The first formal family dinner!!

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    Aug 03, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    Next Saturday the boyfriend and mine family will attend our first formal sit down dinner! I am a bit nervous but hopeful that everything will turn out o.k! keeping in mind this is the first nice boyfriend I had in quite some time good enough to be formally introduce to the family!!

    1) Any tips?

    2) What to expect?

    3) How to behave?


    Will love to hear from those who went through it!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Aug 04, 2009 12:23 AM GMT

    Oh, you two will easily Ace this one. We're going to go with the idea that your family is very accepting, so with that assumption, just be your happy selves and interact with each other in a politely loving way ( no heavy amour on the dinner table before dessert, lol! ) They will want to see how you two 'mesh' with each other and how you get along.

    Have fun with each other so they can see you both Happy.

    ...and let us know how it went.

    all the best....us
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    Aug 04, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    When I came out my family met my boyfriend at our family dinner a month later. Everyone was nervous but I found that just being yourself worked the best. You guys will do just fine.
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    Aug 04, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
    ok- is this the first time you have dated a man?

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    Aug 04, 2009 5:14 AM GMT
    Agree with MIL - just be yourselves as you are together and everything will be fine. If you try and force or moderate your behavior, it will be apparent.

    You have a great guy and are clearly happy - the rest will take care of itself because your happiness will show.

    Congrats and have a great dinner. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 04, 2009 10:36 AM GMT
    Sounds great, Leandro! Are you all eating out, or at someone's house and whose? I had several "first family dinners" with hubby's large family, as I met a number of them in smaller groups at different times. All there knew we were gay lovers, so we didn't have that to conceal. One was at a restaurant, one at a home during a big "family day" gathering, and a couple at my partner's sister's home, one of which included a birthday party for a young relative.

    His parents are gone now, but his surviving sister & brother are the most important in the whole family, especially the older brother who's like the patriarch. And a grumpy old homophobe at times I was told, that some were afraid of. So naturally I targeted him for special attention, and talked antique cars with him, which I had learned were a big hobby of his. I think a gay guy talking knowledgeably about cars surprised him. We're good friends now, talk on the phone, he invites us both to his vacation place down here, always insists we have dinner together with them when he comes down from out of state.

    I suppose the one thing I did at the home dinners was to ask how I could help, which turned out to be taking over the drink duties for everyone before dinner, while the host(s) remained busy in the kitchen. Not sure if any of your family will drink and your BF is comfortable mixing simple cocktails, but even serving Cokes works.

    The idea is for him to be seen acting almost like family already, in a comfortable interactive situation, doing his part to keep everyone entertained, attentive and gracious. The conversation will flow from there.

    And BTW, since I knew my partner's sister loves formality, even doing tent cards at each place setting, I offered to provide cards I designed & printed from my computer for our first dinner there. She was thrilled when I brought them, telling everyone who had done them, only now I still have to make them for every one of her dinners ever since. She phones or emails me the names, and I have to get the cards up to her place some 30 miles away. Oh, well, that's what happens when you become family...

    At the restaurant, which this different set of family members knew & liked but I hadn't been to before, I made sure to compliment their choice of places, and consult them about the menu items. As with serving the drinks, "functional interaction" is a great way to get to know people and to bond in a natural way, without resorting to awkward forced conversations.

    Also, before dinner my partner & I (I think still just BFs then) had privately discussed how we would handle the check afterward, and if I should get bottles of wine for the table, and so forth. He knew his family's habits and preferences, and it's better to have some of this "rehearsed" beforehand to lessen the chance of any clumsy moments later, especially regarding money. And naturally we both made sure we had plenty of cash & in what amounts, for valet parking & tips, etc, and our cards with us.

    Well, that's quite a lot of words, if not too much specific advice. On the matter of general socializing skills I'll assume you guys know those already. Good luck and have fun!
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    Aug 04, 2009 11:08 AM GMT
    aren't you 46? should it matter what others will think or how you should behave?
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    Aug 04, 2009 11:13 AM GMT
    urbanguy911 saidaren't you 46? should it matter what others will think or how you should behave?





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    Aug 04, 2009 12:27 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Oh, you two will easily Ace this one. We're going to go with the idea that your family is very accepting, so with that assumption, just be your happy selves and interact with each other in a politely loving way ( no heavy amour on the dinner table before dessert, lol! ) They will want to see how you two 'mesh' with each other and how you get along.

    Have fun with each other so they can see you both Happy.

    ...and let us know how it went.

    all the best....us



    MIL thank you so much for your support and encouraging words, it means a lot to me!!! my family have been extremely accepting considering I was raised with a moderately conservative upbringing!! my family are not religious but they nonetheless installed in me the importance of basic human values self respect and the respect for others. On the the other hand my BF and I are by nature very conservative and respectful when we are in public, so both of us know how to behave so as to not make others uncomfortable! I remembered when my parents were together that they never showed displays of affection in the presence of my siblings and I, so such acts of behavior is fine with me.


    Last night I went to my uncle's and introduced him to his family, and they were extremely welcoming! so I am slowly introducing him to the entire family and so far everyone have been very nice! and yes I am very happy, kinda of static to be honest with you!!! I have a long dating history with men, and everyone in my family knows I am gay and fine with that, but this is the first quality guy I've gone out with good enough to formally introduce to the family, and I am very happy!!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Aug 04, 2009 1:31 PM GMT
    lol, well it would be nice to be there with you two as the charming but slightly wacky Canadian couple.