Why Are People Weird With Communicating?

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 05, 2009 1:19 AM GMT
    It's not just guys, it's everyone icon_razz.gif Maybe it's me lol but if I didn't initiate any conversation with anyone, then I wouldn't be talkin to anyone. Do you guys feel like you have to start every conversation with anyone? Like I would have to txt sometime to txt me to get them to talk to me.

    People these days are so busy and so concerned about themselves that I think nobody really makes an effort in friendship/relationships anymore. At least I haven't really met anyone like that. It would just be nice to receive a comment, msg, txt msg, email or a call once in a while. Otherwise, I feel like I am doin all the work lol, idk just a thought
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    Pretty much the same with me. I usually am the one to start a conversation and break the ice. People are always busy and distracted or shy or they don't know what to say etc.

    It does take a lot of work, especially when I battle my own shyness and simultaneously deal with someone else's too.

    Once in a blue moon I'm pleasantly surprised when a guy starts talking with me, it is a big relief not to always be the one who is taking chances. And all it took on his part was a smile, and introduction and a warm hello.

    Simple right?
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    I think that there is just TOO MUCH of everything today. Too many choices, too many ways. People need to slow down. I have a cell phone but I keep in my car in case of emergenicies. I never text people. I just call on my land line.

    Maybe you need to find people not so attached to these devices. Can you believe I once had a date show up with an ear phone piece on? I told him ten minutes in that he needed to take that off, he was with me that night.
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    Aug 05, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    For connections already made, I think -- for the most part --that if anything is happening, its that people's numbers of essential people are decreasing.

    There was a girl once in a sociology class who got into an argument with everyone because she said that she had everyone in her life that she would ever need and wasn't interested in making any new connections.

    I notice the same thing where everyone seems so incredibly distant. On a first day of class at my college, or at a store or anything, everyone's on a cell phone with those people who matter the most to them, with the extremely important connections that they have already made.

    It seems that people truly do go out of their way to maintain the connections that they consider to be the most important to them.

    So I very quickly related this to the people i know. The people I just dont hear from if i don't contact them first. Kind of like that whole 'he's just not that into you' fad that started up. I think it was a matter of I just wasn't that important to them. I'm sure they consider me to be a good friend, but not enough to keep in touch on a regular basis.

    So I think people do make the effort. Just for the people that they choose make an effort with. Chances are if they aren't reaching out to us, because they've grown so use to continuously reaching out to someone else.
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    Aug 05, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    I would say first and foremost, if someone is not willing to make an effort then they are not worth your time!

    With that said however, I agree with wrestlervic. There is too much of everything. Perhaps people are so over stimulated that they can't add to noise. I find myself sometimes becoming a total recluse because I feel attacked by the constant stimulation icon_eek.gif . Even though I do this, I still make an effort with people that I have an interest in, whether it be for friendship or more.

    Some also, I think, know so many people that just maintaining a connection with all of them makes it very difficult initiating more connections. Not really an excuse for not being responsive but certainly a possibility.

    There is nothing more frustrating than trying to communicate with someone and getting one word replies or no reply at all. It used to really get under my skin. It still does to some degree, but I just assume now they are "just not that into me" - friend, romance, fuck buddy or otherwise. I make a mental note of it, and move on. Next time they try talking me up, I politely remind them of their prior brushoff. Some guys have been great about it and apologize and we can move on and it never be a problem again. While others get pissed off and never speak to me again. I consider the latter a bullet dodged.
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    Aug 05, 2009 1:38 PM GMT


    Gosh, we initiate contacts like crazy. It can feel frustrating at times, but then we know that not only are people busy, they have others they're also keeping in touch with - some times a lot of others, lol.

    Weird communications....well, here's something - we give out our tel# now and then. Very very few use it. Some say they don't like the phone, others say they have a strange voice, but will meet others in person (lol what's that all about) and others say they have no phone.

    Eh, we prefer phone over text - more comes through (e.g. tone of voice) and less misunderstood - it's also faster than typing.


    Still, it's all good and we're always happy to hear from people and we don't take it personally when others don't reply.



  • Marshi

    Posts: 196

    Aug 05, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    Gosh, we initiate contacts like crazy. It can feel frustrating at times, but then we know that not only are people busy, they have others they're also keeping in touch with - some times a lot of others, lol.

    Weird communications....well, here's something - we give out our tel# now and then. Very very few use it. Some say they don't like the phone, others say they have a strange voice, but will meet others in person (lol what's that all about) and others say they have no phone.

    Eh, we prefer phone over text - more comes through (e.g. tone of voice) and less misunderstood - it's also faster than typing.


    Still, it's all good and we're always happy to hear from people and we don't take it personally when others don't reply.





