cruising sites

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    i have been using cruising sites like gaydar.net and squirt.org since i was about 16 but my friends are trying to get me to stop and i want to stop but just cant (i dont use them half as much as i use to) so anyhows if you used them how were u able to give them up did you go cold turkey or cut down gradually?
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    Aug 04, 2009 5:50 PM GMT
    Setting aside the possibilty that you might actually have a sex addiction (that would require counseling, which we won't be able to give you here)...

    You say you "want" to stop... what is it that makes you want to stop, aside from your friends trying to get you to stop? If all you're doing is responding to their pressure, then it isn't really what you want, and you're not likely to quit.

    If you have your own reasons for wanting to quit, put them on the table and we can probably support you.

    To answer your question directly, if you're going to quit, go cold turkey.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Aug 05, 2009 10:53 AM GMT
    Why do they say you should stop? If it is not affecting your life any any negative way, go for it.
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    Aug 06, 2009 8:06 AM GMT
    Koaa2 saidWhy do they say you should stop? If it is not affecting your life any any negative way, go for it.



    It's clear that it is affecting him in some way. His friends are worried. Now, we don't know why they are worried.
    Do they think he is being unsafe?
    Do they think he could just have a more productive use of his time?
    Are they opposed to a gay lifestyle in general, or just the idea of seemingly (or actually) anonymous online hookups?

    And he must think so, too, he is asking for suggestions...

    I would suggest seeking out a relationship. Now - I know that's not for everyone, and I don't know where you are in your life... But I do know that with this urge (addiction?), a monogamous relationship would be damned near impossible to maintain. I'm not only talking about the romantic idea of a relationship, it could be a fuck-buddy. I know the whole "No-strings-attached" aspect is the main draw... but that doesn't have to couple with an endless line of new faces/asses. Find someone who has similar (hopefully safe) sexual interests, and a desire to keep it interesting for both of you, turn off the computer, have fun! Now unless cupid shoots you directly in that statuesque ass of yours, and you lose all sight for other men... a relationship wont kill that desire. Hell, for all I know you DO have a relationship which is struggling because of this, being the reason you're here asking for help!

    Realistically, I doubt cold turkey (without some positive replacement and/or counseling) is the way to go. When is it? You'll still be bored and/or horny some night, with your monitor display lighting up your bedroom wall... An infinite supply of willing men on the other end of that series of tubes and wires, one click from fresh dick.. And that will always be hanging over your head.

    Best I can say is to talk to someone. Maybe sit down with your friend(s) and ask them what they think you should/shouldn't do. Like Exec said, if the reasons they come up with don't ring true with you, don't feel pressured to change for them. But it might be productive to have a real discussion with them... Figure out what they see it doing to you, what you see it doing to you... rather than just maybe being nagged?

    Oooooooooor just become addicted to an online game. just surgically attach your ass to the computer chair and hook up an IV of mountain dew. www.blizzard.com
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    Aug 07, 2009 10:06 AM GMT
    Are you having great success on this sites? Do you meet lots of beautiful hunks and have mind blowing sex? Does everyone you meet turn out to be just what you were fantasizing?

    I checked these sites out and pretty quickly found them to be a complete waste of time: lots of email exchanges and so few meetings. When I did meet someone I was never overly attracted to them and we never had second dates. Are you having such great success that you can't give it up or is it that you can't keep wishing that the next date will be the mind blowing one?
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    Aug 07, 2009 7:53 PM GMT
    i was on gaydar and i was pretty adicted but i didnt want to be so i just deleted the profile and ive never been back on since.
    good luck
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 07, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    For an old timer playing the field for years like me topic is really intersting and hilarious.
    I have cruise and pick up guys in all kind of places such as.

    1, Shopping mall
    2. Public park mostly at night (I have get it trouble in the law, and get off after heavy bribing the policemen)
    3. Public swimming pool
    4. Gym
    5. Adult book store (usually there a glory hole in it , this is back in the 80's)
    6. Public Toilet (they have one with glory hole back in my college)
    7. Gay Sauna
    8. Disco and dance club
    9. Gay bar (Flame bar of Ann Arbor , Michigan back in college)
    10. Back alley
    11. Nude beach (pick 2 guys in Australia)
    12. Internet (not very succesful)
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Aug 08, 2009 3:01 AM GMT
    zakariahzol saidFor an old timer playing the field for years like me topic is really intersting and hilarious.
    I have cruise and pick up guys in all kind of places such as.

