Age Differences

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    Recently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42). He's a lot of fun, attractive, and we click really well. Just wondering if anyone knows of any problems or difficulties that being in a relationship with an older/ younger guy is like...
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    I can completely relate. I have dated men much more advance in age. Everything went amazingly well....the conversation was incredible, we had a ton of fun together, the sex was fantastic. What i'm saying is that age means nothing...its really just a number. If you two are comfortable with the age gap then there should be no objection.

    To be honest i'm going to tell you to expect the occasional objection because of the age difference, however, the relationship is about you two....nobody else.
  • Socalnewbie

    Posts: 10

    Aug 05, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    I've been seeing this amazing guy for a few months now. I'm 23, he's 34. The age difference has never been an issue. We discussed things before we even met in person. I have to say that I do find myself hesitant to reveal his age when talking about him-- just to avoid hearing any complaints... but when it comes down to it, it's about me and him. I don't care what others say. Everybody I've told has been very supportive. My boss (who's gay) is 32... when I told him about the guy I'm seeing and his age, his first comment about the age was "good".
    I've always found myself clicking better with guys a bit older than me. Well, sorry for the novel. I'm glad you found someone that you get along with so well. Age is only a factor if you let it become one.
    Best wishes.
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    Aug 05, 2009 1:18 PM GMT
    GnGold09 saidRecently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42). He's a lot of fun, attractive, and we click really well. Just wondering if anyone knows of any problems or difficulties that being in a relationship with an older/ younger guy is like...


    short shelf life usually - so enjoy it while you can.

    you are attracted to his sophistication, experience etc. he's attracted to your youth.

    at 43 i don't see how i myself can click really well with someone so young, but hey - that's just me.

    once again enjoy it. take one day at a time, live in the moment.
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    GnGold09 saidRecently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42). He's a lot of fun, attractive, and we click really well. Just wondering if anyone knows of any problems or difficulties that being in a relationship with an older/ younger guy is like...


    short shelf life usually - so enjoy it while you can.

    you are attracted to his sophistication, experience etc. he's attracted to your youth.

    at 43 i don't see how i myself can click really well with someone so young, but hey - that's just me.


    Unlike age, maturity is not a fixed charateristic. It could be reversed the 43 year old could be the immature one in the relationship and the 21 year old the mature one. But if that is the fire in the relationship then it's just a matter of maintaining it.
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    hector2009 said
    Blackguy4you said
    GnGold09 saidRecently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42). He's a lot of fun, attractive, and we click really well. Just wondering if anyone knows of any problems or difficulties that being in a relationship with an older/ younger guy is like...


    short shelf life usually - so enjoy it while you can.

    you are attracted to his sophistication, experience etc. he's attracted to your youth.

    at 43 i don't see how i myself can click really well with someone so young, but hey - that's just me.


    Unlike age, maturity is not a fixed charateristic. It could be reversed the 43 year old could be the immature one in the relationship and the 21 year old the mature one. But if that is the fire in the relationship then it's just a matter of maintaining it.


    the norm is though that you mature as you age. that is what life experiences is supposed to be about and do to you.

    I would call into question any 40s year old man who is on the same mental or psychological wave length as a youngun in his 21s.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    If its working for you both you don't need outside validation.
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    antelope saidIf its working for you both you don't need outside validation.


    apparently he does, since he's posed the question here. come on now, give him some
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    GnGold09 saidRecently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42)

    If you're in this for the long run , consider these facts :

    - when you are his age , he will be 63
    - he will die somewhere in your mid to late 50's , are you willing to spend the last 20+ years of your life alone or on the lookout for some other 50 yo single ?
    - worst case scenario , you spend your early 50's taking care of the man you love because because he got sick (alzheimer , parkinson , .. )

    on the other hand , you might have the best 20 years of your life together, filled with love, passion, trust, compassion and both die in a car accident at the exact same time.

    antelope saidIf its working for you both you don't need outside validation.


    he has the right answer, it's all up to you.
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    Aug 05, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    I have dated men more advance in age than myself and found the experience always a good one.

    I havent dated that much men who are much younger than myself. Most of the ones that I have dated have also been good experiences as well .
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    Aug 05, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    I dated a guy 10yrs my senior before. It started out fun (like most relationships do). However, once the sex got old, the conversations became stale and forced. It was fun for the few months that it lasted. Apparently, he was more attached to me than I was to him. I think he enjoyed feeling young again and I provided that for him. Every situation is different though - so focus on what makes yours work, but pay attention to aspects that don't work. I'm sure you'll be able to determine if this is someone you can be with long-term..
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 05, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    Odds are stacked against it lasting longterm, BUT you never know. When you are 40 and still feeling prime can you be with a 60 year old guy??icon_idea.gif think about it.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Aug 05, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    I was married to a woman 12 years older than me.
    I dated a guy 15 years older than me for 6 months.
    I lived with a guy for 2 1/2 years - 4 years older than me. The word, "lived" is being kind - not bitter, but the word "sufferred" comes to mind.
    My BF and i have been together for 2 1/2 years - i am 12 years older.

    My take - it is all good - it is all about the chemistry between the two - the attraction must be MUTUAL. Have fun, hope for the best, work at it to ensure it lasts, and enjoy the time together.
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    Aug 05, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    GnGold09 saidRecently started dating / started a relationship with a guy twice my age (i'm 21, he's 42). He's a lot of fun, attractive, and we click really well. Just wondering if anyone knows of any problems or difficulties that being in a relationship with an older/ younger guy is like...