    I'd rather talk to someone in person than on the phone. Things just get really awkward on the phone... more awkward silences, I guess.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Aug 05, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    I had a similar conversation with a good friend of mine. We are both in similar businesses and work all the time. "Thats the American Way" (think sean connory from untouchables)
    40+ work weeks and how many of us try to eek a bit of personal time and sit at our desk to eat lunch and continue to take phone calls when we are home.
    It's not healthy, look at the past month of 50yo who died. I'd like to see 2 hr lunches some mandated vacation for people and would probably have an over all healthier mental and physical being. (awful sentence I know).
    and as much as I enjoy Real Jock, Facebook Manhunt, AOL Yahoo ect. (ask me for screen names) it doesn't make up for sitting down and having a cup of coffee with someone you don't know or a friend.
    But on the flip side of all this.. heck if you are working take it and keep it cause it isn't going to improve for us anytime soon.
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    Aug 05, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    I think it's the generation. We're used to texting, IMing, talking online..I mean...no one actually calls anymore, much less talks or communicates. It's one of those things that in this new age, people expect themselves to be given everything, and don't strive for it. Sad to say it...but we live in an age of the shy.
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    Aug 05, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
    It's kind of half and half with me. Regardless of whether I start one or not I believe in interacting back and forth. What drives me nuts is if I am the only one talking and the other guy has nothing to say except "what are you doing right now?" (online) and other innocuous statements, or no statements at all , when I just want to have a friendly chat.

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    Aug 05, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    There are a lot of these "no one talks to me" "no one responds to my messages" etc. topics going on this site (and others). It is ironic but some of the same complainers are the same guys who never respond when I message them. I know they are online because I can see that they viewed me. If you don't want to respond to someone that is fine, but if you are gulity of doing that yourself don't complain when others do it to you as well.
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:00 PM GMT
    I think it is the irony of technology that while at one point it brings people closer together in ways never before possible, it also creates isolation. It's now easy/common to talk regularly (albeit in snippets) with people that you've known since childhood. I just put up a new pic on Facebook and got tons of emails from cousins, old elementary/high school friends, people from back home in CA, etc. Now that it's easier to 'maintain' a circle of people that you've known your whole life or any significant portion of it, I think it is less attractive (for lack of a better word) to try and forge new friendships and relationships.

    However, as with anything, I think you have to model the behavior that you want to see. When people text you, pick up the phone and call them back instead of typing back a throwaway response. Get out from behind your computers and join a sports league or social club.

    Technology has changed the entire process of meeting and getting to know people, so in a nutshell, the old ways are irrelevant. Doesn't mean it's impossible to meet or get to know people anymore, just means that the rules of the game have changed and playing by the old ones will not help you achieve success.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Aug 05, 2009 5:00 PM GMT
    I'm going to argue against the majority of you.

    Text messages are just one format of quick electronic messages. We email as well, and most of us are on facebook. All these modern devices have given us a chance to search for and reconnect with old friends, and this weekend I'll be attending a wedding in NJ as a result. No prior generation has been able to keep in touch with so many people so easily.

    The reason I don't want to talk on the phone is that I consider it a waste of time. Once in a while, sure. But when I call someone, it's usually to make plans and make it happen quickly so that we don't have to dilly-dally and chat about it on the phone. Text messages are good for the same reason. Ultimately, it saves us all time.
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    I have this running joke with a good friend of mine......we play this game.

    Sometimes in gay bar or club, or being around a group of gay men, I might see somebody I like and would like to approach them. Or somebody will be standing nearby and notices us.

    I usually wisper to my friend and say "Watch now........in two seconds they will be fiddling with their phone" And sure enough, the guy starts to play with his phone.

    I'm sure that sometimes, the guy really has a call, or wants to text or something. But it happens so often, like a script being played out over and over with the same mannerisms and body language. We theorize that the guy is simply nervous and doesn't know what to say or how to respond to people. They use the phone, or the illusion of being on the phone, as a stalling device and to appear "busy". At times, when I am truly interested, I will send out signals that I'm not giving up and that I have the patience to wait until he's finished with his nonsense. But most of the time, he runs away having finished with his important electronic communications.

    Maybe while he is standing next to me, I should suggest that rather than talking, he should send me text message. I'm sure he will feel more comfortable with that. Then he can tell himself and text his friends and be real happy that he met and "clicked" with a guy.

    Another dodged bullet.

    So much for communication skills.

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    Aug 05, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    KissingPro said"Watch now........in two seconds they will be fiddling with their phone"
    Also observed. And often in mid-conversation (that's apparently going nowhere).
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:23 PM GMT
    I hate textin and online communication, communication between people today i find is very poor
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidIt's not just guys, it's everyone icon_razz.gif Maybe it's me lol but if I didn't initiate any conversation with anyone, then I wouldn't be talkin to anyone. Do you guys feel like you have to start every conversation with anyone? Like I would have to txt sometime to txt me to get them to talk to me.

