidmaybe he didnt call you because he was creeped out by the fact that you were taking notes and committing to long term memory every little thing he said.

    not to mention the fact that you were digging into all his business on a first date afer having met in an online sex service.

    huh...ur lucky he emailed you back at all..


    This superficial, I,I,I, attitude is exactly the reason things are so fucked up. This sort of "in the shadows" approach makes me want to puke. Before I invite someone into my home, and much less my bedroom I want to know who they are.

    I'm a genuinely nice guy and enjoy meeting people. I come from the middle of nowhere in Nebraska and I enjoy knowing all about the folks I have in my life, and I consider that not just prudent, but also makes for being more interesting.

    The original poster isn't all that smart. That's a given. However, learning about a person is NORMAL. This whole notion of being so compartmentalized is no good for anyone.

    In my book, it's not o.k. for someone not to tell me about them.


    well, we dont all live in the middle of bum-fuck nebraska, chucky...so vomiting out your entire life story may not be the best idea on a first date with someone you met on a sex site.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 7:53 PM GMT
    You went to a hook-up site with expectations to make friends, found someone who probably wanted to hook-up, you bored him, he left, hooked up with someone else, got horny again and then hit you up with a text. Why? Cause he wants sex. Not a good place to look for friends unless you have a lot of paitence and thick skin. Oh, and don't be all Miss Manners about it, cause those guys aren't gonna be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 said
    well, we dont all live in the middle of bum-fuck nebraska, chucky...so vomiting out your entire life story may not be the best idea on a first date with someone you met on a sex site.


    I understand that you didn't grow up in Nebraska where people are genuinely nice and caring. One time my car broke down 140 miles from the nearest service post. A man, Elmo Witthoun, reached in his pants and handed me his keys to his brand new 1984 Cadillac. I had never met him before that moment. He said, "Chuck, you take my car, and go get yourself lined up with another vehicle, and make sure you keep your job. You can bring my car back in a week or two." I asked Elmo how he could do such a thing; he said. "Well, I figure I know who you are, I have your car, you need something to drive, and I call always call your parents." and smiled. He didn't know my parents. I'm proud to say that I don't have your attitude.

    The original poster sent me the following email immediately after my posting, which I think says way more than I could:

    "Hi ChuckyStud,

    Thank you for your honest, helpful reply on my 'flake' thread.

    I actually made up this account for the sole purpose of starting that thread; why? Because I'm ashamed of asking it as 'myself'

    So, you said I'm either stupid or lazy. My real RJ profile isn't empty and faceless, so I'm NOT lazy. That leaves only one other option, and I admit it... I guess I was just looking for someone to reassure it.

    As I said on the thread, his email ticked me off and I just wanted to hear what my fellow RJers would say, so thanks so much for your input; I'm definitely not contacting him again.

    Take care, Mr. I appreciate your willingness to help. I've read other guys bitching about "your way of saying things" but I really like it... I think they just can't handle the truth without a sugar coat =]

    Have a good one,
    CR"


    I'm glad I'm not like you. I'm a giver. I do my homework though. It's not all about me in the world in which I choose to live. I'm proud to say that I'm nothing like you. I'm from Nebraska.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2009 10:38 PM GMT
    haha! When I first logged on to adam 4 adam I couldn't believe how many pictures of cocks and asses were used as profile pictures.

    I'd say just forget about the guy, and if what you're looking for is not just sex, then don't use that website.

    good luck!
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    Aug 02, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    Sounds like you already know the answer to your own question.

    He had your number and said he'd call you within an hour which obviously never happened. It was nice of him to email you back though, however, it would've been much simpler to have just called/texted you the first place if he had that kind of time to email you.

    "Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!"

    If you are just looking for sex then by all means entertain the notion with this guy. Otherwise I wouldn't put much into this guy and just move on since he seems to be playing some kind of game and can't even be blunt about his actions. Definitely not worth it

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2009 5:54 PM GMT
    FLAAKEE = not worth it... at all!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    This is a situation where you employ the Delete key there on your keyboard, mmmkay?