    Just like any relationship, you guys will have challenges. But i would focus on how your age difference will complement and empower both of you rather than anticipating potential problems. I'm sure you guys will have fun learning about each other. Cheers! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidOdds are stacked against it lasting longterm, BUT you never know. When you are 40 and still feeling prime can you be with a 60 year old guy??icon_idea.gif think about it.


    Odds are stacked against every relationship. A sure way to make those odds even worse is to begin the relationship with the expectation that it cannot work in the long run.

    Let's say it works and they are together for 40 years. He dies at the ripe old age of 82 while the OP is 61. Is he supposed to day those 40 years were any less wonderful because they didn't breath their last breath together?

    GnGold. Go for it. Each relationship is unique in the problems and the good things they have. Go into it with an open mind and enjoy it.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Aug 05, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    MikemikeMike saidOdds are stacked against it lasting longterm, BUT you never know. When you are 40 and still feeling prime can you be with a 60 year old guy??icon_idea.gif think about it.


    Odds are stacked against every relationship. A sure way to make those odds even worse is to begin the relationship with the expectation that it cannot work in the long run.

    Let's say it works and they are together for 40 years. He dies at the ripe old age of 82 while the OP is 61. Is he supposed to day those 40 years were any less wonderful because they didn't breath their last breath together?

    GnGold. Go for it. Each relationship is unique in the problems and the good things they have. Go into it with an open mind and enjoy it.


    That's my mentality - the odds are always stacked against you, and the world is always ending.
    Love is as much about the moments as it is about the long-term.
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:32 PM GMT
    I say too old 4 u...but hey *who am i* lol...do wut makes u happy 4 nowicon_wink.gif
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    Live "in" it!!


    Why ask for others to supply you with "issues" to seek out???

    Nothing is certain and age has nothing to do with it, effort does.


    Congratulations, live it, love it, experience it and let the chips fall where they may... The rest is somebody elses bullshit. icon_wink.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 05, 2009 6:40 PM GMT
    There's not enough love in the world as-is. If you're into him and he's into you, and you're both consenting adults, then go for it. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the world who might have something negative to say about it, but just ignore it.
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    Aug 05, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic, but I would hope that by they time I'm in my late 30's and 40's I've found the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So in that regard I feel age is a big deal because while I have no problems hanging out with older guys and get along great there is some connection that is missing that I find in my own age bracket. I also find that nobody wants to grow older and that reaching out to younger people rejuvenates you and makes you remember how things once where. Being nostalgic is only human but sometimes the past is better kept in the past.

    So I'll say this much follow your head and your heart in this situation if you truly deep down have a great connection go for it, but if you feel something missing maybe looking at the age difference is something to look at. I suspect you do feel that something is missing otherwise you wouldn't be looking for validation of the relationship here. Yet none of us can tell you what you should do and really nor should we its your life and its your decision and only your decision to make.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Aug 05, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    I've dated younger guys before and it can work as long as there is good chemistry and a mutual respect for one another. The age difference is only a problem if you let it be, as there are so many other factors that are more important that can potentially derail a relationship. As long as the younger guy is emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with being in an adult relationship, and the older guy works at being an equal partner, NOT a parent type or sugar daddy, it can work. If the chemistry works between two individuals, and they are enjoying that connection, an age difference need not be an issue at all.

    Sometimes when LOVE shows up in your life it comes in the form of someone (or a "type") you may not have ever imagined. Just be glad that love showed up at all --- and run with it, not away from it -- because you never really know when, or even if, it will show up again.
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    Aug 05, 2009 7:04 PM GMT
    jprichva saidAge differences can be vital.
    Blackguy4you will never fall into my arms, 'cause I'm too old for him.


    (and also 'cause I'm a blasphemer, but hey, blame it on age, it's easier) icon_smile.gif


    hey hold up, not so fast - you are not getting away that easily

    Once both men are over 40 - the difference in age doesn't matter.

    I've got enuff holy water for your blaspheming. A daily dose will take care of it. And since there is always some priest about who wants to feel a dick, I'll never run out of the commodity either
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    Aug 05, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidOdds are stacked against it lasting longterm, BUT you never know. When you are 40 and still feeling prime can you be with a 60 year old guy??icon_idea.gif think about it.


    oh absolutely you canicon_exclaim.gif. some 60 year old men if they take care of them selves can be not.

    eh jp - how old are you again?
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    Aug 05, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I were 21 and 29 when we started dating. At the time, we thought it was a horribly large age gap. 'Course, it really isn't...not compared to some here.

    The only time the age gap is an issue these days is when it comes to friends - while my boyfriend is as mature for his age as I am immature for mine, some of his friends are...not so. Some of his old college drinking buddies are just straight-up douches. It can be a struggle at times to watch him stumble through issues with his friends and not want to pull him aside and say 'dude, that kid's a loser...you're better off ditching him' or play the overprotective or judgmental boyfriend just because I've got a few years and 20/20 hindsight in my favor. Pedantic or judgmental does not equal sexy, so I do my best to keep out of his issues unless he specifically asks for advice. On the few occasions I've been unable to keep my big fat mouth shut, it's led to the very few minor fights we've ever had.

    Other than that, we've really had no problems with the age difference.
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    Aug 05, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    If you have to choose between living your life TODAY happily vs. doing what most of the rest of the guys on here are doing - dumping all of the lame reasons they tell themselves that people aren't good enough because of something they might do (like, god forbid, get older) 20 years down the line - I think the choice is pretty obvious.

    Congratulations for finding someone and having the maturity - at 21 - to recognize that enjoying such a connection is a rare thing and to be valued and pursued without turning into someone that has to envision his life up to the final moment on his deathbed before he can ever make a decision (and, in many cases, spend all the years in between alone, waiting for something more 'perfect' that will never come along.)