    People these days are so busy and so concerned about themselves that I think nobody really makes an effort in friendship/relationships anymore. At least I haven't really met anyone like that. It would just be nice to receive a comment, msg, txt msg, email or a call once in a while. Otherwise, I feel like I am doin all the work lol, idk just a thought



    You're right. I'm in that same situation, if i don't make the effort, i won't have friends. But, to be on the fair side, i kinda do that too.
    But think about it; if you (or i) have to keep pushing, maybe it isn't worth it. If they're not doing anything to connect back with you, then maybe you should find other people who will give you the time of day.
    Everyone is too preoccupied with their own lives that our friendships or other relationships are set aside. Taking friends and family and other relationships for granted isn't only sad, it isn't good for your soul.

    Just makes me wonder, what happened to our own community? We used to be a beacon for anybody who needs love and friendship and support. Now it just seems we just help anyone whose only young and goodlooking.
    I know i'm digressing here, this is a start of another thread so i'm gonna leave it at that...
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    Conversation is a dying art like the hand written letter, its death sped along with new technologies. There's a good book on this issue called Distracted (sorry, you'll have to look up the author); also, Neil Postman has written a bit about this issue.

    I'm of the opinion that it isn't so much that people don't want to have conversations but are either too dim, lack interests (to discuss), are simply don't know much about the art of communication. Definately the stereotype of the aesthete gay whose cosmopolitan and well read is no longer true as many conversations in gay establishments will quickly reveal!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 05, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    I think I have a sign on my head that says ask me. My b/f thinks it's funny where ever I go woman men kids ask me questions?????
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    Jackal69 saidConversation is a dying art like the hand written letter, its death sped along with new technologies. There's a good book on this issue called Distracted (sorry, you'll have to look up the author); also, Neil Postman has written a bit about this issue.

    I'm of the opinion that it isn't so much that people don't want to have conversations but are either too dim, lack interests (to discuss), are simply don't know much about the art of communication. Definately the stereotype of the aesthete gay whose cosmopolitan and well read is no longer true as many conversations in gay establishments will quickly reveal!


    I try to uphold that said stereotype, but, to quote Oscar Wilde;
    "It's getting difficult day by day to live up to my blue china!" icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:40 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidI have this running joke with a good friend of mine......we play this game.

    Sometimes in gay bar or club, or being around a group of gay men, I might see somebody I like and would like to approach them. Or somebody will be standing nearby and notices us.

    I usually wisper to my friend and say "Watch now........in two seconds they will be fiddling with their phone" And sure enough, the guy starts to play with his phone.

    I'm sure that sometimes, the guy really has a call, or wants to text or something. But it happens so often, like a script being played out over and over with the same mannerisms and body language. We theorize that the guy is simply nervous and doesn't know what to say or how to respond to people. They use the phone, or the illusion of being on the phone, as a stalling device and to appear "busy". At times, when I am truly interested, I will send out signals that I'm not giving up and that I have the patience to wait until he's finished with his nonsense. But most of the time, he runs away having finished with his important electronic communications.

    Maybe while he is standing next to me, I should suggest that rather than talking, he should send me text message. I'm sure he will feel more comfortable with that. Then he can tell himself and text his friends and be real happy that he met and "clicked" with a guy.

    Another dodged bullet.

    So much for communication skills.



    .
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    It is rare that I will text anyone unless it is just to say ok or on my way. I've told a couple of people that if they can take the time to type out a 200 word text message, they could have just called. Interpersonal communication is a dying art and I don't want to be around when it finally dies and gives up the ghost.
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:25 PM GMT
    90% of da people in da world today r fucktards...just keep it movin bro! Not u at allicon_lol.gif u may have meet a million peoples, b4 u find one just to say hello tooicon_eek.gif
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    Aug 06, 2009 4:54 PM GMT
    Jackal69 saidConversation is a dying art like the hand written letter, its death sped along with new technologies. There's a good book on this issue called Distracted (sorry, you'll have to look up the author); also, Neil Postman has written a bit about this issue.

    I'm of the opinion that it isn't so much that people don't want to have conversations but are either too dim, lack interests (to discuss), are simply don't know much about the art of communication. Definately the stereotype of the aesthete gay whose cosmopolitan and well read is no longer true as many conversations in gay establishments will quickly reveal!



    yeah I've read that book before, and I totally agree with you. I see this so much, especially with texting. When I'm getting to know a guy and I try to talk to him...sometimes I'll get the generic response "lol" (this also happens with friends). And yes I agree...people can't usually talk about anything meaningful anymore. But I also think that although technology is great (I've reconnected with people that I haven't seen since the 5th grade on facebook), it makes us lose in a way our sense of togetherness. It creates isolation, since we're talking through a machine about bland subjects and don't realize that we can actually do more.

    Then again....I shouldn't be bashing...I'm guilty of sometimes being like this too. We all are.
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    Aug 06, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    Because it means revealing something about themselves.