    1, Shopping mall
    2. Public park mostly at night (I have get it trouble in the law, and get off after heavy bribing the policemen)
    3. Public swimming pool
    4. Gym
    5. Adult book store (usually there a glory hole in it , this is back in the 80's)
    6. Public Toilet (they have one with glory hole back in my college)
    7. Gay Sauna
    8. Disco and dance club
    9. Gay bar (Flame bar of Ann Arbor , Michigan back in college)
    10. Back alley
    11. Nude beach (pick 2 guys in Australia)
    12. Internet (not very succesful)


    Wish there was a way to use a Glory Hole on the Internet!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2009 6:26 AM GMT
    Glad to see this topic being pushed into the shit. Kudos. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2009 7:30 PM GMT
    when i use the sites its almost always just for a quick fuck im never looking for anything more from them, i have a big thing for completely annoymous sex so they are good for that, but im worried about me turning into the guys i have sex with i dont want to be a 45 yo out of shape guy who goes cruising hoping for the odd hook-up.
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    Aug 10, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    musclejock18 saidwhen i use the sites its almost always just for a quick fuck im never looking for anything more from them, i have a big thing for completely annoymous sex so they are good for that, but im worried about me turning into the guys i have sex with i dont want to be a 45 yo out of shape guy who goes cruising hoping for the odd hook-up.



    You're young...you're having fun with your sexuality..as long as you're clear on what your limits and goals are and as long as you're realistic as to what to expect and the dangers, you should be ok. Be sure that your life goals are clear and that the pursuit of "some harmless fun" doesn't end up ruining that. If you feel like you should stop, then by all means, stop but do it because you want to (which you seem to be considering). Stopping cold turkey can be done but you risk going back...i say gradually cut it off. Do that by prioritizing something else and using the trip to the hook up site/hooking up as a reward for something you accomplish (like improving you mile, finishing a certain amount of work, etc.). That'll help phase it out kinda. By then, when you find a BF(which is something a hottie like you wouldn't have trouble doing), you can channel all your sexual energy into him.

    Remember...to play hard (or play at all), you have to work hard.
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    Aug 10, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    I hope i made sense...it made sense in my head...i tend to ramble sometimes icon_redface.gif
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Aug 10, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    musclejock18 saidwhen i use the sites its almost always just for a quick fuck im never looking for anything more from them, i have a big thing for completely annoymous sex so they are good for that, but im worried about me turning into the guys i have sex with i dont want to be a 45 yo out of shape guy who goes cruising hoping for the odd hook-up.


    My guess would be, unless you change your attitude and thoughts some, you are going to become exactly what you fear.
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    Aug 10, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    musclejock18 said... im worried about me turning into the guys i have sex with i dont want to be a 45 yo out of shape guy who goes cruising hoping for the odd hook-up.


    You have total control over what you turn into. Whether you continue the online hookups or not, you should certainly not allow that one activity to define you! Just do not allow it to become an addiction (an activity that interferes with, instead of contributing to, your larger happiness).

    A fulfilling, well-rounded life has to include passions other than getting laid, but there's room for more than one passion in a person's life. It's all about balance.
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    Aug 11, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    musclejock18 saidwhen i use the sites its almost always just for a quick fuck im never looking for anything more from them, i have a big thing for completely annoymous sex so they are good for that, but im worried about me turning into the guys i have sex with i dont want to be a 45 yo out of shape guy who goes cruising hoping for the odd hook-up.


    Then don't let yourself get out of shape because, I would hope, you will turn 45. And let me tell you there is a big internet cliff that you fall off of once you pass 45 not matter how fit you are. Suddenly you won't be in most people's search engine.

    You may as well start now and examine how you want to attract other men. Do want them to adore your body or the whole package? If you develop a strong character then you can be admired at any age even if you're not in perfect shape. The cruise sites are just about lusting after the guys who have the best photos not about meeting someone with character.